The missed opportunities with guys girls don't know about.

[Anonymous]

Guys out there seem to be under the impression that girls don't want to be hit on. From girls not returning calls to girls actually saying its so annoying when guys hit on me. Because of this something is going on that women don't see. Girls will complain that guys arent approaching them. And some girls are getting approached by guys but not as many guys as they used to. What happend? Well when I hang out with my guy friends excuses are starting to become common. A guy in our group will see a girl he likes with a group of her friends say he likes her,think of approaching her. But then say well girls hate when guys approach women in a group. One guy in our group has gotten a lot of numbers but the girl never returns the call. So now everyone thinks that if a girl gives you her number it doesn't mean anything. Guys used to look forward to getting a girls phone number because it ment there was going to be a date. We would get butterflies and it would make our night. Now because one guy isn't getting the girls to pick up the phone everyones attitude is what's the point even if I get a number the girl may never answer. And this is even happening with my friends friends. Guys will see girls they like and not approach. So girls when you think why are there less guys approaching me there is actualy a whole conversation going on behind the sceens with how annoyed you will be with us if we do approach. is there a way to solve this cycle?

Updates

+1 y

Ladies as the guys have been saying it is not a turn on when you play hard to get. It makes us think you are not interested in us at all. Why would we want you more if we think you don't like us?

[amberview]

I think we know. Sometimes I feel sorry for the guys that come up to me and don't catch the signals that I am "just being nice." I don't know what to say to them. Do I turn to them and ask them if they know that they are wasting their time when talking to me and that I am not into them? Then I'd come off like a b*&%%, but it is true for 99% of the guys that approach me.

Women do send signals that they like a guy, but it seems that some guys are playing the lottery. If you go up to talk to a girl and you are the only one asking questions and she is staring straight ahead most of the time, then she might not be into you. She may even give you her number, because at the time she enjoys talking to you or doesn't know a polite way to decline without seeming rude.

On the contrary, if the woman turns to you and actively engages in conversation, this is not necessarily a sign she is into you, but it is much better than the latter. If she touches you during the coversation, then this might be a good an indicator, but still not definate. I don't even think it's definate that she's into you if she leaves with you to go somewhere else. Some women have to be emotionally touched for things to get to the next level and this is difficult in the initial meeting.

I feel flattered when guys approach me, but I feel smothered when they stick around past their welcome. I feel guilty when they buy me a drink. I start to think, perhaps now I have to hang out with them. I don't go out to meet guys. Maybe these guys are going up to women like me.

When I used to want a guy to come up to me, I used the 5 second "stare." I'd smile at him and look at him for at least 5 seconds (which feels like an eternity). It worked 90% of the time. I'd also try to find out about the guy. If the girl isn't trying to find out about you, she is either stuck on herself or isn't into you.

However, some women would love to have guys approach them. Maybe guys should just live in the moment and if something happens, it happens. The cycle ends when men don't put the pressure on. Live in the moment and if you get her number and she doesn't call back after you call, then move on. She probably doesn't feel comfortable saying that she's "not feeling it." Consider that at least she didn't string you along for a few days or weeks.

[confused84]

Thats pretty deep stuff, I agree

[noricat]

That's the problem, times have changed, most girls don't know how to non-verbally convey interest if their life depended on it.

If a guy is going to cross the bar/club and initiate conversation the least we get is that '5 second stare' and smile that says "I don't bite". Heh.

[Simple-Simonette]

I have to wonder why this is a problem. When you approach a strange woman in a public setting, are you expecting to get to know her, become her friend, then romance her? I always expected a guy asking for my number was pretty much just looking for one thing - booty.

I mean, you don't know me or what kind of personality I have. You don't know about my likes and dislikes - you're just physically attracted to me. What else can you be looking for besides a physical relationship?

I'm not basing this on conjecture, I'm speaking from experience. I've given my number to men who call me and we just sit on the phone making stupid small talk - basically two complete strangers talking. It was like painfully uncomfortable - what is there to talk about except for the fact he thought my ass looked really good?

