Is it worth it being a single parent? question for single parents ONLY?

[Anonymous]

Right now, I found a man to have kids with. We aren't in a romantic relationship. I haven't had any luck with romance through my years. Its always been my life long dream to become a mother. But there are just a few problems... the man that I"m having kids with is a great man, great father, great son, amazing family man. But he is just not very smart, not successful, doesn't make enough money to support a family. On the other hand, I make well over 100k so it is quite obvious that I will be the breadwinner.

My concern is about having kids with a man without a high IQ. He isn't academically gifted. Neither am I. We both have always been very average students in school. Both of us are college are educated. We both had our own set of failures in life and school. We were always satisfactory as students, never great students. We were always very average, but not bright.

As you might now be aware of: automation is taking over unskilled jobs: Fast food jobs, low wage jobs are disappearing... those who are incompetent or cannot succeed in school will only starve to death. Our society is depleting unskilled labor and moving on to skilled labor: designing robots and developing AI. Soon it might only be only intelligent people being able to eat and live. I know this will be part of my children's future.

I don't want to spend my older years worrying myself to death about my child's inability to survive the world. Today, the masters degree is the new bachelors degree. The bachelors degree is the new high school diploma. I don't see this getting any better 20 years from now. And it is what frightens me.

Updates

7 mo

My other option is to not have kids with this man and have a one night stand with a brilliant ivy league graduate which will really improve my chances of having a baby (smarter than me). But I will become a single parent with nobody to assist me in raising the child. Things would be much harder without someone to lean on when times get rough... It will be hard having to do everything all by myself. Doing this will give me more reassurance that my baby will be able to survive in the future.

Updates

7 mo

Having kids with a brilliant man will give me more reassurance that my baby will be able to survive in the future. But at a significant cost of myself... years of torture, work raising this child all on my own.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness who cares if he isn't very smart. Do you think that kids gives a shit no. Kids only care about their parents being there with them to play with them and to teach them and if this guy who you say you are going to have kids with is a good guy that's what matters most.

To go out and have a one night stand just to have a kid is pretty selfish and I think your kid would also agree. Your child will constantly grow up wondering who their biological father was and imagine if you have health issue and that child needed a transplant but the only one who could was the biological father because no one else could donate.

Being a single parent is also not easy I'm doing it and it is damn hard especially having a baby that is very clingy and won't go to anyone but you and who also won't even let you put them down without them crying. If you say you will get a nanny or a babysitter than why even have a child if you won't be raising that child

[Asker]

Cuz stupid kids may not survive the real world in the future due to automation. Im terrified

[Asker]

I dont think being fatherless is a terrible thing.
I myself was abused by my father. I grew up wishing he was dead on a daily basis.
Even though i been through trauma he put me through, I grew up to be college educated, respectful, kind hearted person.

Not having a father is better than having a bad father

Not having a father is no excuse to not do well in life. I was put in a worse situation... i still made it out alive successful and well

[Opinion Owner]

You really should not be a mother. Your attitude sucks and that poor kid will be left traumatized by you.

Ok so you were abused and I'm sorry you went through that but this does not mean that any other potential guy out there will abuse the child. Also growing up without a father, maybe go and educate yourself and speak with other people who grew up without a father and see how for many it severely impacted them and their life growing up not having a dad. I know my ex struggled knowing his dad wasn't in his life much growing up. So not having a dad can destroy someone.

Your attitude also about not having a father is no excuse to not do well in life. Ever heard of depression? Just recently a guy known to many took his own life after losing his own dad so you need to stop such shit talking because just because you went through things and got on with your life doesn't mean it won't severely have an impact on someone else and knock them down

[Opinion Owner]

Having a one night stand just to have a kid is selfish. You don't even seem to care how much this could potentially hurt that baby. You don't even seem to understand that if you went on to have a one night stand and fell pregnant just to have a child you would be screwed if your child needed a transplant but the only one who could donate to save your child's life was the guy you slept with just to have a child. Than you potentially killed your child because you can't find the guy to donate to save your child's life.

You don't even seem to understand that the guy you hook up with may have disabilities or health issues that run in his family that could be passed onto your child.

[Asker]

Many people feel not having a father destroys a child because you were TRAINED BY SOCIETY TO THINK THAT WAY. society taught you that you should feel bad about not having a father. So thats why you feel bad.

