Why doesn't my man want me having male friends?

Question

Seriously, it's driving me nuts. I'm supposed to block all male friends because "He doesn't date women with male friends, and it's just who he is." If he wanted to have female friends, it wouldn't be a problem. This literally seems sexist as fuck. I'm starting to wonder if he's sexist. Not only that but he does other things that make me really uncomfortable.

PizzaDaddyo · Accepted Answer

He wants to be the main man in your life and he’s still a man so he probably won’t be as willing or able to explain or express his complex thoughts on this idea of you having other males in your life or in your “close circle” without potentially hurting your feelings. It’s mostly not because he don’t trust you because he probably does. He don’t trust nor fancy the idea of other men charming, or pleasing you because he knows they will try anyway.

Hopefully this helps…
Think of lions. There’s only one alpha male lion that is in charge of the whole pride. Male lions hate other male lions in the pride and are even known to kill off other male offspring or potential threats that would put his own reign in jeopardy. Male lions also have to fight other male lions to either gain power and become the alpha or to defend the alpha title. A random strong ass lion can pull up to a different pride to fight the alpha in hopes to take over and will combine both prides together.

Luckily we are not lions and that’s not how we do.

So as simple as it may be to think that he’ll let it go, he’s not gonna change like entirely tomorrow. He was programmed like this before you stepped in but, real communication like all good and successful relationships need will help.

Guys are the ones asking for the number to have to get things agoing.

It’s normal for your man to not feel comfortable about you even being around other men. It’s a good sign how he values the relationship. You should understand this feeling of discomfort he may have but, you also should pay attention to how severe he acts upon this. This doesn’t mean you have to forget about your own boundaries too. He should develop a trust in you; him knowing you’re faithful. Also don’t have so much time with other male friends. I personally wouldn’t hit up a female friend to go to out to eat or the movies when I have a girl that would kill me for doing so. Most men don’t have girls on deck to hit up just to hang out. I’m glad I don’t. they’d probably just make me pay for all their drinks
and tease me on things I don’t need to desire for nothing.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Because (single, straight) men cannot be "just friends" with women. Men know this, but women often don't, and more to the point, they don't WANT to know it. Women want male friends because they can exploit those men for attention and favors and use them as backup options.

If you are a woman who is even a little bit physically attractive, and you have male "friends", those guys are NOT your friend - they are guys who want to bang you (and sometimes date you) but they haven't figured out how to do it yet, and so they are biding their time waiting for an opportunity. And some guys will orbit a girl for YEARS waiting for a moment of weakness on her part.

When a man is single, beyond minimal survival, his next highest priority is getting laid. Period. That is fundamental to male instincts, and isn't going to change. Men KNOW THIS. And that's why you can't have male friends - your man has standards and sets boundaries, as he should.

He should also not have female friends, at least not ones that he sees without you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

This is not about confidence lie lack of trust etc.

It is fact that 99.999999% of men befriend women whom they find attractive and actually want to fuck their female friends.

men don’t go out of their way to befriend women that they are not willing to fuck.

Men know this hence the reason why some men don’t want their partners having male friends.
men who are friends with girls that they DON’T find attractive or DON’T want to fuck, are usually those that become friends with them through OTHER people. Friends of friends, friends of cousins, friends of family etc.

maybe you’re a feminist and that’s just not gonna work.

when you’re in a serious relationship or already married, it’s best to have friends who are couples as well. Not single male and female friends.

the way you talk about him it shows you don’t care about him, you should just leave him even if it hurts him so he can find someone worth his time, someone that compliments him and wants a relationship on the same level he does and you can find someone that’s at your same level as well.

_Maya_ · Accepted Answer

Because he is really insecure. That is the most likely culprit here. He doesn't like the fact that you are getting male attention even if they are longtime friends. I don't know why people get like that. I haven't run into it personally with anyone that I have dated but seen it happen with others. I haven't dated a ton of people but none of them acted like this towards me. I wouldn't stand for it to be honest because I am not going to lose friends just because someone is insecure. That is there problem. I have a few close guy friends that I have none since middle school. We talk or hang out all the time. It has never been an issue for anyone that I dated. We just all went out as a group. There was never any jealousy.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because he is worried that you might eventually cheat on him and be vulnerable to another guy that gives you his full attention, most of us guys’ are territorial over a girl that we give our heart to and most of guys’ knows what other guys’ are thinking , when it comes to other guys’ acting like they just want to be friends with a girl , but really they want more than friendship with her. Opposite sex friendship doesn’t usually sit well with people in relationships, Girls’ tend to be the same way as well if her man has girl friends that he talks to on a regular basis , so this goes both ways in most cases. You are best to have a sit down talk with your boyfriend and see if you both can come to a compromise about opposite sex friendship and set boundaries for each other, so you both are on the same page with things , if not , your relationship with him will probably end badly , you will both eventually resent each other and point fingers at each other. Basically what you don’t want your boyfriend doing to you , has to be the same boundaries for you as well. If you really like your boyfriend and you want your relationship to last , you are best to prioritize your boyfriend over everyone else , if you can’t prioritize your boyfriend, you are best to go your separate ways. Sadly your boyfriend feels you might be up to no good by talking to these so called male friends of yours , behind his back and he might assume you are cheating on him , if that’s the case he will more than likely cheat on you or leave you for another girl that doesn't stay close to her opposite sex friends. I know you said it’s ok for him to have girl friends but sadly he is more than likely going to assume you are saying that , so you can still keep your friendship with these other guys’ so you are best to have a serious talk with your boyfriend without yelling , just have a calm sit down talk with him and try to compromise before this blows way out of proportion

