How many "dates" would you go on before you would want a relationship commitment?

[Anonymous]

If all the dates went well... how many dates would you go on before you ask (or expect to be asked) to be exclusive?

[Goodwifie]

I'd say after the first kiss.
I kissed my husband after our second date, it was a way to tell him that I was interested in him. I've never had the conversation of are we exclusive with any of my boyfriends.
I don't really like this game of are we steady or not. My friend dated a guy for 6 months and then she found out that he was dating other women but because she didn't state that she wanted to be exclusive with him he thought it was OK to mess around. Sure it can be seen as being her fault to some people but surely six months of being with her and he was still seeing other women, come on 😠.
I've always just put all of my effort into getting to know one person at a time.

[Sociopathvictim]

coming from a guy here, guys who date multiple girls are red flags and will cheat on you, i can say the same about girls who date lots of guys, they have no values and are looking for casual sex. The guys who choose the best girl to date and only her are not having casual sex and are high value. I agree with your principle, and it wasn't her fault, she didn't need to state exclusivity, he disrespected her and i class it as cheating if they know their date is dating many and ignore it, its a big mistake.

[Kydill13]

This is such a hard thing to really set a hard “deadline.” Everyone is different and it depends on age and maturity in many ways as well. I’ve dated before my boyfriend and I knew within a few dates that things would not work out. I would say however many dates it takes, with my boyfriend it took us about 3 weeks of dating before becoming “official.” It felt right and I knew it was the right decision. Listen to your gut, b honest and communicate with your partner. It will come 😊

[MrOracle]

It's hard to put in to a "number of dates", but probably at least 5-10. Really, it depends more on my "interviewing" her and what her answers are, plus observing her in different situations to make sure that her words match her actions. I figured out long ago that you can't change other people, so it's critically important to choose wisely at the very beginning.

How long that process takes is going to vary, but it's probably going to be at least a month or two of time, and a LOT of discussion. And often, those discussions will reveal serious incompatibilities, which means we go our separate ways or define limits to our expectations and don't intend to become "serious."

[ImSoSquishy]

fuck dating and relationships! i'm skipping all the steps! i'm taking a drunk chick from a random bar to sign marriage papers at las vegas baby! just kidding lmao.

usually 5 to 10 dates, i've actually asked a filipina girl to be my girlfriend after our first date back in 2013, she said yes but turns out she just wanted to be with me for a green card and so we broke up.

[Sociopathvictim]

lol green card, let me guess they are a nurse and want the American dream. Sad but true, they are damn good nurses and i knew one myself, a life for a nurse in the UK is poor.

[ImSoSquishy]

@Sociopathvictim no she isn't a nurse, when i initially met her she said she's a student looking for a school to apply to under a student visa, shortly after i asked her out on a date and to be my girlfriend, she tells me she's illegally working at some cafe and is being paid by cash instead of looking for a school. at the end, shortly before our relationship was coming to an end, she keeps harassing me to go sign papers for a marriage so she can stay with me because her student visa is expiring soon. all of that happened within a short period of time, when i asked her to show me her visa she would make excuses and everytime was a different excuse of why she can't show it to me, so i'm like "sorry, i can't do this since i can't trust you, bye..." and that was the last time i heard from her

[Sociopathvictim]

right well this isn't your fault, if she wants to be a student she needed to get a visa that lasts as long as her degree and not get a travel visa that only lasts 6-12months. So many fools dont understand this and they think by being at a university they won't get caught out. The universities do warn them to make sure their visa is suitable. They apply for travel visas and then remain in the country illegally, but wtf they are on the airport systems as 'unreturned' and are now a fugitive and on record at their university and accomodation. They do get caught and deported even during mid-degree. The government keeps an eye on international students and house them in separate accomodation, if they are not where they are supposed to be, an alert happens and accomodation staff alert the authorities. As for travel visa people, well it can take a few years to catch them but never more than 2yrs, degrees are usually 3yrs..
I have to say that you dodged a bullet, international people are crafty.

