How to ask a guy if he is a virgin.. without actually saying it?

[Anonymous]

This guy is 23 he has told me himself he has a three girlfriends but it has been 2-3 years since he has had a girlfriend. every time we go out on a date he texts the next day, asking if he went to far... and really all we have done in three dates is hold my hand in one kiss!.. which is making me wonder how far has he really gone.

I'm a virgin I'm 20 its a double standard I know. But I don't even ask those kinds of questions hell I've even gone further in three dates then he has with me..

I want to ask him, but I am not 100% conformable telling him I am one yet. so I don't want him to throw the question back at me.

Updates

+1 y

just to make that clear I'm a virgin but haven't told him.

[Cryostatic]

I'm almost positive he's a virgin. He may not have even ever had a serious girlfriend.

Anyway, he probably doesn't want to up and admit to being a virgin, for fear that you'll reject him. At the same time, he's painfully aware of his own lack of sexual experience and knows what happens to guys generally the first time they have sex, so he's covering his bases by saying it's been 2-3 (which is it?) years. That way, when you do have sex for the first time, you won't be expecting much. I've known guys who have done this, and it's more common than you'd think.

The easiest way to get him to come clean is for you to come clean yourself. If he feels that you're both in the same boat, he won't feel so much negative pressure.

[Cryostatic]

Also, if he EVER asks you if he's gone too far, your IMMEDIATE response should be "You haven't heard me complain yet, have you?"

[Asker]

he said 2 years ago and it lasted 7months.

[Asker]

i'll just bluntly ask him the made he won't be so afraid or something.

[Anonymous]

Until you said you had not told him you were a virgin I was suspecting he might be making sure that he has not crossed any lines.

[Asker]

i haven't told him and I don't act like all shy..im more out going then he is. but maybe he doesn't want to cross linde but after every date he ask if he went to far..

[Opinion Owner]

Usually it is easy to pick up how the other person feels in face-to-face interaction. I am not sure why he needs to confirm through phone (Unless he is from a different culture and is not sure of the dating norms common to your culture). If you want to "solve" the issue maybe just display that your are happy/comfortable more or simply saying repeatedly (lol) that you really enjoyed the time spent with him...be a bit more casual about so that it does not come off as being polite by any chance.

[Asker]

I was thinking of saying next time he talks to me, that I am comfortable, that you don't hear me complaining about going to far, because I am getting the impression that you haven't made out or had sex before.. which I respect that but I don't understand why you need to ask me if you went to far by only holding my hand for the night.

[Opinion Owner]

Yea that is a good idea. I was about to say try the subtle method first and see if it solves the situation but I think directly approaching the subject would solve all whatsoever issues at hand as it would bring them all in the open. Yes asking if holding your hand was going too far sounds a bit weird but then again I don't know that context of the situation.

[Asker]

context of the situation was asking to hold my hand instead of going for it at a movie theater.. then after asking if he went to far *face palm*

[Opinion Owner]

Lol maybe the guy was too nervous because he had not dated in a few years? (As you can see I am trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and not immediately concluding that he is lying about his previous relationships). Also, was this just a one time thing? Maybe he was having a weird moment or day? or simply nervous like I previously said.

[Asker]

no twice one when he held my hand and another time when he kissed me I asked him once and he said he didn't want to ruin a good thing by rushing anything.