Friend zoned after sex and confused?

[Anonymous]

Hi Girls,

I met a woman who was holidaying in my city alone, she was going home 2 days from when I got her number and agreed to meet me for a drink on her last night.

We hit it off and one thing led to another so we ended up sleeping together back in her hotel room that night.

She seemed open to something more when I left for the night, after about one hour of sex and smalltalk after. I sent her a text the following day telling her I'd a great time and hoped to see her on Facebook

She came back at me with a "lets just be friends"

I don't get it as the sex was good and she seemed to enjoy herself. When I pushed her on it she more or less told me she didn't want me expecting anything if she came back to my city in the Spring and then froze me out with a long text on how she doesn't feel anything more than friends between us and I should never expect sex from her again, EVER.

So I don't get it, perfect first night, really enjoyable sex, and then this, what's her problem?

Note to the above: Her boyfriend of over ten years left her for another woman about 3 years ago and she told me she has fk buddies in a couple of cities (likes to travel), so why ament I even getting fk buddy status?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks everybody, some great answers to be fair and I feel better for having asked this. I guess I knew what it was but wasn't expecting to actually like her more than physically, her break up story really touched me and I guess I started to care, my fault not hers. Anyway, on to the next one

[tomfeltonforever]

I'd avoid dating someone with baggage like that. An ex of over 10 years.

She doesn't have a problem. Just because she had sex with you once doesn't mean she necessarily has to like you. (Women are getting really fed up with having to make up excuses as to why they don't want to date someone even though he is "nice" or things seem to be going smoothly in his eyes).

Neither of you really implied that you wanted a relationship. It seems like a one night stand to me, and that's probably exactly what she presumed it would be. I'm sorry if you thought this would lead to something, well, special. I don't mean to generalize, but many successful relationships start out slow rather than sex on the first date. Women think a lot of men don't like when they seem "used" by many other men, and men can get this idea about the women if they sleep with someone right away which I think is a bunch of bologna. But I know a lot of women who think this way, so I think she would have held it off if she wanted to build a relationship with you.

Keep her as a relatively distant friend and hope that one day you both could be lonely and something could start or just don't give a crap about her.

[toulouse]

Why is this confusing. She didn't lie. she didn't twist anything around. she was upfront about being there only two days. and you guys had sex. it was very simple. no mystery.

She. doesn't. want. a relationship. if she was a guy you wouldn't even be asking this question.

she had sex. she talked because its enjoyable to do so. even ons can want to talk and feel like they are in the company of a person, not a f*** machine.

she enjoyed the night. it was fun. sex was good., she never sad she wanted a relationship. you just assumed. and she doesn't want a relationship.

she simply does not want a boyfriend. you did NOTHING wrong. she doesn't want a relationship. like she TOLD you.

[Asker]

Maybe that's the mentality but I genuinely would have liked another run at this cause to be honest its my first ever brush off post sex, that's defo out of the ordinary for me, so she should give me another try before making a decision. At least consider it anyway, not make it awkward with the LJBF and then add herself to Facebook, that's just weird. I mean your not interested then fine, but don't send mixed signals is all

[AnnieVincereVelMori]

Classic one night stand. If you want something serious with someone, don't give it all away up front. If she doesn't want you, her loss, move on. You probably shouldn't want more from someone who has Fu ck buddies in a few cities... Drama. Let re search continue.

[Asker]

Well you are on the right path I think, funny, I wanted a shag but realized I'd like more, she said she wanted to also, obv musta been humoring me, so I guess building it up in my own mind and having that burst the next day, well I'm really fkin deflated. She's outa my league and I thought I'd hit a jackpot... I hate the idea that anyone I really like doesn't like me, and I've the opposite problem with girls, as in only the ones I either don't fancy or find moderately attractive fancy me

[Asker]

seriously, if a girl offers sex early is this a bad thing in general? Id be very sceptical of the sexual orientation of any guy that can reject sex in this spot to gamble she might give it to him the next time. What happens if she meets someone else next time she's in town or before she comes back? No in this particular scenario, the early close is crucial with the girl, otherwise you lose twice. I guess I didn??t expect to enjoy the sex as much as I did

[AnnieVincereVelMori]

If she can just move on after waiting for sex to the next guy ready to give 'er, let her. For me, personally (feel free to hate, ladies) waiting was the best decision I have ever made. My previous relationships we basically wham, bam, thank you ma'am, we dated for 5 months then the sex got repetitive and so we sizzled out. The I met the man I am currently with and have been with for almost 3 years. We went slow, with everything, then when it finally all happened, it was the best thing ever/

[AnnieVincereVelMori]

But, hey, whatever floats your boat. Chances are, very little will come out of a one night stand, but I'd never say never.

