Girls, do you ever feel bad for ignoring men with good intentions? Also how do you women measure a man's intention?

[Anonymous]

I'm constantly working on my communication skills and trying to present myself in the best light but getting a woman to meet up for a date often feels futile especially on dating apps. It's hard to form a connection with someone via words on a screen and calling within the first few messages feels too forward. Getting a date feels like it shouldn't be this difficult so I'm taking an indefinite break to save my self-esteem.

I DON'T feel bad ignoring well intentioned men

I DO feel bad ignoring well intentioned men

[SueShe]

In my age group, "good intentions" usually are limited to getting into the pants after the 1st. date or, in exceptional cases on the 2nd. if the first one fails. If that does not materialize, there will be no subsequent date. Is that correct or am I right?

I am a bit of an exception here because, I am not interested in dating and therefore, I am more or less obliged to reject anyone that approaches me with that purpose. I am sure that there are a lot of good guys that are willing to oversee the fornication for a while but let's be honest. Copulating is basically what it all boils down to.

I did feel guilty in the beginning when I was approached and when I simply said "not interested", those men usually kept insisting because they could not take a "no" for an answer. That led me to put them all in the same basket and not to tailor my reply to each individual.

I personally believe that those dating apps are the gangrene of relationships of the 21st. century. Nobody wants to invest in meeting in person on a face to face basis because of the potential dangers that are involved; potential dangers for men to be seen as perverts and harassers.

That is the direct consequence of our sick society where sex is the predominant factor in meeting with another person. Those conditions did not exist in the days of our grandparents because they tended to respect the opposite gender.

[Asker]

I'm not sure if I understood your initial question but for me "good intentions" means I'm not here to waste time and let's see if we're looking for the same thing. There's also a pressure to bang right away but I need to know I like the woman beyond her looks before I try to make a move and that honestly takes me a couple of dates usually which I feel like is too long for them and they get disinterested. So you're right, society got me fucked up, she's disrespectful asf.

I agree with your copulating sentiment, sometimes it feels like women try to deny it though. If we're being real the bullshit of the dance is just seeing if we're compatible to fuck otherwise we would just be friends.. maybe. As for apps being gangrene I can agree to some extent, sometimes you might be so busy that it just makes more sense to swipe but the ettiequte is different dating online so it's more or less awkward.

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe I noticed (yesterday?) your age group got just a bit older. 🙂

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya I think you should refrain from consuming too much cashew feni. This messes up your vision.

But wait! You are right, my age group did get older! When did that happen?

[PrettyPriya]

Ignoring as in? Are they ignoring your messages through the dating apps? I never have done online dating. I never had the desire for the reasons you mention. It is very difficult to form a meaningful connection online. It is awkward and rarely works.

I had some friends that tried online dating. It was never good stories from what they shared with me. So, I met my spouse the old fashion way, by luck and chance. Sure, that is not going to work for everyone, but organic conversation and face to face is much better.

Try looking in your local area for activity groups or clubs that are of interest of you. A lot of times those are free or at the very least inexpensive. You will get a chance to meet some people with similar interests. It is much easier to make an initial connection when you are doing something you enjoy with other people have have that same interest.

As far as ignoring? I do not ignore people. I am married, so I would ignore advances now, but I also won't be on any dating sites. If single, I would not flat out ignore someone but just politely decline.

[Asker]

Yes, ignoring messages. I agree, apps are very awkward and the banter between matching and asking them out feels like bullshit usually. What confuses me is when there's a seemingly good connection and flow followed by never hearing from them again.

I'll look out for more group stuff I guess although I feel like I do a lot of activities already in my free time. I do muay thai twice a week, I frequent museums and galleries and I just started taking pottery classes.

[PrettyPriya]

Those are all great hobbies/interests. Any prospects in your classes that you could chat up and see if there is a spark? I get not wanting to spread yourself too thin. Just a suggestion.

Yes, I agree that online dating is not ideal. Never having done it, I cannot speak personally but do have some friends that had similar problems. I have speculated that good conversation followed by ghosting could be that they met someone.

I am sure the girls are chatting to multiple guys. Maybe the conversation seemed good but in the meantime she went out and hit it off. She could then just abandon the account because she thinks she found something and not answer others.

That is the problem. It is all a guessing game as to why things seem to go well and then nothing.

[Asker]

In muay thai? Unless I turn gay overnight there isn't any prospects, as for pottery classes everyone is coupled up or married. I honestly meet women in person a lot randomly (which is why I'm okay with getting rid of apps) but so far they don't go anywhere. I figure most women are talking/seeing other guys as well wether they're on or off the apps, it just catches me a little off guard sometimes. You're right, never knowing where you stand is the shittiest part but then again maybe not knowing means you were never in the running.

[Sour-rose]

Nah. And usually i don't because idgaf. Whatever that man's intention is I don't think I wanna be involved in. Especially when if it's not about getting in my pants, it's about seeing if I'm in another sexual activity. God help them if they wanna "experiment" to see if I'm shy, because i'm not, I'm just asexual.

God, I'm tired...

[Anonymous]

I suggest taking things slow af.

You're not the person who has game which is cool and I respect that. What I need you to know is that it's very much okay to "date" but keep it casual and friendly. Just hang out but casually or meeting up and hanging out and doing activities. Fun. Interview dates should happen the 2nd date or 3rd or what have you

[Asker]

Good to know. The dates I usually go on I try to keep it fun, light and surface level they're just hard to get. Not looking for a pen pal on dating apps and social media so taking it slow on those things feels like a waste of everyone's time.

[Opinion Owner]

I hear you loud and clear. I think a lot of men who are generally good... great men... lack sexual attraction/ tension

[Asker]

Why do you think that is?

[Opinion Owner]

Because they were taught or learned to work with the emotion and not the physical. Lol I don't know

[FreyaRed]

I don't feel bad or good. I'm not obliged to have any intentions even though some guy has good ones.

[Anonymous]

tbh there are SO many men approaching us all the time there's just not time to pay attention to them all, so our default is ignore and avoid.

[Asker]

Understandable. I'm a little envious of women in that regard, pursuing women requires so much energy.

[Opinion Owner]

Avoiding guys takes a lot of energy too.

[Nikki1989]

I never feel bad. You have to ignore some men for all kinds of reasons.