I love my mother more than life itself. I got in argument with my mum. I have never had a boyfriend and I am 24 years old. When I was 19–22 years I was told by my parents in particular by my mother don’t have a boyfriend until you finish your studies. My mum made a comment the other m day that your youth is going. I said to her you was the one who said I should not have a partner. I am going to move out of my parents house. Then she said to me moving to a city is not going to help anything. I said I feel trapped at home like I am in a box.
My mum has put me on dating sites to try to help me. However she likes the guys I do not like. Or when I like guy and she did not she would delete them. Even if I showed her a picture she would make comments about them. I understand my mum comes from a good place but.
I appogiesed for hurting her feelings. I feel extremely guilty. But I said I had to tell you how I feel and that is how I genuinely feel. I want some space and to make my own decisions and chooses. I understand she was trying to help because I have been very low at times. But I would like to choose who I want to go out with and make decisions. I do not want constantly seek approval I want to be free. My mum seems very withdrawn and low I have never seen her like this and I feel horrible. I love my mum and I would do anything for her.
Even though your mum indeed has the best intentions, she is still in the wrong here. And it's more than just "its your life you should choose whoever you want!". Honestly, this may be a cultural thing as well. This is not something typically happening in western culture. I may be wrong on this, so you'll need to give some more input.
There is one thing that your mom did well. And that is to keep you away from the promiscuous lifestyle that has negatively affected so many (young) women. So being a virgin at your age is actually a huge advantage for you.
But still... That doesn't mean your mom has the right to dictate who you should be with. Your mum is in the wrong because rather by teaching you how to seek the necessary qualities in a man, she dictates it for you. A parent should guide you in life, not pre-chew life's circumstances for you.
There is a saying: "Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day, but teach the man how to fish and you'll feed him for a lifetime" . In this case, your mom is trying to feed you the fish, only the fish is not to your liking.
The reality is, your mom shouldn't force her preference on you. This is your life, not hers. And just because she is "low" & "hurt" does not mean you should be guilt-tripped in giving in to her dictating your dating life.
You know why? I have seen how detrimental it is to one's overall happiness and dating life quality when a parent dictates a child's love-life. I have an ex whose mom didn't approve of me simply because of my race. Her mom wanted her to date someone from her own culture & race. And she contributed a lot to the demise of the relationship. Doing stupid stuff like trying to get her daughter (my ex) closer to other guys she would 'approve' of. Turns out the mom is a narcissist. I mean, despite the flat-out disrespect, lack of morals and lack of empathy toward me, it was HER DAUGHTER who took the L. She deprived her daughter of someone who genuinely was moving mountains for her daughter. And thanks to her, her daughter remained single, regressed in life and became overweight & even more miserable. All because the narcissistic mom of her believes her daughter is her property. Whereas I've healed and moved on to a better relationship, giving my love & support to someone else.
Back to you. You've come to age where you are no longer a child. You are a legal adult who should be making decisions for herself. You'll have to communicate this with your mother. Tell her you'll keep her wishes for a partner in mind when you seek out someone yourself. But that she has no right to dictate who you should love.
Thank you so much for the wonderful advice. I live in a western country I am British and my mum was also born in England 🇬🇧
I'm going to write my own answer, but this is all good advice here. It will save me some work... 👍
@MrOracle thanks I look forward to that