Do men REALLY want women to start making the first move or just women to say yes more often when men approach?

Question

Is the problem more about fear of rejection rather than men having to be the ones to actually approach?

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

Yes, I do think girls should make that move more often but I think guys should also make the first move. Christ guys! If you see someone you like just ask them out and if you don’t see anyone, then thank god, the are progressive, because they can check you out!

PrettyPriya · Accepted Answer

I didn’t wait. I asked. Now look. What if I had missed on an opportunity with my current partner? Yikes.

Cynicaldreamer · Answer

I too would like some clarity on this question. Because I'm actually one of those women that has no issue approaching men that I like or I'm interested in... you know, the same thing most men on here claim they want women to be more proactive about?
Yet when I do, said men either friendzone me or aren't interested! Which yes, I get it, is THEIR right, as it is a woman's right to reject men.
But don't come on here claiming you want women to be more assertive in asking you out, yet the rare ones that DO ask you out, you immediately toss aside.

I think the issue is men want women they deem as attractive to pursue them, not just any woman. Meaning if he's not attracted to you, then it's a moot point. He might be flattered he's getting attention, but if it's not a woman he's into, then he won't care.

JSmuve · Answer

Now THIS is an interesting question! I think it's one of those situations where guys say they want women to approach them, but really, they only want the attractive girls to approach them. But what they're forgetting is if women were the ones to approach, what makes them think the attractive ones would approach them?

I think the real issue isn't necessarily that men want women to say "yes" more, which is certainly a good outcome; but I think it's more about men wanting women to be more approachable in general. Guys often hear about how women don't want to be approached here or there or when they're doing x, y, or z, to the point where, when you look around and do a tally of all the places they don't want to be approached, it leaves very few places that they DO want to be approached, which is probably why guys outnumber women on dating apps. I was just at the gym this morning and saw a woman I might be interested in. Did I approach her? Nope. Because I remembered all the women raging in disgust at the idea. Were there opportunities? A couple. Would she have minded? I have no idea.

Women have a tendency of wanting guys to approach them but simultaneously discouraging them from doing so with their words and actions. And I think guys want that to change.

OpenClose · Answer

C and I can list off so many reasons why.

Pretty much the entire dysfunction of modern dating comes from espousing equality on a day-to-day basis but then suddenly playing every double-standard under the sun the moment dating or sex are involved.

Ever wonder why guys have trouble relating to women who talk about getting too much unwanted attention? #1 reason, we get absolute jack for attention and are told we're either "too lucky" or even undeserving when we do. So you view us as being free from constant attention and scrutiny while we view you as celebrities complaining about paparazzi and too many adoring fans. We are getting too much of our own side and want what the other side has.

This is why the slut/stud double standard exists or counterpart, the pure/pathetic virginity double standard. It's responsible for so much bitterness and resentment.

Like, when it was all traditional dating during an era of traditional roles, things might have gone smoother due to there being a specific procedure, specific gestures, specific roles. Not fair, but like people had clear guidelines so you knew what to expect. Now, we are much more free of gender roles which is great, but it sure makes it pretty jarring when everyone wants to slip right back into some strange mix of medieval and Victorian "chivalry" that was, if anything, a response to how much we were constraining women and treating them like children.

Be adults. Do nice things for each other. Don't hold any expectation you don't also hold for yourself. Simple as that. Every other piece of formality beyond this is a barrier. An extra layer you have to break through.

NathanDavis · Answer

I can only speak for myself of course, and in my case and experience... honestly, it doesn't really matter to me as long as it is genuine

most of the times (3 out of 4 girlfriends I ever had) girls have been the ones to approach me or make a move first, and because it was a genuine interest and also reciprocated, it worked for us...

I very rarely approach women myself and first, but when I've done it.. it was a genuine interest, I do not go out and "hunt" sort of speak, I never approach a woman just because she's good looking... I've always needed more and like more than just that, so, if I've approached someone is because I'm beyond those first impressions and genuinely interested AND, if she isn't... that's not a big deal to me, because that surely happens sometimes and that is just fine

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Men have, traditionally, never made the first move. Ladies have always orchestrated some situation or environment in which she and the man she's interested in exist.

Women have dropped something in front of a man and the man returned it to her. Everyone thinks the return of the item is the first move but it's not. The dropping of the item is the first move.

Women asked their fathers to go introduce himself to the man... at which time the man would invite the dad and ladies to some gathering as was common custom... ergo fulfilling the "first move" requirement.

Technically, it's very modern for the man to make the first move. 😉

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

I’m not really bothered either way tbh.

i ask, they ask, as long as someone asks and does not just think should I or should I not.

a few times I’ve asked a girl, she’s said no, then dragged her mate over who was to she to ask me.

