Why do guys ghost and play with girls even if they are attracted to them?

Question

Why would a guy use a girl for sex then ghost her if he is attracted enough to sleep with her. She’s also he’s type and he said “it’s a shame u live far away we could of seen each other more.” And the girl has a nice personality and caring towards him but they live too far from each other and he did mention how long distant never work however he still had sex with her and broke his promises into meeting her the next day When she came to visit him. he didn’t meet her because work came up he said he’ll see her after work but never got back and ghosted her all of a sudden. Also the day before all this after sex he was affectionate towards her by coming towards her and kissing her and goofing around then when he went home he hugged her goodbye and kept on saying he’ll see her tomorrow after work but didn’t and then she got upset and brought it up by texting him how upset he made her and feels like he’s just used her for sex he unfollows her. Why? Also before she went to go see him she made it clear how she doesn’t want to get used and he got offended saying “if u think I’m gonna use u I’d rather not have sex with you, I’m not the type to use or take advantage of anyone. But he literally did. I’m I going crazy or what?

Aguysopinion4799 · Accepted Answer

Wellll... I've never had sex or had a relationship, so I haven't done that.

But I know reasons based on other experience and learning from friends and people I know etc.

There are many things, not saying they are okay to do, not at all.

1, Maybe he doesn't see her as anything more than a friend with benefit, just staying in contact to have sex.

2, Maybe on the day he had sex with her, I realised he didn't want to talk anymore

But after reading the rest of it, it sounded like the guy wanted to have sex with you, the distance was causing problems, perhaps financially, I stops talking with you, tries to think if he believes it is worth paying so much money to get over there to potentially have sex, occasionally messages you because he doesn't want to have you move on. He decides it is worth it, but only if it is for sex, not a proper relationship where he would be called to come over at any time, but you call him out on it, he finds out this isn't going to work anymore and unfollows you, likely to avoid entire contact.

A really shitty thing to do, I believe in only having sex with someone you love and want to be with forever, not this stuff.

It would of been easier if he just said what he wanted and what she wanted and if they were both on the same page it would of hurt less... maybe.. I don't know, I've never even had a relationship so I don't know if it would hurt more or less, putting myself in the girls shoes I would say it would hurt me less if I was aware of what we both wanted.

RingOfFire · Accepted Answer

There's a couple of critical things to know about guys that will help in understanding behavior like this. They are different from girls in these ways and so it might make their behavior hard to understand if you are inexperienced.

First when they are horny they will say or do anything to get sex. Think of it as being starving to death. They NEED sex. It's not an option. Even if they don't want to tell you, they are desperate. In fact the need is so powerful they can even convince themselves that their intentions are sincere even if they are not. It's an overwhelming physiological need. So you have to evaluate any guy who wants to have sex with you very carefully to understand his true intentions.

Next, men are designed by nature and millions of years of evolution to be predatory hunters. It's true when it comes to bringing home the bacon, and it's true when it comes to sexual encounters. It's a survival mechanism to ensure the species procreates abundantly. Nature designed men to plant their seeds and go. That's just the way it is. The societal norm du jour is that this is unacceptable behavior. But you can't defy nature. It is in a man's DNA. So men have to struggle with a battle between their physiological nature and the artificial expectations of society. It can make them very confused and even make them feel guilty about their natural urges. Hence women often fail to understand their confused behavior.

yucychan · Accepted Answer

I think you are very naive. You believed everything you see and hear and go into a relationship not knowing what the guy really wants.
Actually all he wanted was sex. He didn't technically lie to you all the time. He just gave half-truths. When he mentioned that it's a shame you lived far away from him or else you two could have seen each other more, he meant it's a shame you two aren't staying close enough to have sex more often.
That being said, I don't think it's his intention to lie or play with your feelings. The thing is he also expects you to treat him like a friends with benefit. He has no intention of making you his girlfriend.
In the first place, if you are not clear or unsure of your relationship with him (nothing is made official), you shouldn't have slept with him.
My advice, leave him, block him and find another guy that deserves your affections and loves you.

Angieeebabieee · Accepted Answer

Sorry, but you confused sex with intimacy. Sex is just that, sex. It was a physical act between two people who are attracted to each other. When he said it's a shame you live too far then that was the signal that I'm sorry to say it this way, he was not interested enough to travel to you. He got heated when you called him out because 1 you're not his girl to be doing so and 2 because he knows you're right and called him out. At least he was nice enough to recognize that sex means more to you than just sex. I don't know gurl, but don't get so hung up on him there are PLENTY DUDES OUT THERE.. PLEENNNTYYYY.

Duragalon · Answer

In a nutshell its immaturity and insecurity. Its not you. You will never know what caused the ghost behavior, but only someone who is immature and insecure would have their fun, expose another himan being to all the risk related to sex and then dissappear. All of us deserve better than that. Also, he probably got defensive because he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he knew he was gonna do you wrong, you called him on it and he tried to gaslight you, make you wrong. Ghosts are dicks, remember that always.. Yoda speaks through me on this one.

