Went out on a date with a guy but he didn't talk much, and I had to do more of the talking. What should I do next time if the same thing happens?

[Anonymous]

[William7489]

First off I wouldn’t be in a hurry to go on a second date. If he didn’t talk much, that’s not a very good sign. But let’s chalk it up to nerves or jitters. If it happens a second time, cut the conversation short and address the situation. I’ve done this myself. Politely ask the person, “I’m not trying to be rude, but you don’t seem to be enjoying yourself, if that’s the case then I would rather leave as well.“ Get straight to the point and knock him back on his heels. Let him know that if he’s interested he needs to get his game going. If he doesn’t you’re not gonna waste another minute of your time trying to keep this conversation going. You can do better

[OpenClose]

I'd generally learned to do less talking and more listening. Show her she's being listened to and her perspectives are appreciated. He might of learned the same.

You might also need to find his niche of conversation. I know if someone talks to me about primates, hunter-gatherers, politics, or tech, I'll turn into an alphabet-soup-incarnate.

But yeah, the first date is usually just an introduction in my mind. I'd see how the second one goes, and if you find yourself constantly carrying the energy, dial it back between dates. He'll either try to re-initiate or it'll just fade out and you won't have wasted your energy in the process.

[Anonymous]

i've been like that guy, but a girl obviously. it's because i was shy. give him a break... seriously. unless he was acting so disinterested or hasn't texted you back or is ignoring you after the date or hasn't asked for another one.

a lot of people didn't give me a chance. all because i was shy. it's very disheartening.

obviously i don't have that problem anymore since i have someone who accepted me. and actually i wasn't too shy around him, probably because he was a good choice.

[Anonymous]

A guy who lets you do all the talking isn’t interested in getting to know you. If it happens again then try not to feel so compelled to keep the convo moving. You’ll know it’s the right situation when you don’t have to force anything and he’s engaging as well.

[Pinay_ako]

If there’s even a next time. Maybe he didn’t find you interesting. Or maybe he was too shy. Too many maybes. Get him to talk by asking him questions or anything that piques his interests? If it’s one sided, I’d probably think he’s not into me or he’s disappointed with me coz I’m not the one he expected or vice versa. Definitely no second date

[coachTanthony]

it should never happen because you should have vetted him with a "video chat." Keep in mind bad behavior or behavior you don't desire will always show up on a video chat so do video chats before meeting someone IRL so you don't waste your time.

[OlderAndWiser]

Ask him some open ended questions. These are questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no answer. E. g., "Tell me about your immediate family," or "What goals do you have for yourself five or ten years from now."

[1stupidrobot]

It depends on body language. If he's quiet but is listening intently, giving you his full attention, he may just be shy or stoic. If he's checking his phone, sending text messages or interrupting you to take calls that are clearly non-emergent and recreational, or seems to be bored and not listening, for heavens sake, don't go on a second date. Red flags. If a guy is already this arrogant on a first date, it will only get worse. He's not even giving you a chance. If it's happening over and over with different guys, try a different approach to conversation, like asking him questions about himself and listening attentively. Ask more questions about the things he's enthusiastic about. Say the word 'I' as little as possible. It's good to be honest, but don't tell every guy you meet your life story.

[ohsheeT]

Just do what you did this time you have to really look into his eyes and find out what it's all about is he an introvert you know interpersonal stand back listen because I want to hear everything you have to say they want to know everything about you so just do what you did this time and bring that subjects that he might like

[hyperben]

tricky, he might be a little nervous or he might just be a quiet kind of guy. try to find out a little bit about him and what things he enjoys, avoid "work" as a topic unless its his passion. I'm usually the exact opposite, once you get me started you can't shut me up (in a British accent naturally!)

[whiskeyontherocks]

This could be anything
might just be his personality, or his personal life. Psychopaths tend to be just as quiet in the beginning as nice guys that have been burned to many times.
Try talking on the phone or texting.
Next date something active but quiet jogging/walking in the park, go to the conservator
People watch at a outdoor pub if he is still to quiet for you ask why

[laurieluvsit]

Ask him a lot of questions so he has to talk.

If he gives you one word answers, and you are unhappy with that, then consider finding a new date.

[Chance_CMB]

Some guys are naturally not talking type and such people tend to focus more on observing and reading the situation around

Just try and make him so comfortable by asking opening minded questions, get to know what you both have in common, your (both) intetrests, bubbies and other, you will bring out the real him.

[Anonymous]

I recently dated a guy who was like this. When I would comment on how he didn’t talk much he would always shrug and say “guys don’t talk much” and “women talk more”. I even tried not talking to get him to talk more and he would happily sit in silence with me lol. I didn’t like being the main person talking. It made me feel selfish lol.


Try being more quiet next time and see if he takes the lead in the conversation.

[AviatorTom]

Some guys don't talk much, and he may have been interested more in learning about you. Next time, ask a few pointed questions, one at a time, and then sit back and listen to his response.

[AddylynnNightingale]

Maybe more engaging conversation? No yes-no questions or talk about something that you know he's passionate about. People love telling about what they love.

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know. It was the first date. If things aren’t working out. You could not date anymore. Or see if you keep seeing him. That maybe you start talking more.


Maybe he’s just shy and is opening up.

[PetiteBabe64]

Well looks sounds like The food on his plate had more interesting things to say. Better luck 🍀 next time and hopefully next time the spaghetti meatballs don’t grow eyes and a mouth and start saying interesting stuff.

[PetiteBabe64]

You should try to be more interesting than the Food 🥘 on his plate.

[Avicenna]

Try to ask him questions about himself or steer the convo to topics you know he has an interest in and knowledge of. That usually works.

[KennyG72]

depends on what you need from him. Did you ask open-ended questions? without knowing details its hard to know where the problem is. Do you know what he's into? if he is uncommunicative about his interests then he might not be the right one for you.

[Anonymous]

Ask him more questions. Open-ended questions, like, "What would be your dream vacation?" or "Tell me something that's on your bucket list" or something like that to get him talking.

[Bethany22]

Either dump him, or don't talk that much either. He could be a player that's purposely trying to make you uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

Forget what everyone else is saying. It's either this or this:

1) He didn't connect with anything you said
2) He was trying to listen more than talk

If Date #2 happens then Number 2 wins.

[Anonymous]

I thought telling you solutions to things was sexist and we were just supposed to sit there and listen to you complain about things you were too dumb to solve?
Can women make their mind up on what they want please, your inability to figure it out is making men consider dropping society and letting you all starve.