There are LESBIAN COUPLES who raise children together. GAY COUPLES who raise kids together. Studies even show that their kids even do better in school. You dont need a male parent to succeed in life. ALL THAT MATTERS IS IF YOU HAVE GOOD PARENTS.

[Asker]

[Just recently a guy known to many took his own life after losing his own dad]

Why would my kid suicide if he never knew or cared about his father? Would you suicide over someone you NEVER KNEW?

you're surely are looking for stupid excuses to guilt trip someone aren't you?

[grew up without a father and see how for many it severely impacted them and their life growing up not having a dad]

In vast majority of cases, kids suffer more being raised by single moms due to POVERTY. SINGLE MOMS ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE UNDER POVERTY. This gives the single mom and her children a lot of stress in daily life. But this can't be said for single moms that are rich or financially stable

[Asker]

Another expert on fatherhood, sociologist Tim Biblarz of the University of Southern California-Los Angeles, says the evidence shows economics plays a significant role in the risk for negative outcomes, such as poorer grades and lower educational attainment, substance abuse or poor social adjustment.

"Those who grow up with single mothers with adequate socioeconomic resources tend to do well. The children of poor single mothers are more at risk," Biblarz says. "Many of the results that say that kids are at increased risk for negative outcomes have to do with economics."

Lamb says children do better if they have a good relationship with the in-home parent, as well as if the parents have low conflict; if the parent has economic resources; and if children have individual resilience to adverse circumstances.

What's important is not whether they are raised by one or two parents. It's how good is the relationship with the parent, how much support they're getting from that parent and how harmonious is the environment.

www.google.com/.../2

[Asker]

New research led by Dr Deni Mazrekaj at Oxford’s Department of Sociology indicates that children raised by same-sex parents from birth perform better than children raised by different-sex parents in both primary and secondary education.

www.sociology.ox.ac.uk/.../new-study-indicates-children-raised-same-sex-parents-perform-better-school

[lightbulb27]

I've seen kids without fathers and they can turn out ok, but there is that void and question they try to fill. I'd take that over a bad father (or mother). It depends upon the personality, mother and parenting. It's not an easy job to parent given all the decisions and stressors in life. There's other factors like... what if mom gets sick, loses job, dies. Just handling "colds" and being tired, can be a hard day... if lack support. It's important to have support, family. Two are better than one as long as they work together.
Anything can work.

[lightbulb27]

lots of businesses he could run if he ain't that smart but is hard working and motivated. More labor oriented but like plumbing, welding, hvac, solar panels sales/install possibly...

good analysis. the child will have part of him so it's a factor. I can't say if his issue is his limited brain or lack of training.

tough call...

[Asker]

No. he's just not bright. he's not so incompetent the point where he can't graduate high school.
Trade jobs definitely will still exist but imagine 10 million dummies fighting over just a few trade jobs? Someone is gonna starve and im terrified it will be my child

[Asker]

Having kids with a brilliant mind will give me a peace of mind that my kid will have what it takes to make a living in the future. Having a not so bright kid may lead me to years of worries , torture and grief as my child approaches 18 and finally has to look for a job. Will my Child be competitive enough for school, jobs?

On the other hand, having kids on my own from a one night stand with a brilliant harvard grad will just mean single motherhood which is something i know is extremely stressful and something i am hesitant to take on

[NotInterestedSorry]

@asker you realise there are a lot of kids out there who don't have a high iq or brilliant mind who have gone on to have successful careers. My niece doesn't have the best iq yet she is about to graduate and become a fully qualified vet where she could potentially make a bit of money especially if she goes on to own her own business. She barely passed the grades to make it into uni as well.

My nephew on the other hand who is quite smart and passed school easily has zero interest in going to uni or chasing after high paying jobs. He just wants to find a job that he will enjoy.

Who cares if someone is a tradesman it doesn't make them dumb. Maybe they chose that career because they actually enjoy that kind of work. You realise many who work in this industry go on to make lifelong friends which to many people is more important than chasing after high paying jobs. So you need to stop looking down on those people because if it weren't for those people you would be screwed when you would be forced to do your own work because you wanted to look down on tradesman and their work

[lightbulb27]

I don't recommend being a single mother if you can avoid it...
it's a valid question. I honestly.. was not that bright. A lot can be achieved by hard work and good parenting. I graduated top of my class in college after mediocre high school. It's a fair concern that kids will have something to do, but train them well, probably ok... or at least have a chance.

