Do you think it is a good idea for someone to delete their social media accounts, throw away their phone, and just live a life away from technology all together and become uncontactable?
I'm in my late 30s and expecting my first baby. I don't have any friends, and after 7 years of being together and 3 months after we got married, I was dumped by my baby's dad, and now I am left going through this pregnancy alone with little to no help or support. If I even try to make friends, I get falsely accused of doing something I didn't do, or the person makes it known I am not welcome and they don't want me around. Some have just straight-up made it known they hate me. When I reach out asking for help, like when I was begging for help regarding my mental health, I am ignored or I get blocked, so clearly there is something about me that I must be doing that I am not unaware of that is driving people to feel the way they do about me.
It's not like anyone is contacting me now so I doubt anyone will even notice if I disappear and become uncontactable.
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No. Please don't do that.
I'm so sorry things have been so hard for you. This sounds truly awful. This is so much for anyone to go though.
Your life has been turned upside down in a way that's going to deeply fuck with anybody. You've just had your marriage come to an unexpected end (which is fucking a huge lifechanging super-hard monumental "awful fucking time") I mean, shit, that alone is enough to make people feel their world is crashing down. That's one of the harderst things people go through.
You haven't even got it that easy. You've got a child on the way.
In the best of cases that's stressful. Being suddenly left without a partner, and feeling no other supports... that's about as stressful a situation as any human being could find themselves in. It doesn't get much more frightening than what you're living and trying to navigate right now.
This is not the time to be making any drastic decisions about your life... that you don't HAVE to make right now.
Your plate is full. Fucking overflowing and cartoonishly piled-high with bullshit.
Most people never have to face anything like what you're having to go through right now. Not ever.
I don't know how I would handle being in your position. I can't blame you one bit for not knowing how you're going to handle being in your position either. But you are going to handle it nonetheless. In fact, you're doing it right now.
I don't know how you'll do it. And right now neither do you. AND THAT"S OK. how could you possibly know how you're going to cope with all of this. But... you will. Better than you believe you can.
I don't know what it will look like, but there WILL be an "other side" to all you're going through right now. Your life will be more stable, settled, and happy than you can possibly see from where you are now.
You just need to keep doing your best to slog through the bullshit. Just keep going. Don't run off into the woods and become a hermit (although, don't get me wrong... I get why you're feeling that way. I SOO get why you feel that way. It's just a bad idea. The opposite of what need)
I do know, that what you need are supports. What you need are friends, or family, or anyone else you've got in those social media contacts.
There may be specific relationships you need to cut-out-of-your life because they are bad for you. The very last thing you need in your life right now are shitty people who make it harder. So anyone who isn't good for you. Get rid of them
But surely there are people (even aquaintances) who are worth keeping in some sort of contact with. I hope there are at least some good people in your life who would like to help you who you aren't thinking of as people who you can reach out to. If threre's anyone like that... now's the time to reach out. This is as hard as hard-times get. If there's someone who cares about you, but who you might not talk to regularily enough for them to be aware of how difficult thing have suddenly become for you... now is the time to reach out to them. They want you to. (e. g. A favorite uncle from when you were a kid, an old friend from college, your childhood friend from back-in the day, etc)
You need people. You need supports. There are no supports in the woods. There is nothing for you in the woods. I understand totally why you just want to run and live alone in the woods. I just think that will make things harder for you not easier.
I promise, there's gonna be a time, when your kid is like maybe 2 or 3... where you're going to look at them, and realize that you got through this. You'll remember how fucked-up and awful everything was--for a long time. And how much you went through to get there. But you'll look at your kid, and your life won't be perfect. But it won't be the intense ball of anguish and worry it must be right now.
You'll feel like you made it to the other side of the (I hope) darkest time of your life. You'll feel a sense of happiness, comfort and security that seems impossible to you now. Like a mean joke to even suggest. And sorry if that's how it seems. But you'll see.
You're going to figure out how to get through this. Don't worry just because you aren't fully sure HOW yet. Just try to do "the next right thing" and keep putting one-foot in front of the other. You're stronger than you think you are. You're more capable, more resourceful and tougher than you know.
