I think a lot of guys are just scared of women for possibility of being rejected harshly. Some seem to think they have to follow some hollywood romance script. And a few others don't have the heart to reject a woman if she turns out to be incompatible with them. That's why they get attention when they're not trying or when they're already in a relationship, but fail when they're actively looking for a partner.
I've never had to actively try to flirt. Never saw the point in it because I know that if a woman is attractive to me, it'll show. So I just talk and joke and make friends as usual, and the women who get interested will subtly show it as well.
I feel bad for the guys who struggle with women because 9/10 they're making it so much harder than it has to be.
But this is the point of flirting. I take extra care to mention to stop flirting seriously. I mean you cannot flirt seriously anyway. Being flirtatious is the point. And to not just flirt with women you are attracted to. This is a skill. So flirt with as many women as you can. Being social is not a skill most of us are born with. But we can get better at it if we practice.
As for you, well if you don't have issues with getting women and never have, I don't think you will understand. But a lot of guys see this as an immovable barrier to them getting dates and finding love.
I'm just really shy. I can't even talk to men so how am I supposed to talk to women? Whenever I'm around new people my face starts to feel really hot and numb. And if a girl flirts with me it's like that feeling x100. I wish I wasn't like that and could socialize more but I can't control how I feel.
Well, if it is any consolation. It is probably easier to talk to women. Because women like to talk. You can just pick a topic for them and watch them go.
Well, I think that is one of the issues. Some get really angry. Others get really depressed. I wonder if the problem is social media has robbed men of the skills they need to actually be social. It is like they think being online is actually developing social skills.
You just said "social media has robbed men of the skills they need to actually be social." I asked a clarifying question; I haven't made any conclusions yet.
Well, let me backtrack. I used the wrong term. I think a lot of guys/males, do the online thing because to them it appears to be socializing. But when it does not result in success in dating, they start to get resentful. You can find these online grievance groups pretty quickly. So they sign up to youtube grifters who use their bitterness to get clicks and earn money.
In my, subjective, opinion, 'learning how to flirt' just doesn't work. Be yourself and that's a sure-fire way to get the person who is compatible with you.
If you're not yourself then you will get the person who is attracted to this version you're portraying, and then you will, inevitably, be disappointed.
Most women say the same thing. And am not hating on you, but women are not a good source for learning about how to date women. They only tell men what they what they wish they were attracted to. They tend to portray themselves in the most favorable light, rather than telling men the hard honest truth.
2nd pic is not to be creepy so can't wink these days anymore. also i think mocking, even a gentle tease , would at best drag dialog but not for any "lets talk about it at a star bux" and worse give an excuse to say get lost. in contrast to show where they captive.
I think the key difference here is you are comfortable with the idea of hanging out with women just for fun. Whereas I am not. I take dating extremely seriously. Which is why I would never operate the way you operate. It's not my style. Nothing against you, though! Just personal differences.
Any man with common sense isn't going to carry a manual or a handbook on how he should or shouldn't flirt. Men don't flirt because woman have said they don't like it and men have taken it into consideration making the decision not to anymore that in addition to Metoo. A man that still flirts in today's day is taking a huge risk something I would do nor would I advise other men to do it either.
You are very naive thinking that it takes a physical action or even a action at all to get you accused of something. Believe me I have witnessed women deceive and false witness against men many times men that didn't even so much as touch them.
Then you woke up from that dream and went and ate a bowl of cornflakes. Women ain't perfect. There are some really messed up females out there. Stop doing what messed up females do. . . blame the entire male sex because of an asshole.
I've been told off by a lot of women.
But then some of those women I slept with later. But I wouldn't recommend trying what I did.
Flirting is for boomers. This shows how outdated this site and other sites like facebook are becoming. Younger zoomer women have bullshit detectors that are light-years more advanced than millennial women and older. The 90s ended 23 years ago brother man. Stupid ass jokes and paper-thin stage gags were how our fathers got laid.