[NotInterestedSorry]

@asker if this is your attitude I'm sorry bit you definitely should not be a mother because your attitude absolutely sucks and that child will suffer if they decide they want to be a tradesman and they have someone like you looking down on them

[Asker]

@NotInterestedSorry

I get called intelligent a lot by my friends due to my ability to plan ahead, make wise decisions. If reality is negative, I have the right to be negative. If the future is positive, I have the right to be positive.

You keep using "today" as a comparison for 30-50 years in the future. Todays world in 2023 will be a different world compared to 2060. Just like 1940 is a completely different world from 2015. The world will change as time goes on. Back then in 1940, any idiot could get a job at a factory and raise a family off of that. Nowadays, there are no factory jobs!!! Even if you got a factory job, its not enough to support a family. It was more possible to survive as a stupid idiot in 1940 than in 2015.

there will be FEWER JOBS in the future which will lead to increased competition for the remaining jobs. Trade jobs will still exist. But there will be an overwhelming mass number of low IQ people competing for these positions. Imagine if there were only 1000 trade jobs but there are 10 million "low IQ" people competing for them.

For corporate offices, silicon valley designing AI, it will likely be very brilliant people. Nowadays, it's the most brilliant people from ivy league schools that are designing AI. I don't see this changing any time soon. These are highly paid positions that are ridiculously competitive to get hired into.
Its definitely not for the average joe to be able to obtain these jobs.

As time goes on... it gets increasingly difficult to survive as less competent person.

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

I worked my ass off in college, I was never able to graduate at the top of my class. I worked extremely hard in high school, I was never valedictorian. sure, you may have graduated at the top of your class but if you came from an entire school of bad kids who never studied... it might be very easy to graduate at the top of the class.

Often times, Hard work can't make up for lack of talent. Its kinda like saying if you practiced basketball enough, you would be able to join the NBA. It won't be possible if you are 5 feet 1 inches with super short legs and you can't walk fast. Some people are just not designed to accomplish certain things.

there will be FEWER JOBS in the future which will lead to increased competition for the remaining jobs. Trade jobs will still exist. But there will be an overwhelming mass number of low IQ people competing for these positions. Imagine if there were only 1000 trade jobs but there are 10 million "low IQ" people competing for them.

For corporate offices, silicon valley designing AI, it will likely be very brilliant people. Nowadays, it's the most brilliant people from ivy league schools that are designing AI. I don't see this changing any time soon. These are highly paid positions that are ridiculously competitive to get hired into.
Its definitely not for the average joe to be able to obtain these jobs.

As time goes on... it gets increasingly difficult to survive as a less competent person.

[lightbulb27]

true about B-ball. genetics and resources play a part. but some people can be short and do other things very well. Some people with brain injuries are incredible at math. You just never know.
Best nurses may not necessarily be brilliant, but have compassion.
It's all a gamble. If you want guarantees, I have none. have to operate on some hope, faith and love.
but yes, any child can suffer in this world, and that thought... prevented me from having kids. Be careful with fear, it's powerful.

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

Its easy to say not to become a single mother. Of course, it will benefit my life. But it won't benefit my child's life. Parents feel every single thing a child feels. When a child suffers, the parent suffers. I don't know if I would be able to handle the grief and worry of my child not being able to "make it in life" when it grows up. There is just so much torment to it. It will suck the life out of me.

I make enough money to be able to afford to raise a child on my own. I make 150k a year. But hiring a babysitter to look after my child during the days where I am working will cost much of my salary. I also don't trust strangers caring for my child especially if it is under 9 years olds. Its a very hard decision to make.

[lightbulb27]

I agree. it's good you are thinking through it and make the best of it. I don't know anyone else whom so thought through it like that, but maybe women do that in general... naturally in their selection process.
maybe that's why some go for the "alpha guy" (when young) to make kids and then settle down with the "beta guy" for support if that bombs.

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

[true about B-ball. genetics and resources play a part. but some people can be short and do other things very well. Some people with brain injuries are incredible at math. You just never know.]