PrudentGuy · Answer

I wonder if age is a factor. Perhaps at around 24, he's not mature enough to take responsibility?

Your details appeared to show that he's the cowardly type, who dare not speak his heart or face the consequences of his actions.

Personally, if I only interested in sex with a girl, I'll tell her so. Then I'll let her make the decision on how far we may go.

Hence, I'm sorry but I think your guy may not be of good character and I personally find such ones making bad the name of guys among girls.

Chiefbenttwig · Answer

No babe. Your not. My condolences to you. There are a lot of piece of ____ still out there that do that same very thing that was done to you. They say one thing then do the same damn thing that they claim to hate.
You need to just move on & stop wasting time & energy on an individual that ain't worth the time & money to do the world a favor.
Just something for you to think about, stop giving into guys like this. Okay if he is a true gentleman he will wait & work to make time to see you. Just remember that, the best things to happen to someone are for those who wait.❤️

Lionman95 · Answer

Because they want sex and they learned that most girls wouldn´t give it to them without a price. In German we have a saying in dating plattform: If you want to fuck you have to be friendly. Meaning that guys know that they have to make you happy and feel accepted so that you would sleep with them. He promised you the world, so that you would get in bed with him, what you did. I don´t know he has had any intentions to come in a relationship with you after having sex with you. When did it happen to you? Because if it has happened a month ago or many weeks he might have used you but if it´s only some days there´s a chance he was honest.

Anonymous · Answer

I define ghosting as intentionally ignoring someone when they try to contact you. It is NOT when a guy stops contacting you. But when he never responds when you try to contact him.

There is only one time in my entire life I ghosted a girl. I only had been dating her for a month.

I had a good reason. She was being really bitchy to me, then went back to her ex, got involved with a domestic violence situation and then called me because she thought I’m her “safety net nice guy savior”. It was complete bullshit. But in retrospect I should of texted her that I cared to have nothing to do with that and best of luck.

Since then I have ALWAYS gave someone closure. Always. But I have not had the same respect given to me. I’ve been ghosted for much lesser and stupid reasons.

djmzes · Answer

Simple

Why do guys ghost and play with girls even if they are attracted to them?

An apple tree can give only apple fruit. A banana tree can give only banana fruit.
You will never have a fruit that tastes like banana but look like an apple. Ponder and reflect.

The thing you wants in a guy may be that it is not possible to find all in one guy. Then you have to figure out what matter the most to you and find it. Relationships is about compromise and sacrifice. If you will think you will find everything in one guy, then you will keep looking until your grave time will be at your doorstep.

Lov2PlezUgurl · Answer

it's a shame that there's people like that it makes it almost impossible for others to find someone I've been off the internet for years I've only recently got back online within the last 6 months and I heard it wasn't hard to find someone so I joined a few date sites and I didn't know anything about catfishers then they got into my computer and took 1600 bucks before I could close my account
I didn't think it was possible to meet anyone from the internet turns out I was right... so far anyway

maina_nnette · Answer

No you are not going crazy at all,, if anything you did a good thing asking this question out loud,, the sad truth is that this guy is using the girl just for sex and to bring pleasure to himself,, if romantic feelings were involved, the guy would not ghost the girl because he loves her and there is much more to him than just having sex, kissing and hugging the girl,, because he sees a future with her, so he won't have to ghost his love,, well, that's my take dear, the girl should really make a wise decision and not loose herself for such a guy, she deserves better!!! she should take up her crown!!!

triff · Answer

Not all guys do Otherwise its rather judgmental or worse stereo type I have seen many women ghosting men After reading through the whole of your question I can feel your pain that was an unforgivable to make you feel this way I have been all the things that you are and the same pain before me Unfortunately he is obviously a player and most probably has a list of girls he has already done this too That being said it might be worth getting tested Al I can say is try not to compare guys with this idiot there are some  Genuine Trustworthy Romantic  hguys around be them near or far Unfortunately they are also loads of players Dont give to much up to soon Make them work for it Your soon weedle the players out as they get bored Mr  Trustworthy  will go the distance Here if I can help any further don't hesitate to contact me I was genuine in my search for love but now to old 😇

anonChineseMale · Answer

ahh my head hurts... umm well there is not timeline on this so it is hard to say much except that there were probably red flags you ignored? like re-read your story and tell me you can't find any red flags.

and to answer your question... without hurting you too much... I think you just might not have experienced this side of men or women? Some people just get off from new sexual partners/experiences. or a "Challenge" Seems like you are kind of naive or someone with their innocence's still intact but now broken.

