Why do guys ghost and play with girls even if they are attracted to them?

Question

Why would a guy use a girl for sex then ghost her if he is attracted enough to sleep with her. She’s also he’s type and he said “it’s a shame u live far away we could of seen each other more.” And the girl has a nice personality and caring towards him but they live too far from each other and he did mention how long distant never work however he still had sex with her and broke his promises into meeting her the next day When she came to visit him. he didn’t meet her because work came up he said he’ll see her after work but never got back and ghosted her all of a sudden. Also the day before all this after sex he was affectionate towards her by coming towards her and kissing her and goofing around then when he went home he hugged her goodbye and kept on saying he’ll see her tomorrow after work but didn’t and then she got upset and brought it up by texting him how upset he made her and feels like he’s just used her for sex he unfollows her. Why? Also before she went to go see him she made it clear how she doesn’t want to get used and he got offended saying “if u think I’m gonna use u I’d rather not have sex with you, I’m not the type to use or take advantage of anyone. But he literally did. I’m I going crazy or what?

Aguysopinion4799 · Accepted Answer

Wellll... I've never had sex or had a relationship, so I haven't done that.

But I know reasons based on other experience and learning from friends and people I know etc.

There are many things, not saying they are okay to do, not at all.

1, Maybe he doesn't see her as anything more than a friend with benefit, just staying in contact to have sex.

2, Maybe on the day he had sex with her, I realised he didn't want to talk anymore

But after reading the rest of it, it sounded like the guy wanted to have sex with you, the distance was causing problems, perhaps financially, I stops talking with you, tries to think if he believes it is worth paying so much money to get over there to potentially have sex, occasionally messages you because he doesn't want to have you move on. He decides it is worth it, but only if it is for sex, not a proper relationship where he would be called to come over at any time, but you call him out on it, he finds out this isn't going to work anymore and unfollows you, likely to avoid entire contact.

A really shitty thing to do, I believe in only having sex with someone you love and want to be with forever, not this stuff.

It would of been easier if he just said what he wanted and what she wanted and if they were both on the same page it would of hurt less... maybe.. I don't know, I've never even had a relationship so I don't know if it would hurt more or less, putting myself in the girls shoes I would say it would hurt me less if I was aware of what we both wanted.

RingOfFire · Accepted Answer

There's a couple of critical things to know about guys that will help in understanding behavior like this. They are different from girls in these ways and so it might make their behavior hard to understand if you are inexperienced.

First when they are horny they will say or do anything to get sex. Think of it as being starving to death. They NEED sex. It's not an option. Even if they don't want to tell you, they are desperate. In fact the need is so powerful they can even convince themselves that their intentions are sincere even if they are not. It's an overwhelming physiological need. So you have to evaluate any guy who wants to have sex with you very carefully to understand his true intentions.

Next, men are designed by nature and millions of years of evolution to be predatory hunters. It's true when it comes to bringing home the bacon, and it's true when it comes to sexual encounters. It's a survival mechanism to ensure the species procreates abundantly. Nature designed men to plant their seeds and go. That's just the way it is. The societal norm du jour is that this is unacceptable behavior. But you can't defy nature. It is in a man's DNA. So men have to struggle with a battle between their physiological nature and the artificial expectations of society. It can make them very confused and even make them feel guilty about their natural urges. Hence women often fail to understand their confused behavior.

yucychan · Accepted Answer

I think you are very naive. You believed everything you see and hear and go into a relationship not knowing what the guy really wants.
Actually all he wanted was sex. He didn't technically lie to you all the time. He just gave half-truths. When he mentioned that it's a shame you lived far away from him or else you two could have seen each other more, he meant it's a shame you two aren't staying close enough to have sex more often.
That being said, I don't think it's his intention to lie or play with your feelings. The thing is he also expects you to treat him like a friends with benefit. He has no intention of making you his girlfriend.
In the first place, if you are not clear or unsure of your relationship with him (nothing is made official), you shouldn't have slept with him.
My advice, leave him, block him and find another guy that deserves your affections and loves you.

