My niece is a piece of shit and I want nothing to do with her?

[Anonymous]

My niece smokes and drinks and has straight Fs. She is 13 and I want both to do with her. My parents tell me to help her and I’m not a psychologist and I have my own life. I hate being around her she’s very negative person. I also don’t get along with her mother. I want to estrange them but my parents say I should kiss their ass and help them. We all don’t like each other yet my parents try to force us to be close? What should I do?

[SteveSmith1985]

I mean... this is insane. You aren't going to be of any help to your niece if that's how you feel about her.

That's as clear as anything can possibly be. In no world, will an aunt who feels like you feel about her niece... be of ANY help WHATSOEVER in helping to 'correct' a kid who seems to be going off the rails.

I'm a bit confused. It seems like your parents heart is in the right place:

They're concerned by your nieces behavior, and hope that perhaps her aunt might be able to 'relate' to her. They hope that maybe you would be able to 'get through' to her, and provide some needed guidance and direction... to steer her back from going down 'the wrong path'.

THat's not a bad plan. It's a plan that's certainly been tried before (with varrying degrees of success). But it's a 'normal' 'rational' plan for your parents to attempt.

More than anything, it seems to indicate that your parents care about your niece, are worried about her behavior, and want to try to do something to hopefully help her.

That's all well and good. That all makes sense to me. I'm not confused by any of that.

What confuses me, is when those same (seemingly rational and regular-thinking people) would INSIST on this plan IN THIS CASE, given how this particular aunt (you) feels about her niece. That confuses the hell out of me. This plan is clearly and obviously never going to have any chance of working, if you hate your niece.

Are they quite clear on how you feel about your niece? (I... feel like they probably already are).

Now, I am trying REALLY hard to remember that I don't know you, or your family, or your story, or history or anything like that. Maybe (hopefully) you are more justified in hating your 13-year-old niece than I think.

Because on-its-face... This is awful. By that I mean YOU'RE awful.


You come off as a selfish horrible human being. I'm really not CALLING you those things. (don't worry, if I were calling you those things, I'd just be straight-up about it).


I have to assume there's shit going on with you, that somehow mitigates how fucking awful this appears-on-its face. There HAS to be. I just can't believe someone would be so awful without some reason (which you certainly don't have any obligation to share with me)

Although, to be honest, I am having a lot of trouble imagining what serious offence a 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL could commit against somebody who was already 20-years old when she was born.

So, I'm not sure what you should do, aside from reiterating that you WON'T be of any help to your niece. It's POINTLESS for your parents to keep pushing that solution. They need to understand when it's time to abandon a plan because it is no longer workable. This plan (of your parents) is no longer workable. I feel like they SURELY will have to admit that, if you are vocal about how you feel about your niece. Either that, or your parents are immune to logic and reason... and that's a whole other ball-game.

Good luck.

[Asker]

That’s the thing I can’t relate at all to her…. I was a good kid and the real problem stems from the fact her mother does not like me.

[Asker]

Also I’ve tried and she’s gotten worse and worse. I spoil her I buy her stuff, I try to have positive talks and help her with homework etc. she still chooses to be trash and do drugs and drink and get all Fs. I am a grad student and I have a husband and pregnant with my first baby. I don’t have time to deal with all this. I love my niece and I helped raised her since she was born. I’m just over all of it. And I’m not on good terms with my sister (niece mom) either. My sister has been evil and jealous of me and so has her husband. I’m done with these people

[SteveSmith1985]

Alright. What you say is fair enough. There clearly are 'complicating' factors having to do with the dynamics between the adults in this situation. I apologize for being as harsh in my reply as I was. I just wish there wasn't a little girl going-off the deep-end and being left for the wolves. But it truly isn't your responsibility. This isn't some passive-agressive bullshit. I'm being sincere here. I can appreciate that you've got your own life, and there are a lot of built-up stuff going on between you and your sister etc. I just wish SOMEBODY was trying to help this kid. But you're right, it shouldn't fall to only you. So I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so harsh in what I said earlier. I wish you and your whole family all the best. 🙂

[Asker]

Thank you and I hope she gets the help she needs.

[Asker]

They believe me kissing her ass will help her be a better kid and that is dumb

[SteveSmith1985]

I agree. Kissing her ass isn't going to help. I also hope she gets the help she needs. Is professional help for her at all practical? (I totally understand if it isn't)

[Asker]

I really don’t know at this point but I believe the parents are hiding something so they don’t want professionals getting involved. I’m sick of all of it and want it out of my life.

[SteveSmith1985]

I mean... are you implying what I think you're implying about her parents hiding something, and not wanting professionals involved? If you are... then it IS your job to help her! But I'll leave it there. I won't keep asking you shit about this. You don't need to reply (unless you want to, which is fine) But I understand you not wanting to keep talking about this. 🙂

[CuriousMufuxka]

Tell all of them to fuck off! Really though if your parents seem so concerned, perhaps they should step in..

[Asker]

They do, but they get frustrated Autry’s to throw me into it because nothing has changed in a good way.

[Asker]

I keep telling them it’s out of our hands and she need professional help to step in.

[Sour-rose]

Well that's not very nice. But I'm currently learning myself this and I hope you can listen to this sour, wise rose.

You can drop that negativity off the face of the earth and let it die and you miss the person but not their negativity...

Or work with them to change their view of things before you do lose them have nothing but hatred in your heart forever. And if you can't... well at least try to keep in touch. Never know when you might need one for something.

[Agape93]

Screw em, it's not your responsibility. That's THEIR kid, THEY need to sort her shit out.