Wow I cannot tell you how much I would have related to this at one point. When I was in the of the British equivalent of high school, I too met someone and thought we’d be spending the rest of our lives together, and I kept getting my heartbroken and lost myself in the midst of it all. You know I thought I knew it all back then, but in hindsight, now I’m older I can see how silly and irrational I was.
Now I am terrified of falling for someone that hard again, and losing myself and getting my heartbroken the way I did.
I can’t lie and say I don’t think about finding love from time to time, sometimes I’m hopeful, other times I just see others so happy and in love and I’m just thinking: “that’ll never be me”
But how I stopped letting it control my life was firstly, I let my high school crush go, at first I became mad at him and felt this kind of anger towards him for all he put me through, but then I stopped those feelings because he didn’t even know he was hurting me, it’s not like he did it all on purpose to hurt me, he was just getting on with it and I was just collateral damage. And anyway I think if he knew he’d feel terrible, but I don’t plan on letting him know- there’s really no need. My feelings for him are dead now, which is extremely liberating, and he’s still a good friend.
But after I let him go, I then realized that while one day I will be a wife and a mother, and I’ll value that so much, that is not all I will be. While I’m worthy of being a wife and a mother, I’m also worthy of being and doing other things too. I’ve genuinely found love for my studies, I’ve found true love for my religion and God, I’ve found love for writing again, I’ve found love for trying to be better each day, I’ve found love for realizing how great my friends and family can be, I’ve found love for my career path, I’ve found love for the album folklore by Taylor Swift😂, I’ve found love for the little things in life that often go under appreciated. I’ve found love for so much more than just some guy. And I’m learning to fine love for myself, even if I’m not fully there yet, I can happily say I’ve lost hatred for myself.
Perhaps the answer isn’t to stop thinking about finding love completely. Perhaps the answer is to start thinking about finding love for other things in life, instead of finding love for a significant other.
With time, that love will come whenever the time is right, and I know when you see others falling in love, it can feel so bittersweet, it can make you feel lonely and like the worst person in the world because you should be happy for them, and you are but you’re also sad because you’re thinking ‘why can’t that be me? Me with who?’ But what we forget when we drown ourselves in the ocean of envy and those thoughts only make us drown further, is that one day that will be us with somebody. We just haven’t reached that chapter in our life *yet*.
So since we haven’t reached that chapter in our life yet, perhaps it’s time to explore others instead? Find love in other things? I think we should focus on building ourselves first, and then love will come when it comes. Whenever the time is right, it will just happen.
Also just an extra piece of advice, you are worthy of love and some beautiful woman will love you someday so don’t listen to anyone telling you to look at red pill because that will just make you toxic and bitter.
First of all, you're WAY too young to be stressing over love and marriage. You're 19! Enjoy life a bit more first: date, go to school, work, travel... love, and eventually marriage, will happen when it's right. There's no definitive age that you -have- to get married by.
With that being said, if you want to stop thinking about love? Find ways to distract yourself: hobbies, fitness, school, your friends... basically keep your mind distracted by other things so you don't have time to think about love and dating. As I said, if it happens? It will. But don't rush or stress over it.
Hell, I didn't have my first boyfriend until my early to mid 20s! Why? Busy with school and enjoying college life.
Great answer, @Cynycaldreamer!
I would only add that if you are hung over on love and marridge you won't be able to experience dating, which does not have to lead to neither love nor marridge but significantly improves your quality of life, gaining friends (not all dates are romantic dates!) and helping you grow into a person better suited to love and marridge. If they end in something, great, if not, there are always other people.
Also, your brain doesn't stop maturing until you are 24, asker - give yourself some time.
