Are women more attracted to guys who act disinterested in them?

Question

This is based on something I saw a woman briefly talk about in a Take she wrote. She was saying that females like it when a guy doesn't show a lot of interest because they like the idea of trying to tear down his wall. I guess like hard-to-get but with the woman being turned on by that.

I do know that actually has been true for me when I really was disinterested in some women I've known but not others. What do you think?

talias288 · Accepted Answer

There's a fine line there, buddy. Honestly, I don't feel attracted to someone who seems too interested in me, because it seems like it's too easy. He must not be worth it, cause I got him without any effort. Nobody respects a circus monkey that juggles balls on demand just because you want him to or like a grimey salesman trying to convince you to buy his crap immediately, without taking time to think about it.

Then again, if we've been in each others company for quite some time, maybe months or years and you never bothered to introduce yourself to me or speak cordially, I'd be turned off if I found out that you actually liked me, and pissed if I thought it was because you were trying to mess with my mind. It just comes off really self-absorbed, douchie and like yeah, you weren't hot enough at the time, but I'm interested now, and maybe I'll take a shot. I have a lot of self worth, and I deserve better than some guy who isn't sure whether he feels I'm hot enough or not to risk looking bad trying to get to know me.

I'd think, if the guy has some interest in me, and if I'm supposedly that gorgeous to him, he'd at least strike up a conversation with me once he has the chance. And not as I'm leaving the place - that's kind of lame, like seriously, you had so many chances to talk to me and waited until it was time to leave. Sheesh! (I know guys are nervous, but you've got to show initiative).

Once he approaches (casually and in-direct, perhaps commenting on something else), he doesn't have to be all over me. He can talk to me with those sexy, guarded eyes. Asking for my number or my age (especially in the beginning) is kind of a dead giveaway. It's really sexy when you can have a conversation and a mutual connection, that's not focused on getting my personal info. It makes you seem more selective, and hotter. But it would be a turn-off if he didn't make some way for us to see each other again. Ask if we know anyone mutually that has my contact info, or if there's another gathering you could invite me to, or just an outing with your friends. (At that point, I might agree to give my number because there's a legitimate reason other than you're HOT.) I don't do facebook, so that wouldn't help. I never mind giving out email, but people are so lazy nowadays.

Nothing wrong with holding back, but don't purposely ignore me. Grow up.

sjoes006 · Accepted Answer

You can't paint with a wide brush. Gosh any man or woman that take you for granted and only comes running when you give up has issues to settle in their romantic life or just in general.

There is such a thing as overkill, of course. But the difference is when they aren't interested because you were way too into it they don't come running.

This is weird but I went to a wedding where they each put sand into a beautiful bottle. They had different colors to pick but the idea is fair and balanced. Sometimes one pours a little more bad you can see it in the bottle.

It was pretty and fit who they were as a couple of five years prior to marriage.

Healthy people don't play games. Try to keep an even level checking in not verbally but maybe observationally to how things are. Like timewise is she fine spending 3-4 nights a week together? Does she share details she hasn't shared with anyone? Just don't be needy.

Don't always set up all the dates and don't overshare in the beginning. But if you have been dating a while and she still isn't sharing and only giving you a couple of dates a week, like o e week date and one weekend it's fair to check in and move on.

I say at that point you should be seeing other people. It feels nice to have options open when you aren't sure about someone you may come to really like but bad timing and whatnot.

You have those things thee dates, of many personalities, to show you different parts of yourself they bring out.

And sometimes for that key first runner they are replaced in weeks. They aren't always hesitating because of you. They're tied up elsewhere.

You have them in the mean time which makes you feel freer when you meet someone who clicks and is ready to be in a relationship.

I hope that doesn't sound mean. I've been on both sides and always felt meaner being the party dragging my feet.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

It's immaturity. That is not what really attracts a mature woman. This is something that 7-24-year-old girls and women would sometimes if not often think. 25+, and you need to seriously question her sense of rationality. These are the girls who are bored, and nothing 'EXCITING' is happening in their lives, so they seek out 'trouble'. Think about the song 'I knew you were trouble'. That's the kind of girl you're dealing with. Nobody should EVER try to break down your walls. EVER. In fact, the walls should stay, but that person that you love should have the right to see who you are in a translucent way. Healthy relationships require boundaries.