Being good at basketball will not earn you a living. Plenty of kids are great at basketball, how many actually make it to the NBA?

[Best nurses may not necessarily be brilliant, but have compassion.]

I actually failed to get into a highly competitive nursing program when I was 18 years old. Because of the fact that I got a few Bs when I should've gotten an A. Nursing programs are competitive. They are very hard to get into. Out of 300 applicants, only 40 seats. Only 40 people with the best grades got in. 30 years ago, nursing programs were not nearly as cutthroat. Nowadays, its a killer. And I'm sure it will remain the same for the years to come.

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

I hope you realize that the same goes for pharmacy programs at university. Just because you want to study nursing , it does not mean the university will automatically let you study nursing. Just because you want to study to become a pharmacist, it does not mean that the university will automatically let you study it.

You have to take a certain number of courses, to prove that you are academically capable. Then you will apply to the nursing / pharmacy program. They will review your grades... compare your grades to the other applicant's grades... Then they will pick the ones with the highest grades. Only these people will be able to study to become pharmacists.

Maybe now you might understand why I am so worried about this topic

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

[Maybe that's why some go for the "alpha guy" (when young) to make kids and then settle down with the "beta guy" for support if that bombs.]

alpha men don't tend to make good husbands. Very few "alpha males" are considerate, respectful, caring, kind individuals. Alpha males tend to put themselves first , like to be in control, and make all the decisions of the household. That type of mentality is sexy but simply won't work in an era where women work, help pay bills, and desire freedom.

To fulfill a role of a husband, a man must have a softer , more caring, supportive side to him. Men can't always be in control 100%. Sometimes a woman needs to be heard, and have the freedom to make her own decisions. she's an adult, not a child.

[lightbulb27]

NBA - few. My point is, there's other sports... if that is their skill set. Theworld may be changing a lot, but I still see lots of successful people around me.
Nursing - I know people that are nurses that weren't like super smart. Just go to community college. you may be in a different world.
Alpha/Beta guys - agree. There's alpha guys that can do that, many though... are not mature. beta guys can be worse... needy, non commital, etc..
These are just some of the issues and challenges...:) If ya want easy, get a cat...:)
Look... it wasn't easy 1,000 years ago, yet you are here. your grandparents are rooting for you... from their graves...

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

you have a very carefree attitude towrads this because you likely don't have children of your own.

[NBA - few. My point is, there's other sports... if that is their skill set. Theworld may be changing a lot, but I still see lots of successful people around me.]

only skill sets that can earn you money matter... vast majority of people aren't good at sports. I won't make a baby with the expectation that there will be a high chance it will succeed at sports. Usually vast majority of the time, it is being academically gifted that will earn you a living. 95% of the time, it is the person who is the most brilliant that usually gets the job. The vast majority of rich successful people have high IQs. When was the last time you found a stupid self made millionare? Never!!!

[Nursing - I know people that are nurses that weren't like super smart. Just go to community college. you may be in a different world.]

its the same at community colleges. Vast majority of the colleges have very competitive programs... you don't know more about this than me... i was a former pre- nursing student. You need a pretty high gpa to get in. No academically incompetent student can study nursing nowadays. Maybe 30 years ago, but not in 2023

[lightbulb27]

I know two guys that weren't that smart, one was dyslexic... the other had serious issues in high school. Both successful business men. The guy that created Wendys was adopted... not sure how smart he was. A lot of it is parenting.
I agree with a lot of what you say and agree since I don't have kids, I'm not sweating it. I have step kids... one is hard worker, successful... but the brain needs a lot of work, ya know... has flaws. Ya work the issues, they will be ok enough. got family to pass on reasources to them... that helps. If you are on your own... that's hard.
but you are extreme in your thinking. I'm not sure if you have other things going on... control issues? I've never heard anyone in such position, so not sure what to tell you. Therapist? Sociologist? Geneticist? God? dunno...

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

[I know two guys that weren't that smart, one was dyslexic... the other had serious issues in high school. Both successful business men. The guy that created Wendys was adopted... not sure how smart he was. A lot of it is parenting.]

it is easier to be successful in 2023 than in 2060. it was easier to be successful in 1970 than in 2023. you can't say that just cuz a rare few people made it today, then it will be the same number in 2060. You need to be able to think reasonably in different perspectives

[I'm not sure if you have other things going on... control issues? I've never heard anyone in such position, so not sure what to tell you. Therapist? Sociologist? Geneticist? God? dunno...]