You should instead start thinking about finding a life
What worked for me was thinking of all of the ways my life would be worse while in a relationship. Not to say it will make everyone's life worse, but there are huge responsibilities that instantly become attached to you when you get into a relationship. And for me, the juice just ain't worth the squeeze. Also, statistically, dating in the modern day is doomed to fail. Things just aren't like they used to be. The internet has made sure of that. Making dating & marriage seem like relics from a bygone era. For the most part at least. And thinking of the biological reasoning for why we want to get in relationships also helped me. Really understanding the science behind it all can make it all seem less shiny. Especially when you really research the disadvantages many people can have because of genomic & environmental causes. Aka things we can't change. It's really offputting to really think about the unfairness that takes place. Even if I'm not the one at a severe disadvantage. then again. Maybe I'm just a pussy
I don't know why gag clumped that all together. I originally sent it like this:
What worked for me was thinking of all of the ways my life would be worse while in a relationship. Not to say it will make everyone's life worse, but there are huge responsibilities that instantly become attached to you when you get into a relationship. And for me, the juice just ain't worth the squeeze.
Also, statistically, dating in the modern day is doomed to fail. Things just aren't like they used to be. The internet has made sure of that. Making dating & marriage seem like relics from a bygone era. For the most part at least.
And thinking of the biological reasoning for why we want to get in relationships also helped me. Really understanding the science behind it all can make it all seem less shiny. Especially when you really research the disadvantages many people can have because of genomic & environmental causes. Aka things we can't change. It's really offputting to really think about the unfairness that takes place. Even if I'm not the one at a severe disadvantage.
then again. Maybe I'm just a pussy
Opinion
44Opinion
I'll have to see what other people say on here. Because if you figure this one out at 19, let me know and I'll see about that Nobel Prize.
I'm 30 and this still eats at me. It still feels like "when I start dating" even though I've already been dating and have just had a dry spell these past few years.
But like, I've accomplished most of my goals in life, much earlier than I had anticipated, and am financially secure, and the freest I'm probably going to be. And yet I can't quite absorb it. I can't quite "feel" like I've arrived because I always figured I would have been married by now. I should be happy AF but I'm not, and it's all because of the only piece of my life that hasn't gone splendidly.
If I could find a way to just not give a shit about being single, I would be golden. Hell, it would probably make it easier to rectify the problem because I could get on with my life and not feel like I'm stuck waiting for someone to live life WITH.
At 19, you're fine. If you're about to start college, the odds are very much in your favor.
I'm also 19 and I understand what you're feeling, but you need to know that love isn't something that drives your life. Meaning that you shouldn't treat it as if you only live for romance.
Enjoy the little things while you're at this age. Like education, job, hobbies - focus on yourself first. If you keep seeking or thinking the next girl is going to be your girlfriend and then wife, you're going to be in a ride for disappointment.
We're both young and have many years to find someone. There's no need to feel rushed or rush the process. Don't think that you'll miss your chance either. If you keep worrying about finding a partner, it'll be unhealthy because it'll come off as a desperate obsession for a significant other.
It’s normal to think about that a lot at your age. Channel that desire for love into becoming the best man you can be. Gain marketable skills, get on a path to supporting yourself. Avoid addictions, porn, and excessive video gaming. Figure out what you are passionate about and pursue it either as a career or hobby. Stay in shape. These actions will give you a lot of advantages when it comes to dating. Also, learn to recognize red flags in other people (personality disorders, manipulation, etc. - read about these) so you can avoid toxic women.
You need to realize that it's not the solution to all your problems. Finding love is not what you are looking for. You're looking for something else but I don't want to tell you the answer because you wouldn't believe me if I did. But it's not love that's going to solve all your problems. I used to think like that until I found it. And then those problems they didn't go away. I won't say that it was not a wonderful experience. But it wasn't what I thought it was. I wasn't suddenly fixed. And I think anyone that's falling in love will tell you the same thing even if they found that perfect somebody. Well after the first couple years
I think it’s normal to have those feelings and it’s cute and fun lol. But since you’re asking on GAG and you want to stop - it might be that love is distracting you from other important things in life. I’d say and especially at your age, focus on your education and your career. Love will come.