Angieeebabieee · Accepted Answer

Sorry, but you confused sex with intimacy. Sex is just that, sex. It was a physical act between two people who are attracted to each other. When he said it's a shame you live too far then that was the signal that I'm sorry to say it this way, he was not interested enough to travel to you. He got heated when you called him out because 1 you're not his girl to be doing so and 2 because he knows you're right and called him out. At least he was nice enough to recognize that sex means more to you than just sex. I don't know gurl, but don't get so hung up on him there are PLENTY DUDES OUT THERE.. PLEENNNTYYYY.

Duragalon · Answer

In a nutshell its immaturity and insecurity. Its not you. You will never know what caused the ghost behavior, but only someone who is immature and insecure would have their fun, expose another himan being to all the risk related to sex and then dissappear. All of us deserve better than that. Also, he probably got defensive because he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he knew he was gonna do you wrong, you called him on it and he tried to gaslight you, make you wrong. Ghosts are dicks, remember that always.. Yoda speaks through me on this one.

PrudentGuy · Answer

I wonder if age is a factor. Perhaps at around 24, he's not mature enough to take responsibility?

Your details appeared to show that he's the cowardly type, who dare not speak his heart or face the consequences of his actions.

Personally, if I only interested in sex with a girl, I'll tell her so. Then I'll let her make the decision on how far we may go.

Hence, I'm sorry but I think your guy may not be of good character and I personally find such ones making bad the name of guys among girls.

Chiefbenttwig · Answer

No babe. Your not. My condolences to you. There are a lot of piece of ____ still out there that do that same very thing that was done to you. They say one thing then do the same damn thing that they claim to hate.
You need to just move on & stop wasting time & energy on an individual that ain't worth the time & money to do the world a favor.
Just something for you to think about, stop giving into guys like this. Okay if he is a true gentleman he will wait & work to make time to see you. Just remember that, the best things to happen to someone are for those who wait.❤️

Lionman95 · Answer

Because they want sex and they learned that most girls wouldn´t give it to them without a price. In German we have a saying in dating plattform: If you want to fuck you have to be friendly. Meaning that guys know that they have to make you happy and feel accepted so that you would sleep with them. He promised you the world, so that you would get in bed with him, what you did. I don´t know he has had any intentions to come in a relationship with you after having sex with you. When did it happen to you? Because if it has happened a month ago or many weeks he might have used you but if it´s only some days there´s a chance he was honest.

Anonymous · Answer

I define ghosting as intentionally ignoring someone when they try to contact you. It is NOT when a guy stops contacting you. But when he never responds when you try to contact him.

There is only one time in my entire life I ghosted a girl. I only had been dating her for a month.

I had a good reason. She was being really bitchy to me, then went back to her ex, got involved with a domestic violence situation and then called me because she thought I’m her “safety net nice guy savior”. It was complete bullshit. But in retrospect I should of texted her that I cared to have nothing to do with that and best of luck.

Since then I have ALWAYS gave someone closure. Always. But I have not had the same respect given to me. I’ve been ghosted for much lesser and stupid reasons.

djmzes · Answer

Simple

Why do guys ghost and play with girls even if they are attracted to them?

An apple tree can give only apple fruit. A banana tree can give only banana fruit.
You will never have a fruit that tastes like banana but look like an apple. Ponder and reflect.

The thing you wants in a guy may be that it is not possible to find all in one guy. Then you have to figure out what matter the most to you and find it. Relationships is about compromise and sacrifice. If you will think you will find everything in one guy, then you will keep looking until your grave time will be at your doorstep.