I"m frantically asking about this topic because I"'m talking about my own precious child. You sound like you just couldn't care less because you don't have any of your precious children's lives at risk. I dont need god... I just need to talk to someone who cares about the topic being discussed. Doesn't sound like you're the least bit concerned.

[lightbulb27]

you are afraid of the future and projecting suffering into it. It's somewhat realistic, but also extreme. Maybe your children would fly to another planet by then?
Fear is no way to live... there is no love in fear... and that's what the children would need.
I don't see other parents talking like this and I'm not in your shoes. Everyone is different. like I said, if you have family wealth to pass to them, they have better chance. If on your own with a dumb husband.
It's all a crapshoot... I know smart people that have kids that require lifetime care. I've read of highly intelligent people, whom made stupid mistakes and died miserable deaths.
There are no guarantees. make best decision you can. good luck.

[lightbulb27]

you are an anon person, I don't put that much energy into such people that hide. I've put countless hours into others in real life.

[NotInterestedSorry]

@asker you say a parent feels everything a child feels and how if the child suffers the parent suffers. Yet you don't seem to understand the attitude you have is going to have a negative impact on that child if you bring a child into this world deliberately as a single parent.

Say you go on to be a single mom. What will happen to that child if one day you go out and don't return home because you have been killed. That poor kid will now not only have no mother but they will also have no father and they will potentially could be placed in foster care where they could be abused. It doesn't seem like you are thinking about any of these things all you seem to think about is having a kid and making sure they have a brilliant mind and that you don't want them working a particular job.

Just because you grew up without a father and have done okay for yourself, it doesn't mean the child you bring into the world will be the same. Your not stopping to even think or consider the possibility of how much that could hurt and destroy that baby not having a father. I have a lot of nieces and nephews and one of my nephews is out there committing crimes because he is struggling not having his dad around. He is committing these crimes because he lashing out because he is not coping without his dad. Growing up without a dad really can and does tear someone apart and it destroy their happiness

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

[It's somewhat realistic, but also extreme]

My concern is extreme for my child? you're ridiculing me for loving my child and wanting to make sure it won't suffer?

Thank god you didn't have any kids. You would have made such a terrible father. A bad parent is one who simply doesn't care.

[don't see other parents talking like this and I'm not in your shoes.]

MY PARENTS raised me worrying about me everyday on whether or not i would survive when i grow up. I know plenty other parents who have the same worries... other parents won't tell you their kid isn't smart enough. Other parents won't come to you to tell you about their inner most secrets... but i guarantee you they talk to their spouses every night about this topic.

If you're willing to RIDICULE A MOTHER FOR BEING CONCERNED OUT OF LOVE... its a sure sign that you're a terrible uncaring parent.

YET you wonder why your step kids are selfish and refuse to care for you when you get old. Well maybe because you are a selfish uncaring person yourself. Kids know if they are your top priority. And its clear they aren't. So thsts how they treat you right back

[Asker]

[Your not stopping to even think or consider the possibility of how much that could hurt and destroy that baby not having a father. ]

its not going to destroy a child's life. you were taught by society that it should destroy your life. thats why you feel that way. Studies actually show that kids born to lesbian / gay parents actually do better in school. Having a MALE PARENT does not matter. As long as the kid has great parent.

[I have a lot of nieces and nephews and one of my nephews is out there committing crimes because he is struggling not having his dad around.]

my kid will never suicide over someone he never knew or cared about. quit trying to guilt trip. ok?

[Just because you grew up without a father and have done okay for yourself, it doesn't mean the child you bring into the world will be the same]

I wished I never had a father. My childhood would've been so much better WITHOUT A FATHER. Its not the kids that don't have dads that should be pitied Its the kids that get ABUSED who you should actually feel bad for. I see a life without a father as glamorous.

[What will happen to that child if one day you go out and don't return home because you have been killed. ]

Then send it to a foster home. In case, I won't be there anymore. I will set up hundreds of thousands of dollars in trust fund for the child up until it turns 18 and plenty of money for my child to go to college.

you know what is worse?

born out of poverty to 2 broke parents who can't send their kids to college. what you will only end up with is grown children struggling to pay bills and start families of their own.

