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Is It Selfish For A Guy Friend To Confess He's In Love With You If He Knows You're In A Committed Relationship? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(25-29) 
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I'm not sure that it's selfish, as such. He obviously feels very strongly about you, to admit his love, potentially ruining any friendship and therefore any chance of seeing you again. Are you going to stop seeing him? What would your serious partner say if he found out? I don't know what's best. Good luck - and good luck to him too.
No I don't think selfish as getting it out in the open allows the person to know and understand that there friend is crushing on them and wants more maybe they also feel the same or when they tell person they not feeling the same the other can stop the mental torture they are doing to themselves and move on. may cause them to drop off as such a close friend due to chasing another and embarassment but they will always be your friend if you need them
Hear me out before you possibly block me, please.
I was going to say "yes" but then I thought about it.
But emotions just can't be helped a lot of the time, if you feel a certain way then you just feel a certain way.
I don't think it's selfish to confess, but what would be selfish is to not meet the person you're already with know about this as well.
I would say more, but I think what I already said here is enough.
Good day.
Yeah, although this is a tough one! I personally would not do it but I can see the emotional side of it. Also, it is applicable to women as well. I personal opinion is if you truly care for a person, don't do anything that will make them go our of your life!
I agree 1000%! "IF" you love someone and truly care about them you wouldn't do anything to sabotage your relationship with them. Even if that means keeping your feelings to yourself and focusing on being a good friend.
I think it must be tough for the guy to hang out with you as friends while (secretly) loving you. It can be depressing and confessing his feelings is absolutely not selfish. Whether you decide to cut him off of your life or not after that, at least he was honest and will know where to stand. 👍
Very good points and I completely understand his feelings. But I guess my feelings are a non factor in all of this. š¤·āāļø
No it's not true. It's not like that they don't care about your relationship or your feelings. Sometimes feelings happen, with or without our desire. I think that those who leave you after that care the most. Why? Because it would be hypocritical of them to stay friends when they actually don't see you as a friend anymore. And they know they might do stuff which will annoy you as a result of their feelings towards you.
Sometimes guys want to protect their friend by testing your loyalty.
Some guys are so competitive that they just want to best their friend.
Some would do it as a panic in their own head. They have always been attracted and have been waiting for the relationship to fail. When it progresses, he makes a desperate move.
Oh I see!!! This actually does make a lot of sense and it's very relevant. I am getting married very soon and some of my guy friends think this is the perfect time to tell me how much they love me.
I don't understand it at all but this post definitely helps make sense of things. You're the best! Thank you for helping me with my questions!
Personally would never do this. A) There's no point (B) She's in a relationship (C) Why are you hanging out and trying to get physical with a girl who's in a relationship?
Just crappy behaviour
I literally couldn't agree more.
nah, whenever a guy has done this to a girl I was dating, they ended up together. It would've been selfish of him not to, Because the only person who loses in that situation is me, and women have made it very clear, i deserve to lose. So not only is he making two people happy, perhaps more importantly he's putting down a "substandard male", So we learn the hard lessons and know our place.
Well, at least he's being honest along with the being selfish!
Hahaha š. Touche
I think itās selfish, because if someoneās in a happy relationship you shouldnāt jeopardize that. For example, in friends when Ross was getting married Rachel wanted to confess her feelings for him and when he was dating Julie too. I do hate Ross but I just find it mean to tell someone how you feel when they are in a happy relationship.
Not only is it selfish but it is also downright rude and disrespectful to the woman. He is definitely crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed. I think he would be jealous of the man. He could also be upset with himself because he didn't act sooner.
Excellent feedback š„ Thank you for your help. I agree 1000%.
I feel like it definitely crosses many boundaries and it's kinda selfish really. Because after a guy confesses there's always an unknown expectation on the female friend that wasn't there before. Relationship expectations that couldn't possibly be met while the girl is in another relationship and it's extremely disrespectful to the boyfriend who already has the girl.
You're welcome. Are you still good friends with this guy? If you are still friends, will you feel uncomfortable being around him knowing how he feels.