[aGuyfromTexas]

Haha, you got friend zoned! sorry just had to say that. I feel your pain though man. But yeah overall it's probably her work, that's keeping her into a relationship, I used to do this with woman a lot when I was in a business travel too. The only thing I have to say is, she was just using you for sex and that was all. If you want something real. I guess try the bookstore? lol.

[Asker]

Honestly I don't know mate, I don't think she had any intentions of sleeping with me at the start, I didn't expect anything from her and it just sorta happened. I suggested it and she said yes, regretting it now if she was right for me and its fked cause of one stupid shag, I mean that's hardly a large enough sample to know if a persons good in the sack or not right?

[aGuyfromTexas]

Haha yeah it suck man. But hey at least you got laid eh?

[Asker]

true but then I got rejected after

[martyfellow]

The small talk, maybe, wasn't small to her..maybe yu weren't effusive enough about yur feelings for her? Just a guess..but you know, you can't count on anything if a woman admits she'ss till traumatized about a break-up.

Or these fk buddies could be work related...and you aren't related to her work...

[Asker]

you could be right mate, I did say that I was very happy to have met her, maybe she took that as me futuring things. She also accused me of planning the night to end up having sex with her but I made it clear she was being ridic cause it was my plan to meet for lunch only, giving her an out, she suggested coffee later in the day...

[Asker]

Ha actually I misread your comment, thought you said evasive. Nah I pretty much put cards on the table with her and told her I wanted to see her again, I actually thought this might be the reason she blew me off the next morning, feeling smothered...

[martyfellow]

She felt resentful about the sex, as if yoou had somehow tricked her into it..strange comment from a woman who admits to sleeping around in every city, right? Kind of contradictory.

The more yoou say, the more she sounds disturbed and scary. Maybe you're lucky she DID blow you off! BTW I should have said 'still' traumatized by her break-up.

[Asker]

yeah I know its strange, sure would like a womans perspective on this, was she just faking the sex and really not enjoying it? She was really kinda insulting with the text though, acting as if she never fancied me at all and saying she'd never have sex with me again and to forget it, almost like she wanted me to get upset about it.

Tbh she's very close to me in personality/interests etc so I'm really down she decided to do this based on one experience, I mean ffs a bit harsh

[martyfellow]

And also weird, and not and keeing with whaqt she says about herself, sleeping around in eery city. She is not dealing with a full deck, at all!

[Asker]

Yeah something is defo amiss here

[martyfellow]

I don't know about you, but I've reached the conclusion that you're lucky she blew you off. She's weird and unbalanced, and who knows if what she tells you about herself is even true.

Best Answer, no?

[harveykinkle]

You're the victim of a one night stand.

Relationships don't start with, "I met a woman who was holidaying in my city alone, she was going home 2 days from when I got her number and agreed to meet me for a drink on her last night."

One night stands do. She never wanted anything more than that.

[Asker]

I fired back that I wasn't looking for a relationship to her initial LBF text, which I said on the night itself and she just shut down the casual thing also, that's a little rough, I mean if I really don't like the girl I'd do that but she was well up for the sex as was wet and ready to go when we got down to it, so in short she defo fancies me, so why not keep this party going yknow

[harveykinkle]

One night stand = one night.

She wanted you for one night. She was only there for 2 days. Who has a casual long distance relationship? If I want to bang someone once I never want to hear from them again.

[Asker]

exactly what I would have said but she told me she's coming back to my city in a couple of months, adds me to her Facebook but says she doesn't want me to get any ideas, therein lies the head wreck of this situation, can you explain that?

[harveykinkle]

She probably is a bit ashamed and by keeping you around it justifies it slightly.

