My boyfriend told me to shut up, does he have any respect for me?

[Anonymous]

when my boyfriend and i argue, he's usually like "shut up" and this makes me upset. i feel like it's so rude to tell the girl that you love to shut up. i feel like he has no respect for me when he tells me to shut up. does he have respect for me? i never talk to him like that. i have told him over and over again that when we fight, he shouldn't tell me to shut up or to fuck off because it hurts me but he still does it! and just now, he told me that telling someone to shut up isn't that bad because other people tell their girlfriends worser things. he told me that i get hurt by things so easily. i'm a really good girlfriend to him and i just feel like he shouldn't talk to me like that because i don't talk to him like that.

[BreeBird007]

Smdh I’m appalled at some of the men on this thread justifying your bf’s behavior. I guess some people really don’t know better and maybe were raised being told that, but whatever the case that is straight up verbal bullying and disrespect. That is a huge red flag. Telling anyone to “shut up” during a disagreement is essentially taking their voice away and conveying that their opinion is worthless, and it’s a sign of narcissism. NOT okay. What are we, 12? Assuming he is an adult, then he is clearly not behaving like one. Adults don’t revert to speaking to people like children or demean them simply because that person is disagreeing. It’s blantant disrespect and a possible sign of worse things to come. You don’t tell people to shut up, you remove yourself before you start losing control and saying things that hurt others. THAT is the adult thing to do. Listen to understand, not to respond. So simple and yet in this generation, so damn hard.

[notofthisworld]

Okay just don't even think about listening to most of the guys that commented. NO its NOT okay that he tells you to shut up. And no it doesn't sound like he respects you. When someone tells someone to shut up its because they are dismissing what they are saying to them and thats what he is doing. Dismissing. It seems as if he isn't adult enough to know how to stop a convo without being rude and disrespectful. If you marry him it will only get worse. Trust me on this one.

[Anonymous]

Nope. He doesn't. He needs to learn how to manage his rage so he behaves like an adult in disagreements. You don't need to be there for that. You're so young. There will be a bazillion other guys to come along in your life. Never cling to a shit stain of a guy who yells hurtful things at you and tells you to quit being so sensitive.

[serious]

" i have told him over and over again that when we fight, he shouldn't tell me to shut up or to fuck off because it hurts me but he still does it! and just now, he told me that telling someone to shut up isn't that bad because other people tell their girlfriends worser things"

Well, your boyfriend telling you to shut up is definitely not a vulgar language, its not even a foul language and so whether him telling you to shut up or not would depend on what you told him, like if he told you to shut up then it indicates you must have told him something that was really irritating and frustrating to him

Hence it depends on what you said, as to what you both were arguing about.

[Musicgeek21]

Hmm... that's a pretty big red flag. Shut up can turn into something much worse if things escalate. However, some people grow up like that. I was raised that people should be treated with respect especially women. I am sure his parents probably told him much the same thing which is why he thinks its ok. Wait until he calms down and then bring up your concerns calmly and explain your feelings. Your guy can't read your mind, if you tell him and he really loves you then he will stop and it won't be a problem anymore.

[gogojoni]

Hi I would show him the door. I just did that to my friend. I had a biopsy done on my breast and wanted him to show me some time and loving words and all he could talk about was himself and how he wanted the floor! and then he actually told me to shut up twice! I said: " did you just tell me to shut up?" giving him time to come around and realize that he was wrong, insensitive and hurtful and he actually said it again! So I hung up on him and he said it was over! Are you kidding me? I mean how much ego self-centered presence and narcissism can you have to be ok with that in your space? It was like I wasn't even there and that I was subservient to him only! I felt so low and crushed like I was a fly on the wall. When we accept behavior like this we devalue ourselves and indirectly allow ourselves to be ok with being treated inhumanely and like sh*t. And I bet when you are done with all these conversations it is like draining to you and you are exhausted by it. And wonder why you feel so down, etc. It's not you , it's him. and it will only get worse if you do not stand your ground or choose to move on. At minimum it is abusive and immature. But it will drain you of your self-esteem and energy. It also signifies that this person cannot control their anger and emotions. More of the same is ahead for you and may eventually may involve emotional and/or physical abuse. Do NOT allow someone to have that much control over you. Be strong girl and hang up/get out now! Amen.

[WhoisntBi]

He definitely should not say that to you. It isn't about what other people may or may not do. They are not in your relationship. The fact is you have told him how it makes you feel and no matter that it was, if you tell him it upsets you then he just shouldn't do it and shouldn't dismiss you like that. I'm sorry to say that it seems like he doesn't respect you and you should seriously consider the relationship as if you cannot talk about things and argue without causing more problems then it won't last. If you really want to continue with it I would suggest just tiring the situation on its head whenever he does it, such as actually being silent for a day to see how he likes it. But try not to retaliate as it would only worsen the situation. :)

[Litza]

Kinda hard to say. I mean yes, to me, it's disrespectful to do that, but what gets me is when you told him it hurts to hear those things and he says them anyway... If I loved someone and they told me that something that I said hurts them, I'd try my best not to use it. Does he talk much? Maybe you guys need to sit down and express your feelings in a calm manner, where no one's hostile or defensive.