Please don't listen to that woman with this. You have to be a mature person in order to attract another mature person. Remember you are who you attract mostly. If you do have interest in her, then why pretend you don't like them if you do? If you don't have interest in her, but you are attracted then at least acknowledge for yourself that you are, but you do not have to pursue a relationship.

Fitness-Fanatic · Accepted Answer

She can't speak for ALL women, only herself.

I need to know where I stand with a guy. Intentionally showing disinterest by playing hard -to-get is manipulative, and an immature mind game.

I distance myself from guys who show any signs of disinterest. I'm not fool enough to pursue a guy who doesn't make an effort to show me he wants me in his life. It has to be two-way , or I move on

MusicMayhem · Accepted Answer

I think only in the sense of if a guy talks around said women with no filter on his mouth; i. e. he isn't scared of offending her with what he says, but also with his actions too. Because, it shows the women that he won't change himself for her, just to get her. So she is attracted to him because he is genuine and being himself where other guys might agree with everything a girl says to try win her approval.

For e. g. 2 guy finds out a girl plays a sport he doesn't like. The nice guy is like yeah that's such a great sport and over compliments her for playing it which comes across as fake and him trying to gain her approval so she likes him. The attractive guy sticks to his guns and says 'you know I think it's kind of boring because...' She then thinks wow this guy is pretty cool cause he doesn't back down on his values to try win me over.

So it's not about the guy actively showing disinterest, that's just immature game playing to test a girl. It's about a guy not necessarily agreeing with some things a girl does, because it shows he is his own guy, and he is being his own, authentic self.

appotamos92 · Accepted Answer

Yo so chicks who want to be "the one" to change the emotionally unavailable and damaged man are often just as insecure and selfish as the man they're seeking to "help." But they really just playin out past traumas, unresolved conflicts from past because they think it will fix their own past. Yo she ain't acting this way because she truly cares for him, it's about fulfillin her own fantasy. Once she's changed him, and he shows interest, her attraction Fades because the chemically, fantasy-laden, journey ends and she begin to build her own walls and push em away as her fears, insecurities she was tryin to distract herself from by chasing this guy, return.

Browneye57 · Answer

It's partly that, they think they have won out if they can get you over to their side, to pay attention to them. It's also that so much attention is purely in the interest of getting in their pants and they don't like that so much - they're looking for a guy that is paying attention to her as a person more than her as a vagina.
And then there's the idea that a guy that's not paying attention specifically is busy on his own life mission, his aspirations. Women are attracted to guys that are going someplace and being someone.

dannymexico90 · Answer

It's a delicate balance not a one way or the other kind of thing. I usually mirror the girl. I also go to work and focus on work. I don't sit around texting her or monitoring her every move. I don't ask for a commitment until she is bringing it up a lot. Ultimately it's not about a game. It's about being a man with a purpose and not making the women you biggest priority in life. It's worked very well because I'm not pushing anything. That's attractive to women. Not the guy who spends all day thinking of the women.

rjroy3 · Answer

I wouldn't say disinterest per se. But showing interest without being needy about it. Like the difference between saying

"Will you go out with me this Saturday?"

and

"I'm gonna go get a bite to eat. You can come if you want"

Both express interest, but only one of them isn't asking anything of her. Just offering her a good time that she can take it or leave it. Assuming the girl isn't already into you the second tends to be more appealing. I can see why that one might be viewed as disinterest, because it's not explicitly expressing he's into her.

Being_a_good_Indian · Answer

Yeah. I believe in that women get more attracted to the guys who are hard to get. They think that they have good confidence. They have self control. They will probably not cheat when they will indulge in relationship.

On other hand it becomes boring sometimes or lose interest. The person who really loves will not lose interest.

When the girl is thinking to indulge in long term relationship she must be mature enough to have patience and understand that the guy wants little bit time or has few career goals.