AviatorTom · Answer

It's not sexist. He's showing a lack of confidence in himself and in your relationship. He is also trying to control you, keeping you for himself. You two may not be the best fit for each other. Go ahead and have your male friends. Just realize that might cause a breakup, which could be good for both of you.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

He is entitled to have that preference and you are entitled to refuse his request. Then he is entitled to break up with you. It really doesn't sound like he is The One, so what is the problem?

coachTanthony · Answer

He sounds like a real winner I am shocked you are even asking this question.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

At my age... it's not sexist... it's because the guy she'll cheat with is the so-called "friend." Sometimes you girls call them "just a really nice guy" or straight-up gay and you'll go onto say you have no interest in him for other such reasons. Yeah, it's the "He's just a friend" excuse that gets used the most. ... and then you end up fucked by him with no condom and expect us to just be cool with that.

This dude you're with has already been around that block. I don't feel sorry for you, not getting your guilt-free shot and doing the same shit pretty much all women do. Some woman in his life slapped that blue pill out of his hand and forced him to swallow a red one.

Sexist as fuck huh... whatever. What's sexist you expect a dude to just put up with that and then you end up fucking other dudes if he allows it. You must be really young because you seem to still think you won't end up fucking those other guys. If they're around... you will.

Trust me... I know women better than they know themselves.

Kiss_Me · Answer

In reference to relationships, the most dangerous people in the world are Ex's, Bosses, and friends.

Ex's are obvious. Once a couple shares intimacy it does not evaporate quickly. A small spark is all that is required before she is once again in his arms.

Bosses are in positions of power and authority. Both of these are considered attraction amplifiers. All they have to do is show the right kind of attention and seduction becomes much easier.

A girl may not notice or even acknowledge it, but there are usually common reasons she has male friends. There are attractions between the two, and one of them (usually the guy) is hoping for an opportunity to get their "chance." All it takes is fight, getting drunk, needing a friend moment, or she is not getting the validation she needs from her SO, etc. and the next day the girl has to deal with the fact she cheated on her SO and the penalties that come along with it.

I would be wary of my girlfriend having lots of male friends. Just too dangerous.

blueonblack22 · Answer

He isn’t “sexist” but he likely had a deep insecurity/control problem.

Just FYI men do not seek out women nor need platonic “female friends” to survive in this world. That doesn’t mean we don’t mind having female friends. There is one woman I’ve been very good friends with for over 15 year now. But again we don’t female platonic friends to function.

But women tend to have some sort of entitlement complex for so called “guy friends”. They like the extra attention and all that goes along with it. Aldo don’t be naive. Some of your guy friends would date and/or hook up with you if they had the opportunity. Deep down you know that and your boyfriend knows it too. It makes him paranoid. Too paranoid in your case but it’s almost like some women want “guy friends” to keep their bfs on their toes. Like if he doesn’t do enough or if he really upsets you then there is dangling threat out there.

Also men have a much deeper definition of what a true “friend” is. We know the difference between friendly and a real friend.

He might be a control freak on one end. But the other end he’s got some justified paranoid.

“An girl who is just friends with other girls will cry on someone’s shoulder when she upset with her boyfriend. If she has lots of “guy friends” she will be crying over someone else’s D”.

- Unknown

DishLady · Answer

Drop this guy, he’s a dbag. I was married to a guy who forced me to shake off all my closest friends (who were guys) and block them from my life for no apparent reason and even became extremely violent when one of the guys in question was on TV and, recognizing my friend, said, “Hey, it’s ___ from school!” He literally flung the TV across the room.

Afterwards it was my female friends he didn’t care for… and some hobbies or classes I wanted to take… and another thing then another thing….

What I’m saying is it’s currently your guy friends he’s having a fit about, but then then it will be something else… and something else… and something else to give up until you hardly recognize yourself anymore…. DON’T DO IT. Dump the guy and live to see happier days ahead.

