How would you respond if your ex starts contacting you again while you’re happily in a new relationship?

[Anonymous]

My ex kept trying to contact me, even through my friends and family. At first I ignored it but eventually I texted him to stop out of respect for my new relationship (my boyfriend knows about it because I showed him the texts). My boyfriend appreciated that. On the other hand, my bf’s ex is also trying to call him non stop and my boyfriend is not doing anything about it. Not sure how we should go about this. What would you do if it were you?

[D_Bone_Steak]

I got rid of my old chick just by telling her my new chick is sexy and lets me fuck other women as well. She just stopped trying and would not respond to any messages herself... it turned her from hounding me for the "D" to ghosting me and not wanting anything to do with me.

See... you have to crush whatever dreams that ex is holding onto and once you do that... they'll want nothing to do with you. Sure it can be a little be self-deprecating, telling some white lies to get them off your back and to destroy their hopes and dreams that they're hanging onto... but in the long run, you just saved yourself from some stalker that follows you around on social media or that sends texts with hidden agendas in them to get next to you somehow again.

You and your ex boyfriend for instance... Your ex isn't going to want to hear about how much you love giving your current boyfriend head. But if that's all he gets every time he starts trying to butter you up... How many more times you think he'll try? I'd give it 2... maybe 3 times if he's really desperate.

My method works and it works even better than ghosting. It makes the other person want to ghost you instead. It's a win-win.

Here is the thing though and a word of caution about your current boyfriend as well as yourself... your ex's haven't hit the red light themselves and my tactic could've already been employed. Why not? See... a lot of the time people actually enjoy the attention they're getting from that ex, even though they don't admit it, any outsider can see what's going on more clearly. So they'll say just enough to not meet up, but not enough to make it stop. That's the proverbial "foot in the door" for the ex. It's the fuel that has your ex's still trying... what gives them hope of something happening to change things.

Crush their dreams, and you crush their will to chase you. It's as simple as that. But you and your man will have to break down and say things the ex's just don't want to hear...2... maybe 3 times if they're desperate.

Furthermore, if you're still reading... your ex didn't stop just by ignoring him. <--He was hanging onto hope, and thus kept trying. Hopefully, you being direct and telling him to stop worked, but that's what it really takes to kill their hope.. direct action. If your ex still doesn't stop... He's obsessed and we all know how dangerous that can get.

"I am so happy with my man, you made me unhappy and I hope I never meet another person like you ever again," is the kind of shit that will make him not want to message you. Just saying.

Hope I helped. ... if there is one thing D_Bone knows, it's how to get people to not want anything to do with me. 😂

[Asker]

Well I did use your approach but in a less nsfw way lol I told my ex how happy I am with my new boyfriend in all aspects and my ex seemed to get the picture.

The thing you said about enjoying attention, I’ve been thinking that my boyfriend might like the attention he’s getting tho… I don’t understand why he won’t be stern with her, why he’s still “protecting” her feelings. He has mentioned in passing that since they used to work together, he knows that he can use her to get a good deal on a project… so that answers pretty much everything

[D_Bone_Steak]

I think you see it very clearly and have a total grasp on the same shit I was thinking, but didn't say.

*Sigh* If your man really wants to keep her around just so he can use her to get good deals... the least he could do is ignore her when there is no deals to be had. I don't approve of his logic though... and I seriously think that the "enjoying the attention" aspect I spoke of applies to your dude.

I disapprove because that gives her that 'foot in the door' at all times. God forbid they do sales as a profession because that behavior will bleed over from the professional life into the personal life. I could write a book on that subject, but I'll keep my mouth shut about it. She is going to end up being an issue unless he just ends it... Maybe not yet, but it will be unless it stops (If she's not already an issue).

Oh, sorry about the NSFW example right at the start... I'm a bit of an edge lord when it comes to doing anything. lolz I did try to calm my tits with that stuff though as I kept writing.

