Can someone give me advice on this messed up situation?

[Krystal23]

This is such a fucked up situation.. my brother who is 16 is on bail and he’s living with me but it was supposed to be for a month but it has been extended now I cannot look after him longer than a month. It has been extended because he might go jail or the case might get dropped I’m not sure yet. He will have to go into foster care as no one else can look after him. My mum and dad are both shit parents they can’t live with them because he’s not allowed in that area. Now one of my relatives have said they can look after him but my dad is saying no so now what? I feel so guilty because if he goes to foster care I will feel as if it’s my fault. I can just about look after myself so I can’t look after someone else it’s hard work. They are begging me to look after him but then I have no life or anything as he can’t be trusted on his own? Can someone advice me on what to do.. I am so upset about this and the pressure is hard

Updates

+1 y

Hi guys thought I would update you all properly thank you So so much for supporting me in this situation.. and guiding me. My brother is getting his own place and hopefully will be moving in a weeks time :) thank you so much once again. Xxx

[NathanDavis]

as difficult as it sounds...

this probably need some determination and drastic solutions, if the parents are shitty and can't be responsible for this on their own, then they should have NO say either on what other solutions can be provided so

I think the best is that you accept the help of those relatives that are willing to take him, that is the best possibility in this case, because they are willing to do, and because you should definitely NOT do this

not only you are not prepared for this responsibility, but it is also very likely that your brother will not be willing to listen to you anyway, so you could be just enabling and making it worse for him

you should not feel bad for the consequences that come up from the many bad actions of others... this was not your responsibility in the first place, and it should not be your responsibility in the end of it

[Krystal23]

Yeah exactly so true.. my parents are just not listening and begging me ringing me and saying ‘ please just look after him for me’ so it makes me feel more guilty.. when someone’s begging you on the other end of the phone. Because they don’t want no one to know their buisness.. but it’s a little late for that now.

I’m definitely not prepared for this responsibility I have just turned 25 not long ago and have difficulty looking after myself sometimes no way in hell could I look after someone else.

It’s just smothered feeling of guilt tbh and they guilt they are making me feel

[NathanDavis]

don't allow... do not let anyone to guilt trip you about this, and don't let yourself to be the one that builds this guilt

this was not your doing at all, and this is not your responsibility either...

just do the right thing to do right now, which is to take the offer from those relatives of yours, let them handle this, and also let your brother go with them, and for him to work by himself on this, he is not a child anymore

so it is best for him too, that he takes accountability for his actions NOW, instead of enabling him and possibly getting into more trouble than it already is

[Krystal23]

The thing is I have taken up the offer but my mum and dad are saving no.. and my relatives won’t make any moves without the confirmation from the parents which is weird. It’s my dads sister who’s willing to take him in and my dad is saying no.. it’s such a headfuck situation

[NathanDavis]

if they do not agree... then just take it to court, or the authorities

don't allow them to mess up your life as well

they will only try it if you let them

so you have to be determined on this

[Krystal23]

Thank you so much!! I will do. I will 100% keep you updated on this and what happens as you have given me the motivation to stand my ground

[NathanDavis]

any time, I'll be around...

[Krystal23]

Appreciate you

[Krystal23]

The social worker came today and she said that can he not stay with you for abit I said no. Because I live on my own and when you can’t trust someone to go out on their own it’s hard. Also this is my home for a good few years and I don’t live on rent so it’s like I can up on leave if anything happens. So I have another appointment on Monday and we will see what happens

[NathanDavis]

good... just keep on with those appointments and looking into possible, other solutions

do not let them impose that kind of responsibility just on you, that is just not fair

[Krystal23]

No I definitely will not! Tbh they are trying too keep me responsible by making sly marks but it definitely will not happen

[NathanDavis]

good...

[dreamstar72]

Depends on what he did.
You did your month, yes I realize he is you brother, but you did your part. Now let someone else do their part. If your dad don’t agree then let your dad find someone to take him. A question did you tell your brother to get in trouble. NO of course not he did it on his own. I was always told, “you do the crime you do the time”. So I never did the crime, because I wasn’t giving up my time. Your brother need to learn his own lesson, its not your lesson to learn. Don’t feel sorry for HIM or feel any remorse (guilt) on your part. Remember at that age they lie so you will be much better off with out having him around. Harsh maybe, but so is life.
Sorry for what happen so keep away from all this drama. Hope everything goes well for you.

[Krystal23]

So true! The social worker is coming today and I will speak to her and let her know.. even my mum is normally a bitch with me but she rang me up licking my ass over the phone begging me to look after him I said no as well

[LazerBean]

Are the parents not legally required to give financial support to whoever is taking care of him? I would take that shit to court. I would personally take my brother in, but that said my brother isn't a delinquent.

[Krystal23]

Yeah they are but tbh it isn’t even about the money as I know they will happily give it. But my little brother is a cocky teenager always sweating and stuff. I just feel guilty.. they want me to look after him but then they want all the benefits of them being good parents like coming to see him cooking food once in a blue moon. I just don’t know what to do

[Krystal23]

Swearing *

[LazerBean]

I would just tell him straight up that he can either abide by your house rules or go to foster care. And also get money from your parents because I'm doing their literal job. That's just me though.

