Is dating easy/hard for you when approaching someone to ask for their number or asking them out?

Question

Do you hesitate/watch for signs or just go for the kill? The worst answer is no?

MangoBob · Accepted Answer

In this day and age any man that does that is risking being arrested for sexual harassment, stalking, attempted rape… no thanks i will stick with Aubrey my RealDoll.

Pudsmucker · Accepted Answer

First time is always hard. You get nervous you get sweaty. You can even get scared. What happens if she doesn't want to go out with me, that big rejection.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I'm in a relationship now but before I met my partner, all of my dating was the result of online meetings. I found that to be very easy and quite productive. If I started messaging women online, I usually had a date within a week.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

The worst answer isn't no. That's the second-most-ideal answer. The worst answer, is "let me think about it," stated in a tone of voice that can barely hide their loathing and contempt for you. It's passive-aggressive, offering false hope that you can salvage a friendship if nothing else, while baiting you to believe nothing bad will come of it. Only for her posse to descend after you've left and decided to focus on something else. Next thing you know, you're dealing with armies of crazed white knight vigilantes harassing you for months on end. Police watching your every move for months in the hopes of trying to find something on you. Constantly being randomly accused of horsecrap, and the accusers, when busted having no proof, then trying to gaslight you for confronting their lies, as they seek to make you question your own sanity, or attempt to drive you to suicide.

And then you know: that was her real answer. But she wasn't content to just tell you herself to go die in a fire. She tried to turn a whole town against you, in the hopes that one of them might make it so.

And then you find out why she would do something so extreme, instead of offer you a simple no. And it will be something really lame, like you didn't know how to solve some chemistry equation she needed to ace some exam in college that she randomly hit you up for advice on, assuming you had to know because you understood some basic biology lesson material from a different class of hers better than she did. But she failed the chemistry class, and blames you, because you couldn't help her understand something that was beyond your own knowledge of the subject.

But she now has a whole town after you as if you were the villain in the story!

That's a FAR worse outcome than a simple no. And that was my summer in 2007. She could've simply called me on the phone and said: "sorry, not interested anymore." That would've been the end of it. She instead tried to trap me in a horror film.

DaveJord · Answer

So honestly I live in a small town and the last thing you can afford is getting a bad reputation. So if you're the type of guy that just asks everyone out then word gets around and women will avoid you.

So in general if I saw women I was interest in then yes I would approach her, because the worse she can say in no. So no harm no foul, but people that use this strategy are the ones that will ask out a 100 women and get 99 no answers, until they get the 1 that will say yes.

So dating today is not like it was 20 or 30 years ago, most women out in public put up barriers and wall themselves off... its hard to get a women to look in the eyes these days when hold a door for them. Hell my girlfriend walks around with ear buds in her ears when she's out even if she not listening to music just to discourage men from talking to her.

So this is why I do online dating, because women on line are at least advertising a degree of availability. If I connect with women online, I am asking her out within 24 hours for a first date, and if she says no I move on no problem. Because at the end of the day its a numbers game. After a day of chatting online if she is not willing to meet me then I am not wasting my time, because there are 4 to 5 other women I could be chatting and meeting.

Just last week I had a very attractive women approach and talk to me at a gas station... like a real live women chatting me up in public out the blue. Seriously women hardly ever approach men like that, its been like over 10 years for me. We had a great conversation, but I was so caught off guard that I didn't even get her name or number. But I am in a committed relationship already so I told myself that if I was single I would be in hunt mode and would of asked her.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I often talk, flirt and am so friendly they usually ask me out and for my info. If not I have on occasion asked for their contact info, and like you said... if I get no, no big deal.

Too many people 'target' in advance who they want to ask out, they practice, they invest heavily into it with their emotions and have this vision of how it is going to go down.

It never works out exactly that way and if they get rejected, it is devastating, because they invested so much into it. If they get a yes but just for one or two dates and then no more, then they also might be like why'd you say yes if your just going to do this?

As a result I find it better to just go for the kill straight away with no planning, no emotional investment.

Weapon77 · Answer

I never succeed when I just ask. 90% of the time, I get ghosted after asking them out and getting their number.

I've only had one girlfriend and only had 6 dates in the 7 years since then. I don't fear rejection at all anymore since I've been rejected so much, but the thought of just asking anyone out is no longer appealing. It's exhausting thinking about going out of my way to most likely waste 5 minutes on an interaction that will almost certainly get me ignored later on and likely waste even more of my time.

MCheetah · Answer

Dating is "easy" based on your social market value (desirability). Everyone wants women. No one wants short, overweight, ugly or dark dudes.