I'm 40 and currently dating and fucking a 22 year old. Before that a 24 year old. Before that a 26 year old. Before that a 19 year old. I'm doing fine just using my school's student forum and a few apps. Thanks. But yeah totally keep going to bars with your "can i buy you a drink?"... I'm sure it works great on those post-wall 51 year old divorcees with pussies that have pushed out 4 kids.
To stay natural because you dont want to appear as someone else because you dont want the "person" to like someone else but you. I mean, "love" dont look like a method with what you need to do in order to achieve it, step by step.
I hear this all the time. "I don't want to be somebody that I am not".
Flirting is the gateway for people to get to know you. How can you be social if your personality is anti-social? If you don't want a relationship that's fine. But when guys whine about their choices, I don't get that.
They don't get that. And the thing that's crazy is, there is no joy. I love talking to women, on airplanes, in the terminal, on the train, at the station, at the bar. . . just give me a woman!!!
If flirting is not their style it appears as fake. To me this Craig guy is sleazy af. I'm not saying he isn't witty and funny occasionally but I wouldn't take lessons. Guys who have problems approaching women need to learn to be confident and be themselves. And smart enough to succeed. If you're not confident you become afraid to approach people to avoid rejection. You should rather ask why don't more men learn to be confident
How does one learn to be confident? Through years of practice, developing skills and understanding in a chosen discipline. How does one appear to be genuine? By knowing what cues to pick up on, what his strengths are, what is interesting subject matter, etc.
Confidence isn't magic. You accrue it the same way you do everything else. By developing skills, taking chances and having success.
why can't girls just speak the truth straight and say what they really mean instead of saying "maybe" all the time and then saying "not that, not that" like make up your mind and decide on something for once!
Young one, I was your age. I asked the same questions. And all I did was get laughed at. . .
by girls.
That just isn't how they communicate or socialize. It is always some maze. They will tell you all the things that they claim turns them off about men. . . then date that exact same man. Then stick with that man while he cheats on them, develops addictions to drugs or alcohol, embarrasses them, etc.
It is just how many of them are. Now you can find that one in a million girl, who is just genuine, up front, no nonsense, etc.
If that is what you have to have, then look for that. My current girlfriend is like that. But I didn't find her in the States. In fact, when I dated in the States, I found it easier to date women who were from other countries. I dated women from Jamaica, Togo, Ukraine, South Africa, etc. I have to that Slavic women and African women were the most straight forward. They don't date guys they are not interested in. You don't have to wade through weirdness.
Flirtatious behavior is a massive pet peeve of mine. It shows no genuine interest. That and I personally dislike receiving someone coming at me with flirts, it’s uncomfortable and wastes my time. When they flirt and don’t get what they want, they ghost. So tell me why would I enjoy it anyhow 😂😂😂😂 men are freaks and need their dads to help them learn the ropes and to stop practicing on every woman he sees.
I never learnt how to flirt cause it's honestly a wasted skill on me. No amount of that is changing how undateable I am. That being said, i have no issue socialising with people both men and women and I don't generally have trouble making friends.
Well, if you can make friends easily why is it so hard to flirt romantically with women. It doesn't have to be serious. In fact, the first few times make sure it isn't serious. Just joke.
Look at Craig work on Alice Eve. That's a ten if there ever was one.
It's only when it comes to relationships that I know this. In any other field I know i have a chance to succeed. But not this, that's just what I fundamentally am. And that's okay, I've accepted it.
You don't think everyone else is dealing with the same thing? I was not always confident. In fact, I was a computer nerd. In fact, I still am. I got good at this through practice. That's the only way any of us gets good at this game.
Unfortunately, that is what this is. A game.
But playing it isn't so bad. In fact, being social is just part of being human.
I'd still rather not play. I've got friends, I'm happy with my current life trajectory and I've got hobbies to keep me content. I don't need to add a risk of heartbreak into that. Thank you though.
I understand what you're trying to say but I'm good. I'm not alone, I've got plenty of friends and family. I'm already happy. And i definitely know that no one's gonna find happiness being my partner 😂
But it isn't about self-confidence. At least not in the beginning. It is about being extroverted. I remember I used to have a life coach. She has a website. She would literally force me to meet people at parties and social functions.