The world is fairly cruel and mean however if you can see the signs then they can usually be avoided. just learn from this experience and move on. Continue to dwell on this will probably drive you crazy. Don't contact him just or respond to him (it will just fuel his ego or whatever he gets off of)... just accept the outcome and move on.

CoolGuyJoe · Answer

These things happen. It's something that ends up in the court of the person being mistreated, because what needs to be considered is their mindset on the whole situation. You shouldn't seek to deeply understand the thoughts of the person who ended up not being right for you. Figure out what made you want to pursue the relationship with them, and think about whether that same energy should go to the next person you meet. Will it produce the same result? Do you have a process that leaves you too vulnerable to the whims of others? Spend time on introspection and use this as a learning experience. You will be happier going back into your single life and into your next relationship.

ItsTheNephilim · Answer

In your case, it is clearly the case of pump and dump. All that shit he said to about being nice and affectionate before sex and getting offended when you said that you don't wanna get used was just to make you feel that he's someone who's actually genuine. He could be genuinely interested in you but the sex could be bad so his interest faded away or he was all about smashing since the beginning.

Generally, guys ghost girls even though they're interested in because of one or more of the following reasons:
1. They're immature and clueless on what exactly do they want.
2. They might have trust and/or commitment issues.
3. Or they have been faking their 'genuine' interest in you since the inception.

Unit1 · Answer

Wow, you can't see fuckboys?

These girls FALL for the fuckboys the same way boys fall for gold diggers and greedy leeches, who use men for free meals and their money
Why reward such behavior with sex and free meals/money/gifts? This is encouraging such behavior even further.

Makeushiver · Answer

First I don't think anybody ever simply uses someone for sex. Every woman I've slept with got as much pleasure from the encounter as I did, I think it's inconceivable that a man would even consider it "sex" if his partner didn't get off at least as intensely and hopefully more times than he did, When that is the case it removes the transactional nature of the relationship. We were both attracted to each to it and , we both found that the attraction had a strong sexual element so we wound up having sex. It was (hopefully) mutually agreeable and I would have tried to give her as many orgasms as she could manage and I had at least one for myself. there shouldn't - in my mind- be any promises for any future get togethers but since we were both already attracted to each other & asexually compatible, I would assume that we will see each other again., I don't believe there in any quid pro quo like a legal contract you might have

Juxtapose · Answer

The best explanation I have heard came from the mgtow guys.

Guys fuck down, date at their level.

Women go up, never down.

So a 6/10 woman thinks a 9/10 a guy is into her because they had sex but he will only fuck down, not date down.

Then the 6/10 thinks it was a fluke and therefore must be attractive to all the hot guys and will never settle down for a 6/10 guy. It's just guys being unable to commit.. right?

Meanwhile the 9/10 guy is a player and can continue being a player into old age if he's rich. Why would he settle down when marriage is so bad these days and he sees how his less attractive friends are treated by women?

cinnamoncat · Answer

he is a player. playing with girls feelings and making them like them. if he could do the deed with the girl, then he could also kiss, hug and say flirty things. i advise u not to read in too much of what nice things he might've said. u shouldn't even be caught up with a guy like that. get yourself a better guy 😔✊🏻💕 u can't suffer like this

Ianto · Answer

"Why would a guy use a girl for sex... ?" - because he wants sex. It is a prime motivation for guys. Most guys will have sex with any willing girl. In fact, most guys will say or do almost anything (including "I love you") to get sex.
Having "got what he wants", he may well find that he doesn't find her attractive for any other reason, feel mildly ashamed of himself, and seek to distance himself from her.
Another possibility is that the sex was unsatisfactory. If a girl is unresponsive, and lies there like a dead fish, it is pretty offputting.

Flower7 · Answer

He's probably only interested in her physically. He wants her body, but doesn't like her enough to want her to be a part of his life, outside of having sex.

And it's not surprising that he said he wouldn't use you and then did. It's not a good idea to believe everything that people say. If you don't want to get used, it's better to make that happen yourself instead of depending on other people to do what's right for you.

PotasticPooh · Answer

You’ve really answered your own question. Why do guys ghost? You live too far away for something serious, but not too far away for a booty call. He’ll come to see you, but ghosts when you want to come to hI’m - because once you know his address, you aren’t as easy to dismiss.

This question is kind of like “why do guys drink socially, but don’t become dependent alcoholics that are always wasted? If you like beer once, it should be good enough to drink all the time!” - the answer is that wanting some release once doesn’t mean you want it constantly, some guys are disgusted by what they’ve been attracted to while horny, and casual sex is more about your body than your personality.

Bella9191 · Answer

not Everyone wants to date.
not everyone wants a relationship.
Some people will have sex and it doesn’t mean they want more.
Some people are seeing multiple people at once
some people lie
some people tell truth
some people may find you weird
some people may find you awesome

I could write 1000 more lines.
no one can tell you why this guy does what he does.

Why do guys ghost and play with girls even if they are attracted to them?

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