All you need to do is "hang in there" and don't run away to be a hermit in the woods (now there's a sentence I've never written on GAG before).
Feel free to DM me if you need to chat. Otherwise. Take care of yourself. Really. Do take care of yourself. It's easy to run yourself ragged when life gets ragged. Don't give up. Take things one-step at a time whenever possible. Don't try to eat the whole elephant in one mouthful. You eat an elephant one-bite-at-a-time. I hope you and your child find all the happiness you deserve. (But not in the woods! 🙂)
I honestly have no one and no support. I tried to join support groups on Facebook and was denied because my account isn't 12 months old. The one group who did accept me someone asked people if they were straight, bi etc and I said I was straight, next thing I am being hammered with comments going off at me for saying I was straight. They felt I was attacking the LBG community even when i wasn't. I didn't even know the group itself had mostly only people who were apart of the LBGQT community in there. The person who asked the question even came to my defence but they ended up turning on her as well, so I removed myself from the group.
I don't have anyone to talk to either. I've spoken to doctors and the social worker about how I am feeling and I even disclosed to them how my mental health is not in a good place and they just responded by telling me it's just pregnancy hormones and I snapped and said it's not pregnancy hormones they still didn't care. They didn't even care when I told them how the day before I hadn't felt my baby move at all and I had barely felt the baby move that day either. I told people at work the truth about what was going on and they just responded by saying you'll be alright. When my family found out about my depression they were furious with me and told me to stop acting like I was a victim when I have never once acted like a victim even after I was raped. When I reached out to in a way to make a complaint about one of the obstetrician who I seen who I felt was unprofessional, uncaring and who also made me feel uncomfortable the health department who I contacted to report the doctor to have not responded to my complaint.
I've been begging for help for years and just been straight up ignored by everyone and I have been further ignored by doctors during my entire pregnancy even though my pregnancy has been ruled high risk. I'm not even lying when I first got told my pregnancy was high-risk and there was a possibility my baby may not survive I started to cry and the doctor got annoyed with me and told me to stop crying.
I should have explained a bit better when I say disappear and become uncontactable I meant move away to the country or interstate and be only contactable to people via in person communication. I really appreciate everything you have written and I really appreciate your support during this very difficult time for me. It means a lot to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
This is awful. Just... awful. I've seen a lot of people who have been through a lot. But what you've been through and continue to go through leaves me at a loss-for-words. Nobody should have that much to carry. You're one strong woman to still be standing on your feet after all you've been through.
Please do keep trying to find those supports. That experience with the facebook group is really messed up. And it's especially messed up that it would happen to you, in particular who are in need of the groups support so badly. Please keep trying other groups or other avenues of support. You need someone on your side. You can't have every group decide to act crazy. You will find somewhere you fit. But don't get discouraged by the awful experience of the FB group. It'll be worth it to find a group that works for you. Do keep looking.
I really don't even know how I would cope with half of what you have on your plate. I really do think you're incredibly strong. I just wish you didn't have to be.
Your family being furious when you told them about your depression is so messed up. Just... so messed up. That's your family. What are they thinking. They're just not able to process that depression is legitimate. It doesn't compute for them (somehow) and so their only explanation is to accuse you of faking (because, to them, they can't understand how it could possibly be anything but that).
The way your being treated by doctors and the whole medical experience you described here is the most upsetting of all. I can't even begin to imagine being treated that way by doctors when you're having a high risk pregnancy, and are clearly struggling in a way the majority of the pregnant women they see are not struggling. To be afraid for your unborn child, and feel like nobody's listening to you or taking you seriously ON TOP of everything else. I'm like shaking rn I'm so upset by that. It's so fucking wrong. Just beyond words.
I can't do a damn thing to help you. I wish I could. But I can certainly lend an ear, if you ever feel like talking, venting, crying, or anything else. I'm pretty good at listening to any and all of that. No pressure. At all. But don't hesitate to message me, if you care to chat, vent etc.