[Asker]

@NotInterestedSorry

[Your not stopping to even think or consider the possibility of how much that could hurt and destroy that baby not having a father. ]

its not going to destroy a child's life. you were taught by society that it should destroy your life. thats why you feel that way. Studies actually show that kids born to lesbian / gay parents actually do better in school. Having a MALE PARENT does not matter. As long as the kid has great parent.

[I have a lot of nieces and nephews and one of my nephews is out there committing crimes because he is struggling not having his dad around.]

my kid will never suicide over someone he never knew or cared about. quit trying to guilt trip. ok?

[Just because you grew up without a father and have done okay for yourself, it doesn't mean the child you bring into the world will be the same]

I wished I never had a father. My childhood would've been so much better WITHOUT A FATHER. Its not the kids that don't have dads that should be pitied Its the kids that get ABUSED who you should actually feel bad for. I see a life without a father as glamorous.

[What will happen to that child if one day you go out and don't return home because you have been killed. ]

Then send it to a foster home. In case, I won't be there anymore. I will set up hundreds of thousands of dollars in trust fund for the child up until it turns 18 and plenty of money for my child to go to college.

you know what is worse?

born out of poverty to 2 broke parents who can't send their kids to college. what you will only end up with is grown children struggling to pay bills and start families of their own

[Asker]

@notinterestedsorry

Life is not a fairy tale , sweetie. Kids get bullied, traumatized, or emotionally / physically abused by their parents, fathers may leave, parents may divorce , kids may only see their dads 1 time a month, some parents are too poor to send their kids to college...

these aren't excuses to do poorly or fail in life...

life isn't perfect. life isn't a fairy tale. don't expect life to be fairy tale.

[lightbulb27]

You make some valid points but it's "excessive worry". How bad is your life, I don't know you. Something is wrong and not healthy on your side. Lots of people are having kids, intelligent people and others as well. Yes there are known risks and unknown risks. Yes many children suffer. You've pointed out there were problems in your childhood... apparently with your father. You better realize that has cast a shaddow on your thinking.

My step kids were selfish as heck before I met them, and who knows if they come out of it. I give to them substantially, but it's a lot of training. I'm actually prefered by my step daughter over her father, whom is difficult for her [due to their personality clash]. No replacement for daddy though. Yes, Im not perfect and I may lack support when I'm older, it's a real risk. I'm not gonna let that fear control me.

You need some religious/wisdom teaching because you need counter balance to the stress you are generating in your mind which came from your childhood programming. Buddah, Lao Tzo, Jesus of Nazareth can save you... all helpful to address the underlying emotional problems. Philippians 4:8 ... start there.
God help you!

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

you dont have kids... you have no clue what it is like to love a child... thats the only reason why you would RIDICULE A MOTHER FOR BEING CONCERNED FOR HER CHILD.

[You make some valid points but it's "excessive worry". How bad is your life, I don't know you. Something is wrong and not healthy on your side.]

Haha nice try at guilt tripping.

Even if I had a good childhood growing up, I will always worry for my childs wellbeing.

I am not being negative for talking about my bad childhood. Telling the truth is not called being negative. If the truth is negative, then it will sound negative. I not going to lie and say i have a happy amazing childhood.

[My step kids were selfish as heck before I met them, and who knows if they come out of it. I give to them substantially, but it's a lot of training. I'm actually prefered by my step daughter over her father, whom is difficult for her [due to their personality clash]. No replacement for daddy though. Yes, Im not perfect and I may lack support when I'm older, it's a real risk. I'm not gonna let that fear control me.]

Your step kids are selfish because they know you dont love them. The fact that you are ridiculing a parent being worried for their child already SHOWS that you simply have no love for any children. Quit typing up random lies about how your step kids love you so much. You know they dont. Thats why you're complaining about them not being there for you once you get old.

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

[You need some religious/wisdom teaching because you need counter balance to the stress you are generating in your mind which came from your childhood programming.]