[Asker]

He does ignore her but I think he’s keeping her in his back pocket just in case he needs her for a project (they’re not in sales don’t worry lol). It wasn’t an issue before, just more so annoying but it’s slowly getting on my nerves bcs it’s been 2 years… I have given my boyfriend the ultimatum though even tho I really didn’t want it to come down to this but he needs to let go of the past and fully close the door behind him if he wants to keep on moving forward with me.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I agree. The past needs to be done with. Dragging her along for 2 years beyond being with her, probably isn't worth having in the back pocket for projects. I don't think it's fair to you or her TBH. It sounds very manipulative.

[Asker]

He was ignoring her all of those 2 years, even told her to stop contacting him a couple of times but she persisted and my boyfriend just gave up lol Up until recently he said to me that maybe he could use her to get a good deal for a project he’s working on. Of course that pissed me off, the fact that he will go that low just for a good deal. It’s also unfair for his ex, especially since I have respect for what she does. She’s really good at her job… shitty move on my bf’s end tbh. Got me questioning who he is as a person.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I agree. Even if his intentions have nothing to do with gaining attention from her or a possible one last bang... Just to use her like that? Then he has you being dragged through that process while he does that?

I mean maybe if he has some grudge against her it would make sense... but he's a dude so I suspect the first motives I just mentioned first... attention, and possible sexual interaction. He should let her be. For her sake and for yours... shit, even for his own sake. It's more likely going to equal drama of some sort than a good deal.

Like I said, it sounds very manipulative. Not just that... he's dragging her and you through it as well when he could just cut off the interaction and let it be. I mean think about it... He's going through a process that's going to get her used and hurt in the long run, and I'd imagine you're not too happy about watching your man do this with some chick when you'd probably just wish he'd leave her alone completely as well. He's going to end up hurting 2 chicks in the process of getting a good deal? just a good deal? It's hard for me to buy that part. I feel like he's tempting himself... back to the first two reasons I stated here is what I'm thinking.

[OlderAndWiser]

You need to have a discussion with the current Mr. Wonderful. You should tell him that you are bothered by his ex just as you assume he was bothered by the actions of your ex, and then ask if he is willing to do anything to address that. Be prepared to hear a response that you don't want to hear.

This is why you should go no contact with an ex after a break up (unless you have a child together.)

[Asker]

We’ve talked about it and my boyfriend agreed that he needs to tell her to quit bothering him

[OlderAndWiser]

Okay. Has he actually had that talk with her? Is she still contacting him?

[Asker]

Not yet, he’s waiting until she contacts him again so he can tell her off. He said he’s not comfortable being the one to reach out to her first unprovoked bcs he’s scared it might give her the wrong impression. She’s most likely going to reach out again, it’s been basically a monthly occurrence kinda thing lol

[Anonymous]

Kinda lame that your boyfriend doesn’t at least answer the phone when your ex calls and tell him to stop, I’d take note of that if I were you. If he doesn’t have your back in the small things it makes you wonder about the big ones. But anyway, all I can suggest is block and keep ignoring your ex. I know it’s tedious but he’s going to get the point and stop trying to reach out.

[Asker]

My ex has since stopped reaching out to me after I told him to stop so that’s a relief. My boyfriend wanted to step in but I said I’ll handle it myself (but I showed him everything). Now tho, it’s my bf’s ex that keeps on calling my man lol My boyfriend isn’t doing anything about it either

[Opinion Owner]

Oh my gosh! I’m sorry I misread, I thought your ex was still contacting you and your boyfriend was just ignoring it lol well I’m glad your ex stopped after you told him to, it’s so annoying otherwise I had a man still pursue for almost 8 years after we’d very briefly dated, he wasn’t dangerous but people aren’t right in the head. As for your mans ex, is there a reason he hasn’t said anything to her? Like does he have a good reason?

[wolfcat87]

I think it's fair to communicate to him that you would appreciate him texting her the same thing you did to yours or answering the call in front of you to tell her please do not call anymore because he's taken. It seems sus for him to just ignore it and for it to be happening often...

