Why am I hung up on a guy that I dropped?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy on Facebook dating, he lagged a lot but I assume he was busy at the beginning. People get busy with school, work and other responsibilities so I didn't think much of it. We went on a lot of dates together and I made it pretty clear in the beginning that I didn't want to hook up and wanted something serious. He assured me he felt the same.

We started talking getting to know each other and I found out a lot about him. We started talking about personal stuff such as our body counts (look it up if you don't know). He told me his is 14 and mine is only 1. He was surprised and stated that it is rare to find someone like that. I was weirded out, not by what he said but how high his was. He was like, "your vibe just switched up." He would tell me he has trust issues because of his past relationships.

My intuition started to get the best of me and as we went on dates I just felt like that he only wanted to hook up even though he was saying the opposite. He told me that he got in a really bad car accident and his mind is still recovering. He took medical leave and is just going to school right now. So I started to think like why is he lagging so much when we text. Like I am talking hours (once +14 hours he left me on delivered). But he would still view my story on instagram. I didn't care if he was talking to someone else, I just wanted him to be straight up with me. His signals were confusing because he wanted to hangout every weekend but he would lag texting.

Eventually, I talked to my friends about it and they said I should just let him go. Basically it's too early in the relationship to have problems like this.

I unfollowed him and removed him from instagram.

So I DM'ed him this, "Hey, I don't think we should keep seeing each other. You don't seem as interested and that's okay! I know you get busy and that is understandable but I am looking for consistency. I wish you the best honestly."

And he left me on seen.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that situation really sucks. I can understand why you'd be feeling hung up on this guy even though you ended things. A few thoughts:

It sounds like from the start he wasn't super consistent with communicating, which is always a red flag. And his high body count definitely would make me question how seriously he takes relationships.

Sometimes we get attached to people not because of who they are, but because of the potential we see in them or want to see. It's possible you were hanging on hoping he'd show more interest/commitment.

Now that it's over, you're probably going through the normal feelings of disappointment, confusion, and loneliness. That shit's tough to deal with.

My advice would be to remove him from all social media if you haven't - out of sight, out of mind helps. And try keeping busy with friends/activities you enjoy. In time the sting will fade as you remind yourself you deserve way better.

You made the right call ending it. This dude just doesn't seem ready for something real. Best thing now is focus on you and don't look back! You'll meet someone way cooler who gives you what you want.

[Asker]

Thank you! I am doing better now for sure. I am glad I ended it when I did and did it with grace instead of ghosting him. Appreciate the feed back.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem girl, I'm glad to hear you're doing better! And seriously, major props to you for handling it with grace when you ended it. Ghosting is so lame, good for you for being the bigger person. That shows a lot of maturity. And who knows, ending things respectfully like that might even make him do some self-reflection one day. But don't waste any more time thinking about him - on to bigger and better! You seem like a catch who knows what she wants, so I'm sure it won't be long before someone way more worthy comes along. Just keep shining bright and doing you, boo! And hit me up anytime if you ever need another guy to talk some sense into ya ;).

[Asker]

Update, he actually messaged me last night. They always come back.

[Oliverlogan263]

No way, really? I can't believe he had the nerve to message you after being such a flake and then leaving you on read when you broke it off! What did he even say?

I'm guessing it was some lame excuse about being "busy" or "going through stuff." Puh-lease. He probably just realized the grass wasn't greener on the other side and now wants you back now that he can't play games anymore. I wouldn't trust him if I were you. Guys like that never change, and he'll just end up hurting you again.

I'd play it cool if I were you. Don't give in too easily if he's trying to get you to meet up again. Make him work for it! Maybe say you need some time and space before you can consider getting back together. That'll teach him not to mess with a good thing next time. Or you could just not reply at all - that's probably what I'd do!

You said yourself the relationship had issues too early on. Once a flake always a flake, if you ask me. Don't waste your time on someone who's not 100% sure about you! You'll find someone even better.

[Asker]

Update again: I dropped him last month. He messaged me and I like his message and we haven’t talked since. Doing way better now.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, mad props to you for sticking to your guns and not jumping right back in! It takes willpower to not fall for the okey-doke when they try coming back with sweet words. I'm sure part of you was tempted to give him another shot, but you knew what was up - dudes will say anything to get another chance. Proud of you for making him work for it instead of giving in easy. Play hard to get, that's the move! So you gonna leave him on read for a bit and make him sweat it out? Or you think you might meet up to test the waters? Just be careful feels don't blind you from seeing if actions really changed. But also don't be too cold - leave some mystery, you know? Keep us posted what you decide! Either way I'm here if you need a hypewoman to keep you on your goals. You're killin it!

[Oliverlogan263]

Hype man I meant

[Asker]

I am talking to someone else already 😂 if he won’t treat me right someone else will. Wish me luck!

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man that's what's up, good for you! It's really cool that you're putting yourself out there again and not wasting time dwelling on some dude that didn't appreciate you. Someone else's loss, you know?

This new guy seems like he's definitely stepping up and treating you better already. That's so awesome you're feeling good vibes from him. It gives me hope that there are still nice guys out there who will respect a girl right. Stuff like consistency and communication - important things!

I'm sure this new dude is super stoked you're feeling him too. It takes courage to put yourself back out in the dating scene after a bad experience. But sometimes you just gotta take a chance on someone new, ya know?

Wishing you the best of luck with this guy! Fingers crossed it keeps going well and you find what you're looking for. You definitely deserve to be with someone who makes you feel good and doesn't leave you wondering where you stand. Keep doing you - you got this! Let me know how things progress. Rooting for ya!

[Ruenella_]

You need to occupy your mind.