Say you didn’t exactly break up but drifted due to extraneous circumstance. As in you both still liked each other but life got in the way. You had moved away a year ago for graduate school or whatever and in their way back from a trip they stopped in your area, texted you asked to talk. You will meet with or say no.
NOT AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL I literally know someone considering this move and I’m curious what I’d do, how I’d react and I’m curious what you all would do, and how you would react. I’m not sure they officially dated. I had assumed so based on the way they were together & how they spoke but never been confirmed. 😊
I’ll meet with, only if I’m single
I’ll meet with, single or no
I will say NO
I do not know
Other
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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If you had not seen someone you used to like & or date in a year and they showed up to talk, would you meet with them or be creeped out?
If you are in a committed relationship then it’s not cool to meet with an old flame. There is only one purpose to the meeting (no matter how innocent they make it sound) and that is to explore what might still be there. If you are in love with someone and in a relationship with them, unless it’s one of those “open” relationships, you should have no interest in meeting up with someone like that. If you do, them maybe you are not satisfied in your relationship and you are looking to move on, and it’s not fair to your partner. Just end it with him then.
I am with an awesome woman - and we are madly in love for 5 years now. I had this situation you describe, happen to me; I am so into my partner that I could care less about the possibility of a hook up or whatever with someone from my past.
And I am smart enough to know that when she asked if I would like to grab a drink and catch up - I knew what was going on. I was nice and polite and we chatted for a few minutes via text, but that was it. I made it very clear that I was with the woman of my dreams. Would it have been fun to catch up with her and see how she is doing? Sure. But how would my partner feel about it? And if I met with her - am I not sort of displaying an interest that really isn’t there? Better to be authentic and true to myself.
If you are single and the other person is single - and the breakup was sort of a neutral thing, and sort of an unanswered question …. Then sure, why not meet up? A lot of great relationships come out of such a thing. You have nothing to lose.
I understand what you are saying & I think it’s really great you are very clear and back up your own convictions. Sometimes people stay platonically friendly with exes. Tho yeah the post was more with a neutral situation not with one person in a committed relationship. Anyhow thank you for explaining your reasons 😊
I am currently living with my girlfriend. Meeting an ex is something I would not do in secret and telling my girlfriend that I am meeting up with an ex sends an awful signal. I would hope that she would not do that to me so I would not do that to her. Golden Rule. End of thinking about it, right there.
You have to ask yourself “What result will come out this situation?” or “What am I looking for?” If there isn’t a goal that the two of you want to achieve after this meet up then it’s a recipe for disaster. Is the meet up for him to get laid then the two of you never see each other again? or He wants to pop in and out of your life knowing you’ll have the door opened for him whenever he wants to walk back in?
If you didn’t ‘exactly break up’ but two people are separated for a year then it’s a break up. Simple. A man isn’t sitting on his porch thinking “Wow, my princess, I can’t wait to finally reunite.” No, he’s juggling different women then remembered there’s someone who might be waiting around for him because she never formally ended anything with him.
You’re emotionally and physically connected to a guy that more than likely has a roster. He lives his best life then he remembers “Oh, that girl, let’s see if she’s down for something.”
This was hypothetical to everyone this was not for women or men specifically. So you can answer for yourself if you like or not. Your call. But you did not answer the question.
I do agree in general that people should have clear goals. But that isn’t an answer as to if you would agree to meet up.
And for the record, guys have absolutely done this. You have nicely functioning sexism 👍🏻
I post but I cannot determine whether you’ll agree with my comment. Apply the situation to where it fits. I worded my comment correctly and I made an in general statement since this isn’t your situation.
I answered the question just not in the way you wanted me to answer it. Besides, I refrain from labeling people because there is a disagreement I’m more into addressing my difference when discussing a topic while remaining mature. Have a nice day.
Well that’s s fair point. your response was an answer tho it wasn’t cider to me you were answering for yourself Tharp is really my problem I suppose bc people do answer in third person. I think you’d response is reasonable. I think it’s reasonable position to hold tho I do not agree it always means a def thing when certain groups do it, it’s true you didn’t exactly say that. So overall I agree with you in that this is well thought out and my response didn’t really fit your points 😊
I had actually come back to apologize befure I knew you had elaborated, bc I realized my answer to your answer was off. and I drift funny about it. thanks for bring chill 😊
I have no interest in those women. wasn't good enough for you then, not good enough for you now. You wouldn't take me when I was down on my luck? You dont get me when I'm making my six figures. Women need to cultivate a man to be the best he can be. It's been proven that men who have not had that will never achieve the same potential as if they had a mate by them the whole time. See back with the boomers and every generation before the woman would marry the guy young and they would grow together. Now these women want an already made man. Well sorry, you don't deserve that man. You contributed literally NOTHING to his life for him to get where he was. You werent there for the struggles and hardships and you werent there to cheer him up when he was at his worst.
Many men have bouts with suicide. for every one woman that commits suicide 5 men do the same. When women say men don't have feelings they are full of shit. The relationship status of a man directly correlates to if/when he'll off himself. Women who are disrespectful, cheat, walk out, are the biggest reason for suicides. Women need to accept this fact and to stop following and promoting these egotistical bitches like Cardi B, Kim Kardashian, and these IG Thots. Do you see them locking down men? Hell no! These females aren't even deserving of being called "women" just train wrecks! All these young girls thinking they are worth a millionaire LMFAO. As Kevin Samuels said, "You are average AT BEST!"