Social skills in general are tough for men to learn because we simply aren’t taught them. It doesn’t help that many women don’t respond well to an inexperienced man’s attempts to practice.
Can’t, and honestly they wouldn’t, even if they knew how! lol I really do love women, but they are just not anywhere near as nice as they think they are
I don't know man, I had to deal with a lot of craps in my life. I am even dealing with one now. My mind is full of problems. I can't even conceive the idea of flirting. It's just something I am not interested in.
Well, I am not saying it is easy. And if you have some issues you need to take care of, definitely take time out for yourself. When my sister's passed away man, I was a wreck.
I couldn't even decide how I wanted my eggs in the morning. Much less function like a human being.
Well, my experience is very different. I just think this is weird. It isn't like there are women who give men good information on how to get dates, right? If a man is taking instruction from a woman, that is the surest way to getting no dates at all.
I don't understand what "no idea" means. Truth of the matter is this, you won't find any man here saying they were taught how to be successful at dating women. . . from another woman.
That simply is not a thing. We have millions of young lonely guys in our society because no one tells them that developing social skills is a must. And in order to be good at something you must practice over and over again.
Darling. . . you ain't a man. You don't have to have those social skills. You can be as dumb as a pile of rocks. Guys will still come calling. Men have to have a different skill set than dressing up, putting on makeup, etc.
They have to develop confidence, charm and other masculine qualities to be successful at dating. And this nonsense that all they have to do is "be themselves" is a flat out lie.
So basically, what you're saying is that, as a woman, it is okay for me to end up with any kind of a psychopath (due to a lack of social skills), but men do need those social skills so they can deduce whom to end up with and try to get the best woman possible.,
Nice to know you're so feminist in your thinking... :)
First you must define flirting, everyone has a different definition of what it means to "flirt". To me Craig isn't flirting, he is just being social. Just because a guy is socializing with you doesn't mean he is flirting with you.
I just did, Socializing and flirting are completely different. You an speak to someone and joke around with them without wanting anything more for a relationship. There is such a thing as a friend zone.
Your take isn't accurate, Craig Ferguson is married. He isn't flirting with girls, the idea that a guy is flirting with a girl anytime he is speaking to a girl is just some moron trying to push Hookup culture.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
52Opinion
I think a lot of guys are just scared of women for possibility of being rejected harshly. Some seem to think they have to follow some hollywood romance script. And a few others don't have the heart to reject a woman if she turns out to be incompatible with them. That's why they get attention when they're not trying or when they're already in a relationship, but fail when they're actively looking for a partner.
I've never had to actively try to flirt. Never saw the point in it because I know that if a woman is attractive to me, it'll show. So I just talk and joke and make friends as usual, and the women who get interested will subtly show it as well.
I feel bad for the guys who struggle with women because 9/10 they're making it so much harder than it has to be.
But this is the point of flirting. I take extra care to mention to stop flirting seriously. I mean you cannot flirt seriously anyway. Being flirtatious is the point. And to not just flirt with women you are attracted to. This is a skill. So flirt with as many women as you can. Being social is not a skill most of us are born with. But we can get better at it if we practice.
As for you, well if you don't have issues with getting women and never have, I don't think you will understand. But a lot of guys see this as an immovable barrier to them getting dates and finding love.
I'm just really shy. I can't even talk to men so how am I supposed to talk to women? Whenever I'm around new people my face starts to feel really hot and numb. And if a girl flirts with me it's like that feeling x100. I wish I wasn't like that and could socialize more but I can't control how I feel.
Well, if it is any consolation. It is probably easier to talk to women. Because women like to talk. You can just pick a topic for them and watch them go.
:D
Because it’s easier to give up and blame your failures on anything other than yourself.
Well, I think that is one of the issues. Some get really angry. Others get really depressed. I wonder if the problem is social media has robbed men of the skills they need to actually be social. It is like they think being online is actually developing social skills.
