I just saw my boyfriend cry and lost all feelings. Is this normal?

[janina]

We had an argument and at the end he cried desperately which was a huge turn off for me. I think I kinda felt weakness in that. Is this feeling normal?

[Finchie40]

It is for most females , mainly because most females are very emotional people themselves , and most females are attracted to a guy mainly for his masculine energy that she doesn’t have within herself , Most females are attracted to a guy that she feels safe and protected by that she feels has her back that will protect her at all costs. By you seeing your boyfriend cry , showed you a sign of weakness , so that’s what turned you off. So what was the reason for him crying? What occurred for him to cry? Understand that men have emotions as well , most men just know how to handle it better than others , we don’t express it like females tend to. That’s pretty much one of the things that makes Males and females different. So if your boyfriend was crying over something that wasn’t that big of a deal , than I can see why that turned you off , but if your boyfriend was crying because he lost a loved one , someone that impacted his life , than honestly you should be considerate and think how you would feel if you lost someone that was important to you in your life. But if he is crying over something that wasn’t that big of a deal that made him look weak to you than sadly you aren’t going to look at him the same and just consider him weak to your eyes. So again it comes down to why he cried in the first place. For me to give you a better answer to your question

[Finchie40]

My bad , he cried over an argument with you , so what was said in the argument between you both

[blueonblack22]

Alright maybe you felt that way in the moment. I’ve had plenty of unfair and judgmental thoughts towards women in the heat of the moment. But do you still feel this way days and weeks later?

You are engaging in when what POS Oprah calls “your truth”. But there is no such thing as your truth or my truth. There is only the truth.

So “your truth” is you lost respect because your boyfriend cried in front of you during an argument. You saw that as effeminate and weak. Right or wrong that is your judgment.

His “truth” is he was really upset and either falsely believed it was okay to cry or more likely couldn’t control it anymore. But do you think he has any idea of what a huge turn off that is for you? Maybe he does but could he really control it?

Men have the exact same feelings women have but we are held to a much higher standard on how we control them. Some men are better at controlling that then others.

You are welcome to do whatever you want. You want to dump him because he cried? Fine. But if you regrets about it later then that this is completely 110% on you. You are welcome to do whatever choice you want no matter how stupid or unfair it is. But you are also 100% accountable for the decisions you make. You want to date some abusive asshole who never cries but instead makes you cry instead? Be my guest. However I have absolutely no sympathy for you if the stuck in abusive relationship because of your “feelings”. None whatsoever.

Its time society holds women accountable to their decisions. You want freedom? Fine. But you take all that comes along with it. Because I am so sick of grown women who act like teenagers i. e. they want freedom of choice but at the same time don’t want accountability for their own bad decisions.

And people wonder why men have 4x suicides rates.

[Seinna]

It's normal if you're only developing feelings but don't love him yet... women don't like weakness. If you do love him then seeing him cry (if it's not for petty reason) you want to protect him, it hurts you to see him hurting.

Regardless if it's normal or not, if you lost all feelings for him... well, if you can't get them back then I guess that's a goodbye? Poor guy... but if he was crying desperately after your fight then it must have been a bad one so together with your lost feelings it might be difficult to reconcile.

[Account]

I won't judge you for it even though if that happened to me, it would make me like him even more.
However what you described, makes me think that there is something broken within you which can only be fixed with the help of a therapist.

[nurse]

Seeing someone you care about show a deep level of vulnerability, like crying, can sometimes catch you off guard and stir up a lot of unexpected feelings. It's pretty normal to be taken aback or even to question your feelings for them when you see them in a light that's different from what you're used to or what you expected.

Society has a bunch of unwritten rules about how men and women "should" act, especially when it comes to showing emotions. If you've always thought of your boyfriend as the strong, never-let-them-see-you-sweat type, seeing him cry can feel like you're seeing a whole new side of him. And that can be confusing.