Furthermore, women nowadays, either legitimately or to f*ck with you, try to make you out to be a sexual assaulter/rapist just to talk to them nowadays. Literally just saying hello or whatever. They'll try to cry "RAPE!" or whatever.

That doesn't stop me because I've heard all the BS before, but that's how women are nowadays. Like I said in another post, every modern woman is either gay, woke, an e-whore, or just burned put from only choosing Chads who'll cheat on her. And if I have to decide between a 'bisexual,' feminist, OF whore, or emotionally damaged, I guess I'll just stay single for the rest of my life then! 🤷‍♂️

Sorrento-Sun · Answer

He'd need to let me know he likes me too before I'd ask if he wanted to go on a date or die his number.

I once asked a guy friend if he wanted to go out for a meal. I really thought he liked me the way I liked him. But he rejected me. He made the excuse he was too busy all the time. I'm still friends with him, but I still kinda feel embarrassed and hurt about the rejection.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

I never cold approach. And “no” isn’t the worst. Women are SAVAGE when they think nothing of a man. They can and will say the cruelest things, but that’s not the limit of it. I once saw a woman let a man buy her a drink just to turn around and dump it on him. Then HE got kicked out of the bar and she didn’t. Ell oh ell!

Idkiiii · Answer

Well it depends. Sometimes I will go for the kill, other times I won't.

Some women are simply more open to communicating and starting a friendship to begin with.

Other women are very closed off, and you have to actually engage with them consistently for a very long period of time before they start to open up. I do tend to push things a little bit even with these type of women. I also don't base or change my opinion from one conversation, so If she seems cold in one conversation I'll re-engage about a week later, and if that doesn't change anything I tend to distance myself. Also depends on whether there are mutual aqquaintances/friends in the equation.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

It is hard, speaking from a man pov, because we are Stereotyped these days, seen as "freaks" that are after just Sex, nothing else... Today socialising like old days are gone... Today if a Girl she's not having her likes on social platforms she take's it out on the closest person next to her... today they are like Electronic Zombies, life just passes by them and they realise that when is too late... So when we try to get them off those "devices" and enjoy life More, we start getting the Grudge, for no real reason... so yeah! It is Hard to approach a woman these days without being Stereotyped...

bigpauly · Answer

I have become much better at asking out than I once was. After putting myself out there more and knowing there is a good chance of rejection I kind of expect it and am not afraid of it anymore. Even when some women can be real nasty about it, I view that as them having a problem with themselves and don’t let it get to me.

Haha456 · Answer

most people do not get their dates by asking strangers out. most people meet their significant others from school or clubs or groups or parties or mutual friends.

purplepoppy · Answer

It's easy look at this guy My dog has vomited up better looking things but he managed to get a date. You've just got to aim really low.

NathanDavis · Answer

for me in particular, it would be "easy" to get a date, yes... I've been asked out often, so all I would have to do is to agree to it, lol  however, to me is not that simple

Guy13 · Answer

It is not asking out. It is swooning and converse into let's continue this together. Small talk, joke (he makes me laugh), ask out. Interests and all that over martini and nice sample eats. Maybe the third time a silent date (movie) or fancy one. I'm always looking for formulas and accomplishment-so it is what it is...

Avicenna · Answer

I've never had a problem with approaching women (or girls, when I was under 18). You're going to get rejected most of the time when you are bold like that, but that means you aren't missing out because you're too timid, and quite a few times I've approached a woman who it turns out is in a relationship but who wanted me to meet her sister or friend, so you never know what will happen and shouldn't be scared to approach.

melanieeeB · Answer

I find it pretty easy, overall starting conversations with strangers and making friendships is easy for me but honestly I do it rarely, mostly I'm too lazy to start something new...

RavVid · Answer

At least NO is cheap! For my part I do want to know more than whether her breast size is within my preferred range. So I will have spent some time talking to her.

Adam1978 · Answer

The hard part is really to determine if. They are worth asking out in the first place. I need more than a look to determine that.

byrdman89 · Answer

If it's someone you work with are in school with or see often - it can be a little tricky because if they say no it's going to be kind of awkward every time you see them again - if it's someone you don't otherwise know or have contact with it's easy - just ask

Anthony20108 · Answer

i'm a little of a shy guy myself, but i just put my chin up and really try to boost up my confidence and than ask a girl out, if rejected i get a little down for like a few days until i lift myself up again and than back in the game lol.

Orange85 · Answer

Honestly I’ve only ever dated online. And it’s easy that way. But I think it’s also a bad idea to date online only. Will try in person dating when I get up the nerve

dustybiker · Answer

Of course it was hard. It’s hard for everyone. To me it was run the fire and ask or live with regret and be wondering what I missed. A possible “No” is easier to live with.

