I've been on 4 dates with a guy who has still not made any move. He is not proactive but said he was interested in continuing to see me. What to do?

[Anonymous]

I have been on four dates with a guy in three months and he has still not made a move on me. We have frequently been texting but I am always the one asking him out on a date (even though he is the one paying most of the time).

I confronted him the last time we met by asking if he was still interested in seeing me. I told him that I was confused as I am always the one reaching out to meet. He seemed to be very embarrassed (and taken aback by my question). He told me that of course he was interested in seeing me but that by nature he was not very proactive even with his friends.

Am I wasting my time, or shall I keep trying to see him?

[California_Poppy]

It really depends on you and how much that bothers you. I get why the guys are encouraging women to be more of the pursuers. It's traditionally the man, but the reality is, they like to feel wanted too.

It sounds like he is still interested in you. If you like him, keep going out with him. Nothing wrong with being the one to go after what you want. But if once you guys have started dating for awhile and getting more serious, and he still not actively pursuing you, I would reevaluate your future with him. That is not because 'he's a man and he should be pursuing you,' but because a relationship is a two way street that requires effort from both parties. You've shown that you are interested and willing to pursue, and he has to do that at some point too.

[HappyWoman34]

What? FOUR DATES!!! I was in that boat. It usually means he likes you as a friend and is lying to himself or is asexual or gay. Probably the first is most likely. Talk to him about it about why he hasn't kissed you and if he says that he's just not ready and wants to take things slowly, I'd end it and just be mates, because if he really wanted you, he'd have kissed you by the third date at least, probably earlier.

[Fireguy17]

Isn't this ironic.
I see so many posts, not from you about guys wanting to jump into be after the first date, and here is one about not making a move after 4.
Exactly what is your correct number, 4 is too long, so is it 1, 2 or 3 dates?
For guys this is so confusing, and now you can see why.
Myself I never figured ok I've seen her 3 times so tonight is the night.
It will happen when and if it happens.
Just to put this out there why haven't you made a move on him.
Why must the guy have to be the one?
Nothing personal just confused.

[EricSummer]

I think she did not mean sex, but just kissing or even first gestures of intimacy. Sex on a fourth date is still fast, but no touch on a fourth date is really slow. This could explain it.

[Anonymous]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/aIaV0RNItNQ

If he isn't a religious nut then he probably just doesn't know that its ok to 'make a move'.

I would take this as a sign that he respects you, no wonder he is doing so badly with women and that most women in this thread are calling for him to be shit canned, they dont like to be treated with respect.

[Pinay_ako]

4th date? And it’s always you asking him out? Nah… sounds like a one way street. Whatever his excuses are at this point are lame. Next!

[Curmudgeon]

Sorry but no. He probably has been indoctrinated his whole life to not make a move lest he be branded as a pig.

[Pinay_ako]

@Curmudgeon nah. Still no excuse… 1, 2 3 4 many chances to make his move… but still not budging. Next

[Anonymous]

I’d cut your loses. I mean really is this the type of man you want in life as a partner? What’s going to happen when he really needs to step up as a man in some sort of situation that requires it? Sure he could be nervous, a lot of men get nervous when it comes to women. But the fact that he isn’t initiating things as in another date, even saying it himself in regards to his friends, that to me says something more about him. Something more than he’s just shy because it sounds as though it reflects in all his daily activities of life. Sounds as though this is a dude a girl can push around. I don’t think that’s the type of man you want. Maybe I’m wrong. But women who end up w men like that tend to not respect them, maybe even cheat on them.

[Lookingforthetruth]

simp

[DubiousIntentions]

Shy guys are never given a break. You know you could make the first move. A woman does not always have to wait for anything. I bet you would sure initiate sex if you wanted it bad enough. But, the best one to talk to about it is the one you are dating. He is the only one that can answer questions about his motives or behavior.

[_SillyShoes_]

Sounds like, even if it's true he's really into you and still interested, you're not into the kind of guy who will never make a move towards you, but just 'goes with the flow'.

I get this and wouldn't like it either.

Best find someone who's obviously into you.