Dont tell me i dont have the right to be stressed when there is PLENTY OF EVIDENCE I should be stressed over such a big potential problem. Dont ridicule me for wanting to secure a good future for my child. Just cuz you dont care if your step kids live or die... it doesn't mean i shouldn't care either

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

We have spoken on another post prior to this. You mentioned that you were afraid of dying alone and that you said your step kids are selfish as hell and that you know they will not be there for you once you get older.

Well... now we know why...

[lightbulb27]

where am I ridiculing you, you don't have flip onto and attack me do you? Seems to me you are projecting your emotional torment onto me. Meditate for a while and seek some clarity... for the good of your life.
If you can't let go, better not have kids.
parents worry, I have plenty to worry about including with the step kids which I do at times. But that turns into discussion with my wife and plans and strategies to mitigate and build them. Worrying is wasted energy. What does it achieve? It's just fear in control, rather than controlling fear. It's a high energy emotion that keeps you stuck in place. Suggest you get a new perspective Mrs. pink anonymous. I will give you credit that at least you are thinking... a lot of people don't. You sound like he indian or chinese parents... they are hard on their kids... so they succeed. Nothing new under the sun.

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

[Seems to me you are projecting your emotional torment onto me.]

Im not projecting anything onto you. I am just appalled and frustrated with the fact that you are literally telling me that MY WORRY IS UNREASONABLE. You never ever tell a mother that she shouldn't care whether her kids live or die.

[Worrying is wasted energy. What does it achieve? It's just fear in control, rather than controlling fear.]

Worry only happens when you love someone. You won't worry if you dont care about someone. So you're saying that I should just sit back and br happy about the fact that my child will starve, become homess and die in the future?

HOW DO YOU TELL ANY PARENT TO LIVE HAPPILY KNOWING THEIR CHILD WILL STARVE TO DEATH IN THE FUTURE?

you're the unreasonable one. Not me. you're telling parents to not give a crap about their children

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

[You sound like he indian or chinese parents... they are hard on their kids... so they succeed. Nothing new under the sun]

Soon, it will only be the indian and chinese kids who will get to eat in the future. Everyone else will die off due to lack of ambition.

There is a reason why indians and chinese are known for their wealth and success in American society.

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

A white mother crying about the reality that her kids could barely make ends meet in todays world of inflation:

m.youtube.com/watch

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

In the video, this mom talks about how the values of hard work that she was raised with NO LONGER WORKS IN TODAYS SOCIETY. The world has changed

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

@notinterestedsorry

twitter.com/.../mediaViewer

[Asker]

This Economy Is Drowning My Children!” – Alabama Mom In Viral Video

m.youtube.com/watch

[lightbulb27]

I'll avoid address the comments about me for now... defer that. I watched some of the video and yes, situation been changing for a while... we in USA getting poorer, no end in sight. If she doesn't understand what's going on, she needs to get educated because it's obvious.
To be clear... ya don't want to be a single parent if you can avoid it... that's a tougher scenario. you want support!
I agree that some worry means you care. It may be different when not my own kids, for a reason I didn't have kids was fear of loss. Imagine having a kid kidnapped and never finding out what happened to them. That... creates worry for me! I get concerned about the kid I'm managing but I turn it into action. I cannot control everything and I see real risks and problems. I work to address them.
If I could have a kid today, I would but I see the same issues.
The Bible: Matthew 6:34 is wisdom.

[lightbulb27]

The other part of this is you are only seeing the negative... AI will take jobs. You aren't seeing the positive potential. Industrial revolution would have done the same to people. e. g. AI and global warming... we'll... plants like CO2... so probable we have plenty of food and AI maybe ensures we can replace aging farmers. Maybe AI frees us up to work less and govt provides living standards, like france?
No guarantees... it's a risk. I see "not very smart people"... succeeding by hard work for quite some time. It's more about parents.
Lastly, worry is kind of a powerless feeling. It means fear with lack of control... that be anxiety. Some personalities are high stress and worry more. Maybe you do. I think you answered above that you got a lot of worry from your mom. I suspect you picked that up and it's part of whom you are and how you see love. I'm saying it seems out of balance.
The question is legit... whom should I marry if anyone. Choose wisely. This is just one issue in life...

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

it seems like you're just looking for excuses to make this topic seem less serious than it really is.
what works in today's world, will not work 20-50 years from now. Hard work is getting increasingly less effective at achieving success in today's world than the years before.