How does social medial rob skills? Skills are learned, if guys aren't learning social skills, isn't that their fault?
Dude, I created this thread. So how did you get to the conclusion that I am making excuses for guys who refuse to learn social skills.
I only offered one possible explanation, in that they don't learn because they think being online is being social.
Of course being online and meeting people in person are two totally different things.
You just said "social media has robbed men of the skills they need to actually be social." I asked a clarifying question; I haven't made any conclusions yet.
Well, let me backtrack. I used the wrong term. I think a lot of guys/males, do the online thing because to them it appears to be socializing. But when it does not result in success in dating, they start to get resentful. You can find these online grievance groups pretty quickly. So they sign up to youtube grifters who use their bitterness to get clicks and earn money.
In my, subjective, opinion, 'learning how to flirt' just doesn't work. Be yourself and that's a sure-fire way to get the person who is compatible with you.
If you're not yourself then you will get the person who is attracted to this version you're portraying, and then you will, inevitably, be disappointed.
Most women say the same thing. And am not hating on you, but women are not a good source for learning about how to date women. They only tell men what they what they wish they were attracted to. They tend to portray themselves in the most favorable light, rather than telling men the hard honest truth.
2nd pic is not to be creepy so can't wink these days anymore. also i think mocking, even a gentle tease , would at best drag dialog but not for any "lets talk about it at a star bux" and worse give an excuse to say get lost. in contrast to show where they captive.
Don't mind me, just looking at you trying to save your brethren! 👍
Haha! Thanks for the encouragement.
I think the key difference here is you are comfortable with the idea of hanging out with women just for fun. Whereas I am not. I take dating extremely seriously. Which is why I would never operate the way you operate. It's not my style.
Nothing against you, though! Just personal differences.
Well, I would think this would just be for dudes who are struggling. You don't seem to be that kind of guy.
Go get them. . . ladykiller.
@RolandCuthbert Well, thank you for the compliment! 😄
Any man with common sense isn't going to carry a manual or a handbook on how he should or shouldn't flirt. Men don't flirt because woman have said they don't like it and men have taken it into consideration making the decision not to anymore that in addition to Metoo. A man that still flirts in today's day is taking a huge risk something I would do nor would I advise other men to do it either.
Yawn. . . I have flirted my entire life. Why become bitter just because you think grabbing a woman's ass is flirting?
You are very naive thinking that it takes a physical action or even a action at all to get you accused of something. Believe me I have witnessed women deceive and false witness against men many times men that didn't even so much as touch them.
Well, I am just saying. I have flirted successfully, without grabbing ass or putting my hands down a woman's shirt.
It is just supposed to light-hearted and fun.
Not dead serious. . .
I was reprimanded once for simply looking in a girls direction keep that in mind.
Then you woke up from that dream and went and ate a bowl of cornflakes. Women ain't perfect. There are some really messed up females out there. Stop doing what messed up females do. . . blame the entire male sex because of an asshole.
I've been told off by a lot of women.
But then some of those women I slept with later. But I wouldn't recommend trying what I did.
Flirting is for boomers. This shows how outdated this site and other sites like facebook are becoming. Younger zoomer women have bullshit detectors that are light-years more advanced than millennial women and older. The 90s ended 23 years ago brother man. Stupid ass jokes and paper-thin stage gags were how our fathers got laid.
Yawn. . . as long as boomers are getting tail, it doesn't matter. You guys can go back to youtube and whine about how nobody loves you.
:D
I'm 40 and currently dating and fucking a 22 year old. Before that a 24 year old. Before that a 26 year old. Before that a 19 year old. I'm doing fine just using my school's student forum and a few apps. Thanks. But yeah totally keep going to bars with your "can i buy you a drink?"... I'm sure it works great on those post-wall 51 year old divorcees with pussies that have pushed out 4 kids.
Hey dude, you can tell me anything you want. Your life is the greatest yet you stopped by this take and just had to post.
:D
To stay natural because you dont want to appear as someone else because you dont want the "person" to like someone else but you. I mean, "love" dont look like a method with what you need to do in order to achieve it, step by step.