Lov2PlezUgurl · Answer

it's a shame that there's people like that it makes it almost impossible for others to find someone I've been off the internet for years I've only recently got back online within the last 6 months and I heard it wasn't hard to find someone so I joined a few date sites and I didn't know anything about catfishers then they got into my computer and took 1600 bucks before I could close my account
I didn't think it was possible to meet anyone from the internet turns out I was right... so far anyway

maina_nnette · Answer

No you are not going crazy at all,, if anything you did a good thing asking this question out loud,, the sad truth is that this guy is using the girl just for sex and to bring pleasure to himself,, if romantic feelings were involved, the guy would not ghost the girl because he loves her and there is much more to him than just having sex, kissing and hugging the girl,, because he sees a future with her, so he won't have to ghost his love,, well, that's my take dear, the girl should really make a wise decision and not loose herself for such a guy, she deserves better!!! she should take up her crown!!!

triff · Answer

Not all guys do Otherwise its rather judgmental or worse stereo type I have seen many women ghosting men After reading through the whole of your question I can feel your pain that was an unforgivable to make you feel this way I have been all the things that you are and the same pain before me Unfortunately he is obviously a player and most probably has a list of girls he has already done this too That being said it might be worth getting tested Al I can say is try not to compare guys with this idiot there are some  Genuine Trustworthy Romantic  hguys around be them near or far Unfortunately they are also loads of players Dont give to much up to soon Make them work for it Your soon weedle the players out as they get bored Mr  Trustworthy  will go the distance Here if I can help any further don't hesitate to contact me I was genuine in my search for love but now to old 😇

anonChineseMale · Answer

ahh my head hurts... umm well there is not timeline on this so it is hard to say much except that there were probably red flags you ignored? like re-read your story and tell me you can't find any red flags.

and to answer your question... without hurting you too much... I think you just might not have experienced this side of men or women? Some people just get off from new sexual partners/experiences. or a "Challenge" Seems like you are kind of naive or someone with their innocence's still intact but now broken.

The world is fairly cruel and mean however if you can see the signs then they can usually be avoided. just learn from this experience and move on. Continue to dwell on this will probably drive you crazy. Don't contact him just or respond to him (it will just fuel his ego or whatever he gets off of)... just accept the outcome and move on.

CoolGuyJoe · Answer

These things happen. It's something that ends up in the court of the person being mistreated, because what needs to be considered is their mindset on the whole situation. You shouldn't seek to deeply understand the thoughts of the person who ended up not being right for you. Figure out what made you want to pursue the relationship with them, and think about whether that same energy should go to the next person you meet. Will it produce the same result? Do you have a process that leaves you too vulnerable to the whims of others? Spend time on introspection and use this as a learning experience. You will be happier going back into your single life and into your next relationship.

ItsTheNephilim · Answer

In your case, it is clearly the case of pump and dump. All that shit he said to about being nice and affectionate before sex and getting offended when you said that you don't wanna get used was just to make you feel that he's someone who's actually genuine. He could be genuinely interested in you but the sex could be bad so his interest faded away or he was all about smashing since the beginning.

Generally, guys ghost girls even though they're interested in because of one or more of the following reasons:
1. They're immature and clueless on what exactly do they want.
2. They might have trust and/or commitment issues.
3. Or they have been faking their 'genuine' interest in you since the inception.

Makeushiver · Answer

First I don't think anybody ever simply uses someone for sex. Every woman I've slept with got as much pleasure from the encounter as I did, I think it's inconceivable that a man would even consider it "sex" if his partner didn't get off at least as intensely and hopefully more times than he did, When that is the case it removes the transactional nature of the relationship. We were both attracted to each to it and , we both found that the attraction had a strong sexual element so we wound up having sex. It was (hopefully) mutually agreeable and I would have tried to give her as many orgasms as she could manage and I had at least one for myself. there shouldn't - in my mind- be any promises for any future get togethers but since we were both already attracted to each other & asexually compatible, I would assume that we will see each other again., I don't believe there in any quid pro quo like a legal contract you might have

cinnamoncat · Answer

he is a player. playing with girls feelings and making them like them. if he could do the deed with the girl, then he could also kiss, hug and say flirty things. i advise u not to read in too much of what nice things he might've said. u shouldn't even be caught up with a guy like that. get yourself a better guy 😔✊🏻💕 u can't suffer like this

Unit1 · Answer

Wow, you can't see fuckboys?

These girls FALL for the fuckboys the same way boys fall for gold diggers and greedy leeches, who use men for free meals and their money
Why reward such behavior with sex and free meals/money/gifts? This is encouraging such behavior even further.