[MikeTheBartender]

Four dates he's definitely interested, so option one you make a move, option two, wait more... However, you have to ask yourself how interesting is this guy going to be physically if he waited four dates and nothing happened? It is up to you. Answer my last if you have a sec.

Did she or he get the text message?

[Walamagicc]

Stop inviting him on dates and let him invite you? It doesn’t sound like he isn’t interested in you, I’m sure many people will just assume that but it does sound like to me that he’s being rather lazy and letting you take initiative and arrange all the dates

[Drumlin2001]

Up to you. Where do you see it going? Do you see a long term? Do you want to have to be the one organising all the time. For me, if he was that interested, and you've voiced a concern, he would have snapped into gear unless there was a very good reason

[Sanser]

There are some people with lack of social skills and very shy about that... I would suggest you to keep trying, I know that a non proactive guy can be a turn off for lots of women but men like him exist all over the world.. Keep trying, its good that you told him about this :)

[Boomchakalaca]

Non provocative is a turn up ☝🏼🤌🏼

[Anonymous]

think of how the relationship will go if you guys make it official. probably the same. you're pulling way too much weight without any help or reciprocation. he seems emotionally distant. maybe it's the way he is as a person, which is fine. but that doesn't seem like it meshes well with you and your needs/wants/personality.

[Shamalien]

He’s probs just shy and nervous to make it. A lot of girls make moves these days and some guys get used to that and never learn to make a move. As a teen girls dropped into my lap so I didn’t have to learn until older and it was a harsh transition

[Curmudgeon]

Or worse, some young men have been rejected so often that when a lady shows them interest, they at first do not believe it.

[jshm2]

Are you even worth dating though?

Maybe he's just being nice and letting you go easily and slowly, to spare your feelings.

After all, if he ghosted you, then you'd be on here bitching about it instead.

[Minahh]

That is spearing the feelings in male language huh? If he doesn't find me attractive he should tell it to my face and not be a little bitch and lead me on.

[KingslayerC]

@Minahh I agree with your point, but don't you think you'd be crushed if a guy you were seeing told you that he wasn't attracted to you?

[Minahh]

Not at all, I know my worth. I would accept that I'm not his type and wouldn't waste my time. Like this he just made a clown of himself.

[Moose304]

Why don't you simply sit him down and ask him what is going on? The list of things that could be going on here is too long to list. The lack of communication is one of the primary relationship killers that I know of!

[KingslayerC]

What kind of move are you looking for? And if the guy is more introverted, this is normal. If he's social, you might have to worry that he's not that into you.

[slatyb]

Have you asked him? Has he dated before? It's possible he's just clueless, unable to read what are probably obvious signals from you.

[BCRanger10]

If it's been four dates and you've already talked to him about it, it sounds like you should move on.

[DarkWinterNights]

Sounds like an introvert who’s learning as he goes. On the plus side, if he’s taking his time (and you aren’t the only one he’s seeing) then he’s probably looking for something long term or serious.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's easier to answer your question like this: if you want your man to take initiative, the guy you are seeing will never be that man for you.

Does that mean you are wasting your time with him?

[magiusX26]

so you are upset he is not trying to quickly get in your pants? or is it that you think he should date according to how you do/want instead of being himself?

[magiusX26]

what you should probably be looking at more is if he is genuinely trying to actually get to know you. is he actually being engaging with you when you are together. does he engage when you communicate outside 9f being in each other's pressence. does he let you get to know the real him. plus other things along these lines.

some of us reallu enjoy being exclusively solitary most of the time. contrary to popular belief, not all humans are meant to be "social" and some among those not meant to still like to be on occassion. he very well may be one such person. if this is the case, the fact he is willing to be social with you in any capacity is a huge gift, dont squador it because if such gets squadored, these types typically will withdraw from being social even further as they feel betrayed by society and emotionally burned. also keep in mind, to this type of person, being social at all is actually a deep form of intamacy to them.

[Izzy_3991]

Move on.
If he isn't proactive now, he won’t be proactive if you date him exclusively. He's lazy.

[rocksongwriter]

Keep trying to see him. He's probably shy. See if he changes and gets more comfortable as you see him more.