HawkPerception · Answer

There are many people... both guys and girls that don't believe you can be friends with the opposite sex and that there's always desires at least on one end. To be honest, I somewhat agree with that notion... not entirely, but somewhat. I think the majority of people have desires for the opposite sex and if they find you attractive and like your personality, really what is stopping them from liking you like that?

But I don't believe EVERYONE has those intentions and I think that there are people that always respect boundaries and would never do something to be a homewrecker. Those are genuine moral people and that's a little more rare nowadays.

REGARDLESS, I think it is controlling to say to your partner that they cannot have friends of the opposite gender and shows a lack of trust. I'd prefer that my parter simply introduced me to their friends and I get a read of whether or not they're cool. Then they would have the green light from me.

wiltingrosepetal · Answer

They like to use the excuse that "they know how men think" but that's flawed. If they're worried that just being around a man will make him picture you naked, then he shouldn't allow you to work or go outside. Men are everywhere, so why are male friends the issue? He's afraid that when given the option, those friends will pounce on you. But of course that can only happen if you give them the option.

Deep down it's because of trust issues. I would try communicating this with him and establishing boundaries. But if he won't listen, you might have to leave

Lliam · Answer

I would never cut off my long-time friends for a girlfriend. That right there would tell me that she is not a good person and isn't right for me.

I could find a better girlfriend.

Jealous, insecure, controlling people are bad news. And capitulating to their demands only gives them more control.

I'm an honest person. I never cheated. But I couldn't love someone who didn't trust me. And I would never allow someone to boss me around. I'm not built that way. Because of that, I don't boss others around, either.

So, you know what I would do in your situation. Dump the little boss man.

meepmeeperton · Answer

In my relationship it was actually my girlfriend who didn't want me having female friends. I didn't necessarily have a problem with her having male friends so I thought it was unfair. But I thought about it more and realized I was just afraid of being labeled as insecure or controlling... I ended up liking the idea of us not having any close friends of the opposite sex because it's like we only give special attention to each other and don't entertain anyone else or put them in a situation where they could get the wrong idea. We don't have to have literally all members of the opposite sex blocked, but we've just agreed to not get too close to anyone of the opposite gender and always be open about that stuff with each other.

The truth is--especially when you're young--a lot of your "male friends" are guys that quietly crushed on you or found you attractive but realized you wouldn't be interested but didn't want to have to cut you off completely...

Apple1996 · Answer

Not cool. He should trust you enough to have male friends. It's not like your gonna hook up with every male you know. These guys could be in relationships, asexual or gay so to block all males is crazy. The only time I could maybe understand is if it's a male friend that is flirty with you

NamerOfStars · Answer

Insecurity. I've never understood it either; if someone is only loyal to you because they lack opportunity to be otherwise, they're not loyal.

And frankly, if they'll abandon other people they have (non-romantic) relationships with for you, then they'll abandon YOU; you know they're not loyal.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

This is a very straight forward decision from what I can see. He is asking you to choose between your friends and him. If someone threw that ultimatum at me? I'd say "'these are my friends, I will talk to who I want.. you don't like that, either you'll have to adapt because I refuse to. or we will go our separate ways!"

Reverse the ultimatum onto him. And see if he is prepared to alter HIS views. If he thinks you're worth it he will. If he won't? Then he isn't worth it!

hahahmm · Answer

The way it works is that when you find the guy you think is really worth it & you want to be with him forever, you will eagerly give up male friends without him even asking cause you don't want him to have female friends & you want his trust.

And no, he shouldn't expect you not to have opposite sex friends when he does.

Nikki1989 · Answer

He is a control freak and very insecure. It is a toxic combination that no woman with any self-respect should put up with.

HappyWoman34 · Answer

It’s a red flag for a potentially abusive relationship. Next he’ll be telling you what to wear and whom you can be friends with and demand to know where you were if you’re home late. Get out while you can.

Miristheiss · Answer

Smart man. You two are not compatible. If you want to keep other men in your life this bad and to hang out alone on friend dates so intensely then you two should fo your separate ways.

You expect to get commitment while making him just one of the men in your life.

Individualism is too important to you. You are not girlfriend material.

Radiate143 · Answer

I agree.. i wouldn't date a man with female friends. Those are benchwarmers. Also, you are friends with ournguy friends they are just hoping itnwill be their turn one day. Period. Women are so delusional about this.

Yiu should appreciate he doesn't have female friends, he actually is making an effort to be loyal.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Sounds like he doesn't trust you!
I'd drop his ass, if I was you!
I never had a problem with my fiance having male friends and she had no problem with me having female friends!
Maybe if enough you women gave guys like that the boot, they MIGHT eventually get the idea!!

