Hey, we met in January. We had lots of fun, genuine connection, also both went through breakups, agreed on dating. Went to Sweden. Lived like a couple. It lasted for a month. Then we moved long distance and things got very confusing. I had long distance trauma, he knew about that, and he started to say he can't do commitment now. But in the future, yes. He has sexual relationships, was very open about that. But since I did not have commitment, I was a bit fearful. I could have tried it elsewhere too, but had no interest. At that moment , wanted to just experience it with him and asked him to visit me. Eventually, the 'relationship' became too controlling, me getting emotional about one of his dates. He said, he realized I can't do open relationship and we are not compatible. Also, for him I am special, he likes me, but not the 'loving' level. Which might change for him, but now he looks at it as suffocating to be in a relationship. He suggested to stay friends, meetup, he wants to be close and also have sex. Since he wants to focus on himself now. I feel quite disappointed, but understanding. Told him I need to move on and friendship then might be possible. Though, I do feel like we could have avoided this misunderstanding, as I just felt really insecure on distance. We have great interaction when we are together in physical world. I'm choosing to not contact him, but I also have to visit his country in a month for work purposes. What would you suggest?
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We were dating, but he told me he could not develop deeper feelings and suggested friends with benefits. Is it possible to still progress this?
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That's a really tricky situation. On one hand I can understand wanting to stay friends if you had such a strong connection when you were together. But it also might be too fresh and painful to see him right away after he basically said he likes you but not enough for something serious.
A few things to consider - do you really think you can handle being just friends/friends with benefits with no commitments or expectations? That would likely just end up hurting you more. Also, seeing him again so soon after ending things may undo any progress moving on.
Here's what I'd suggest - focus on yourself for now instead of contacting him. If you happen to run into each other during your work trip that's one thing, but don't plan to meet up. The space and time apart will help give perspective on whether being friends is realistic down the line or not. After a month has passed and the emotions have settled, revisit the idea. But for now protecting your heart has to be the priority. As hard as it is, staying no contact now is probably healthiest in the long run. You deserve someone who's all in for you!
If you’ve already experienced trauma, there’s no good reason to risk potentially going through another traumatic experience. It’s been about 3 months talking to him, at this juncture is where normally he’d step up and progress to a relationship, not take dating off the table right now entirely.
I know sometimes it gets lonely as a single person, it’s nice to have a partner for so many different things in your life. But it’s so important to remember: be patient for the right man to come along and until then, never settle. If he’s not ready now, he’s never going to be, and I think you can do a lot better for yourself than essentially being on standby for a maybe. Let him go find casual sex elsewhere, waste someone else’s time.
End things u can't deal with the situation he will set up for the two of you and u will just get hurt all he wants is sex no emotional attachment