I've had five guy friends confess to me in a two year time frame. All but one have been blocked. I don't entertain homewreckers or anyone who supports unfaithfulness. If you're a friend then be a friend because I already have a man. I make my intentions known and state my boundaries firmly from the beginning too! I just need friends and a healthy support system according to my therapist and I can't seem to manage any because they all have "feelings" and other selfish needs that prevent them from being an actual good friend.
I'm not sure at which point they all seem to forget that I am in a relationship or they simply don't care but then within less than a month they confess love and if I can't reciprocate they'll say "I can't be your friend" or they'll ghost or they become bullies because they can't get what they want and start leaving negative, nasty, and mean feedback. It's exhausting honestly.
Makes me feel like friends aren't even worth the headache anymore. It's literally the most selfish thing to build a friendship and connection with someone and just disappear. If they cared enough they would check in at least so that I know they're alive but fuck me and my feelings I guess. People just suck. I'll get over it eventually. Thanks for helping me though.
It's during times like today where my depression is at its lowest point that I wish I had a best friend to lean on for support. Guess I expect too much for these new Gen relationships.
I stopped trying to form friendships with females because of the catty drama and competitiveness but then some of my close guy friends. Rant over. Sorry I needed to get this out. I'm just tired of all the fakeness and fake friends.
That is just crazy. Where were these guys before you were in a relationship? Were you friends with them before your relationship? They are really disrespectful for leaving bad remarks because you turned them down. You don't need friends like that. You are better off without them.
Iām not sure if itās selfish but I would probably keep that to myself if she is in a serious relationship, it reminds me of that movie with Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan called āMade of Honor ā
Yessssssssss š
I think it's selfish. As a friend, he can ruin both your friendship and your relationship. So the fact that he ignores that, says a lot.
I agree 1000%
Sometimes you just have to get it out there. If you don't say it you will spend the rest of your life wondering if things would be different if she only knew.
It is. It oversteps boundaries and this isn't a Hollywood romcom where you'll ditch your partner for him just because he confessed.
Shut that shit down, no questions asked!
Facts! It's about respect and boundaries. If friends can't respect those things in a friendship then it's definitely time to give that up.
it may just be that he feels the need to let you know... in case you are not totally committed to the other guy yet, maybe he still has a chance... maybe he ahs Loved you for a long time and was to shy to say anything before, but now he is "Up against the wall" and going to lose you
I wouldn't say its seflish, but it is morally wrong. You are putting your friend in a very difficult situation where she has to choose
I don't know about that but thanks for sharing!
Wouldn't say its selfish as it's probably better for him to say and live in denial and hide it
Very interesting perspective. I totally understand where you are coming from but honestly " It's probably better for him" but what about what's best for the female friend in a committed relationship? Don't her feelings matter too?
This is true and I can see that side of things, but if it could break a friendship wouldn't you rather know? I know it's difficult and this can work both ways so neither side really wins with emotions if this happens
Honestly... If it's something that could potentially ruin my friendship... I would not risk it. I value my friendships enough not to complicate things or make anyone feel uncomfortable.
True and that makes perfect sense.. I guess either way someone has to lose and if keeping quiet breaks a friendship then trying to come out to why they've become distant could cause more harm still
I'm the only loser because I'm extremely faithful and when a guy friend can't convince me to cheat or leave my man they end up ghosting or worse bullying because the can't have their way.
It's not very nice and I'm slowly but surely getting sick of fake guy friends š
Ah yeah that can make it worse and fake friends are the worst as they just try and want but when they don't succeed they turn nasty... Sorry for that experience
He might be hoping it sits in the back of your head and slowly you leave the person your with for him. Even though it could ruin what is there now for friendship
Sounds very selfish and self serving š¤
Yes it does or he is very jealous and is trying to separate you and your man
Oh noooo š±š
My first girlfriend was told by my best friend that he loved her and wanted to split us up she didnāt want to listen to him or date him. He said stuff to her everyday we donāt really talk much to this day this happened 30 years ago
🤔 It is except you secretly like him or your in a toxic relationship this could be a good thing.
But if youāre happy in your relationship and he does this itās a terrible terrible terrible thing.