It's been 7 months and I STILL miss my ex-boyfriend, why?

[loveme76]

We broke up in June of 2011 (this year). And I have never had such a hard time with a break-up. I really loved him and still do and my heart just aches for him. I miss his hugs, kisses, how smart he is, and everything about him. How do I stop missing him so much and hurting so bad?

Updates

+1 y

Everyone that has been (or will) responding has helped me in multiple ways. You all have no idea how much you're helping me right now. I posted with the good intuition that there's so many good and caring peole out there who are moe than willing to help someone. All they have to do is reach out. Thank you so much. xxx

[Anonymous]

My ex and I broke up in May, pretty much his idea but I pretended to agree at the time. I have suffered every single day with the same things as you. We hardly contacted but when we did, I hung on waiting for every email reply, feeling sick to my stomach and even my health was deteriorating from so much anxiety! I read all the 'get your ex back articles' EVERY DAY, asked a million questions on this forum. I just couldn't move on and couldn't imagine how it would ever happen. Pretty much everyone's advice was 'ignore him, play it cool'. When we broke up, I thought that following this advice would allow me to preserve my dignity, but after 7 months of drinking and feeling miserable all the time, I realized that this was neither 'strong' nor 'dignified'. I thought the 'no contact' and 'move on' strategy would make me stronger, but when your quality of life is going down like that, you must do something.

Two days ago, I could take it no more. Feeling absolutely terrified, I called him and told him that I wanted to 'see what happens' between us. That our previous relationship is over, but I want to try a new one. In the beginning of the phone call, he seemed resistant and I was sure it wasn't working, but you know what? The feeling of rejection didn't feel NEARLY as devastating as I had imagined it would feel.

He continued talking and then I realized that he was agreeing! Turns out he was just as scared as me to say anything. He is really impressed at how 'strong' I was to call him. We are going to work things out. Even if he had said no, I am positive that I would be feeling better than I did before I called him. Although I felt discouraged by everyone that I didn't stand a chance - that the man will ALWAYS call if he wants you back - I knew deep down that something was not right here.

You gave it a good go 'being strong', but it ain't working. Turns out, there's another kind of strong that is often discouraged on this forum and in 'get your ex back' advice in general. Everybody told me to ignore my instincts..they called me crazy...how wrong they all were! xx

[loveme76]

Honestly I have thought about calling him and I get scared to death because of the rejection fear. I have wondered if maybe he misses me too, because on a spiritual level I feel my heart just ache when I think he might miss me too. Still the fear of being rejected holds me back.

[yeahwho]

I agree with you on another kind of strong! I'm experiencing that too. Its not about image or what others opoinions are but how you feel. Its okay to get answers and that may put you in a vulnerable spot but spot on as you said it turned out to be an encouragement. So always be yourself and no one else. Independant, smart giril of America often times is alone searching in amongst a group of men haters at a bar looking for that special one...if you feel me.

[Opinion Owner]

I drank two beers b4 I called him, & prepared notes! If you do it, it's not like you'd be begging him after 2 wks apart...that would prob seem weak and insincere to him. A smart man will see that you aren't being neurotic...ur simply trying to save what may well matter to you both. If you're worried about cold calling him, maybe try 'warming him up' with an email of a funny YouTube video or something. I def don't want to push u, but I don't want you to feel like I did anymore.

[originalmountaindew]

How are you doing now?

[Opinion Owner]

Still together! :)

[MorganTey]

There is no magic cure for heart ache unfortunately. If there was, I'd be first in line. You just have to give it time. In the meanwhile it's going to hurt a lot and you're going to feel like you want to die. And that's completely normal. For me personally the worst part of a break up is the memories. All the good ones. All the future ones that will never be created. That's what kills me the most. There is nothing I want to do more than curl up in bed and cry and sleep and wallow in self pity. But the best way to get over him is to keep busy constantly so I don't have time to miss him. I keep busy with school, work, friends, hobbies. I rarely stay at home, I'm always out and I'm always with people. In the beginning I paste a pretend smile on my face and go through all the motions of having a good time when inside I'm dying, but after doing this often enough I find that I'm not pretending anymore and the memories of him is just that. Memories. They don't bother me anymore.

