Can a player/flirt change if he falls in love?

Question

I'm not chasing or competing for anyone. But there's this guy at work I really liked until I found out he flirts with everyone and actually has a girlfriend (who he's never talked about to me or anyone except one close friend at work, who he asked to not tell other coworkers)... he's really flirted with me hard and I even asked him for drinks because he was doing it so much. He said it'd be great and he'd take me up on it, when I asked when later on he said "sooner than i anticipated, I uh, I'm trying to save some money right now.." (Now it explains why he hasn't followed through yet, he has a girlfriend..) So anyways... is there a way that makes players change? I'm just sad. We related on so much. I really thought he liked me. He'd flirt with other girls at work too and I'd see it. But I just thought he was really into me. He'd even buy me things like chocolate when I was sick. and compliment me. and we were into all the same kinds of things. we even wore the same necklace to work- before knowing we had the same in common :(

dangerDoge · Accepted Answer

I'll be real with you. I've been on G@G since 2015, and I've seen many scenarios very similar to the one described plenty of time. In addition to that though, I've also seen plenty of questions detailing how the woman asker thought 'he was the one' and that they 'related,' only to find out he was just that charismatic and using her.

In other words, you're asking for trouble by continuing things with him, and I think you're seeing the situation through rose-colored glasses. Honestly, what you stated just points to him being a player and not looking to change, and you can't force change on someone either. By wanting him to like you (since you like him), your mind is inserting a sort of crush bias on the situation which is making you interpret situations for your favor. It's just human behavior to do that-- want to be liked by the people we like, after all.

Reasons why I don't think he is looking for change...
-- He has a girlfriend. If he has one, why is flirting around in the first place? He's also keeping her a secret from others. This tells me he is A.) at the bare minimum, not opposed to cheating, B.) not placing seriousness in relationships, and C.) likely trying to avoid blowback on the relationship by keeping it a secret (less people that know, less chances it gets back to her). And, if by some chance, he says he's different and wants to enter into a relationship with you. Well, what's stopping him from doing the same thing with you that he is doing currently with his girlfriend.
-- He is being wishy washy. Ignoring the fact of him having a girlfriend, he said yes to drinks only to say no. This makes me think he isn't 'that' into you. He doesn't place you at a high priority, and he's flirting around with basically anyone he can. In essence, he just enjoys the thrill, but he doesn't really care about it all. His charisma is a hollow charm. Experienced players that are smooth talkers can make it seem like they're perfect matches with most people until hard evidence hits them.
-- "We're all into the same things." Instead of being compatible, the way it was described makes me think that he is actively just trying to woo you. I suck at flirting, but I can say, it isn't too hard to be agreeable with someone if you want. I'd think he'd be more serious if he was really giving out his own viewpoints, even if they conflicted. People looking for something serious often tell about the things they think are important about themselves, because they want to find someone compatible for long term, and truth be told-- people don't like changing. Changing often means giving up the things you like.
Yes, it's a sad thing. At the end of the day, you still like him a bit, right? I would still recommend moving on from him or putting a very very clear barrier on him regarding friendship vs anything romantic. If it's sad now, it'd be even more sad if he used you for whatever-- maybe sexual, I don't know, and then ghosted you or started acting really cold after. I've seen plenty of questions on here describe that scenario-- it's not worth it. Don't be charmed by his charisma trap.

wmasters · Accepted Answer

Nothing about this suggests there can be positive outcome. It's clear that the guy doesn't want you in particular. He wants you in addition to every other girl he's charming. He enjoys the feeling of having girls go crazy over him just like you are. There's no indication that he's looking to settle with anyone. If you're working off of what you watch in hollywood movies, sorry champ. Each and every last one of those stories are written by women who's been in your situation. It's a fantasy. He has a girlfriend... CHEATING on her, and you're still on GAG trying to gauge your chances with him? lol This is one of the reasons why the dating scene is so messed up folks. Most women want the players and the players wants all the women.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Anything is possible but I don't think players usually change. And even if they do, it's often just temporary.
What kind of guy is he if he doesn't want others to know he has a girlfriend but he flirts with other girls! Please do yourself a favor, hon, and read any one of Josette Sona's free ebooks. It'll give you an insight into a player's mind, why he does what he does. With knowledge comes wisdom and you'll get the strength to make the right choices for you. :)

Clarity01 · Accepted Answer

Maybe, but they are also great at making people feel loved even if it's a lie. My advice: stay away from him

markscott · Answer

The problem is, many girls want the player to fall in love with her, and be he one an only. But it seldom happens, as they are so used to playing every girl the meet, they don't know that it is to have an actual, caring relationship. Where being faithful matters.

loveslongnails · Answer

You're being very foolish... very !! Are you thinking you guys "connected" so much that maybe he should be with you, and not her? Are you thinking he could "fall in love with YOU", and change his ways because of your love? If you are, you're blind. Whatever he's doing to HER right now, he'd do to YOU if he ever swapped her out for you. Why would you even ASK him out for drinks when he's not available? He's playing you like a violin, darlin. PS> giving someone chocolate when they're sick, is not very thoughtful either !!

serious · Answer

Well, in my view, no a player of a person who flirts will never change this nature of theirs. However, yes they may get intelligent in showing their nature when they get into relationship, they may fake that they have changed but truly a change never happens.

That's what I strongly think about this. Love or relationships has no effect on such people.

cavmanier · Answer

No, you are just one vagina he wants to get into. He's not going to change for you.. Girls are so delusional in this way to where I think it's some kind of biological instinct. He's no different than a rooster wanting to have sex with every chicken in the hen house.

perislav85 · Answer

People are changing every day. You are not the same person you've been yesterday. That is generally. When love is about, that can change your whole system within a second. So, yes, people changes 🙃

DiscomfortZone · Answer

Anyone could theoretically change. The problem is many women are narcissistic bitches, and they're sure that "I'm the one who can change him!!11". And then? They wake up to reality's cold bitch-slap. So while people could change - don't make the stupid childish mistake of counting on it.

Omar5881 · Answer

He will treat you like he treats his girlfriend " non existent " , no players on normal circumstances can't change I mean it's only logically that they're called "players " right you are probably just being played by him which is name shame to you after all we look for familiarity in love and he acknowledges and uses that , after all it's the same old scenario where a woman believes love can change a player

love_easily · Answer

Well he shouldn't be flirting to begin with if he has a girl, but if your question is if players/flirt can change anyone can change if they want to. Or for a person they want to

Lotusinwater · Answer

No lol and girls think they can change the player and that’s why being a player gets more girls 😂 it’s the same if a girls a ho people like that don’t change

Anoniemus · Answer

Why would you want someone already being unfaithful to his gf?

clampfan101 · Answer

I believe people can change. Falling in love is certainly something that could easily motivate someone to.

hellacray · Answer

Well players are gonna play until they get tired of the game.

dudeinohio · Answer

No. I have a friend who has been married 4 times. All the cases of previous divorce was he couldn't keep it in his pants. Players never change.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Against the odds but possible. About the same as turning a hooker into a housewife.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

He keeps his girlfriend a secret? That's a huge red flag.

JermalTheBlackDog · Answer

No. Because, I always asking to myself what if I getting tired of her

scooogy · Answer

two days ago I got rid of my porn collection, not knowing if I'd be lucky with my crush of almost 2 years.

Anonymous · Answer

Old habits are hard to break. Don't count on him changing.

DorkVader · Answer

Chester's cheat. That's what they do.

Exorcist_Rampage · Answer

They can but it is extremely unlikely.

Can a player/flirt change if he falls in love?

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