Admittedly I grew up in an area where girls are like packs of sharks, they are not really shy, and some scare the shit out of me lol.

Also, if you are good you can get her to ask lol.

also admittedly, I am an arse at times and apparently miss bloody obvious signs and everyone else knows apart from me 🤦

@DonkeyDan Would you say Geordie birds are shy and reserved?

VanillaSalt · Answer

It’s not about the approaching it’s the manor. Men can easily been accused of terrible things and society will condemn men before the truth comes out. Look at things like metoo and false allegations. It’s dangerous to be a man in the dating world. Besides that women have double standards for men they like and men they don’t. Considering this women should step up and start proving to men they want us by carrying dating for a while.

DonkeyDan · Answer

I'd say both really, most women have no idea the courage it takes some guys to approach a girl, only to be shot down without an ounce of consideration.
I'm not saying that a girl should say yes everytime, but you see situations where a guy is approaching a girl, and you can see on her face, that she has already decided to reject him before the guy says a word.
People seem very judgmental these days and not willing to even chat to someone to find iut what they are like before rejecting then. These are the same people who wonder why they are alone.
Also in today's world where guys are becoming nore afraid to approach girls, because the media portrays all men as rapists, and all women as feminists, it is refreshing when a woman initiates contact.

Quigly · Answer

A Woman should make the first move if she wants a choice in the type of guy she is with. Personality disorders play a big role in a toxic relationships. If you don't want toxic relationships. Start choosing who you want to be with instead of letting someone else choose for you.

A narcissist thinks he's gods gift to women. This is a highly toxic relationship. Many women avoid this personality and walk away.

Many girls know the right guy is unlikely to think he has a chance. Cause he isn't a narcissist. He doesn't think he's gods gift to women. So, If you want better quality men, start choosing the guy instead of letting the guy choose you..

ZackBan · Answer

I just think it's a shame so many women miss out on great opportunities all the time.
I often hear women complaining they are getting low quality men.
And they see the high quality man walking by them every now and again. Just Apprach him (and by him I mean me 😊).
Trust me women's odds of success are much higher than men and unless the woman is truly physically repulsive to a visible point a man will give her a shot will take interst the second she says she does

HighValue · Answer

My personal reason why I prefer the girl to make the first move is because I don't want someone that will always be passive in the intimate/physical/romantic parts of the relationship. Many girls that always want the guy to make the first move stay that way even once in a relationship. That means no hugs, no hand holding, no kisses, basically nothing unless the man initiates it ALL THE TIME. Then the man never actually feels wanted because the girl does nothing to make him feel wanted. For that reason I would prefer a girl that would make a move first and I would expect her to initiate those other things sometimes too once in a relationship. If I always have to do that I won't be happy and will leave her.

loveslongnails · Answer

Choice "C" comes closest for me, but I wouldn't word it so "equal" needs to be there. I'd say "anyone should feel at ease doing the asking instead of paying attention to a societal "norm" Choice "A" is not good. Are you advocating that women say "yes" anyway when they don't want to date the person asking? That's like blaming an incel women for his choice because they wouldn't date him, without considering how non-date worthy he is in the first place!

Anonymous · Answer

This is why shit like Bumble often fails. The whole point of that app is women making the first move. Since they rarely do, nothing happens, and the app may of failed if it wasn't bought by the Match. com group. Also, the ones who do are probably going to have more confidence and be pickier on who they choose. It ends up with girls on there often career driven with a shit ton of guys on there for the peace of mind. Often, the wealthiest career driven guys wouldn't be matching with them, because they don't want a dominate date. It's a complete mismatch. No wonder they have the "networking" option. How else would they stay even remotely relevant?

Idiotikhumanz · Answer

the sad thing is, i never in my life tried to approach or ask a girl out, but 2 girls in my life have tried asking me out, both of which i was very attracted to, but because of my insane shyness and low self esteem, when they was complimenting me n shit., i jus sort of closed off and acted unintrested because i was scared to show i like them,
now they probably dont think theyre good enough, but they was more than good enough,
maybe a lot of males have jus lost their balls, or maybe its how i was brought up that caused my complete lack of self esteem

Tiptoetamm · Answer

Personally I think it should be equal. I have no problem going up to a guy I like and telling him. A lot of men are shy and don't want to be rejected so just don't ask. If a guy asks you out and you are busy take their number set something up for later time.

TheBootyChest · Answer

I don't mind making the first move and asking for a date. But I will like it if when we were interacting that she would show more signs that she is interested in me first.