It might be that your reaction has more to do with your own beliefs and expectations than with your boyfriend himself. We're all influenced by the world around us and the ideas we grow up with about what is "normal" for guys and girls to do. But it's also possible that your feelings are pointing to something else—maybe something in the relationship that isn't sitting right with you, or a personal preference for how you and your partner handle emotions.

Feelings are complicated, and they don't always make sense right away. You could even talk it through with someone you trust or a counselor, who can help you unpack everything you're feeling.

Your boyfriend showing his emotions is actually a sign of trust and can bring you closer together if you let it...

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

When I saw my ex cry, I fell for him harder.

[JacobJordan]

Sign of a good woman. Well done having a healthy approach to emotions. You should be proud

[Jessica405]

You got it all wrong! Guys can shed tears as well as girls. It is a brave guy that can show emotions like that. Much better a guy like that than one who is cold and callous. You takes your choice! I know who I chose!

[coachTanthony]

Yes it's normal. This is why men should never cry. I keep saying this over and over it's biology.

[Xia1994]

Dzang coach 😂😭💀💔

[Xia1994]

Because men are only human after all so aren’t you guys bottle up your emotions if you don’t cry? So he mustn’t cry?

[Light_beam]

And you are 34? How? How on earth you are that age and yet sooooo immature and stupid? So in your opinion men can't cry? Sure, men are not human, more like monsters or robots.. i actually don't understand why god gave them tears glands? Really for what? for a shallow, immature and stupid girl like you to despise men for crying? Well, i really and deeply wish you be with a man who doesn't cry.. To enjoy him being cruel and harsh to you.. to treat you as the sh**t you are, This is the kind of man you deserve stupidie..

[abc3643]

YEP.

This is a good example of the difference between liberal idealism and conservative reality. (Keep in mind that I am a liberal saying this.)

In an ideal world, men should feel safe to express their feelings, la di fucking da...

Except that's a bunch of horseshit at the evolutionary level.

Why?

Because of what you just wrote. You are not alone and a lot of women react like that. It's an instinctive response.

By the way, ___NOW___ you understand one reason why men, according to women, are "difficult to talk to", "he won't open up to me", "if wish he'd share his feelings with me".

You reap what you sow.

[NamerOfStars]

Depressingly so. Instinct tells you to seek out a protector and provider, and anything that's a sign of weakness is a threat to that. It rather ignores, however, the fact that any man you might partner up with is, in fact, human, and has all the associated frailties and failings that come with it.

Nature, in short, is telling you to seek out a machine.

The question is: what are you going to do about it? Kowtow to unreasoning programming and become a beast, or tell your brain to sit down and shut up because YOU are the one in charge, and become a person?

[Lionman95]

I don´t know if it´s normal. Reading your additional text the word "desperately" popped in to my eye. I think it´s a difference seeing a guy crying and seeing him cry desperateley because the last can make him look like he´s depending on the relationship and all he is connected to the relationship. The reason why you can´t take him seriously as a boyfriend might be that you want a strong guy and if it looks like he´s depending on the relationship he loses that. Something in other occasions is described as simping.
That would explain to me why you see it as a weakness.

[JoePro_]

Use your logic center. Not your emotional center. Do you want to be in relationships where the men feel open to be "weak" sometimes, feeling comfortable to be that way with you because they're probably not that way with anyone else? Or do you want to be in relationships where the guy never opens up at all, never shows emotion, you have no idea what he's feeling, etc? I wager you're going to have far more problems with the second scenario, than the first. Accept that men have feelings, be grateful that he was willing to express them in front of you, and move foward.

[RingOfFire]

One thing you younger guys have to learn about women is this.

They will test and test and test you. They will INCESSANTLY encourage, cajole, implore you to show your feelings, express yourself, break down and show your weak side.

But the SECOND you do anything like that, IT'S ALL OVER.

They don't mean it. It's not about getting you to expose your weak spot. It's about seeing how well you can conceal it! Just the opposite of what they are making believe they are doing.

NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY or HOW THEY MIGHT DENY IT, they DO NOT WANT A WIMP.

They want a strong, DOMINENT man to take control and lead (there may be some whacko feminist exceptions, but no sane man is interested in them anyway).

She wants a man who can PROTECT her.

Unless you want to risk losing her, NEVER imagine otherwise and always be strong for her.

[taimoorpk]

Yeah, it's so fucking true. And this uncertainty of women, that saying something but wanting something else can literally deteriorate men's lives sometimes.

[Xia1994]

@RingOfFire not all women are like that, the guy I’m dating is someone’s son and he’s human like me we’re all weak we all have feelings so for me if my guy cry’s that’s a sign of strength because it’s not easy to be vulnerable like that and cry I front of another person so I won’t use it again him and it won’t make him seem any less masculine to me! Men are human too and they have every right to express their feelings in a healthy way of course if that means crying then cry it’s okay to cry!

[Xia1994]

In front*

[HawkPerception]

I just made a post about this on social media and had thousands of people agree with me.

Men are not allowed to cry (in front of girls they're dating or potentially going to date) unless it's over the loss of loved ones. Whether they want to believe it or not, extremely feminine women prefer to be with men that that are extremely dominant. That means men that have a clear vision of their purpose/direction, are strong and sturdy and don't waver whenever things get rough in life, can provide and protect, are assertive and commanding.

They'll deny it all they want, but extremely feminine women desire the "toxic masculine" men.

[taimoorpk]

I fully agree with this and I've witnessed this as well. And now I regret all the time of being nice and vulnerable to them because they initially asked me to and behaved as if they respected it. They can respect your feelings but then they lose attraction in you.

[PeachyPie93]

Well clearly you don't love him. When I see someone I love cry it hurts me so much, I hate to see them hurting and want to make them feel better. Do him a favour and dump him so you don't waste his time and love on a bitch like yourself lol.

[Xia1994]

Thanks you!

[TonyMetal___86]

@PeachyPie93 you just said what i was going to write haha
When i see someone crying, even if he/she is a stranger, i can't ignore them, i'll stop and try to help because that's what makes us humans, how about someone i love, i might start crying with them even though it's very hard for me to cry but it's because i want the close people to me to be happy and healthy, i will make them stop crying and make them laugh again 😊

[nawtee_me]

How are guys supposed to feel about this when some girls say that men need to get in touch with their feelings more and other are turned off when a guy shows his feelings….
I am sorry this was just an observation and I know girls can say the same thing about some men thinking one way about something and other men thinking differently about the same thing.

To answer the question then I would say that you be you and you are allowed to feel as you do. The thing is that if you feel that way about men you should look for men who don’t show emotions. That way you cause any undo hurt on anyone.

[IslaTheWitch]

whatever you feel is normal for you. Some people don't like crying men, when others hate working women...

Would you change your opinion and feelings if everyone told you it was abnormal or wrong? No... because it's how you feel.

live your life and don't care much what others think. Life is too short for that

[blueonblack22]

“ because it's how you feel.”

Alright this is why men don’t listen to women. Because the right answer is always changing.

[NathanDavis]

@blueonblack22 this is also why boys never become men... because they want things easy and automatic... instead of measuring up to the challenge and be worth of it

you already had a mother once... life and wives won't momma you around forever

and you don't need to figure out the right answer for every woman out there, just the one you have in front of you... so gear up and stop whining like boys do

[blueonblack22]

@NathanDavis well no shit. I don’t care if this girl leaves her boyfriend no matter how unfair or ridiculous her reasons are.

But you watch. She will end up dating some abusive asshole who will in turn make her cry instead. Then she will go around looking for “support” for her own shitty decision.

I don’t mind giving women the freedom to choose. But what I can’t stand is when they make wrong choices based on their “feelings” and then want society to feel sorry for them. THAT bullshit needs to end. Fed up with it.