Otherwise, hang in there. Keep trying to find some supports. Nobody should have to be so alone when going through a high risk pregnancy during such a difficult time in your life. Keep trying to find a group. I wish I could give you a hug.
Even on Gag. They just removed my other question where I asked for help falsely accusing me of doing something I never did
I seriously give up.
Hey now... no giving up. You've withstood so much already. Don't let freaking GAG be the thing to finally break you.
I am not sure why GAG removed your question. But, try not to take it personally. I'll bet you can probably ask your question still if you phrase it differently. Even if it's the nature of your question that's the problem... then maybe give up on getting an answer to that specific question rn (if that's possible).
But, no giving up. You already know you can't. The fact that you're pregnant makes me know you won't give up. No matter how badly you want to. You're GONNA get through this.
So, (again, if possible), my suggestion would be: To stop trying to fight this particular dragon, right now... at least on GAG.
How about community-based support groups? (ones that meet in person somewhere like a community center). People aren't going to act as crazy with you face-to-face. Online people can act in ways they never would in real life. There HAS to be something in your community to help connect you with those community-based resources that exist in your community.
Somewhere else you might want to consider, would be a shelter/center for abused women. They may not be the service you need (although they might very well be able to help with some things. I'm not really sure).
But a place like that WILL know how to get you connected with resources you don't know about. They have their own network of very clandesting resources (due to the nature of the shelter) in the community that are going to be geared specifically towards women. They will be the place who would know where a woman who has nobody at all (their usual clientel) can go for support for her pregnancy. Really. You need to check out a battered-women's-shelter in your area. There is one.
THAT really is what you should try. They are meant to help people who literally have nobody to support them in most cases. They are your best bet to get in touch with resources YOU CAN"T FIND ANY OTHER WAY. Trust me... check out a women's shelter. (and please don't tell me you already have, and they didn't help you. Because then I'm just gonna cry)
No dont isolate yourself it will makenyour mental health even worst
I really don't know what else to do. I have spoken to doctors and disclosed I am not in a good place mentally and I even said how I had thoughts of leaving my baby at the hospital and disappearing and they just responded by telling me my emotions were just pregnancy hormones and other people have gone off at me for me for being depressed and said I am not a victim when I have never claimed to be a victim even when I was raped I never went around saying I am a victim. I do understand what you are saying but I am just so torn because not isolating myself is not helping if anything it just feels like I am unwanted and hated wherever I go but I also know isolating myself will make my mental health worse as I done this many years ago. Wasted a lot of time sleeping away in bed and barely leaving the house.
Thank you for your help thank you
Have u tried therapy
I did therapy in the past and stopped due to the bad experiences I had from having the psychologist tell me it was my fault i was raped to having another psychologist constantly talk to me about her other patients and why she was treating them. She was going into very deep details with me about her other patients including telling me how the patient she seen before me her boyfriend had cheated on her to even telling me in detail about another patient she was treating for ptsd and why he had ptsd
However since my pregnancy I've been begging to go into therapy but in order to do therapy you need the doctor to do a care plan for you which is similar to a referral but the doctors won't do this for me so as of right now I cannot go into therapy without the care plan
I'm sorry u had 2 shit therpists and if u ever want to talk or vent just shoot me a message I know I can't fix or help u but if u ever need to talk just throw me a message
I seriously give up
Gag just removed my other question wherr I asked for help falsely accusing me of doing something I never did. I give up asking for help. I'm definitely going to isolate myself from this moment on
Accused u of what and did they remove it or hide it
I say do what you feel is right for you and your baby.
And make sure the baby's father pays child support.
Laws where I am state unless he signs paperwork acknowledging the baby is his or I take him to court to force him to do a paternity test to prove he is the father he doesn't have to pay any child support and even if he is court ordered to pay he will only be made to pay a maximum of $1,200 for an entire year and possibly even less than that depending on what he makes from working.
$20 a week which is the minimum amount in child support he will have to pay won't even cover the cost to buy baby formula which is sadly what i do need to give the baby as I am not producing any breast milk to be able to breast feed.
Thank you for your help thank you