It is totally natural to crave finding love. Love comes at the perfect time. If you start working on yourself and put the love towards the back burner, you will find it will come. People who focus on trying to find love and the perfect relationship will never find it, because they are trying to fit into a mold they have created in their mind. Focus on you and living your life to the fullest and then it will come.
If that's your goal make sure your out and navigating the market. You will need the experience when you are ready to actually settle. Learn to read women, to see the red flags, learn to take rejection. I would recommend real life attempt more to learn from them and better chance to actually get somewhere.
Lol same, but trust me it's much worse to end up with someone who is either emotionally unavailable, incompatible or at the worst lies, plays perfect and pretends to wanting to be with you forever.
They are only here to use you.
Realise that your role in loving is providing. You are at a stage where you don't have enough to provide. Plus there is a lot of world you haven't seen, girls and people you haven't meet. Focus on earning and exploring
You don't need to stop completely if it means so much to you. Look for it as you live your life; meet and get to know new girls now and then. Just take it slow and tune into what you want and need in a relationship.
And make sure to make room for other stuff as well. You can for example find out how you want relations in general by hanging out with/getting new friends too.
The easiest way is for you to understand what's going to happen to you if this is your focus. At your age and for the next 15 years you should focus on your missions goals and career. Worrying about love is a female trait and you're sounding like one.
OMG, I'm the same way!!! One of my dreams is to get married. But I know that I can't be a good spouse unless I work on myself first. So instead of obsessing who I will end up with, I try to make myself a good match for anyone. Even if you meet the "one", if you're not ready for them, then what's the point?
Hard to do at first but start staying busier if your not already to occupy your time. Evening cooking class, summer softball, a non-romantic book, James Patterson is my favorite, and soon your not thinking of love due to staying occupied and before you know it, BAM!!, God puts love in your life.
Focus on your career. Get as many jobs as you can and save all the money.
Can’t get any paying jobs; volunteer.
Outside of work focus on your hobbies or skills.
Learn how to be happy being alone
Simple
Even as great hunter you can't allow yourself to hunt exclusively unicorns. Love is rare because the older you get the less idealistic your perception becomes.
It's just the infraction
Need to have on your life but it should not decided to be final
There is a long way to go
And lots more to see you are in starting point of your life
Need not think a lot on it enjoy the feeling but not to depend on it
You got time young man. Get your life together and chase your goals when you do that you’ll have more ladies then you can shake a stick at son she will find you and you will know.
Yeah you seem to be caring more about the cart instead of the horse. Or vice versa. Just care about meeting people and having cool experiences. You’ll start dating more in college.
If someone is willing and capable, everything is simple. If not it cannot be helped.
Hence your goal isn't to bend someone to fit to the position, but to find someone already capable to fulfill it.
I think you're right, man.
@Jamie05rhs SO right 🙈
It was mine biggest problem as well, find group of great friends and you will feel that you don’t need any flirt or love in your life.
It's quite simple.
ahhahaha thats relatable
Realize that you are 18 years old you saw stars for the fist time 18 years ago so chill life is long don’t listen to pessimists
Instead of thinking about finding love think about love finding you.
Study, work, find a hobby, make new friends.
But it’s human nature to want to procreate so I guess it is perfectly normal to want to find love.
You are not thinking about finding love your are just thinking about pussy. Get a job and start providing for yourself and the rest will fall into place
Love yourself and go out sharing your positive vibe with others. Will come to you
That's a great question. What do you think you should do about it?
By actually taking action to find one instead of thinking?
It’s hard to find love at first sight, I fall in love with my best friend but he is taken we been hanging out and he kiss me first it’s my dream get married some day
Same here, man. I'm not necessarily of the opinion thsr you should, but if you do, make sure nor to lose sight of it. Love is the most important thing you can have on this earth.