[Krystal23]

Yeah I will get the money from them and he does not listen so we will see what happens. I will keep you updated xx

[LazerBean]

Thanks

[Krystal23]

The social worker came today and she said that can he not stay with you for abit I said no. Because I live on my own and when you can’t trust someone to go out on their own it’s hard. Also this is my home for a good few years and I don’t live on rent so it’s like I can up on leave if anything happens. So I have another appointment on Monday and we will see what happens

[LazerBean]

Thanks for the update

[Flower7]

The relative would be the best option, especially if your dad has no valid reason for saying no to that.

[Krystal23]

He’s just being a cunt tbh he’s worried what my auntys hubby might say about the situation

[Flower7]

So it sounds like he’s being petty. Your brother’s well-being is MUCH more important than your dad’s ego. He needs somewhere safe to stay.

[Krystal23]

Exactly you’re so right well the social worker is coming today so I will be speaking to him..

[RHK36]

Yeah I don't do being guilted into shit. I'd say yes, but only if everyone involved meets my conditions.

[Krystal23]

💗💗💗💗

[Sparkie460]

None of this is your fault. The blame goes back to your parents who didn't raise him right and to your brother for doing things that I'm sure he knows is wrong. If keeping him with you is causing financial, physical and emotional hardship then let him go to foster care. As my dad used to say, " you made your bed now lay in it". Don't let your family play a guilt trip on you. You said you would care for him for a month. You held your end of the deal. It's not your fault it was extended.

[Krystal23]

True they’re all guilt tripping me now saying why can’t he stay with you this and that because it’s so hard looking after someone else.. especially if you don’t trust them going out on their own. Plus because I have bought my own place and not living on rent anymore it’s not like I can up and leave if anything happens. So makes it hard

[Sparkie460]

You did what you said you were going to do. It's not your fault it got extended. Your brother burden you enough. If you can't trust him on his own, how can you trust him with you.

[Krystal23]

No I trust him when he’s with me just not to go out on his own. I’m so annoyed with my family not sure what we going to do now about the situation.. they making me feel guilty but I have expressed I cannot look after him. They probably asking me because I don’t even work but the thing is I have fatigue problems already and I am feeling more fucked than usual. So I just feel guilty if I let him go

[Sparkie460]

Don't make yourself sick over him. You don't need your health to be affected by this situation.

[Krystal23]

Exactly but I just don’t want to be a shit sister tbh

[Sparkie460]

You're not being a shit sister. You did what you can for him. Your job is done

[Krystal23]

True! It’s just disheartening he’s going to be going to my uncles for abit now. And he is strict but I don’t think he will want to go there but he will have too.. I just feel guilty for that

[Sparkie460]

You shouldn't feel guilty at all. Maybe your strict uncle is what your brother needs to straighten up his act. Sometimes tough love is better for a person

[Krystal23]

Yeah that’s true!! Thank you so much honestly here with me he always wants to get takeouts and stuff. He goes he just wants to be on his own but I said to him you can’t look after yourself he goes I will provide for myself like I did before so not sure if he has even learnt his lesson

[Sparkie460]

How does he afford getting take out all the time, he's only 16? Obviously he can't take care of himself because he's in this predicament

[Krystal23]

I’m paying for it.. the money my dad has given me and some of my what my sister has given. This new generation of children is crazy

[Sparkie460]

I agree with you about this generation.

[Krystal23]

Everything is sorted now he’s getting his own place and he will be working with my dads sister so we will all be chipping in for the flat 👏🏾 I’m happy now I’m at ease. Thank you for you support xxx

[OlderAndWiser]

Your father has no right to lay a guilt trip on you since he lost custody of your brother. If you have another relative who is willing to take your brother now, I say jump on that opportunity while it's still available!

[Krystal23]

Thank you 🙏🏾

[OlderAndWiser]

Good luck!

[Krystal23]

Thank you! I will keep you updated on the situation x

[Krystal23]

The social worker came today and she said that can he not stay with you for abit I said no. Because I live on my own and when you can’t trust someone to go out on their own it’s hard. Also this is my home for a good few years and I don’t live on rent so it’s like I can up on leave if anything happens. So I have another appointment on Monday and we will see what happens

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, please keep me updated.

[Krystal23]

Well my family are blackmailing me.. saying if anything happens to him when He goes foster care I shouldn’t cry because I let him go

[OlderAndWiser]

You have a sick family. Don't take their comments seriously.

[Krystal23]

Definitely not

[Anonymous]

Dont feel guilty about it coz you are not the one who got him in this situation, its your parents to be blamed for this coz they aren't mature enough to have marriage and kids in their life and they spoilt his life and now they are dragging others to take care of their son, for now let him go to foster home or your extended family can take care maybe after few years you can make your brother stay with you once your situation improves

[Krystal23]

Facts 👏🏾👏🏾 Like why have children if you can’t look after them properly and I hope this situation gets sorted

[Opinion Owner]

Thats why i am Pro-Choice

[LiamSawyer]

I fully agree with what older and wiser has advised you, thus my advice would be the same as his.

[Stevefiveo]

It is not your fault that your brother got arrested and it is not your fault for having bad parents. You can help your brother the best you can but you need to have boundaries and this is one of them.

[Krystal23]

Thank you!!! Xx

[Stevefiveo]

Welcome. Good luck.