[Sociopathvictim]

i hold strong values and for me it's not about a relationship commitment after dates, it's from the beginning of friendship. Holding a line between Dating and a relationship is where it goes wrong and how cheating occurs. Anyone who dates another whilst they are in a friendship with you and showing interest, they are showing to be fake and you shouldn't trust them at all. People who ignore the signs will be cheated on.

[Kurαȷ]

I don't date multiple people.
If I'm interest in someone, I will give them my full interest and attention so we can mutually determine whether it is going to work out or not.

I don't ever entertain the possibility of interacting with someone else, and if I find out the other person does, the interaction is over.
I personally don't believe in being interested in multiple people, and I'm not compatible with those who do.

[AynonOMouse]

I would expect to be exclusive after the third date. Nobody needs to ask.
But if I agreed to go on a second date with someone, I wouldn't be seeing anyone else either. After 3 dates we should know if we want to have a relationship, or end it and move on.

[Goodwifie]

This exactly 👍.
When ever I've been asked on a second date I wouldn't be seeing anyone else either.

[infp_libra_78]

You talk about expectations around the 3rd date. By then you know if you like them or there is chemistry. I've always needed to be sexually monogamous, but I have openly dated a few girls at once. Last time it was hot and heavy with one, but just 1-2 dates with other girls before I committed.

[ATuairiscean]

I would look more for the connection and when it felt right. For exclusive nearly straight away no more than one or two. For serious dating I would start looking at things closely in that 3 to 6 month period - Settling down maybe after 18 months to 2 years.

[GingerGuy]

It depends how well we "click" and if I feel the connection. Dates can go well, but maybe still don't feel a connection. And it's different with everyone, so there's not number set in stone. Also depends if I'm looking for a relationship to begin with or not. It could be the first date or two, or longer or never.

[gizzmo1]

Well i believe that if both of you are happy with the way things are, then take things slow, dont rush love. If your partner, gender neutral, is urging you to have sex with them, then you maybe they are not the right person for you. If what you are looking for is a purely sexual relationship, then that's different, but if your looking for real love, take your time, there is no need to rush

[iarlaith_]

None? three? Five? There is no proper answer because every part of people is different like I have asked people out and then we've gone on dates but then people can be a thing but not "going out " for ages before one of them asks the other. If this is a personal question, then I would advise that you give it 3, and then ask them yourself.

[sh_awesome]

Dating is done to know a person well specially on emotional level ( physical level is irrelevant), as long as you get to know likes/dislikes. So this can happen even on your first date or more. Once you're comfortable with each like you're having fun and enjoying you can move to next level.

[Sociopathvictim]

yeah and what if on a weekend you dont ask her out, she invites another guy, what then?

[Hurlyburly]

Well personally I never really dated so I went pretty straight from a friendship into a commited relationship every time. Therefore I would say... one? xD

[Sociopathvictim]

i agree this is the right way in the beginning, however dating establishes boundaries so really after friendship you should ask him out and vice versa so you can both see how well each one treats each other. I feel like I've dodged a bullet, i established friendship and she began showing romantic interest however with this she is showing me 'foolishly' that she is in demand and inviting some pathetic guys on dates. It has revealed that she is low value because her choice of men is pitiful, and also that she's ruining any chance of a relationship because of red flags (getting drunk and paraded by an immature guy around an entire neighbourhood of people who work for her company, inviting a guy she calls her friend to her apartment for a weekend). Had me and her jumped straight into a relationship, id not have seen all the red flags. So i went to a club and was approached by girls who are better looking better careers and act like her (foolish and drunk), basically she is just one of those.

[SaintJonesy]

I only date one person at a time. I don't have the energy or even the interest for more than one, but pretend in my head that I'm dating more than one, because if you don't show a woman she means nothing to you, then you mean nothing to her.