I dated this one girl Dawn. I broke it off with Dawn. Dawn turned out to be turning tricks. Dawn turned out to steal from my friends. Reason I dumped Dawn. Dawn shows back up in my life somehow many years later For curiosity I wanted to she her. Dawn blown up to at 200 extra pounds Dawn got fat and ugly Dawn tried to get me back as something Friends or more... unknown Dawn was freaking nuts to think that Never saw Dawn again
I said “Are you serious?“ and thats when I brought up her past. Then I said “Friends I could be, but anything else. You have to be out of your mind"
I just remembered how she found me. She ran into my Grandma and Aunt at the shopping mall and my grandma gave her my telephone number.
Now its all coming back. See I just got home from work and I started checking the messages on the answering machine (God how I miss telephone answering machines) and there was a voice from my past. It sounded like I was hearing a ghost
Yeah I'd meet with them, if we didn't part on bad terms I don't see the problem. I'm still friendly with my ex wife, although we haven't met up in a about 18 months because of Rona we still meet for coffee or lunch sometimes. If I'm seeing someone I clear it with then first, they have nothing to worry about.
Many questions and doubts about it happening to you or questions and doubts about anyone doing the act itself or doing it yourself.. which direction lol 😊
I meant for this to happen to me... it is rare that I just let people go out of my life, no matter how hard or difficult the situations become, I've managed to talk things through and if stuff does not work then okay I guess... we tried but at least we talked about it and I would know the reasons why, at least in part.
So... if for some reason or reasons I ended up drifting apart from someone... that would leave with many questions and doubts, so yes, I would want to meet them and resolve that, if this happens to me... I will want answers, and do all I can to get them,
I think k I’d feel similarly to you… tho I’m not great at asking questions in the particular case of feeling adjacent situations, tho I’m ravenous for answers, always lol
I suppose it’s not really about being good or bad but willing.
I don't know what the big deal is if you’re interested? It’s one thing if they’re an ex and you have history but if you just drifted and it wasn’t a big deal, why not meet them lol. People take things too seriously
Depends on how it ended. I’m going through something similar. He moved away so he said we had to end it. But the entire time we saw each other it was on and off because he’s unstable. I was heartbroken. Turns out it all failed for his work so he moved back home a couple months later. I told him unless he was 100% for me and ready for something real, we can’t be anything. So I’m open to talking to him but I’m setting my boundaries. I think that’s how I’d go about it. I’d be open but no dumby (again totally depends on the situation and person).
Wow. Actually i am stuck into such an act in my life if you ask me but the 2nd part is still to be performed i mean we still haven’t met but quite sure that she must also be willing the year was 2018. But it would be real hard to say no to her but i will have to.
Actually I don't know her whereabouts and neither does she. But she was 1 piece in this world. If i say yes then i might be only living for her after that which is risky.
I can trust myself not to cheat on the one I'm with, therefore I would have no qualms in meeting someone I hadn't seen for a while under those circumstances. I would make sure my g/f knew beforehand though.
I wouldn't do it because she's trying to get in your pants most likely & I wouldn't want my wife visiting random exes and claiming it's okay because, "I don't cheat"
I got a sort of friendly way in person so I'd be happy to meet them, single or not. That said, if I'm not single, I'd ask to bring my girlfriend along.
I actually had that happen to me with one of my exes and my now-wife. I was dating my now-wife (though we weren't married yet). Then one of my exes said out of the blue that she was in Tokyo again and wanted to hang out. So I told her I got a girlfriend now and she said that's cool and so I asked my girlfriend (my now-wife) if it's okay with her and even told her she was my ex and she was fine with it.
She was one of those exes though where we just had the shortest fling over a summer. She lived in Osaka and was only visiting Tokyo over the summer. And it was maybe the closest thing I got to something like a hook-up. We just hung out and hooked up. There was no love there. And we were happy and smiling when she went back to Osaka at the end of the summer with the understanding that she'd probably get some boyfriends, and I'd get some girlfriends. We just enjoyed each other's company for a while.
So I brought my girlfriend and I think my girlfriend felt a bit uneasy after she met her. That ex was a bit aloof and fun-loving party girl and kind of wild. So later after we got home, my girlfriend (now-wife) was surprised that I ever dated someone like her. But I think it was okay.
I see no harm in meeting and talking. If I was in a relationship, I still be willing to talk and catch up, but I'm not sure if I'd agree to meet, but maybe I would. Simply meeting is harmless.
If it's my most recent ex, as if, 10 years ago is recent lol.. I would not only say no, I would prepare to leave the state for a short time, or arm my self.
I could never understand people who, when they like someone, jump to saying No, and when they have no feelings, accept it. Of course I'd want to talk - would, in fact, be delighted, and find anything apart from that bizarrely self-sabotaging
Yeah I hear you. I get why someone may not want to if they are in a rejstionship but otherwise what’s the big stand taken by insisting on not doing it esp when you don’t even know why they want to meet up. If you hated each other yup definitely a diff story but that’s not this 😊😊
This happened with me kinda they showed up at my house to meet my sister. For some reason I felt the need to impress her even though I dislike her. We didn't talk much
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