Bmories99 · Answer

Depends on the wome some are more approachable then others. I never had an easy time of it but those that I took that leap and asked put or just talked too became some of my very best friends. It helped that I enjoy talking and I can be funny.

Andres77 · Answer

I’d never ask for a stranger’s number. if they’re not in some way connected to my life I wouldn’t date them. I’d get to know them through repeated contact and then decide the next step.

jhl_x · Answer

There's no such thing as approaching someone in this day and age for me. I only get close with people who are friends with me first, personally or online.

larry69 · Answer

Asking women out these days is viewed as creepy and you risk getting arrested for sexual harrassment and stalking.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I actually never ask strangers out, because I don't know who they are and I don't know whether or not I will actually want to date them.

Crafteroon · Answer

I definitely hesitate. Talking is easy, but building expectations is easier for me. Sometimes you need to just ask someone, and not worry about the answer.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Easy. I don't approach nor ask for numbers.

Loser94 · Answer

No I have no confidence or anything in that area of life. Sadly I'm gonna end up all alone for ever.

Fuentes · Answer

I don't ever cold approach I just talk to the chick if she's down or not I will get her snap it's usually easy to tell

Ευδεμονια · Answer

If you search on dictionary the page for “hesitation” you’ll probably find my face. A “no” answer is like a stab in my back.

VanguardTitan · Answer

I don't approach cause i already know I'm going to get a no. Why waste time then?

slatyb · Answer

Someone I haven't previously met? It's easy after a bit of conversation. If they won't engage, then there's no point in asking.

IHateBeingaMan · Answer

men approaching women, why do i get the feeling that will never change

grega239 · Answer

I dont ask anymore. The answer is always no so why bother

McKellar · Answer

Hard, quite hard. It's easy to go up to a woman, but that rejection is always going to be there unless you are her type and your practically a male instagram model or a fitness model to her,... then it's definitely a yes.

Ridiculous.

pizzalovershouse · Answer

I just start with small talk then see what things they like an then if I feel they start to warm up to me I find out if married or not cuz some girls dont wear wedding rings so I dont go after married girls now if they were getting a devorce yes then I will date them then I usely say would you like to have lunch with me in the park in the nice weather other wise its would you like to go to dinner an I pick a nice family type restraint an then i go dancing with them

Guardian45 · Answer

Yes, dating is easy. Attraction and Communication are a 2-way street. If I stop getting positive vibes, then I stop pursuing and let her ask me out.

If it happens, great! if doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be.

Zolly99999 · Answer

Omg it's very difficult for me. Unless we get to know each other first before I ask

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Easy. I know what/who I want. Easy for me to screen out those who do not meet my standards.

Subarugirl · Answer

first of all I wouldn’t ask for a stranger’s personal information that is creepy and a red flag in my book.

Tztop2006 · Answer

I go long periods with relationship or sex because I'm to shy in person to go hit on someone. but in a relationship they tend to last a year or more

Spotifyplaylist · Answer

I would say it's easy for me kinda depends.

Jltakk · Answer

Hard because the interest wasn't from them initially.

driven159 · Answer

when I was not married it was easy was not worried about rejection but then I was pretty hot so didn't get turned down much but that was a long time ago

Idkwtfimdoing96 · Answer

it's hard asf for me irl but a bit easier on text lol

SolitarySolace · Answer

Wouldn’t know. Never tried. But I’m modern society, I don’t blame men for not trying.

Jerre · Answer

It is very easy for me to ask girls out. I usually meet them in a local pub and most know me from what other girls told them.

MrPickles13 · Answer

Honestly it's not something I can do. I can't approach someone and ask for a number so I'm stuck with online dating which tbh isn't any better

Debeondash · Answer

It's not easy. Always second guessing. Sometimes I look into the eyes of the girl with a smile if she smiles back, I can proceed but when she doesn't I walk away.

neoagent1 · Answer

It used to since I have been rejected many times but now i just move on, NEXT

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Honestly can't remember, I haven't tried dating in over 10 years

Twalli · Answer

Getting a girl's number is easy, it's what comes after that gives me trouble

nawtee_me · Answer

I don’t mind the word no, so asking is no problem.

ElementoP · Answer

I've never approached a woman, I'm a pussy I just use my charm on girls at work until they approach me lol Used to anyway

Ill_made_Knight · Answer

@haha456 has it right. Don't let it be random

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Talking is easy, but making the move is hard obviously.

TonyRogers · Answer

I tend to definitely watch for signs... but i do get in my head a ton too

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