How do you deal with relatives who hold grudges against other relatives?

[Anonymous]

But the problem is not with you directly is against other members of the family who they do noteget along with? In this case the problem is them or the problem is the family?

I have two cousins who are siblings one is 49 and the other is 55. They both behave like immature people who has not grow up and put the past in the past with the family. These 2 particular cousins have grudges and are mad at some other couisns and even 3 of theri aunts, their mom sisters. The mother even if they do have disagreements with their sisters often and these cousins mom most of the time is not tactful as how to express things, they are still her sisters and she still talk to them but this aunt children are the ones who have disagreements and grudges with many relatives and other aunts and that has been happening for several years. This was caused due to some business all my aunts have and got in the way with family relations at the same time and that started many years ago and still up to this date these 2 cousins will never forget and let go even if the family business my aunts own still are in problems. These 2 cousins can't accept some of their own relatives sided with other relatives (who were right) in something related to the business and they do not sided with their mother (who was and is wrong)

The only relatives these cousins and their respecitve children do not hold grudges and still talk and we have a family relationship are me and my immediate family (my mom, my sister and my brother) cause for them we are their closest family relatives b uyt also they do know that me and my immediate family do talk to the relatives they hold grudges to as me and my family do not have problems with the others, the ones with the grudges are these 2 particular cousins.

Imagine that these cousins when planning birthdays or get togethers (Christmas, New Year get togethers) they only invite me and my family, they dont invite anyone else of the family

Updates

9 mo

not another aunt or their kids noone else. In the past and many years ago when it came to bdays and that type of celebrations the whole family was invited and at my house we always have a get together with all, not anymore. I have 2 aunts who came to visit us from the USA 3 weeks ago and they had not visited us for like more than 8 years, these 2 aunts while being here they had see most of all their nieces and nephews and their other sisters. Guess who they had no seen? Yep, these particular

Updates

9 mo

2 cousins, not because these aunts dont want to at the end, my cousins are these aunts niece and nephew but they are aware their own niece and nephew do not want to see them and that is the truth, these 2 cousins do not want to see their aunts since they came to the country to visit the family, they are not interested.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

If they’ve held these grudged for years, then it’s likely not a “grudge” but an unaddressed emotional wound caused by whatever disagreement happened between them. You can encourage your cousins to forgive, but that’s about it. You can’t control their responses and you can’t control the hurt that leads them to being angry. All anger comes from a place of hurt, and it sounds like with the family splitting up and taking sides it’s a serious enough issue that would better be solved with a professional mediator than anything you could do on your own.

[sheikalana]

My dad holds a huge grudge against my godfather which is also his brother in law for stuff that happened years ago. It's childish AF especially when during family meetings my dad tries to pick on my godfather for the most ridiculous reasons. I personally never intervened but I would if things escalated really badly. My dad is wrong most of the times he picks on these stupid fights.

[Anonymous]

The only one who does that in my family is my mom and she only does it against her side of the family and my father's side of the family. We've never really been close with either so it's not an issue.

If we ever have infighting in my family (which is very seldom) the rest of us are pretty good about talking the angry one down off the ledge so to speak.

[Deformate]

Let them get on with it. They aren't gonna change so just do your thing and dont get drawn into it.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, there’s nothing you can do. A cousin of mine held a grudge against me for years. She refused to speak to me or acknowledge my presence. We eventually got back on a good foot for a couple of years, but she recently removed me from all of her social media accounts. So, I don’t think the grudge ever really went away.

[midnightmoon05]

Didn’t read. Too much drama. I stay away. Not my business.

[jwmiller95]

Sounds like they don't have much going on in their lives or aren't happy

[TheeTrybrid]

I just take turns on inviting them to the family get togethers

[Pinay_ako]

Life is too short for grudges. Forgive and let go

[Asker]

I mean so these cousins are not dojng the right thing. These cousins can't forget and let go and the irony they post on theri social media inspirational messages about positive things and stuff like tat.

[Pinay_ako]

They’re hypocrites then. Just stay away from them. They’re toxic

[Asker]

I can't for these cousins me and my immediate family are the closest relatives they have. I mean me and my family get along with all relatives, and the ones who dont are veyr aware I do get along well with them and the other ones. I beleive the problem are my cousins not the rest of the family

[FreyaRed]

If I'm not involved, I don't care.

[Pyrofox]

You get cut off for having a grudge.

[captain_voidwalker]

The thunder dome 2 men enter one man leaves

[Thot_Stomper]

Lock them in a room with a hammer.

[DreamLife7]

Mind your business