Do you take the attention you get from attractive people on the apps seriously?

Question

29F and I feel like if I was truly attractive, I would get approached by guys in person but I never do. I get told that guys look at me but they never actually do anything about it, I’m told I’m attractive and I’m learning to like myself more but I can’t help but feel like if I really was hot shit I would always be in a relationship or actively approached by guys. But I’m not, only on the apps 🥴

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

Apps are trash.

For women, attention from the most attractive men, they are pig farmers or they are lining you up to be part of their potential bang list for the week. They're not taking anyone on there seriously, unless it's to scam them or run through them.

For men, attention from the most attractive women means they are again pig farming or some other scam. So many OF funnels, insta follower funnels, and sex workers. I quickly recognized the formula of the many fake profiles. But swipe left on them and there's a fresh batch the next day.

For the less than 1% that might actually be real, for both men and women, it's not worth the time.

https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/tinder-catfishing/8359370

https://www.ibtimes.com/tinder-bots-fake-profiles-spam-hookup-app-castle-clash-advertisements-1566354

https://medium.com/social-media-stories/the-ftc-and-fake-tinder-profiles-7c505503343a

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

A great many men have completely stopped approaching women in person. Too many have been called creeps or blasted on social media, and social media is full of women telling men not to approach them.

That's not your fault personality, but the fact is that you need to understand that most men aren't going to approach you, at least not until you have made your interest in them very clear. They simply aren't going to cold approach you, unless they are drunk or popular enough that they aren't afraid of being canceled.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I totally feel you. I’ve been told that I’m the most good looking sibling and the most attractive looking one in the friend group (even my friends said so) but I hardly get approached by a guy, other than them checking me out from afar lol. But I don’t really pay attention to the attention I get online, a lot of them are creeps, catfishes or f boys.

Also, I asked a close guy friend of mine and he said I radiate “don’t talk to me” energy, my eyesight is also shit so I don’t notice people smiling at me a lot of times. So I guess a tip would be to make yourself seem approachable, present yourself in a way that seems welcoming, if you notice a guy glancing at you then give him a little smile. Maybe they just think that you’re not interested or unavailable so no one even bothered to approach you irl.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

In real life I get hit on any time I’m well dressed or in a good mood or doing something productive like holding a work knapsack home on the bus at night etc… Online, it happens less than once a year. I’m not a fashion model but confident and happy and kind and I have average looks.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I can sorta understand where you are coming from but , do you approach guys? If even just to remove some barriers. There is a lot to be said for visual cue’s , eye contact etc to at least let him understand you see him? I do understand the comments from guys about not approaching and why and I don’t disagree. As for the apps , can’t guide you there , they are awful and I’d rather be single forever than resort to them. Escorts , the stranger than strange and the desperate , the liars , the cheaters , users and lurkers are too many in number on there, hiding behind their words. There is no effort in that it’s faceless and anonymous and no way to start anything meaningful.

normalice · Answer

Men are generally confounded by the idea of approaching women in real life. Humanity needs to add a layer of mysticism to everyone so that we all want to be a part of that magical thing, whatever it is. Otherwise we would all go die alone in a cave and that would be the end of ice cream and asteroid defense systems and everything else humanity does. But this layer of mysticism is thicker between genders. The rules seem so nebulous in part because the thing we all know men want is the one thing we can't just ask for and you can't just offer yourself for it. Indeed, all the rules seem to be about avoiding the topic in a way that convinces you we are thinking about other things.

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Answer

I only count it in person since the skills don't transfer much as I see it.

For example, I practice writing online. In person, I'm practicing speaking. Being a skilled real-time speaker and a skilled writer (who gets to pause and think for however long they want) are radically different skills.

Being very photogenic for some selfies we took with the best lighting and angle is not the same as looking good in person.

Things of this sort. They don't transfer well.

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

I have never been on a dating app and I never will. Lol

Do you see other men and women getting approached and showered with attention daily? No. Heck I have never even seen another girl getting cat called cos it isn't that common.

If you want people to approach you in person constantly you're gonna have to go to places were people are there to actively date you.

Anonymous · Answer

I honestly feel the same way, haven't had a single boyfriend in my life. I am really pretty and get told by a lot of kids at my school but guys never approach me, they just take glances at me and it makes me upset. I dress nice, smile, and try to act approachable but no can do, it just doesn't happen. 🙄

dustybiker2 · Answer

I think we often are different in person than we believe to be. Try asking friends how you are when meeting new people. Brutal honesty from friends can be invaluable.

Littletail01 · Answer

Yeah I feel you. I got lots of attention on dating apps but it’s rare that guys approach me. Sometimes just checking me out or just friendly say hi. Some approach to ask if my eyes are natural color because I have mix Asian look with green eyes. Never really get approach directly. I thought I was not attractive enough for them to approach so..

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I've never used anything like that, but I probably wouldn't take it seriously, just a feeling.

thatshydork · Answer

Yes and no. Yes if they actually want to date me and don’t just want sex. No if they just want to hookup or want friends with benefits.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I think you're misinterpreting the situation. Those guys actually ARE attracted to you! It's just that mean these days (including myself) prefer not to hit on women in real life. Because we don't want to bother anyone.

Nikki1989 · Answer

No, never. At best people online are just online acquaintances and even that is a stretch.

tierrlamé · Answer

Men have really low standards and most men will just swipe right on as many as they can just to hope to get some matches. So it won't tell you if you are attractive or not.

red324 · Answer

The hot girls are usually scammers. It's like you said, nobody gives me the time of day in real life, so my guard is definitely up when a hottie is messenging me online.

JHAYES317 · Answer

There should be a neither option…I rarely get approached by women IRL and women aren’t sliding into my DMs hardly ever. So at least you get attention online?

Huntingnfishin · Answer

Even an ugly person can take a good picture. Plus the catfish on these apps. Make me think everyone on them is fake

NewgodOmega · Answer

I dont want any attention  Its usually followed by mean intentions and bad behavior

Anonymous · Answer

I presume everyone on a app is somewhere between very average at best or stone cold ugly. It only matters what people look like when they're in front of you.

SolitarySolace · Answer

I always ignore or brush off attractive women. Attractive women have entitlement issues

pickles77 · Answer

Guys are more bold on apps for sure. Try not to take it personally. Dm me if you want

Slim57 · Answer

Of course, any attractive woman talking to me on there is fake trying to get my money

laly520 · Answer

only count in person

Alex-Snow · Answer

IRL is best

LavLavLuv · Answer

Nope

Do you take the attention you get from attractive people on the apps seriously?

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