Juxtapose · Answer

The best explanation I have heard came from the mgtow guys.

Guys fuck down, date at their level.

Women go up, never down.

So a 6/10 woman thinks a 9/10 a guy is into her because they had sex but he will only fuck down, not date down.

Then the 6/10 thinks it was a fluke and therefore must be attractive to all the hot guys and will never settle down for a 6/10 guy. It's just guys being unable to commit.. right?

Meanwhile the 9/10 guy is a player and can continue being a player into old age if he's rich. Why would he settle down when marriage is so bad these days and he sees how his less attractive friends are treated by women?

Ianto · Answer

"Why would a guy use a girl for sex... ?" - because he wants sex. It is a prime motivation for guys. Most guys will have sex with any willing girl. In fact, most guys will say or do almost anything (including "I love you") to get sex.
Having "got what he wants", he may well find that he doesn't find her attractive for any other reason, feel mildly ashamed of himself, and seek to distance himself from her.
Another possibility is that the sex was unsatisfactory. If a girl is unresponsive, and lies there like a dead fish, it is pretty offputting.

Flower7 · Answer

He's probably only interested in her physically. He wants her body, but doesn't like her enough to want her to be a part of his life, outside of having sex.

And it's not surprising that he said he wouldn't use you and then did. It's not a good idea to believe everything that people say. If you don't want to get used, it's better to make that happen yourself instead of depending on other people to do what's right for you.

Julietchicago · Answer

You're not going crazy. He lied to you and he used you. He's a scumbag who lacks integrity.
One thing you have to learn, don't be nice and caring towards men unless you are in a relationship with them. Be indifferent.

Another thing, if you want something serious w a guy, don't sleep w him until he acts serious towards you.

Oh yeah and the long distance excuse is bullshit. Both my ex bfs lived across the country and the moved for me.

Take it from an old bitch

PotasticPooh · Answer

You’ve really answered your own question. Why do guys ghost? You live too far away for something serious, but not too far away for a booty call. He’ll come to see you, but ghosts when you want to come to hI’m - because once you know his address, you aren’t as easy to dismiss.

This question is kind of like “why do guys drink socially, but don’t become dependent alcoholics that are always wasted? If you like beer once, it should be good enough to drink all the time!” - the answer is that wanting some release once doesn’t mean you want it constantly, some guys are disgusted by what they’ve been attracted to while horny, and casual sex is more about your body than your personality.

Bella9191 · Answer

not Everyone wants to date.
not everyone wants a relationship.
Some people will have sex and it doesn’t mean they want more.
Some people are seeing multiple people at once
some people lie
some people tell truth
some people may find you weird
some people may find you awesome

I could write 1000 more lines.
no one can tell you why this guy does what he does.

PupinTheTurd · Answer

This is exactly why I believe everybody should wait till they get married before having sex.

You'll know man is with you if he sticks by your side even if you don't have sex with him.
I've seen it many many times where a woman doesn't want to have sex and the man bails out.

And in your case he Hit it and quit it.
What's his incentive to stay with you?
Once he got what he wanted he has no reason to stay with you and now he's going to move on to the next woman.

20yearsolder · Answer

Like the very first opinion, I didn't read the whole paragraph. It has nothing to do with you. It's all about him and his character. All he wanted was to get into your panties. That's it and once that challenge was accomplished then it's time to go find somebody else. He enjoys the challenge

normalice · Answer

Every guy could have a different reason for doing this sort of thing, but probably the two most common are because either he isn't ready for monogamy and sleeping with him only encouraged him to think he can sleep with other girls, or the sex was bad in that she was clearly mostly in it because she wanted the "connection" rather than because she wanted to be gotten off.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

Ghosting usually goes like this from what I understand: A person wants only one thing from a certain person. So, they ask for it to see if they'll get it. If they don't get it they might go away, but if they do then they'll take it and leave (they only talk to you when they want it, nothing else).

sensible27 · Answer

You should have been a bit more selective, learn to filter people. If you didn't know him for long and didn't like him enough that you were up for it you shouldn't have gone in but you did. I'm sorry if saying that hurts but maybe you'd think about these sort of things more now, and learn from them. Truth never hurts, misconceptions do. If he knew you'd get hurt by this maybe you should consider not chasing him.