Anonymous · Answer

because your male friends would have no issue sliding into your pants when things get a bit rough with your man

don't believe for a second, men haven't fucked their female friends before and are willing to do so regardless if she has a man or not. both men and women will lie about this to give themselves plausible deniability in cheating

because it's your loss at the end of the day if you cheat, it's not their loss

nawtee_me · Answer

He is selfish and controlling and you need to drop him like a hot potato. 🥔 he will only bully you into him having everything and you having nothing. Everyone should have both male and female friends. It is how you learn how to act and interact with others. Show him that you are not the slave girl that he wants you to be.

JesseP1nk · Answer

53% of cheating women had an affair with a friend , showing that emotional connections often pave the way for infidelity among women No, not all women cheat. But those who do, had an affraid with a  friend  53% of the time.

Anonymous · Answer

He knows how some men think and what their intentions are. Most of your male friends are probably into you. Some of them did or might make a move. Others might be too scared to do that.
However, your boyfriend is clearly exaggerating with blocking your friends. I would understand if he told you not to go out with them

MzAsh · Answer

He knows your male friends are better than him and he doesn’t want to risk losing you to one of them. His language is a prime red flag. He’s not worth it.

SphynxUK · Answer

He’s not confident and he’s trying to exert control over you.

Booklover_90 · Answer

Yikes. Be careful with him. Does he try to control you in other ways?

Agape93 · Answer

he's trying to control you out of jealousy and possessiveness

Anonymous · Answer

You'll understand when you are few years older, more mature, and have a boyfriend or or SO who you truly care about.

rosemilk · Answer

because he's toxic and insecure, controlling. do yourself a favor and leave this toxic relationship. it only gets worse from there.

boggboss · Answer

If its too much for u to accept then end the relationship he is allowed to have that as a boundary the same way u can choose to stay with him

WhitneySnow · Answer

That is really sexist and controlling. You should dump this guy right away. King Arthur fan? Your screen name 😊

OfMiceandMen · Answer

It's called... your ass is mine and I want to control you because I'm the jealous-type.

exitseven · Answer

He is insecure in the relationship and besides he knows that all guys want to do is get into your pants/

Anonymous · Answer

he's allowed to have preferences even if you disagree with them if you want to keep your male friends, then why are you still with him? he's not forcing you to stay with him

dudeinohio · Answer

Those male friends of yours want to do you. No it's, ands, or buts about it, no matter what they say. For me, a woman with male friends is a deal-breaker.

LiamJHayden · Answer

A lot of people are insecure about their partner having opposite gender friends, probably because many of them have experienced infidelity in those situations.

In_Trance · Answer

Men and women can't be friends

slatyb · Answer

That's completely unreasonable and controlling. Dump.

MacDaddyRico · Answer

Because he's insecure and has trust issues. I'd consider leaving him over this and the other Red Flags. Never ignore your instincts.

dr-manhattan · Answer

sounds like a boundary to me most relationships have them

Rayycole · Answer

Honestly, anything you do is alright as long as you take a sec and ask yourself if you’d be completely comfortable with him doing the same thing. If not then it’s probably wrong

moneymagnet24 · Answer

Then who stopping you to do breakup from this Dick head?

Anonymous · Answer

you should cheat on him with one of your male friends to teach him a lesson for being so insecure

Anonymous · Answer

Eh. He just knows that other dudes are doing everything they can to fuck you and he doesn't want the hassle. It's a lack of confidence on his part or a lack of trust in you.

MackBoy · Answer

He doesn't have to rule you out to make yourself uncomfortable, you should leave him and look for someone who doesn't make your life uncomfortable.

DextroShade · Answer

Men are not your friends! Guys only associate with you because they want to smash.

bannacookies · Answer

Maybe he doesn't trust you, or he has low self esteem.

dragoblack · Answer

Major insecurities thinking either that you will cheat on him or the guys will take advantage of you

BenSkinner1998 · Answer

If he’s willing to loose all female friends then you should cut all male friends. But if it’s double standard then find someone who’s right for you

Anonymous · Answer

Choose them over him

dustybiker2 · Answer

Insecure. Couldn't be around that.

SotiCoto · Answer

Because he is insecure. Just that.

Jennz6 · Answer

Maybe he’s jealous

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

He is a toxic pos.

Anonymous · Answer

He doesn't trust you.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

He doesn’t want them fuck you. And vice versa.

Knightwatch27 · Answer

Why are you with him then?

Anonymous · Answer

He doesn’t want you cheating on him

Why doesn't my man want me having male friends?

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What Girls & Guys Said

Male friend claims age difference is an issue to date, but doesn't want to lose me as a friend, why keep me around at all?

Why doesn't my man want me having male friends?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Male friend claims age difference is an issue to date, but doesn't want to lose me as a friend, why keep me around at all?

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