I am also hard to get guy. 😊😊

Lelee · Answer

No I dont want to tear down a guys wall, everybody has boundaries for a reason and its up to them to decide if and when they want to open up to me, but If I care for them I will be there even while the walls are up. My thing is, I like a guy who isn't too clingy. That doesn't neccesarily translate to being disinterested (even though it sometimes seems that way to my friends). I just dont like being under a lot of pressure from a guy so I would appreciate if he wasn't so interested that he was rushing me or pressuring me. However I definitely would not want a man who seemed completely disinterested. If he doesn't even like me or only likes me a little bit why would i want to date him? Lol

ThatLeaf · Answer

Some are. When I was younger it was more likely to happen. Now I think as a protection mechanism I have developed to avoid rejection I don't tend to gain any feelings for a person unless they show interest and are capable to have a committed relationship with me. It's not always solid but I find myself liking people who are less likely to cause emotional distress.

cinderelli · Answer

I like it when a guy I like shows interest in me.. but I do find it attractive if the guy doesn't hit on every human being with a pussy.. like he must have some standards and I like it when he has only been interested in a small number of girls.. because that'd make me feel special :D

ElissaDido · Answer

Ehhh a little at the first stages. I personnaly get attracted to men who show interest but are not CLINGY, I like it when they make me want them.

I'm talking about the initial stages obviously. If he still acts disinterested in the relationship I'm out.

baetheT · Answer

I dont know about all women but for me it’s about timing, if a guy shows a lot of interest right away it freaks me out. When a guy is a little bit more relaxed and quiet about his feelings it makes me curious and inspires me to want to get to know him more.

Pinay_ako · Answer

If I see he isn't interested with me at all no matter what signs I show him, I am not going to waste my time any longer. I just walk away. It is a turn off if I have to keep making the moves on him without being reciprocated.

Lopezz1999 · Answer

Yes, but those are the women you want to avoid. I don't like it when men or women play games. Be upfront with your feelings, or move onto the next person. There is no reason to be wasting time by acting disinterested when you really are, that goes for both men and women.

estoydorado1 · Answer

I'm not. I don't know about other girls but I don't have the mindset that I can get what I want by wanting it badly enough. If he acts like he doesn't find me appealing then I respect that & myself and move on. I can understand where some guys may be playful or obvious about their actual intentions for being distant (to build anticipation, etc.) but if a guy acts like he only sees me as a friend or he barely acknowledges me, I get over it.

Anonymous · Answer

Fun story I meet a guy a year ago and we were both physical attracted to each other. Started going out and this asshole started playing me
He had really no interest and I knew it and when I stopped texting he came back with something sweet or whatever he showed interest, what got me thinking "maybe it's just the way he is" then again we texted and he was distant again and again I recognized he isn't interested, I stopped texting and he came back
Super confusing
In the end he wasn't interested, he just keep me warm and also tried to sleep with me
He really wasn't good for my self-esteem and it was so confusing
after I did feel like shit and he probably laughing his ass off with his friends and then me stupid

Cosytoasty · Answer

It's not disinterest, no girl is going to like disinterest. It's more like guarded interest.

They love a guy who doesn't lay all his cards on the table right away. You need to give her hints that you are interested, but remain guarded about it and only give her as much as she gives you.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

Yes, they think it means you're being uber-confident while you're actually just not thinking about her. Add to this that people are more likely to ignore people below their league (meaning the person doing the ignoring is in a higher league so of course they're found to be more attractive).

I do think that relying on this isn't likely to get you the highest value women. You have to chase and leave an impression if you want quality (though yes, you have to be careful to not seem "too available").

Thia18 · Answer

Maybe for the wrong reasons. If a guy talks to me, ignores for a while, I just might find it easier to talk to him because I'll assume he is not interested. So he would only be a friend.

But all women are different. And I think a lot differently so I don't know about them...

Bridutch95 · Answer

Sounds like my situation... I guess I like mystery in guys; men who don't talk much, stay to themselves. I believe he's interested but he's not gonna tell me probably because he's shy and he's use to the girls running up on him. But I don't do that, I usually wait for the guys to persue me so we're like tag play each other and it's crazy bc neither one of won't let go of our pride and tell each other how we feel. It's stupid really lol. Someone gotta break the wall; it's not gonna be me lol. If I can tell he's not interested I'll leave him alone. But if were eyeing one another constantly then Ima try to throw little hints his way.

TripleAce · Answer

Only to women who feel the need to prove to themselves that they can fix it... sense of accomplishment is very important for self confidence...
And there nothing more of a confidence booster than getting the opposite sex to want you..

But these women are problematic, they continue to date the wrong guys until one day they simply had too much of it and finally see it for what it is...

hannah6742 · Answer

thats honestly just really annoying if he acts like he doesn't care

JustSky · Answer

It think it depends on the situation of the woman. If she is used of getting so much attention from guys she might like snobby boys. On my situation I somehow gets attracted to a man whenever I hear he likes me. Maybe this is because I never really receive so much attentions from guys.