Like if we are talking, she could just be friendly and talking with me. And I wouldn't know she is just being polite or if she is into me. But if there is a vibe, she could give a coy little smile or something to let me know she feels it too and that if I made a move she would like that.

Does that make sense?

Phoenix-gb · Answer

I think it's a mix of both, if you've only ever experienced rejection then that fear is going to get worse as it becomes more of an expectation, so it would be refreshing if someone showed interest in you for a change. But at the same time, if you had the experience of success when approaching someone (women saying yes more often), the confidence to do so again would increase and future rejections wouldn't have as much of an impact.

Idazle34 · Answer

Let's be honest here, women make a lot of first moves. Infact it used to be that a woman would see a cute guy, drop their handkerchief, the guy would notice it pick it up, and run after her thinking she had accidentally dropped it. We can pretend that we want the guy to make the first move but most of the time if a girl is really interested in a guy she could careless if he makes the first move.

Oigit · Answer

Cish It would make it easier if I woman approached me. I'm very much the kind of person that spends a lot of time in their head. Even when I'm out and about my mind is going. So I don't spend to much time interacting with people and I don't tend to give people more then a quick glance as I pass. So there has probably been a lot of times where a woman ended up waiting for me approach her and I never did.

jshm2 · Answer

You're confused.

It's little to do with first moves, and more to do with alignment. Do you recall what was wrong with the last guy that you rejected? Of course you do, and so will the last guy that rejected you.

Just like a failed interview is not always going to take you down point by point on why you were rejected. You have to take some responsibility for not preparing well enough and aligning yourself.

You are adults. You need to grow out of the childish notions you have of how dating, and relationships actually work.

BungusHighFivePizza · Answer

dont need 2 ask men out. just let them know ur interested unless u want little control over who u date. dats not even modern. women even dropped their hankies in front of guys 2 actively show interest in victorian era. they were often making first move. a person interested in another shouldn't be afraid 2 make first move. its in their own interest 2 make first moves. but first move doesn't have 2 be asking men out

MrWolf · Answer

I'd rather aproach and make the first move. Yet if I'm aproached I wouldn't turn it down because it took a lot of courage for a girl to do it.

Yet if I'm not interested I wouldn't bother at all.

Some may want to be aproached other wouldn't.

Each with his poison.

Кураж · Answer

I don't and I never did.
I imagine those who have primarily faced rejection would appreciate being the ones approached instead, on the simple principle that they are getting the guarantee that the woman is in fact interested in them.

Ironically, though.
I don't believe this gives any guarantee that such an approach will actually be fruitful.
As many women can probably attest, on here and in general, making the first move on a man is surprisingly unsuccessful as well.

Anonymous · Answer

In my experience, a man can be attracted to a woman and view her sexually and respectfully. I. e. marriage material etc. But the moment she does the masculine thing by taking action, her value plummets from Miss Right to Miss Right Now. Men are constantly on here about how they want women to approach.

Don't listen unless you want to be viewed as a hookup.

I have never had an issue moving things forward but I have now chosen to be patient and be courted. It's harder since I'm intuitive and restless. But it's the more feminine approach and is better for my desired relationship outcomes.

Be approcahble, easy and vulnerable but DO NOT do the asking out, approaching proposing. It can go well but it mostly doesn't.

Anonymous · Answer

Modern woman: "I hate traditional gender roles and think they should all be abolished"

Modern man: "But what about dating conventions like the man always having to ask the woman out and paying for the first date?"

Modern woman: "Whoever asks the other person out should pay"

Modern man: "But men are always the ones who have to do the asking, so they are always the ones who do the paying?"

Modern woman: "So?"

Modern man: "So men are the ones who have to risk rejection and humiliations, and they are rewarded for that by also having to pay?"

Modern woman: "Stop fucking whining you simp"

Modern man: "Modern women are very hypocritical"

Modern woman: "Fuck you"

To answer your question directly... yes, men REALLY want women to stop being hypocritical, cowardly and entitled and start making the first move.

Twalli · Answer

If you want to be really traditional, women expressed interest first. They'd drop something, a guy would pick it up and they'd talk. So she'd drop her handkerchief or some such to get a guy to pick it up and talk to her. So women originally made the first move. Now that they want equality they can be more direct.

bananathunder · Answer

if you want someone... go for it. Doesn't matter if you are a man or woman in my opinion

Joker_ · Answer

Men really just want women ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎

Yurrasis · Answer

I chose equal. I'm pretty shy so I don't have the guts to make the first move. So far, it's always been the guys that approached me first. I would be open to confessing first to a guy if I feel like I can't miss the chance.

my500thaccongag · Answer

I was pretty old minded on this one and I've never had a boyfriend. Time has changed girls, we should approach too, or at least be nicer to the ones who approach.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Never once asked a girl. And that's how I work so unless if they ask me it will never happen so that's their choice really. So yeah I am pretty clear that I want women to ask.