I'm so sorry you're going through a tough breakup. Hang in there and it'll get better I promise. And don't look at a breakup as a bad thing. Look at it as a blessing in disguise almost. It might just be the universe's way of letting you know that this guy isn't quite your soul mate, that your prefect guy is still out there and waiting for you. That's something to look forward to.

[loveme76]

Thanks Morgan, I appreciate your reaching out. :)

[Anonymous]

I found the best medicine is to force yourself into action...Go out be social, don't have fun but do because what your up against is brain chemistry and its in retraining. Is there any reason you couldn't get back together? If not follow what the boys/men are telling ya. Make plans, do them and the rest will just follow. I was dumped for only couple days this last week but I went to lunch, saw a movie, wine, good food and jump anybody wanted my company because its a waste if your waiting around wishing some one wanted it. Be very present and the 15mins a mourn time good. If you think of him send him love and move on.

[loveme76]

Thank you anonymous, I need more busy. I will do that for my sanity too.

[geronimojoesaephus]

As I stated earlier, I agree with the anonymous post bellow me that suggested allowing yourself about 15 minutes or so to grieve your relationship. I don't think you should have to do it everyday though, but if you need to do it then do it. f you're anything like me, you'll feel a lot better once you've let go of all of the stress it mourning caused you and the stress from trying to hide the feelings. Then, once you've gotten that out of your system, you've opened yourself up to being happier.

DO go out with friends. In my personal experience, I was surprised at how much of a warmer welcome I had received from some of my more distant friends than my ex near the end of the relationship. That realization was kind of bittersweet, but it helped me to stop glorifying my relationship with my ex.

DON'T be impatient. It'll take some time. :/

I'm kind of in a similar situation as you right now. Or, I guess I'm coming out of it. It took me a few months, but I started to realize that I've still got a lot of things and people in my life to be thankful for. Sure, I occasionally miss my ex still, but it's not enough to derail the progress I've made or to make me go back to her.

I hope my rambling helped.

[loveme76]

Absolutely I appreciate the feedback, it helps more than you know!

[geronimojoesaephus]

I'm glad to hear it!

[Distant]

Stop thinking about him and focus your thoughts elsewhere. That is a crucial move when trying to get over a hardship. You have to accept that you two broke up and it's for the better. You're probably thinking that hope is lost and that no one could compare but the truth is that if he didn't exist, you'd be thinking about some guy who was exactly like him. Or some guy who was nothing like him whom you connected with in the same way. That other guy exists. Those other guys exist. Stop wasting your time thinking about something that WAS and start thinking about something that IS and will be.

[loveme76]

Thank you very much

[Distant]

Coming from a real place and real-world experience ;) My pleasure.

[Dimonik]

Indeed. The concept of "the one" is only a myth anyways. Only cure for a broken heart is getting someone to help you pick up the pieces.

[Anonymous]

Think of the crappy stuff he did to you instead.

Get a timer and give yourself 15 minutes a day to mourn. Once the 15 minutes are up, that's the day's allotment.

Get P90X or similar and put your energies into getting in shape for spring.

Be good to yourself.

[loveme76]

Thanks anonymous, I'll try that it is a great idea and I will try anything at this point.

[geronimojoesaephus]

I agree with this answer. The whole allowing yourself 15 minutes to mourn/cry/etc. works a lot better than trying to just bury the thoughts away. Take the time to acknowledge how you feel and just let everything out. Hopefully you won't need to do it everyday as time goes on, but it will definitely help. :)

Good luck! I'm in a similar position, but I'm getting better about it.

[martyfellow]

This sounds like a job for a new man. Sometimes only a new focus can get you to stop thinking about a past relationship long enough to have some fun.

[loveme76]

I've been thinking the same thing. I just need to take my time though. I want someone who wants me in his life forever. :)

[martyfellow]

Yes, that's exactly right. The usual date-around nonsense gets old quickly, doesn't it?

[yeahwho]

You need to call him and gets some answers head on! How are you going to know if the answers lye within him?

[rocksongwriter]

Why did you two break up? Maybe if you focus on that, then you won't miss him.

[rocksongwriter]

Just out of curiosity, why did you two break up?