Tephra · Answer

In most cases I believe its true that girls like guys who play hard to get; especially the girls who can easily get guys. They would like alittle challenge trying to get a guys attention.

Girls who have a harder time getting guys or hate playing mind games would immediately lose interest and walk away from him.

Depending on what kind of girl your talking about can vary but most girls on GAG can agree playing "hard to get" is immature and unappealing

Robsinsf53 · Answer

I know that when I was married & commuting on public transportation, I'd be sitting in my own seat, minding my own business and I would get a lot of attention thrown my way. I obviously never reacted to any of it being as how I was married. It was the wedding band I think because I only got the attention after our marriage.

_olivia_white_ · Answer

In my opinion it's a turn-off if the guy didn't look interested in you. I like it when guys make me feel like I'm wanted.

Ruthless1 · Answer

I think women want to believe that they are not attracted to this type of guy. yet FB, and IG tell a different story. now to answer this question yes objectively would be inaccurate. however I will say subjectively yes. I have encountered too many attracted to the bad boy type, the untamable. and then complain that there aren't any good guys left. respect to the real women whom don't fall victim. and my regards to those who do. 😒

Underduress · Answer

I am going to separate gender from this because I think this one goes both ways. I think that if someone is dominant, lack of attention will turn up their pursuit until they finally get the memo. If someone is submissive then lack of attention will immediately cause them to lose interest. There is a lot more to it than that but nobody wants to read all the bs I could write about it.

TheMoroccangirl · Answer

I don't know in what kind of world she lives, but as far as I know it makes me lose interest drastically 😂. There were guys like that, at the first sight I liked them but once they kept appearing disinterested, my interest just decreased abnormally till the point they're just friend-zoned.
A guy who showers me with attention would be boyfriend material.

Kuraj · Answer

That's simple science.
If you display too much interest in a woman you will seem like the smaller catch.
You need to appear indifferent just enough so that you appear out of reach to the woman, so that when you do get interested in her she can feel good about herself for landing a superior male.

There are women for whom this does not apply, they are the "pampered princess" kind, avoid those as they are a very unreliable investment.

DizzyAster · Answer

I think she's only talking about half of the story.
In reality, women (and men, no homo) like men who have a life and a purpose. That means he has something more important than she is, something grander, like world peace, high status careers, or reaching the top of the leader board.

That means they have a passion about something, and passionate people are a ton more interesting than not.

Iwjwamo · Answer

He need some to be 50/50 but just a little bit more interested than not to keep her hooked.
Too little attention she'll lose interest. Too much will lead to the same thing. To keep her hooked show attention then distance. Alternate

KateSkellington · Answer

I think it varies from woman to woman. For me, I like a guy who shows interest and gives me attention, basically I like them going after me and not the other way around but I'm sure there are women who like to chase just as there are men who like to be chased. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact I think it's cool that the roles have switched ☺

anglca__ · Answer

this is actually more rampant in my circles than liking bad boys. and I could see the appeal really.

I think the mysterious aura is what gets the woman interested. I even have a friend who gets turned off once the guy returns the affection or becomes overly affectionate.

jaydtre · Answer

Nah, women like guys who are on their shit. Taking care of grown man business and not always being readily available is attractive to them. This shouldn't be confused with being disinterested, when the guy has a lot going for himself then the girl will wanna be apart of that.

awesomespoken · Answer

I believe there is some truth to that. Evidenced by the women who enter abusive relationships. However I also believe that a woman would also never admit to it. The proof is in the comments. Think about it: if they admitted to be interested in disinterested men, then men would stop making an effort, then girls would lose the niceties of dating; having a man at her beck and call because he is interested in her. Effectively forfeiting the upper hand in the dating world.

intoxicatingen6 · Answer

Depends I was in a situation like that with a guy we liked each other mutually at first when we were dating but after that he became distant and I felt like he was not interested anymore. I started liking him more and would post more on instagrm to get his attention. Thankfully I've gotten out of that hole 😂

Sweet_Nothing · Answer

Absolutely not. I get disinterested once they act like that, I'll even run the extra mile if I found out they were doing it in purpose to illicit feelings of want in me.. haven't got time for these childish games

Anonymous · Answer

Personally no, there is nothing less appealing to me then chasing someone who isn't interested. I don't want him desperate and drooling, but knowing he's as into me as I am him is a must

Freya_Martin · Answer

If a guy acts like "hard to get" kinds, I wouldn't bother myself much trying to decode him. That would least turn me on. 😇 💕

henryo · Answer

The actual thing there is that from experience the women I have actually lasted long was because I kind of lost interest immediately they give in and also when we had intimacy (f**k) so they will start chasing me and I like it that way. And if you don't give me attention at first I will ignore immediately.

