I've been on 4 dates with a guy who has still not made any move. He is not proactive but said he was interested in continuing to see me. What to do?

Question

I have been on four dates with a guy in three months and he has still not made a move on me. We have frequently been texting but I am always the one asking him out on a date (even though he is the one paying most of the time).

I confronted him the last time we met by asking if he was still interested in seeing me. I told him that I was confused as I am always the one reaching out to meet. He seemed to be very embarrassed (and taken aback by my question). He told me that of course he was interested in seeing me but that by nature he was not very proactive even with his friends.

Am I wasting my time, or shall I keep trying to see him?

California_Poppy · Accepted Answer

It really depends on you and how much that bothers you. I get why the guys are encouraging women to be more of the pursuers. It's traditionally the man, but the reality is, they like to feel wanted too.

It sounds like he is still interested in you. If you like him, keep going out with him. Nothing wrong with being the one to go after what you want. But if once you guys have started dating for awhile and getting more serious, and he still not actively pursuing you, I would reevaluate your future with him. That is not because 'he's a man and he should be pursuing you,' but because a relationship is a two way street that requires effort from both parties. You've shown that you are interested and willing to pursue, and he has to do that at some point too.

HappyWoman34 · Accepted Answer

What? FOUR DATES!!! I was in that boat. It usually means he likes you as a friend and is lying to himself or is asexual or gay. Probably the first is most likely. Talk to him about it about why he hasn't kissed you and if he says that he's just not ready and wants to take things slowly, I'd end it and just be mates, because if he really wanted you, he'd have kissed you by the third date at least, probably earlier.

Fireguy17 · Accepted Answer

Isn't this ironic.
I see so many posts, not from you about guys wanting to jump into be after the first date, and here is one about not making a move after 4.
Exactly what is your correct number, 4 is too long, so is it 1, 2 or 3 dates?
For guys this is so confusing, and now you can see why.
Myself I never figured ok I've seen her 3 times so tonight is the night.
It will happen when and if it happens.
Just to put this out there why haven't you made a move on him.
Why must the guy have to be the one?
Nothing personal just confused.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If he isn't a religious nut then he probably just doesn't know that its ok to 'make a move'. I would take this as a sign that he respects you, no wonder he is doing so badly with women and that most women in this thread are calling for him to be shit canned, they dont like to be treated with respect.

Pinay_ako · Answer

4th date? And it’s always you asking him out? Nah… sounds like a one way street. Whatever his excuses are at this point are lame. Next!

Anonymous · Answer

I’d cut your loses. I mean really is this the type of man you want in life as a partner? What’s going to happen when he really needs to step up as a man in some sort of situation that requires it? Sure he could be nervous, a lot of men get nervous when it comes to women. But the fact that he isn’t initiating things as in another date, even saying it himself in regards to his friends, that to me says something more about him. Something more than he’s just shy because it sounds as though it reflects in all his daily activities of life. Sounds as though this is a dude a girl can push around. I don’t think that’s the type of man you want. Maybe I’m wrong. But women who end up w men like that tend to not respect them, maybe even cheat on them.

DubiousIntentions · Answer

Shy guys are never given a break. You know you could make the first move. A woman does not always have to wait for anything. I bet you would sure initiate sex if you wanted it bad enough. But, the best one to talk to about it is the one you are dating. He is the only one that can answer questions about his motives or behavior.

_SillyShoes_ · Answer

Sounds like, even if it's true he's really into you and still interested, you're not into the kind of guy who will never make a move towards you, but just 'goes with the flow'.

I get this and wouldn't like it either.

Best find someone who's obviously into you.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Four dates he's definitely interested, so option one you make a move, option two, wait more... However, you have to ask yourself how interesting is this guy going to be physically if he waited four dates and nothing happened? It is up to you. Answer my last if you have a sec.

Did she or he get the text message?

Walamagicc · Answer

Stop inviting him on dates and let him invite you? It doesn’t sound like he isn’t interested in you, I’m sure many people will just assume that but it does sound like to me that he’s being rather lazy and letting you take initiative and arrange all the dates

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Up to you. Where do you see it going? Do you see a long term? Do you want to have to be the one organising all the time. For me, if he was that interested, and you've voiced a concern, he would have snapped into gear unless there was a very good reason

Sanser · Answer

There are some people with lack of social skills and very shy about that... I would suggest you to keep trying, I know that a non proactive guy can be a turn off for lots of women but men like him exist all over the world.. Keep trying, its good that you told him about this :)

Shamalien · Answer

He’s probs just shy and nervous to make it. A lot of girls make moves these days and some guys get used to that and never learn to make a move. As a teen girls dropped into my lap so I didn’t have to learn until older and it was a harsh transition

Anonymous · Answer

think of how the relationship will go if you guys make it official. probably the same. you're pulling way too much weight without any help or reciprocation. he seems emotionally distant. maybe it's the way he is as a person, which is fine. but that doesn't seem like it meshes well with you and your needs/wants/personality.

jshm2 · Answer

Are you even worth dating though?