Back in the day - when I was a little more innocent and naive, I thought a guy got your number to ask you out - like on a date. You know he takes me out to eat, we make conversation, get to know each other, blah blah. But I quickly learned that a guy wanted my number so we could "hit it" or "start a little somethin' somethin' - ya know what I mean?" Which I did - so that ended that conversation.

I feel men these days expect that women expect too much, so refuse to give a little. I also think that men tend to hit on the same type of women - the ones that get hit on a lot. There are a few nice ladies out there that get completely ignored due to the "flashy" girls flitting around. It's sad, there are plenty of women who go out looking to give there numbers but never get approached.

We're not the only ones "missing out" guys - you are missing out as well, just because you refuse to look beyond the surface when looking to get a number. It goes both ways.

[JustMe2008]

Why not? Of course you can get to know her, become her friend and romance her. What's wrong with that? Plus you have that "get to know her" part too. And yeah, personally, I have seen a lot of healthy relationships which came out of public settings.

[Simple-Simonette]

I guess I just never personally experienced it or been witness to it, myself. All my friends and their spouses met through work, school, or places where they got to know each other for a period of time.

[JustMe2008]

Yeah I know what you are saying. That's mostly the case - work, school, or activity clubs something like that but I have seen some people successful that way too and that's what led me change my mind. But they didn't approach just on the road. I think some public settings like library, cafes, bookstores help you get some starting ideas about a person.

[Simple-Simonette]

Yup, but forget the club scene - it's just a meat market.

I think it's important to know a person before having expectations about them. You can't say all women just jerk you around just because you've had bad luck with some - there are plenty of nice women out there that just never get a chance because no one bothers to get to know them.

[JustMe2008]

Oh by club I meant activity club like photography club, film club, yoga club something like that....

[Simple-Simonette]

I know. I was talking about the other "club" scene - lol.

[glowboy]

I would agree with you. the only thing is yo you seem to be forgetting the number of guys who are never approached by girls. both genders are equality shallow and don't look beyond what they want. there are plenty of good guys out there that are labeled geeks and don't get dates because girls want the jock type. I'm sick of guys having to make the move. if your a girl and like a guy you should step up and tell them how you feel. if every one spoke what they felt the world would be so much better.

[Marauder]

Simple-Simonette has "personal issues."

[sweetynxtdoor818]

I seriously think its annoying when I am with my friends and guys try to talk to us and annoy us to death. but this has only happened in Europe.

i think European guys ARE way More brave then Americans.

cuz they think about this SO god damn much.

well yes European guys are annoying but at the same time they are hot, so in the end I remembered one of them and went out wit him.

my point is. if you SEE a girl you like approach her even though she might turn you down. because I bet deep down inside she doesn't want to turn you down. (its like an image we like to produce . that WE ARE NOT EASY TO GET and WE ARE NOT SLUTS)

I BElIEVE THAT YOU SHOULD talk to a girl even though she might turn you down. I don't know how its like being a guy. but at the end of the day, I enjoyed being hit on by European guys.

[sammyangel9991]

Ok these girls are playing hard to get. They say things like "omg its sooo annoying when guys hit on me" because they want to let you know/ give you the impression that they are wanted by other guys. Girls think guys like the chase because it will make him want her more and they also know that guys want a girl of "value" and if other guys are "hitting on them", it makes them seem more valueable. Girls won't return your calls because they know that guys want what they can't have and if the guy "can't have the girl", it will make him want her more.

Girls want to be approached by guys, but sometimes what they say sends out a different message. Girls don't always say what they mean.

[Romanticguy1988]

Thats so true *sigh*

Myself I HATE the cat and mouse game.

What I've learned by experience. If the girl is trying to be hard to get . . . Ignore her . . Lol you won't even have time to say Ignored when you see her crawling back to get some attention.