[NathanDavis]

@blueonblack22 atta boy... let that burp out

[blueonblack22]

@NathanDavis I also got a feeling her boyfriend probably was driven to the brink during their argument. Unlikely he cried because he felt it was “okay”. More likely he lost control.

I’ve had this happen a few times in my adult life. It’s really a combination of outside forces wearing down my resistance to deal with what was directly in front of me. Perfect storm. It was very rare but it has happened.

[NathanDavis]

@blueonblack22 uh oh... that's a biggie, good boy

[blueonblack22]

@NathanDavis at least I can give this girl kudos for being honest. But that same judgment needs to be applied on her as well. THAT would be “gender equality”

[blueonblack22]

@NathanDavis also for fucks sake. What’s gotten into you today? It’s not like I told this girl she can’t do what she wants. But you watch she will expect “special” sympathy when she gets screwed over.

[NathanDavis]

@blueonblack22 *pat pat pat*

you're right, you're right...

[blueonblack22]

@NathanDavis get your head out of your ass.

[NathanDavis]

@blueonblack22 there you go... feeling much better? (=

[taimoorpk]

@blueonblack22 don't bother, I'm sure he's a guy with 2 holes.

[IslaTheWitch]

@blueonblack22 Yes, emotions are the basis for every relationship, and it doesn't look like her emotions are fluctuating. She is aware of what she feels and wants to make the best decision.

[blueonblack22]

@IslaTheWitch she can make whatever decision she wants. But she’s ACCOUNTABLE for her decision. If she has any guilt or regret later then she’s deserve nobody’s sympathy.

Also I would really like to see how she would feel if a man dumped her if the scenario was reversed. While that’s highly unlikely it truly is a double standard women get to enjoy. An unchecked privilege.

I’ve seen countless women voice regret for making quick “emotionally” based decisions in relationships. They look for someone to tell them “oh that’s okay”. Ah nah. You made your choice. All consequences from it are on YOU.

[taimoorpk]

@blueonblack22 TRUE THAT!!!

[IslaTheWitch]

@blueonblack22 I believe in free will and making own decisions and bearing the consequences. If she doesn't feel like staying with him, she shouldn't. Life is too short to stay in the relationship where are no feelings anymore

[blueonblack22]

@IslaTheWitch i believe the same. But I have seen too many females later express guilt/regret looking for someone to tell them it’s “okay”. You don’t see guys looking for shoulders to cry on for when we face consequences for our own bad decisions.

Maybe she won’t regret dumping him. But then again why would she even bother posting a question about it? Because she is seeking affirmation. You don’t see men doing that.

[IslaTheWitch]

@blueonblack22 I have seen many more men than women regret their decisions to cheat or break up. We have different experiences and observations, but still, what is important is that we all have the freedom to choose and make decisions.

[blueonblack22]

Use men regret bad decisions. But how often do we go around looking for someone to tell us “it’s okay”? We are expected to take the guilt and most of us do. There is a difference there.

[IslaTheWitch]

@blueonblack22 I have never seen a woman doing it, and plenty of men whining over beer and asking their friends to confirm that they did a good thing :D

[blueonblack22]

@IslaTheWitch how often do you see guys posting questions like this? AITA for blocking a guy for watching anime? ↗

[IslaTheWitch]

@blueonblack22 lmao... it's an internet. You don't even know if the author is a woman or a man. I speak about real world. Bars, restaurants, public transport... women talk about kids or fashion men about work and break ups lol

[blueonblack22]

@IslaTheWitch i still disagree. Men might talk about regrets but we look for RESOLUTIONS for those regrets. Not for someone to feel sorry for us.

[IslaTheWitch]

@blueonblack22 lmao you didn't hear what I have, but you try to tell me what those men were looking for?

You don't have to agree, facts will persist anyway :D I don't share my opinion to convince you, just show a different perspective.

the funny thing is both genders make wrong decisions and people deal with it on many different ways. I saw solution oriented women and whiny men. I saw people in full regret and in relief.