Cherry234 · Answer

I think there should be equal approaching on both sides. Women who never approach men or think they should never make the first move are clearly misinformed.

wonderingoldman · Answer

It depends on the situation, when I'm sober and right minded I like to make the preliminary approach and assess from there. If I'm inebriated I know I need to make the first approach because I drop the ess off assess, and am just an ass. If she's inebriated I know to be afraid, be very afraid

Adam1978 · Answer

Whoever makes up their mind first should do their move. Don't wait to see if the other figure it out, give them a better chance to actually align with you by doing your move.

Still-alive · Answer

It should be equal. Im tired of these ‘its the mans job’ to approach rules.

everytime i see any of those girls complaining about ‘there are no good guys’ i roll my eyes. ‘Have you tried approaching yourself?’

Kristog · Answer

Equality...

Men can also be as fearful of rejection, Plus in this day and age, if you like someone go do something about it or you may miss out...

I always think that if they say NO then your in no different position than you were, but there is that possibility of a YES, where as if you don't ask, well its an instant NO...

Shy Bairn's Get Nowt as the old saying goes...

Anonymous · Answer

It's natural for men to approach. but unnatural for them to need to worry about being jailed for doing so. Thus the two cancel each other out. When women have approached me, they have done a terrible job of it, but that's because it is not natural.

es20490446e · Answer

I think that women are usually the more reserve ones. Hence the job of a man is not to declare himself to her, but to make it easy for her to feel comfortable and show any interest she could have. So she feels free to decide.

boobliker · Answer

both I think I think it would help if girls / women were to give a true answer I been told no and walked away and latter been asked why. if you walk up to any guy / man and ask a question he will in 99% of the time give you a truthful answer

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Rejection is less of the problem than the sheer amount of manipulation and time wasting that women do.

Anonymous · Answer

Modern: No! Men have approached enough, women need to ask men out more!

Clarification here

Men well smart ones at least agree with this because we don't have looks as we aren't Leonardo DiCaprio, George Clooney or Brad Pitt
For us approaching a women is an instant prison sentence

Citizenkirk · Answer

I think that if you like someone you should ask them out

Anpu23 · Answer

Check out a woman talking about guys picking up on women.

GlassTop · Answer

Women aren’t traditional in these modern times, so they shouldn’t expect a traditional man.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

I suspect you’re right. They’d rather just have women say yes more.

AndrésC64 · Answer

Women absolutely need to approach men more. Equality and all that.

exitseven · Answer

If there was only a one in ten chance she would say yes I probably would just get a cat.

Lovesims3plumbob · Answer

I ask guys out some times but i did with a letter but got rejected and yes is was one of my high school crush at time but it did go alway.

crmoore · Answer

Depending on how she goes about it, it's very likely I find a girl making the first move to be a bit of a turn-off.

fonduegirl · Answer

I'm the type to go for option B. I'm not a yes person, sorry, but confidence comes natural to me.

AydenHazor · Answer

I would live for a woman to make the first move. I tend to be completely oblivious otherwise and some she just wants to be friends

Anonymous · Answer

How about this: if YOU like someone, then YOU go to them and speak up. Ask them out. It's that simple but it can be scary, i agree. However what's the worst that could happen?

Cowboy6666 · Answer

Sure I encourage ladies to approach me, talk with me, hangout, discuss to see if we got chemistry. I appreciate kind, straightforward, honest girls.

KenworthW900 · Answer

This question has sparked much interest I see. It would be nice to see women take the initiative and approach a man first. However in my 56 years on this planet I have never been approached by a women

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

I would much rather be rejected then have to reject someone else lol

bulletbob555 · Answer

I want more 50/50 My reasoning for not choosing that was the men asked enough statement. I just say 50/50 to be fair as they say relationships thrive with communication

InquisitivelyNoxious · Answer

Some men feel uncomfortable making the first move due to certain modern trends

EaterPeter · Answer

Men should ask and women should creatively answer and be patient

genericname85 · Answer

well women HAVE to do the first move. cause men doing it is consideren sexual assault now... thanks feminazis.

Johanpanos · Answer

So when women are approaching other women then they can make the first move  but when it comes to men, women don't want to make the first move. Ok.

Do men REALLY want women to start making the first move or just women to say yes more often when men approach?

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Do most women expect men to make the first move?

Do men REALLY want women to start making the first move or just women to say yes more often when men approach?

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Do most women expect men to make the first move?

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