Those girls are not worth it in my opinion. Girls who like to play games and are afraid of any kind of commitment.

[WeaponZero]

Personally I don't bother with any of that. I think its a basic human courtesy to be up front about it. Doing things like that constitute mind games in my opinion that make the woman come across as immature. If a girl says she doesn't like something, then I move on.

[Romanticguy1988]

If a girl says she doesn't like something. . . you move on.

So what's the count at the moment. . . .1000 or 2000 girls so far ^_^ ?

[maumau1000000]

The way to stop the cycle is simple. You keep trying. It's not like girls held a convention and agreed not to let guys approach them or not return their calls. Yeah, I know there are a lot of girls that do this. But there are girls who are the opposite, they want to be approached and they will answer you when you call. If you assume that a girl won't answer your call, then that's what you're gonna get.

I don't know if you watch King of the Hill, but anybody who does will know what I'm talking about. There's one episode where Hank asks Boomhauer to teach Bobby how he's so successful with women. So Boomhauer takes Bobby to the mall and he talks to one woman after the other. The women kept ignoring him, I think some of them slapped him. Then, after talking to maybe thirty women, one finally gave him her number. Bobby couldn't believe it and he said 'that's it. That's how you do it.' I say yes, that's exactly how you do it. I don't know what the odds are, but even if it's 1000 to 1, think of how great it's gonna be when you get to that one.

[Romanticguy1988]

Answer is pretty simple.

Women doesn't know what they want.

Too bad ass, too cocky, too pussy, too romantic, too decent, too perfect. . . The list can go on whole night.

They want guys to approach but when guys approach. . . They don't want it anymore.

Women are very complicated but that is why it makes them so special and interesting.

Women are like little puzzle boxes that you really want to solve. . . As soon you get puzzle solved. . . There is pure love and heart waiting for you.

[redheadbabygirl]

Brilliant :P

[faberfan]

Or as soon as you solve the puzzle, there is another smaller puzzle inside you didn't know about. And then that puzzle stabs your back. Ooops, too far into my own personal life haha. Good answer though.

[tex151]

Women are like little kids they don't know what they want, they can't make a decision, they lose attention really fast, and they love shiny things. So step up be a man and tell them what they want, it's really that simple, if they play games screw that move on life to short to mess with crazy women. Fined one that won't play games.

[Romanticguy1988]

Redheadbabygirl! I KNOW! BRILLIANT! AYE! I am perfect or what :D lol! yeah! (sarcasm)

Faberfan. . . Lol :D Good one.

Tex151: I totally agree with you. . Myself I am not into women who play games. I rather meet someone who is not afraid of commitment. I still think that women and men are equal. When I meet my the right one she will know what to do and what to think. And hope she won't loose focus on me.

[WeaponZero]

Problem is that when girls get like that it makes them come across as being immature, and no I don't have any desire to "solve the puzzle".

[WeaponZero]

Also, tex151, that is probably the single most true thing I've ever heard. and if it isn't, ladies, this is how men see it. if you don't like it, do something about it.

[Romanticguy1988]

You don't see any desire in solving what your women wants.

Don't take this personally from me but I wish you good luck with women :)

[ns-para]

Haha, this is the best one on this site!

Wish I had an answer as good as the others. All I know is that I no longer hit on women in the clubs. The rejection was bad enough, the bad dates I scored were even worse!

Personally, I think it's all about the setting. I like to get to know the girl a bit at first, so functions, work, friends of friends, etc. are where I am more comfortable meeting women. Then there's less pressure on both of us, and I get a better sense of whether or not she's the kind of girl I would like to date.

Sure, I see beautiful women everywhere when I'm out, but really, where's the romance in walking up to a stranger and playing corny pick-up artist games?

[Reeses-pieces777]

I think it's very true. Some guys don't approach ever and that's sad because some guys who aren't as good will get to that girl first just because he likes to approach women. It's just a risk that a person has to take inorder to even start a relationship.