Maybe he's just being nice and letting you go easily and slowly, to spare your feelings.

After all, if he ghosted you, then you'd be on here bitching about it instead.

Moose304 · Answer

Why don't you simply sit him down and ask him what is going on? The list of things that could be going on here is too long to list. The lack of communication is one of the primary relationship killers that I know of!

KingslayerC · Answer

What kind of move are you looking for? And if the guy is more introverted, this is normal. If he's social, you might have to worry that he's not that into you.

slatyb · Answer

Have you asked him? Has he dated before? It's possible he's just clueless, unable to read what are probably obvious signals from you.

BCRanger10 · Answer

If it's been four dates and you've already talked to him about it, it sounds like you should move on.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Sounds like an introvert who’s learning as he goes. On the plus side, if he’s taking his time (and you aren’t the only one he’s seeing) then he’s probably looking for something long term or serious.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It's easier to answer your question like this: if you want your man to take initiative, the guy you are seeing will never be that man for you. Does that mean you are wasting your time with him?

magiusX26 · Answer

so you are upset he is not trying to quickly get in your pants? or is it that you think he should date according to how you do/want instead of being himself?

Izzy_3991 · Answer

Move on.  If he isn't proactive now, he won’t be proactive if you date him exclusively. He's lazy.

lorenzomichael · Answer

If you like him that way then you make the move. Some guys are just shy that way, there's nothing wrong with that it's just the way they are. Its not there fault they just haven't been with to many women.

rocksongwriter · Answer

Keep trying to see him. He's probably shy. See if he changes and gets more comfortable as you see him more.

ChiTown33 · Answer

I think you are wasting his time. You want him to be somebody he's NOT. You should cut him loose for a woman that appreciates him for who he is. 👍

BigRed1987 · Answer

Shoot it can be scary for some guys making the move first. With it being so easy for a woman to claim rape or sexual assault or whatever. Anyway, make the first move

shanshu · Answer

Why does the guy have to make the move?

In today's day and age guys have to be really careful due to #metoo and making sure not to make the wrong move that will offend her and) or make her feel uncomfortable

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

What do you mean by "making a move"?  Usually that means asking the person out, but you are already dating.

chrissykerdock · Answer

ask him if he'd like a blowjob and if he says no then forget him

Reem12345reem · Answer

are u sure u want to be with a man like this? but I guess he's gay that hasn't come out from the closet yet

mommymommymommy · Answer

I kissed a girl, I've never been on a date with. I don't think she wants to date, doesn't have time to. I think she's a girl that wants something serious

Lookingforthetruth · Answer

guy doesn't want to get metooed. You girls did this to yourself. Time to put on your big girl shoes and be proactive in your dating life rather than passive.

Minahh · Answer

I don't know seems sus... he might be shy but I think he's just playing so if you don't want to get hurt make it clear that you won't be seeing him until he makes it clear to you.

RingOfFire · Answer

If a serious relationship is your goal I would look elsewhere.

dudeinohio · Answer

4 dates in 3 months. I'd have had 10 dates by then. See him more often. Maybe then he'll try.

Anonymous · Answer

Why are you and ecery other female entitled to being asked out 99 times before you will ask a guy out once? Don't say it's because tou put work into doing your makeup, no guy cares about that shit

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I finally found a question that I am legitimately stumped by.

imfreeze95 · Answer

Make the first move yourself some guys are passive and shy but are still nice

SilverRain92 · Answer

So what kind of actions are you waiting from guys on date? I am just generally curious

Pohjolan · Answer

Hey at least you know that he isn't just after sex.

dragoblack · Answer

Mention something to him. He probably doesn't know when the right timing to ask is.

driven159 · Answer

there more things to worry about then who makes the first move

Anonymous · Answer

If you're a fan of hot sex, it would seem this guy is a terrible choice. Move on.

Mallic00 · Answer

Did it ever cross your mind he might be scared of you?

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know much about dates.  what do guys did in last 4 dates... or last dates? dinner only or different

Drewtate · Answer

Show him your tits.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Make a move on him!

blueonblack22 · Answer

Would it kill you to make a first move?

DermalPunch · Answer

Yes, you are wasting your time.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Tell him you want to take things to the next level

BlackJeep · Answer

I think you might be friendzoned

shades777 · Answer

better that you like him more

LivingExample · Answer

Keep seeing him and Appreciate the Respect!

RavVid · Answer

I'd say not.

Malwi93 · Answer

Kewlguy19 · Answer

You make the move

I've been on 4 dates with a guy who has still not made any move. He is not proactive but said he was interested in continuing to see me. What to do?

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