GingerGuy · Answer

People are selfish a$&holes! Some women are like this also. That's the short and sweet answer lol. Selfish 100% Don't think of the other person's feelings in any way at all. It's really sad ghosting seems to have become "normal" and "accepted" as something that just happens. Where has basic human respect gone? There is none these days at all.

Girther10 · Answer

We are hard wired to spread our seed far and wide.
We can’t help it, we get horny as fuck, and will play games as long as it takes o get her to suck our cock, or pull down her panties and bend over.
After we cum, we lose interest in her - fast.
Until a few hours pass, and that craving starts to build again, and that need to cum is again first and foremost on our minds.
And on and on and on it goes...

TonyV · Answer

Men and women think of sex differently, give it different amounts of meaning.

Its fucked up and I'm sad to hear how it was from your perspective.
But if a guy just want to have some meaningless fun that might be what he has to do, its sucks for guys and girls alike.

Most guys can't just post on snapchat and ask "who wants to come over?" Like most girls can.

JTGoat · Answer

While I would love into why this iron ghosted you, and not just assume that it was a lie, I would be very very wary of him in the future. If he wants to meet up just for sex again, that's your answer: he's a player. Please don't waste your time on people who aren't willing to give you some of theirs.

Reaperbot666 · Answer

He is just stringing her along. Most like to keep her as a fuck buddy or side piece. Rather then commit to her more. Kind of like how some girls tease guys or play hard to get. Shit like that gets annoying after a while. Much easier to be straight forward.

cadyyyyyy · Answer

He was pretending to get offended just to gain her trust and get her into his bed. I have met a lot of guys like these, but i didn't trust them enough to get into their bed. So i put them on a test and they failed and they walked getting frustrated and td me the truth that they never loved me they just wanna f**k me. I met some good guys too but very rare. You are not mad, most of the guys these days are.

ryancg · Answer

I'm sure you already know the answer. That dude is a "fuckboy", for lack of a better word. They'll say whatever it takes to get laid, next time I can only advise that you be more discerning with the guys you talk to and spend time with. If it seems too good to be true, that's more than likely because it is. People like that are typically pretty shallow and transparent when you learn to look at them objectively.

DonCachondo · Answer

Because a man does NOT owe you a relationship for your sexual consent. If you didn't consider the sex mutually beneficial on its own, it's your own fault for making what's called a  covert contract  with him. It's the same deal with guys and the friendzone. Young people all-around are pretty unskilled communicators and lack healthy ways to deal with disappointment. These things usually come with experience.

Xavier16 · Answer

A possibility of him not talking to you anymore is that him and his ex probably started talking again, but he probably still had feelings for you but chose his ex over you cuz maybe he was still sad about his ex and would think about her. I don't know but this can be a possibility not saying it is the reason.

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

This looks like you would be a nice potential girlfriend for him and he really likes you but the fact that you live too far away makes a working relationship impossible. Therefore he doesn't want to bind with you because he knows its not gonna work out.

hornyafbi69 · Answer

You're into the wrong guys hun most of us are actually worth a damn we don't ghost a woman unless she cheats or treats us bad and it takes a lot of bad for most guys to finally say fuck it

andy530 · Answer

Fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, fear of being their authentic selves in front of someone they really like and showing some vulnerability.

Jessie91331 · Answer

Lots of guys are just after that magical number of girls... the more they get, the more of a man they are... others seem to be looking for that magical pussy, one that makes life perfect, takes away all their probs...
so basically, guys are just idiots. we get used, they move on like its nothing.

jshm2 · Answer

He played you, and now you're just another notch above his bedpost. It's not nice that you were part of his game, but there are guys out there who be like that.