[we in USA getting poorer, no end in sight. If she doesn't understand what's going on, she needs to get educated because it's obvious.]

do you realize it is the SMART PEOPLE THAT GET TO LIVE COMFORTABLY TODAY?

I"M talking about the people who DESIGN A. I that get paid 200k to 300k a year that get to live comfortably. While all the "average people" either don't make enough money or get their jobs taken away by A. I. ITS ALREADY HAPPENING!!! why do you choose to PRETEND that you don't see this? it will only get worse as time goes on.

[To be clear... ya don't want to be a single parent if you can avoid it... that's a tougher scenario. you want support!]

you know whats more painful? being 70 years old and having to watch my child starve to death on the streets. this is a horrible death for me. You don't understand that a parent feels all the pain that a child feels. If my child is in pain, I am in pain or even more pain. This is what you don't understand about the parent child connection. It is extremely deep. Probably deeper than your connection with your own wife.

[AI will take jobs. You aren't seeing the positive potential. Industrial revolution would have done the same to people.]

sure... AI will bring on NEW JOBS, but NOT NECESSARILY MORE JOBS. A. I is currently making movies, writing resumes, coding, doing accounting. Its even worse than the industrial revolution. you really need to understand what AI is before you make assumptions that A. I effects will just be the exact same thing as what happened in the industrial revolution. A. I is a different monster.

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

[ I see "not very smart people"... succeeding by hard work for quite some time. It's more about parents.]

didn't you watch the video? working hard no longer works in today's society. And its true. Back then an idiot who didn't attend college could survive on 8 dollars an hour. Nowadays, college educated kids making 22 an hr can't even move out!! you think college is not hard? college is hard!!! its a lot of work for many years!!!

[ Some personalities are high stress and worry more]

there is no such thing as a mom who is not "high stress" when it comes to her children's well being.

the only type of mom who isn't highly stressed about her children IS A MOM WHO DOESN'T LOVE HER KIDS.

you don't understand the parent- child connection. you don't even know what love is. So its impossible for you to put yourself in my shoes or understand why I am so concerned.

PARENTS CRY WHEN THEIR KIDS can't SURVIVE OR GET HURT.

[Asker]

@lightbulb27

A painful death of starvation for my child is a painful death for me.

I want to die in peace. Not die in pain.

[NotInterestedSorry]

@Asker you are one fucked up selfish cunt. You don't fucking realise you will end up killing your own fucking child because of your fucking ugly attitude.

Yeah you say your kid won't suicide. You don't fucking know that. So many fucking parents out there didn't think their kids would kill themselves yet their kids did

I'm done with your selfish ass suffer the consequences when what I tell you right now happens and you will be the one who makes your own child suffer. Hopefully God up there won't let your selfish disgusting attitude ass become a mother because people like you should not have kids If you only care about yourself

[Asker]

@NotInterestedSorry

There is proof that children of lesbian couples do better in school than kids of heterosexual couples.

So all your assertions about how kids without fathers do worse in life is not true

Exactly. you can't even explain why a kid would suicide over someone he never cared about. Just a lie that you use to guilt trip others.

[Asker]

@NotInterestedSorry

You have no proof i only care for myself. Read every post i have written on here, nothing on here shows i have absolutely no concrn for my child.

you're the one with the ugly attitude. You have absolutely no class, all you did was name calling , mocking, bullying. You can't explain anything other than accuse people of random shit. When you get asked "why"... you can't back it up

[lightbulb27]

watched some of the video... that's about the messed up economy. Govt has been wiping us out for a long time, what can I say... people gonna suffer because of bad decisions, and people have to adapt more like we used to live. Gonna be hard for many.
Clearly you don't accept my view, ok. You have this worry and feel it's legit. ok
I have other worries for our kids and they will have the same economy. We discuss "AI" and make decisions, not worry. We are concerned about other issues, I wouldn't say worry. My wife said she can worry, but she addresses the issues. We talk about the issues.
The question is how do you handle such concerns. This is just one, there are many.
Yes, Id say you do need religion and a therapist if gonna take on kids and family. If you project the worry onto your kids, they are going to worry... cycle repeats.
You sure sound like Gagger Aphrodite in tone... is that you?

[jahaims]

Yeah be a single parent so someone else can raise your kids while you work. Great plan.