Find love, v then you won't have to think about it anymore
I’m in the same boat. I’m trying to focus and Occupy my time to work home stuff. Self care. Self improvement
Just focus & do act who you like the most which gives you happiness
Think abou other things. Like graduating, future plans. Or even try new hobbies. Drink water and eat as much as you want. Hangout with friends! Go on trips. And many more! Just don't think about it at all! Love yourself!🥰
You're only 18. You should be in college, joining a fraternity, partying, and dating. What are you doing with your life?
At 18 years old too early to be worried about that you don't look for it it finds you when you least expect it
My parents separated when I was 10, so I never had that issue. Just worry about making money and what you enjoy.
To stop thinking about finding love, distract yourself to something else which doesn't involve love and get addicted to it
don't care about if you'll find love or not, time will tell you, till then enjoy your life dude
Consume a lot of red pill content. That'll stop you from thinking about finding love pretty quickly.
Shitty advise, no offense
Thank you for correcting my grammar. I appreciate it.
True that. It’s just a difference in opinions is all. I respectfully disagree with your opinion. I apologise for coming off as rude.
However, the OP is only 19. He is still quite young and has a lot of years to look forward to. Reading a lot of red pill content, following it, and losing faith in love would only make him unsuccessful in the dating world in future. Not to mention, many red pills are also depressed. At least, the ones I've come across were.
Everyone needs to reflect on their behaviour and thoughts frequently, and try to be a better version of themselves which the people of the red pill community refuse to do so. I understand your perspective, but your advice will not help him in the long run. Just my 2 cents.
*“... be a better version of themselves, which the red pill...”*
*…and try to be a better version of themselves, which the people of the red pill community*
I apologize for the typo
@WonderBell99 oh wow, such a polite response. You don't often see that around here.
19 is the best time to get immersed in this. He can learn all about what red flags to look out for, what women are naturally attracted to, the reasoning behind certain behaviours, what type of man to become to be attractive. This will prepare him from making mistakes in the future. The worst thing that can happen is him having a fantastical idea of love and being disappointed or burned repeatedly only to find the red pill in his 30s or 40s and be pissed off. That's why a lot of red pillers are angry and depressed. They've realized they've been lied to. This kid has the opportunity to avoid that.
The problem with red pillers is they're so disillusioned that they can't get past their hurt. They're stuck in the 'red pill rage' phase and some become black pill.
Like i said, the advice isn't bad. It just depends on what the kid does with it.
True, I misunderstood your opinion. My bad. You are right, he does need to learn about all that. Thank you for taking out the time to write a thorough response. I appreciate it. Once again, I would like to apologize to you for being disrespectful. Have a phenomenal day today. 😊
You need to recognize that what you are feeling is simply hormones talking. Go have meaningless sex and you will feel better.
DON'T. NEVER CHASE LOVE. LOVE COMES TO THOSE WHO ARE BUSY. WHATS YOUR PASSION FOR MONEY. FOCUS ON YOUR CAREER. NOTHING MORE SEXY THEN A GUY WITH MONEY UNDER AGE OF 25.
focus on other things. If you have a job, focus on your job. take focus on your hobbies.
you're not supposed to stop. its kinda the goal of life
I wasted a lot of my time in my fantasies, try not to do that.
Ask yourself why you long for it so much. Do the hard work and focus on yourself... on becoming the right person. Someone will eventually come along
@brian_parker87 I'd say think about following bros before gals to stop thinking about love.
Just relax and it will come to you!
Try to focus more to find mum to your future kids "wife" 😉🤙🤙🤙💯
girls do not love you they never will
and it has nothing to do with you
THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO LOVE MEN
it is their choice
look into REDPILL
Rollo tomassi
Everybody needs love. Wtf are you on about, man? Gosh, you really need to stop going on Reddit.
Try and focus on school for now
Don't you think I have already tried that?
That’s normal at your age.
What's wrong with thinking about it?
Distract yourself by playing games, do a hobby
Find other things to do with your time.
jerk off. That should help for a little bit.
HAHAHAHAHA
Just be comfortable being on you're own
It will probably eventually happen
Become Cold and stop caribg
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