[SjE78]

Probably between 3 and 5 but usually if things go well on first date I tend not to date anyone else other than the one I would be dating at that time... rather keep it simple and focus everything on one woman tbh

[charlzinut]

I didn’t go on any dates with my current boyfriend, I met him in Australia and he went back to Japan but we have been talking ever since, I never needed a date to be in a relationship with someone.

[JustCallMeLeon]

I assume that someone shouldn't date multiple people trying to decide. When you date someone, you clear things up. You either continue or inform its not gonna work and that its over.

[Sociopathvictim]

Girls who date multiple guys have a hint of desperation and the best guys ditch her. If she is confused about what she wants, she’s not the best girl for a relationship.

[Joshua789]

Really I would have to know more about the girl before I could give a good answer. But if we like each other a lot, I might kind of hint around a bit and if I got a good feeling about it, I'd ask her what her feelings were about commitments.

[witherwing]

I'd consider the time we've known each other more than how many dates have been in that time period. So after about a month of dating I would bring up exclusivity.

[Sociopathvictim]

so what you're saying is that when you're dating, you're dating lots of men. And you expect him to be dating lots of girls? i dont know if youve noticed but some guys only date their best option, now this may come as a surprise and undesirable to you as it appears he's not in demand. However, these guys dont date willy nilly, they only date high value girls. How would you feel if your date told you he's in demand and when you were out and saw the guy you like with a pathetic immature girl?

[witherwing]

No, I never date multiple men, only one at a time, but who I'm dating has the right to date other people at the same time until our relationship is exclusive. I don't understand your question.

[Sociopathvictim]

I find that behaviour wrong and if a girl acts this way with me then it’s time to ignore and ditch. A girl who has acted this way recently wore an aggressive feminism ribbon on her clothing, she never discussed her reason for doing so and when I caught her inviting a guy friend into her apartment after a drunken night out, the guilt all over her face and voice said it all. Why feel guilty if according to your principles it’s ok, it isn’t and she tried to follow me and talk to me but I ignored and ditched and the funny part is that the guy was made to tag along with her and he kept telling her to chill out 🙄 you will lose the best guys if you act like dating is freedom.

[witherwing]

So you're reflecting your own experiences on my life that actually have nothing to do with me. Ok.

[Sociopathvictim]

Not sure how you can come to this conclusion when your opinion said it’s ok to date multiple people and bring up exclusivity. Do you test your beliefs?

[witherwing]

I think it's fine that you don't want to date someone who dates multiple people, and I think it's fine if someone I date dates multiple people when I don't. You talk about this like it's a religion "testing my belief". I'm just fine with whichever. That's it. But I haven't been dating in threr years, so this isn't a relevant topic in my life and thus has nothing to do with my life.

[Sociopathvictim]

'it's fine' haha ;D sorry to bother you

[User-Jacob]

It's super dependent on the individual and our circumstance. Usually, I'd say it takes around a month. But if you're sure, it could be much less - and if you're not, it may take longer.

[garyfrost]

I met my current partner via a chat room close to 15 years ago. We chatted twice then we met twice. First was Friday night. Just going out for some fun and the next thing was a sleep over on Sunday. I sold my house and we are still together. So what you decide is the number you need. If you're wrong then you'll find out during the relationship. In the meantime you can have the best time of your life.

[MusicMayhem]

I wouldn't accept being in a relationship before at least 4-5 dates. Before that she's too desperate to get a boyfriend and trying to get a label for status or to hide her fear of being single.

[William-Davidson-Jr]

One, I won't go out with any woman unless it's been established before hand the we are just friends.
I'm a loyal and serious man, I don't like having my time wasted and I won't waste any woman's time either.

[Sociopathvictim]

Yes nailed it. I’m glad there are guys like you out there who aren’t desperate. There are so many guys out there who are desperate and girls are sensitised to this so when they meet a guy who has higher value like what you describe, only when she’s lost him does she know who she’s lost. The chasing begins.