Am I wrong for wanting a family dinner with my parents on my birthday?

[Anonymous]

So my parents never married and my father can’t stand my mother. I’ve come to realize that we’ve never had a family dinner before, just the three of us. I asked my mom if she would be down to go to a restaurant for my birthday and she said yes. I excitedly asked my dad and he said (and I quote) hell no. He sees no reason to go because he wouldn’t talk to my mother at all. He holds a lot of grudges with her because he’s housed her when she lost her place and she couldn’t follow the rules of no drinking in the house (mom is an angry drunk). While she didn’t drink in the house, she still came home drunk and even ran my dads foot over and rolled his arm up in the window while driving off. Though my dad is completely fine, she still hasn’t apologized for that or any other past fallouts they’ve had. I asked my dad to just cooperate for one day, my birthday. He still said no but came back a half hour later agreeing to go as long as this is the only time. When he said that I told him not to worry about it because what’s the point of going out when he doesn’t want to. He asked why I said no all of a sudden after begging and I said that if he didn’t want to go I won’t keep begging and just cancel the dinner all together. Am I wrong?

[TrueConfection]

It doesn't seem unreasonable to ask 2 adults to be civilized for just one evening for the sake of the one person they love in common.

Sadly, it is too much to ask and you can't expect them to play pretend or be super uncomfortable throughout your celebration and not say a peep about it. It would be miserable for everyone including you. It seems like your dad is the only one with the foresight to see the ruined birthday that will come from it, but after consideration he was willing to try for you regardless.

That's a birthday wish that won't have a happy ending. I recommend you go to lunch with one and dinner with the other or 2 different dates.

[kylee2437]

You should sit down and talk to your father. Tell him that his issues with your mother have nothing to do with you and he shouldn’t be punishing you for issues that aren’t your fault. Unfortunately your dad doesn’t see issues in his grudge holding issues and doesn’t see that it’s hurting you that they can’t put their issues to the side for the sake of you. You need to show him that you are hurt and his grudge holding is immature regardless of what he has been through with your mother

[Andres77]

You’ve got to face reality.

just enjoy the time with each of them. There’s nothing wrong with wanting this but it’s probably just not going to end well.

sorry…just my opinion. Maybe healing will occur later on.

happy birthday

[Sarahr123]

Yes you are wrong. Your mother has disrespected on several occasions and his self respect does not allow for him to be in the presence of this woman. You are not a child, you are a grown woman and so he doesn’t even need to communicate with this woman even regarding you.

Some things you just have to accept. My parents have been divorced for the last 13 years and would never want to be in the same room as each other for their own personal reasons. I have to respect that.

[Emiliamazing]

It just seems like you are would enjoy each other’s company much more if you enjoyed a meal with each of them at a different time of day.