[prettymuscle]

Hahah that's means that the sex was really bad bro. Cause when you guys were having sex she was faking like she was enjoying it. Cause with me I friend zone this milf I had sex with a few days ago cause she was that bad at sex. I didn't even nut and I had a hard time staying hard so I was like on to the next lol

[ragazza91]

Maybe its bad karma. Sometimes men do stuff to women long time ago that they forget. It doesn't have to be the same situation but my point is no matter how long ago you did a girl wrong. You pay back for it years or even months later

[Asker]

Yeah ragazza91 but sometimes girls don't get the message and get crazy. I don't really screw around behind someones back unless I really have to, and usually its to save their feelings cause they don't want to accept that the relationship is over. So am thinking its not a karma thing no

[ragazza91]

I think that you are not use to a girl not being interested after sex. Maybe you are use to the girl wanting you. Well this is a learning experience. Now you know that not every girl is like that. You may not think it is karma but it may not be to you, but you always pay back for doing a girl wrong eventually. And I think that this is what is going on. You are getting a taste of either your own medicine or getting the other side of the grass. Now you know what it is like to be screwed over behi

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she just wanted a one-night-stand. People have this problem all of the time when they're not clear about what they want before they hook up... She didn't tell you she only wanted a one-time thing, you didn't tell her you were interested in actually dating her. Certain things are assumed.

[Asker]

Well I'm not sure, she requested me on Facebook since the last exchange of texts and I added her so why do that if your not going to consider anything further than a one night stand, its a bit weird tbh. I mean put it this way, would you fb add a guy that you knew briefly, didn't like sex with and didn't want sex with in the future? Doesnt add up for some reason

[Opinion Owner]

Oh I have no idea, maybe she felt mean or does truly just want to be friends.

[Asker]

I think its more confusing to do the fb thing than just cut off contact if am honest

[Opinion Owner]

Agreed. Sometimes people have a hard time making their actions reflect what they really want or how they really feel. But in this case, I would listen to her words more than her actions, because it sounds like her intention was to be as honest with you as possible. I would ignore the possibility that she's playing games with you, because how are people going to learn to NOT play games if others keep playing along with them?

[Asker]

well ignore is the default strategy in this scenario anyhow, anything else looks bitter or needy, best to let her initiate if she's willing and try to come across disinterested if I've no other pokers in the fire at that particular moment.

[Anonymous]

You were a one night stand. She isn't brave enough to confess it to you, she doesn't want to feel like a slut and therefore she has given you "friend" status. I wouldn't even call it friend status to be honest, she's just sugarcoating the entire thing to make it look better than it is. I wouldn't expect anything from her if I were you. Move on, man. Shit happens. She's not worth your time if she's this flaky.

[Chanel123]

I think the answer is in the question tbh. The guy she loved left her for another woman and she's not looking for a relationship. Not yet anyway. Sorry dude

[Asker]

yeah but why tell me about these other guys in other cities and then relegate me from that group but at the same time keep me in her circle of "friends" , its weird is what it is. I feel like I'm being goaded into a reaction, she ain't getting one though

[Chanel123]

I think she might be saying the same to all those guys. Forget her... You don't want to be with a woman like that.

[Meedo]

Really, forget about her. If she has strong opinions about not wanting things to happen again then delete her.

[Asker]

So there's nothing I can SAY to fix this then, just have to move on and hope she has a change of heart? Was thinking about sending her a fu message but that just looks petty and bitter imo

[AndyWes]

She's nuts. Delete her number, block her on fb, there's millions of other women out there.

[Asker]

Very tempted to make this a best answer ha ha, my default opton tbh

[duvexy]

I could be she did not enjoy the sex, or she feels bad about doing it so fast.

[Asker]

You could be right however she was giving it the big one on moans so I'm not sure, could be an actor but why bother y'know. Also its not enough time spent to say whether or not am good or bad in the sack imo, that's really harsh if the case

[Asker]

maybe feels bad and doesn't want to look like a slut, if so then that shouldn't be too difficult to fix with right amount respect shown to her next time around. Y'know when she's in town, be a proper gentleman and act like an escort as opposed to a date, let her see I'm more than just another horny dude

[duvexy]

You are probably right about that she probably feels bad, thinking and feeling she is a slut. I have heard several guys talk really nasty about women when it comes to them getting pleasure. Those guys, not you or others, but those guys did not have problems getting pleasure themselves. In fact, they pat each other on the back. Just be nice and like you said, treeat her like an escort.

[Anonymous]

ok, she was very clear with you, you should respect that and move on, ugh this is why girls end up and ignoring and lying to guys, accept the truth... you cannot change her mind..

[MikeK]

What a bitch...

and they say that girls can't separate their emotions from sex... BULL-F***ING-SHIT

[Anonymous]

Somthing or probably came up, that's my best guess. But hey I could be wrong .

[Anonymous]

She seems to not have been looking for a relationship. I'm sorry

[Asker]

who said anything about relationship though, just something loose when she's in town, easy for both of us and if we have a few of those maybe it could progress, just an insane shut down on her part, hence this question. This is driving me up the wall as I've been far worse in bed and had women coming back for more