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with wolfcat 100%!

[Asker]

@wolfcat87 I have asked him and he said he will text her to stop if she reaches out again. My boyfriend already told her that he’s happily in a relationship with me a long time ago but it seems like she doesn’t get the memo…

[Asker]

Omg that’s scary tho, and for 8 years? I’m glad you’re okay, some people just doesn’t seem to know when to let go…

My boyfriend said he did say something to her a while back but she doesn’t seem to respect that and keeps on calling him

[Opinion Owner]

Crazy right? Lol but thanks, I’m glad he went ahead and moved on. So with your boyfriend, just to understand the timeline it sounds like his ex reached out, he shut it down and told you that he’d remind her he’s in a relationship if she calls again, right? Or is she still calling now? If it’s the second one then I really wonder if he’s being honest about this whole thing. For one, he didn’t insist on stepping in when your ex was trying to contact you from every which way when should’ve, I know my boyfriend would’ve intervened the moment he heard an ex was doing all that, even if I said I was going to do it. Then your boyfriend has this ex who’s hitting him up and he’s not doing anything about it unless you ask and to me it’s red flaggy. Men always paint their ex as these obsessed losers when in reality they aren’t completely ignoring the women and potentially giving false hope. It is rare to have a woman who was directly rejected and still kept trying even while they’re (allegedly) being ignored. So while I don’t want to point fingers or place blame, it’s a bit sus.

[Asker]

So with his ex she’s been calling him for almost 2 years now, my boyfriend did call her out on it and tell her to stop last year (he showed me the messages between them). But his ex is STILL calling him even after all that so my boyfriend seem to decide to just ignore it. He didn’t tell me tho that she was still contacting him. I saw her calling him and he was so casual about it like “oh yeah she still does that sometimes so I just ignored it.” It does come across as very sus ngl, I just didn’t want to really overthinking it but I’m anxious now

[Account]

What would I do? Nothing. I would never reply or even open their message. It is not my problem.
The best way is indifference.

[Asker]

Ignorance is bliss sometimes especially in cases like this!

[Avicenna]

Well, the ones I have kids with need to contact me, and I'm friends with another ex. A couple of exes are now deceased. But there's only a couple of others I'd be OK with contacting me anyway.

[slatyb]

I would tell them that I'm not interested and to stop contacting me. If they persisted, I would just block them and NEVER REPLY. That's very important -- do not reply to people who continue contacting you after you have told them to stop. They will continue contacting you as long as you reply in any way. If you stop responding, eventually they will stop.

[Asker]

I agree, they will keep on trying to cross your boundary so you just gotta stand strong

[slatyb]

By "do not reply" I mean do not reply in any way. Do not say "Please stop contacting me". Do not say anything at all. As long as they can get any reaction from you, they will persist.

[Crankor]

If I was in a happy new relationship then I wouldn't be talking to them and would tell them I can't be talking to them. Why would I want old memories coming back? That's not being very fair to the new relationship. Not sure why exes don't understand this.

[Asker]

I don’t understand either. Both of our exes are well aware of our relationship but they don’t seem to respect that

[KyleC19]

If I was in a happy relationship with someone I would tell them I’m in a happy relationship and I’m not talking to you anymore and then block there number. I would also tell my girlfriend about what happened so she doesn’t think anything is going on.