[Anticipation]

if there is true emotional connection,, lovers won't spar in a toxic way and say mean things to each other, but instead hear and then understand where each other is coming from.

Society and Schools are failing to mentor and teach how to communicate to each other, which involves being polite,, not yelling (which is force feeding one another's will)

Saying Fuck Off and Shut Up,, is abusive and verbal bullying,, relationship will fail if things don't improve.

[Joti_Harrison]

Nothing wrong in telling a friend or girlfriend shut up one in a while when you're fighting. Humans have emotions and this could be how he conveys anger when you're both arguing.

Sometimes, some people actually do need to shut up as might have been your case at the time. It doesn't mean he doesn't respect you, it just means he was angry at the time, which is normal as a human being.

[thatttguy]

No.

Didn't need to read more than the title to answer. After reading​ the whole post, I'd say hell no. Some guys end up murdering their significant others... does that mean he thinks he has a free pass to do anything but murder you?

[upskirtfetish]

im watching a show on netflix and syfy called "wynonna earp". i won't get too much in to it but, basically, she falls for doc holliday, and even though he actually once tells her to shut up, she still can't keep her hands off of him

i dk why that is, but, hey, whatever floats her boat, right?

[Makeuphoarder]

It's really how you feel. If you communicate to him that you feel it is disrespectful and he just tries to make you feel like it's just you. It's not ok. You letting it go will just make him thinks that you have accepted the abuse.

[TeaMoney]

The simple fact that you already told him how that makes you feel and he didn't care means no, he doesn't respect you.

[Browneye57]

Why are you arguing? This is a big red flag.
He may have respect for YOU, but not your arguing and chattering.

Never pass up the opportunity to just stfu. Not everything you feel needs to be verbalized. Likely only YOU think it needs to be.

[QueenofCups]

Part of it is cultural. I'm part Italian, and my cousins say that to their boyfriends or girlfriends all the time. It doesn't mean the same thing as it does to WASPs.

[cococat]

any guy that tells you to "shut up" or "fuck off" indicates no sign of respect. that's just plain rude especially if you're his girlfriend. and if you have already told him how much it bothers you and he STILL continues to behave like that then i'd honestly just leave. if he's gonna be that rude now, then imagine how the future will be.

[Lyndsielee666]

He correct. He could actually be verbally abusing you instead of just telling you to shut up. But if it hurts your feelings he should respect that. People say shit when they're mad

[Sasakroll96]

Thats not a good thing to say that means he doesn't respect you or your feelings. I guess at this point you need to have a serious talk or move on leaving him behind.

[Lopezz1999]

I'm not sure given the info, but he does appear to be overly aggressive. Does he act similarly at any other time?

[gogojoni]

Exactly Lopezz. There is no reason for a guy to get that upset that he has to talk that way to someone. Think about this: In the workplace is it considered ok to talk to someone like that? Even more so to someone he supposedly cares about All that matters to this guy is how you build up his ego. He cannot control his emotions and that can mean more moving into the future can even end up in abuse emotionally and physically. In the end our inner feelings guide us as to what we should do. IE- If he makes you feel like sh*t why would you want to stay with someone like that? and always coming around to center on him... not good!

[AleDeEurope]

Well, what do you do to get him to tell you that? It's an argument, so you're saying stuff too. Tell the whole story, not one part.

[PrincessBunBuns]

:^) Dump his ass. That's no mature way to deal with things. If you told him to shut up or vice versa.

[4golden2]

leave him :) you are under 18 so i suggest you might be aswell 14 ) my advise dont take any relationship serious at thus you age ) he doesn't respect you? you can find another one :)

[Dale1982]

Should learn to grow thicker skin and shrug things off. He tells you to shut up because he doesn't want to hear you any more.

[FML24]

You should have told him to shut the fuck up. Dont let any guy talk to you in a disrespectful manner. Boyfriend or not.

[applesandbannanas22]

do you know what she said to him?

[applesandbannanas22]

adding on to what FML said. dont let any guy talk you you in a disrespectful manner IF you did not disrespect them first

[FML24]

@applesandbannanas22 Nope i dont know what she said or what he said but I would say shut up back to him.

[applesandbannanas22]

even if you say something disrespectful first? why is he telling her to shut up? either he is undermining what ever she said OR she is constantly the one starting arguments about anything and the aggressor.

[FML24]

@applesandbannanas22 Well thats true. I mean if you argue and you're the one starting it, you might wanna check yourself and see if it's something worth arguing about before hand. a lot of arguments are pointless honestly.