I hear this all the time. "I don't want to be somebody that I am not".
Flirting is the gateway for people to get to know you. How can you be social if your personality is anti-social? If you don't want a relationship that's fine. But when guys whine about their choices, I don't get that.
I think i got it down well. Its definitely a learned skill though. Practice makes perfect lol
They don't get that. And the thing that's crazy is, there is no joy. I love talking to women, on airplanes, in the terminal, on the train, at the station, at the bar. . . just give me a woman!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNz_t-wE5VQ
If flirting is not their style it appears as fake. To me this Craig guy is sleazy af. I'm not saying he isn't witty and funny occasionally but I wouldn't take lessons. Guys who have problems approaching women need to learn to be confident and be themselves. And smart enough to succeed. If you're not confident you become afraid to approach people to avoid rejection. You should rather ask why don't more men learn to be confident
How does one learn to be confident? Through years of practice, developing skills and understanding in a chosen discipline. How does one appear to be genuine? By knowing what cues to pick up on, what his strengths are, what is interesting subject matter, etc.
Confidence isn't magic. You accrue it the same way you do everything else. By developing skills, taking chances and having success.
why can't girls just speak the truth straight and say what they really mean instead of saying "maybe" all the time and then saying "not that, not that" like make up your mind and decide on something for once!
Young one, I was your age. I asked the same questions. And all I did was get laughed at. . .
by girls.
That just isn't how they communicate or socialize. It is always some maze. They will tell you all the things that they claim turns them off about men. . . then date that exact same man. Then stick with that man while he cheats on them, develops addictions to drugs or alcohol, embarrasses them, etc.
It is just how many of them are. Now you can find that one in a million girl, who is just genuine, up front, no nonsense, etc.
If that is what you have to have, then look for that. My current girlfriend is like that. But I didn't find her in the States. In fact, when I dated in the States, I found it easier to date women who were from other countries. I dated women from Jamaica, Togo, Ukraine, South Africa, etc. I have to that Slavic women and African women were the most straight forward. They don't date guys they are not interested in. You don't have to wade through weirdness.
Flirtatious behavior is a massive pet peeve of mine. It shows no genuine interest. That and I personally dislike receiving someone coming at me with flirts, it’s uncomfortable and wastes my time. When they flirt and don’t get what they want, they ghost.
So tell me why would I enjoy it anyhow 😂😂😂😂 men are freaks and need their dads to help them learn the ropes and to stop practicing on every woman he sees.
I am sorry. But I really don't care what you have to say. I know when you find one of us freaky men, you will be the happiest woman in the world.
:D
I never learnt how to flirt cause it's honestly a wasted skill on me. No amount of that is changing how undateable I am.
That being said, i have no issue socialising with people both men and women and I don't generally have trouble making friends.
Well, if you can make friends easily why is it so hard to flirt romantically with women. It doesn't have to be serious. In fact, the first few times make sure it isn't serious. Just joke.
Look at Craig work on Alice Eve. That's a ten if there ever was one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QULPnDDYcbI&t=1s
It's not that i can't flirt. I probably could if i tried. I just never bothered to try cause i know it'd be a wasted skill on me.
I just don't understand the logic.
Its the same story I have heard a thousand times. "I will probably fail, so I won't even try".
I can't wrap my head around that.
It's only when it comes to relationships that I know this. In any other field I know i have a chance to succeed. But not this, that's just what I fundamentally am. And that's okay, I've accepted it.
You don't think everyone else is dealing with the same thing? I was not always confident. In fact, I was a computer nerd. In fact, I still am. I got good at this through practice. That's the only way any of us gets good at this game.
Unfortunately, that is what this is. A game.
But playing it isn't so bad. In fact, being social is just part of being human.
I'd still rather not play. I've got friends, I'm happy with my current life trajectory and I've got hobbies to keep me content. I don't need to add a risk of heartbreak into that. Thank you though.
But that isn't true. Or why would you stop by this "take"?