TuMeManques · Answer

Not at all. I'm super shy so if he acts like that I'd completely cross him off my list of possibilities

TheIceCreamQueen · Answer

No. If you love me, I shouldn't have to chase you down to give me attention. Fuck that.

strangytie · Answer

For me, no. I think it depends on a lot of stuff including how you were treated as a kid and how you see yourself. I don't have the ability to properly read into a situation well. Hell, if my boyfriend hasn't told me he's been flirting with me since he met me I would've thought he was just a really good friend of mine.

airin42 · Answer

i think it depends on woman personality. If she's a kind of self centered person, then she will attract with man who doesn't give her attention she want. But if she just simply love a small gesture from the man she's been attracted with, so what's the point to play hard-to-get stuff.

Anonymous · Answer

I am really insecure and have no confidence in myself when it comes to dating. That's a reason why I tend to fall for guys not interested in me, because in my head those who are interested have no choice other than liking me. I know this is wrong but whenever I find out my "crush" have interest in me too I stop liking him. I only fall for guys who's not interested in me at all.

ATuairiscean · Answer

I always thought this was a bit of an urban myth - I don't like games and usually like girls who don't like games so to get involved in a scenario like this seems counter productive to me.

ravello · Answer

This question feels like one of those mythical ‘girl logic’ situations where it’s drummed into us that it exists because TV and movies have told us it’s true, like girls having pillow fights in their underwear.

CutandDry · Answer

no, that is not appealing to me at all. I am not going to chase after anyone nor wait around to see if they like me. Interested? Say so. Not interested? okay, that's cool too. we will still be cool.

emiliefischer · Answer

ummmm not for me whatsoever. i like guys who like me back, and if they show specific disinterest, i won't bother them and i'll lose the attraction towards them

Ram0n83 · Answer

I'm with the OP. I wouldn't say all women are like that. But yes, I've noticed a few that seem more interested in me when I show little or no interest in them.

nevermoregirl7 · Answer

Not for me personally. If a guy is interested in me and I find him attractive, I am interested back. But some women do like the challenge of a taken man who is in a happy relationship.

AliDawson16 · Answer

I prefer when a guy puts the effort in it makes me excited 😘

bumblebee007 · Answer

No if they act disinterested in me I'll try and move on. Don't see a point in wasting time. If a guy acts interested in me then I'll work on it.

KaGilliam · Answer

Nah, I've dealt with that too many times. I've talked to guys like that and then I had crushes and then rejected. I can't lol.

Galemead · Answer

Nah. If a guy doesn't show interest I assume he doesn't like me.

swanask · Answer

Noo, if I get the idea that the guy is not interested in me why should I waste my time?

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

I'm the opposite. The second a guy shows disinterest, I lose interest.

Christina1166 · Answer

Well, for me the guy would have to chase first, or else I would have no idea if he is interested or not. A little chasing by the girl is fine, but for me the man would have to act first, then act disinterested if he wants a chase. 🙂

Anonymous · Answer

Not true, people are comfortable around their own kind, so maybe she is a game player too. I lose interest in people who don't show interest, unless I think he's missing out and really worth it. Then I will try to tear his wall down.

fabulouspancakes · Answer

Not disinterested, but not TOO interested. Desperation is a major turn-off and suggests there might be something wrong, but if he's not showing interest I assume he just is not interested and will not chase him.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Well if he acts disinterested, I assume he's not interested so I don't put much energy on that.

Anonymous · Answer

It is the sad, sick, ugly truth bro. They just seem so interested in those people who treat them like shit and don't care about them much.
But let me tell you, these are most of the time pretty girls. Because I think that pretty girls just get so much attention and are fed up of it, and then they start to feel good when they hardly get attention from some people and those are the people they are interested in.

Are women more attracted to guys who act disinterested in them?

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Does ignoring women and not giving them any attention actually make them more attracted to a guy?

Are women more attracted to guys who act disinterested in them?

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Does ignoring women and not giving them any attention actually make them more attracted to a guy?

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