[Asker]

Yeah my boyfriend didn’t tell me about his ex still contacting him even though he doesn’t even bother reading the messages or answering the calls, it’s making me feel super uncomfortable… even tho his reasoning was that he didn’t want me to overthink about his ex so he didn’t tell me bcs he wasn’t responding anyway

[smne35]

I would react normally ask her what's up hear her out and go from there, and if I'm involved at the time I would think it relationship is solid enough and we both are married enough that it won't impact us in anyway,

[Asker]

That’s what my boyfriend ended up doing, but I’m not sure I’m okay with it though… bcs he didn’t tell me about it until I found out that they talked

[smne35]

Keeping secrets is never good, he should have told you right away I mean if it's over no kids involved why are they in communication, could be nothing but if that was so why not mention it to you, try not to let it bother you to much the truth will surface it there's any thing other than what he says

[Asker]

Yeah he said he didn’t want me to start overthinking because there really was nothing going on… he seems really remorseful about not telling me about it, he was also really transparent and answered every question I had so I’m going to choose to trust him on this

[Anonymous]

If it’s them that broke up with me I would ask them how they’re doing nothing more but if they want to try and get back with me I would just block them especially if I’m in a relationship. I’ve had exs add me on social media before just so they could watch what I was doing. Weirdest encounter I had was when an ex of mine literally showed up to my church introduced her husband and baby to me and shook my hand. They sat right behind me I dipped as soon as service was over. She texted me asked me where I went that she wanted us to go and all eat at a restaurant…was really awkward for me

[Nice222]

My ex from many years ago contacted me through social media. I haven’t heard from her at all for years. She messaged me telling me how horrible her life has become and how she would love to rekindle our relationship and how we could be so happy together. I responded by telling her how great my life has become and ho happy I am with my wife and there is no chance that I would change anything in my life. I never heard from her again….

[Asker]

That’s the way to go!

[ChicoFromThe305]

Tell your partner why he can't block his ex like you did, that's foul no lie

[Asker]

I mean I don’t think he needs to block her but I expected him to at least tell her off lol

[ChicoFromThe305]

Fair enough lol

[HawkPerception]

That photo is the PERFECT photo for this topic 🤣🤣🤣 I have that issue honestly. My first ex from 10 years ago is STILL trying to contact me. It's fucking crazy.

[Asker]

Damn… like please move on people

[Ms_Facesitter]

I ask him why he's contacting me and that I can't talk to him because I am in a relationship. I respond because there isn't really bad blood between us.

[Asker]

Yeah same here, I still respect my ex as a person so I didn’t want to just ghost him but I made it clear to him that we shouldn’t be talking out of respect for the new relationship

[MissStrawberry912]

In your circumstance for you and boyfriend exes: ignore. Tell them to stop & taken. And if they’re pressing more, block.

[Asker]

I tried ignoring and it didn’t work so I had to say something and it finally worked! My bf’s ex is still bothering him tho…

[MissStrawberry912]

I think it’s okay to discuss with your boyfriend about your concerns. But I’m glad your ex stopped bothering you.

[Asker]

Yeah we ended up talking about it. My boyfriend is the avoidant type so he much preferred to just sweep everything under the rug but his ex is getting out of line. Calling him and posting pics of him (he didn’t even know that she was taking pictures of him) so I think he needs to put his foot down for sure

[Altheavas]

Just tell them you are in a relationship and has move one. Every time they do, repeat the same thing, hopefully it will sticks!

[Asker]

I did and it worked! It didn’t work on my bf’s ex tho lol she still keeps on calling him

[Joshydavid25]

I'd just tell her that I'm in a new relationship, and that if she persist, I will block her..

[Asker]

To the point and straightforward!

[Anonymous]

I think you have to make it abundantly clear that you no longer want any contact with him, and block what I assume is a new number he is using to call me, because I would have already had the old blocked.

[OddBeMe]

Don’t. Living well is the best revenge. And happy IG pics set to public.

[Asker]

Maybe I’ll ask my boyfriend to start posting how happy we are on IG lol

[Flatmanlewis]

When this happened I changed my phone number. It sent the message I needed her to receive.

[Orangekiss]

Change your phone numbers and don't give it to them.

[Alwayreckles93]

Plain and simple talk to your boyfriend about you tell him it's either me or her choose.

[RageBabe]

I'd simply say, please don't contact me again.

[dudeinohio]

I'd Block them after saying I'm in a relationship and not interested