What do I do about my autistic friend that has a very huge ego and refuses to listen to other people’s opinions? ?

[Anonymous]

So I have this friend (let’s call her Clarissa) and she is mostly a sweet girl but she tends to have a huge ego and hates being corrected when she is wrong. She thinks she knows everything but when someone corrected her or calls her out, she gets defensive. I mean she will hear what you’re saying but when you tell her things, she ALWAYS makes it about herself. I mean every goddamn time. I know she has trouble reading social cues because to put it bluntly, she sucks at it. Anyways I was explaining to her about my financial troubles and she did listen but she kept making the conversation about herself. She kept saying how glad her parents were wealthy (as she claimed them to be) and never in financial troubles. I got frustrated and kept dropping hints about my financial struggles and AGAIN she makes the talk about herself. I got sarcastic and feisty. She looked confused and then I went ballistic at her, “WHY THE HELL DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT YOU EVERY TIME ME SOMEONE VENTS! She looked confused and then I said, “We are getting evicted!! Of course you don’t get it because you are too dense to see the point!” She looked shocked and said, “WTF?” Then I said, “Just forget it! I gotta go! I couldn’t take it anymore and this happened over the weekend. I’ve been friends with her for about four years and I think I’m going to end up becoming I am at my ends wits about it! I’ll explain why I’m angry and hurt she doesn’t LISTEN to what I have to say. She kept texting me but I didn’t answer. Should I end the friendship with her? Also, one time her old classmates tried to speak to her, but she get in the old coldtried to speak to her, but she get in the cold shoulder. That is really mean and cruel.

[Anonymous]

Usually when we do that, that’s how we show that we’re empathising with you, because we base our understanding of other people’s feelings on how we would feel. We are autistic. We don’t have all the same wiring to understand exactly what non autistic socially appropriate empathy looks like. You can either take her as she is, or reject her, as the more severe or less intelligent cases don’t learn to pick up on what you’re saying. It’s beyond them. They are too disabled. I have mild Asperger’s syndrome; and still I have people assume that I know more than I do about others and social cues. My mum used to say; ‘but I wasn’t talking about you.’ I learnt eventually alone, from my mum not being particularly sensitive, that you don’t empathise by telling people about yourself. They want you to listen and validate them. Not everyone is capable of learning that. I say that as an autistic woman, with autistic friends and as an ex support worker for the disabled. Secondly, don’t be too hard on yourself. You haven’t done anything wrong. It sounds like this friendship just isn’t going to work for either of you. Don’t stay friends with her out of pity.

[Asker]

Oh well I understand y’all wanna empathize with others but talking about yourselves doesn’t help! It feels like you guys don’t care about others but yourself. I’ll give her a text or a call and tell her I am done. I can’t be friends with someone that doesn’t care to listen or has a huge ego. Don’t care if she’s autistic or disabled. I will tell her truth either she wants to hear it or hot. Sick of autistic adults getting babied. They’re ADULTS.
You guys don’t have the same wired brains like us NT people. No wonder it makes sense. Thanks for explaining it. Don’t you wish you were an NT?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, good move. Unless she’s as mild as I am, which it doesn’t sound like, she’ll never pick up on her inappropriate behaviour and change it like I have. Sometimes yes, but I can pose as normal and bubbly to people who don’t know me well. I sometimes wish I didn’t have to ask so many questions to better understand people. On the other hand, were I not autistic, I wouldn’t have some of the incredible friendships I’ve made.

[Opinion Owner]

You haven’t done anything wrong.

[Asker]

Okay thank you. That’s probably why she don’t have friends because she doesn’t care to change and better herself and I told her that. She complained that her coworker got distant after finding out she’s autistic and doesn’t really speak or avoids eye contact.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s tough for her. However, it’s not your problem. Autistic people aren’t incapable of being emotionally manipulative.

[DarkLegacy]

I wish us male Autistics would have more confidence to be this way. My problem is people not accepting when i am right on something which i am almost all of the time

[Asker]

Is that so?

[DarkLegacy]

Yes it is

[Christoff92]

Just let her be. Do the things that you want to do. Let her be a blubber mouth.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s probably a good idea and will probably just hang out without having her room because quite frankly with her and it’s very exhausting. I don’t think she realized that she is that person or friend no one likes..

[BoopBoopBeep]

So why do you hang out with this person?

[jahaims]

You should read about autism. She is trying to relate to you by talking about herself.