I actually am the type if the guy I'm interested in hasn't made the move, I will. That's one way to break the cycle and solve it.

The other way is that the guy has to know there is always the risk of rejection, but's it better than just not approaching because the percentage of successfully acquiring a date with the girl will be definitely 0% if he doesn't ask. It's at least a 50% success rate if he does ask.

[kim1111]

Ok, well girls loveeee to play hard to get. Trust me, its hard for us too but we think it will make the guy want us more so by not returning calls and taking a long time to reply to things from the guy, it actually shows that were interested. Don't however, call constantly because of this reason. Be patient and while calling the girl, be relaxed and witty and invite her out to something casual and fun to do, to get to know her. If she doesn't call back within three to four days to one week, you can assume she's not intersted btu if you really can't stop thinking about her, send her a text or a brief voicemail just saying " I can't stop thinking about you." and give her an exact date when you want to see her like "friday, pick you up at 8?"

If that doesn't work, drop it buddy. There are plenty of fish in the sea!

[WeaponZero]

It doesn't make the guy want you more, because he doesn't know you enough to want you. It makes him think you're someone who's just going to be a hassle who's going to play head games with him.

[cheche98]

Yea, guys are kinda lazy. And you saying this or that, playing hard to get, it is a real turn off for most guys. Or that's just me.

[arsenal25]

I so agree!! guys should just do that, even if we don't return a call, still text us and ask us out with exact date and time! lol I know its silly but that's just how most girls are :) we want to feel special

[kim1111]

K welll ur saying that guys are just like that, but the truth is that girls like to feel special and they don't want to seem easy and like if this guy wouldn't have callled the girl would have nothing better to do than go out with him. I'm giving the questioner advice on how to handle it, obvisouly girls want the guy to put effort into getting to know the girl! I mean hellooo, the girl can't just be all over the guy just because guys are lazy by nature...

dudeee, take my advice:)

[Marauder]

Kim1111 totally gets it. Kudos.

[kim1111]

Thanks! haha

[jaycee777]

I think regardless that most women do not mind being approached, in a friendly manner, if they don't then they are just not that nice to begin with I believe. I say take the chance, what is the worst that can happen is that someone tells you to go away, and well do you really want to know them if they are going to be like that anyway?

[throwingabfnow]

okay guys out there: IT IS NOT A TURN ON WHEN GUYS PLAY HARD 2 GET. I mean you can't worship the girl because its hard to respect some one when they kiss your ass but girls loved to be complimented, hit on and be like respected and also we love it when guys do cute gestures like carrying books and tying your shoes but we don't like it when you wait 3 days to call and stuff like that.

[noricat]

At least we get round to calling. ;)

How about you girls and that inability to press button and lift your cell to your ear? Crazy.

[Anonymous]

who said we are annoyed when guys approach ?!

even when around friends, I don't find its that big issue if someone did.

well,

i would be happy if someone brave up, come and talk.

"girls are different, and there is no rule under which we can generalize"

[Anonymous]

It is true just because a girl gives you there phone number does not mean that they are interested. We are just trying to be nice, in some cases. I know I can speak for myself I have given guys my phone number when they asked just to be nice and then next to there a=name I also write DNA. do not answer. This does not mean you should stop approaching girls you find attractive. So what if she doesn't answer then that just means she's not the girl for you. Move on to the next possible candidate

[Anonymous]

Totally agreed. Saw this nice short haired blonde girl at the bar last night, now I don't particularly enjoy the blind introduction at the best of times but since its apparently annoying to be talked to by a guy on a night out at a bar (crazy notion) more often then not I am just letting it go.

[wally]

Bro you read my mind .most girls don't know what they want ,some will play hard to get.

[Anonymous]

ot all girls think that way we just don't want guys to get our numbers just so he can show how many he scored in one night. (like points)

[AssholeNumberOne]

Yeah the girls who say this stuff are toxic and need to grow up.

[Adidas12]

I totally agree.