[blueonblack22]

@IslaTheWitch I won’t keep the word wall going. I’ll leave you with this though.

The bottom line is she can do what she wants but that doesn’t change the fact this is extremely unfair. Things are about to go from bad to worse for he soon to be ex boyfriend.

Do I expect women to magically change? Of course not. But women could do a better job at RESPECTING what men have to deal with. Either that guy falsely believed it was okay to cry or more likely he was driven to the brink and cracked. Either way he will continue to have struggles in dating unless he hardens up. He’s got a very rough road in front of him. Because deep down most women hate it when men show that kind of emotion unless it’s timed exactly right (at a funeral or something). But they keep telling men “it’s okay”. The real reason they say that is they just want to feel relief that the man is “relatable” like he’s another woman. But most of them sure as hell aren’t attracted to that.

Just respect what men have to deal with. Because most guys are under constant strain to suck it up. We have to. If we don’t then what the QA posted is always a huge risk.

[IslaTheWitch]

@blueonblack22 people can do whatever they want as long as they don't break the law. He can cry, she can break up. He can flirt with a coworker she can do career. There always will be someone unhappy. But you can't build relationship on your own lack of happiness. So you make your own decisions.

I prefer men showing openly their emotions but I probably won't be happy if my man cries as much as I do or more. And get extremely emotional. It would be simply too much for one relationship. My personal preferences. Are they wrong? No, I don't think so. They are guarding my integrity even if some people don't like them.

the Asker also has personal preferences. And not much can be done. Game over. She will look for more reserved man he will look for girl liking emotional men. I can't see the problem here

[blueonblack22]

@IslaTheWitch the problem is now telling men that women “prefer” men who show their emotions and the ugly truth is many do not. .

[IslaTheWitch]

@blueonblack22 many men don't like independent, focused on careers and self-growth women, and we have to live with that.

Life sucks get used to it :D

[RSav4013]

You can't help how you feel, it is what it is. This is one of the primary reasons I believe that men shouldn't cry in front of women though. Even though the narrative these days says that masculinity is bad, humans still have base instincts that drive them. Most of the time, when a woman sees a man as vulnerable or weak, they immediately lose any sexual or romantic feelings for the man. It's unfortunate, but it happens the majority of the time and often leads to divorce.

[EmyyWolf]

I mean depends how he cried.

if he cries like some weirdo or a toddler. That would piss off anyone.

Now if he tries to conceal his tears or “silent cries” that’s normal.

If he ugly-cried to you, in a desperate manner. That would be a turn off for anyone.

[EmyyWolf]

Men keep saying in the comment that they shouldn’t show emotion or weakness or their sensitive side at all.

No, it’s about how they do it.
If you ugly-cry you’re gonna look hideous AND desperate.

You need to cry in a way that looks normal

[TommyMountainFigure]

Normal or not, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that is how YOU felt.

Some women instantly go into mother mode, and start blubbing themselves because their baby is upset, where as others, like you are repulsed at the sight of it because they like to know they are going to be protected, and a guy who turns into a mess a one little argument is hardly going to be able to do that!

[BCRanger10]

Men have feelings too, sometimes very deep ones, particularly about the people we love. Typically, I think a man should avoid crying in front of people if it can be helped, but sometimes we do get overwhelmed.

Anyway, that's a long-winded way of saying don't make such a huge deal about it.

[lightbulb27]

depends on the type of crying. I think so for some... you don't want needy and it's repulsive. Women want a guy that can handle their crap, her crap, and the babies (times x) crap, without falling apart and running off. Thus, they seek emotional strength. Failure to have emotional strength means she can suffer a fate worse than death.

So sounds normal. But check with your therapist.

[Billlewis]

Your reaction is entirely understandable, in my opinion, and despite the criticism from the other readers, I think you're entitled to your opinion of your boyfriend, and I hope you're able to continue your relationship with him.

I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well, if that's alright. Thank you very much.