I am just trying to be real with you.
You don't have to be alone. You can be happy. And even better, you can make someone else happy.
I understand what you're trying to say but I'm good. I'm not alone, I've got plenty of friends and family. I'm already happy.
And i definitely know that no one's gonna find happiness being my partner 😂
Honestly it's for the best. But thank you, i appreciate the effort.
Yeah, I don't understand your appearance in this thread then.
The last thing a contented person has to do, is explain their contentment.
I just answered originally cause i was bored and randomly scrolling through questions. Thought it'd be interesting to put in my thoughts.
Yeah, there are a lot of threads at this site, in case that boredom returns.
Alright I'll take note of that and avoid your threads 👍, cheers.
I'm shy. Girls scare me. I wish I was good at flirting, but I don't have enough self-confidence to flirt
But it isn't about self-confidence. At least not in the beginning. It is about being extroverted. I remember I used to have a life coach. She has a website. She would literally force me to meet people at parties and social functions.
It changed my life.
www.leadershipstorylab.com/about/esther-choy/
Social skills in general are tough for men to learn because we simply aren’t taught them. It doesn’t help that many women don’t respond well to an inexperienced man’s attempts to practice.
That much is true. I agree with. And older men have to help out here. Because women can't do it.
Can’t, and honestly they wouldn’t, even if they knew how! lol I really do love women, but they are just not anywhere near as nice as they think they are
I don't know man, I had to deal with a lot of craps in my life. I am even dealing with one now. My mind is full of problems. I can't even conceive the idea of flirting. It's just something I am not interested in.
Well, I am not saying it is easy. And if you have some issues you need to take care of, definitely take time out for yourself. When my sister's passed away man, I was a wreck.
I couldn't even decide how I wanted my eggs in the morning. Much less function like a human being.
Because intentional flirting doesn't work... At least not in my experience.
Well, my experience is very different. I just think this is weird. It isn't like there are women who give men good information on how to get dates, right? If a man is taking instruction from a woman, that is the surest way to getting no dates at all.
No idea...
I don't understand what "no idea" means. Truth of the matter is this, you won't find any man here saying they were taught how to be successful at dating women. . . from another woman.
That simply is not a thing. We have millions of young lonely guys in our society because no one tells them that developing social skills is a must. And in order to be good at something you must practice over and over again.
You're basically arguing with yourself here, hun.
No one ever taught me any social skills either and I've had both parents.
Darling. . . you ain't a man. You don't have to have those social skills. You can be as dumb as a pile of rocks. Guys will still come calling. Men have to have a different skill set than dressing up, putting on makeup, etc.
They have to develop confidence, charm and other masculine qualities to be successful at dating. And this nonsense that all they have to do is "be themselves" is a flat out lie.
So basically, what you're saying is that, as a woman, it is okay for me to end up with any kind of a psychopath (due to a lack of social skills), but men do need those social skills so they can deduce whom to end up with and try to get the best woman possible.,
Nice to know you're so feminist in your thinking... :)
First you must define flirting, everyone has a different definition of what it means to "flirt". To me Craig isn't flirting, he is just being social. Just because a guy is socializing with you doesn't mean he is flirting with you.
How do you define flirting? I just gave hints about what I do. Every guy has to find what works for him. But it has to be playful.
Dude everyone who has watched his show knows he is flirtatious.
You seem to have a definition that includes wanting sex. Craig didn't want sex. He was just flirting.
You know. . . flirting is not serious, right?
I just did, Socializing and flirting are completely different. You an speak to someone and joke around with them without wanting anything more for a relationship. There is such a thing as a friend zone.
Nothing you say has to do with my "take".
I suggest for men use flirting as a way of building confidence and social skills.
Your take isn't accurate,
Craig Ferguson is married.
He isn't flirting with girls, the idea that a guy is flirting with a girl anytime he is speaking to a girl is just some moron trying to push Hookup culture.
Yeah, I don't think you understood a single word of the take.
You don't seem to have a point.
But you can write here to your heart's content.
Thanks for the support!