Move on from such creepers, and chalk it up to never entertain such guys again,

NICE2 · Answer

Unfortunately It happened from both sides sometime. but it depend on the person him self. For example the action - behavior - ext
Some women - guys.( use the relationship like a gas station just to fuel their lust no more. it's fall on them when they first meet you have to read the Parson it's all about life experiences...

abhi_97 · Answer

Well why do girls talk to or pay attention to guys that do such things? It's not the end of the world and not every guy is like that. Don't be obsessed about one guy who doesn't make you feel special. Move on and show them what they lost.

Wewladdy · Answer

All I needed to read was the first sentence. Guys will use women who make themselves easy. They're easy prey. Plain and simple. Oddly enough, even manwhores consider women who are easy not to be relationship material. I don't understand why there's a double standard though, easy men belong with easy women.

TruthBringer · Answer

This is what happens when you not only fall for a fuckboy, but also give him exaclty what he wants. Which is easy sex. No selfrespecting dude will invest in a girl who gives sex away so easily. Because she is EASY. This also applies for fuckboys.

Next time, how about you withhold sex until you're in a committed relationship? That's a very efficient way to weed out the fuckboys.

TheAfrikan · Answer

Well most of the guys are openly interested in nutting lol, so once he get a in between your legs and crack that nut, you will never see him again as long as he was driven by Lust.
And what always fools most of the women is that, once a guy says "I love you" you end up thinking he wants to make you his life partner, yet he only wants to male you a sex dessert.

Katebfun · Answer

Who knows it happens to everybody. Try to not take it personally. Whoever is meant to be in your life will be in your life. just move on and go on to the next and don't easily give up sex that's why they do it.

BoredNCrazed1324 · Answer

Simply put guys will say anything to sleep with a chick. Your nothing to him and he said what he had to, to be able to sleep with you. Guys will sleep with any girl, girls usually only sleep with guys they like

OldSchool_Metalhead · Answer

Guys that do such a thing care more about themselves. This isn't every guy though luckily. Sucks that you dealt with that. Its simply a sign that he isn't the right guy

VIVANT · Answer

Wait. He said long distance will never work but you still had sex with him when you wanted a Serious relationship. Why 😕

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Smh. Its very simple. When you spread your legs easily, ALL MEN... ALL OF THEM, turn into a fuck boy an asshole or a loser. Nice guys, assholes, alphas, betas, all of them. A girl who spreads her legs easy is valueless to men except as a source of sex. So the guys will either dump you or just treat you like shit or just put in zero effort.

Everytime you spread your legs for someone who isn't committed to you, you've failed at relationships.

SexyAshh · Answer

You literally just answered your own question in the description. Because he's using you for sex. Anyone can say anything, actions over words

kitty71 · Answer

Your case was exacttly exactly the same thing I went through. It is like I am reading my own situation.

Lord_Ateag · Answer

He may be talking to a few different girls at a time and can go from one to the next, because he doesn't have to settle down. If he lied to get sex, he's got some work to do on himself (to put it lightly). One should never need to lie for sex.

nerobyrne · Answer

Mostly to up their count of women they slept with. It's probably a power trip, and you should be glad he didn't call you back.
The only thing worse than spending one night with narcissist is spending a year with one

Sevenpointfive · Answer

no. you are crazy. move on to the next guy or don't. you are always in this situation

İstanbul34 · Answer

This is all about personality. Not all men do. Even if it doesn't feel that way. Girls should be a little more careful about this.

Jjpayne · Answer

I'm not sure exactly 🤔 It honestly would not make sense to do so unless they had other girl interests they were trying to balance along with you

Browneye57 · Answer

You've been played honey. "Guys" don't, just YOUR guy. Get a new one.

Koalamate · Answer

He's a fuckboy who wants a high body count. He won't commit because they live to far but he will act like he will to get laid.

2ndTryatThis · Answer

Some girls require too much attention, but are terrible at keeping a conversation going, which gets boring and then turns annoying if they’re needy but can’t be interesting lol

Why do guys ghost and play with girls even if they are attracted to them?

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Why do guys ghost girls? instead of being straight up with them?

Why do guys ghost and play with girls even if they are attracted to them?

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Why do guys ghost girls? instead of being straight up with them?

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