You are meeting the wrong guys.
I love to hug my partner - I love her, she is awesome, have been with her for years - and I hug her all the time. And other ways to show affection that don’t lead to sex. Holding her hand. Caressing her face and giving her a quick kiss. Putting my arm around her sometimes when standing next to her. Not constantly. But when the emotion takes me there. She does the same. I love it.
Not every show of affection needs to be a preamble for getting it on. In fact I agree with you in that it’s kind of sad if it the affection only comes when it’s sex. Being physically affectionate just in daily life is part of a healthy relationship for many men.
However there are both men and women out there who are not affectionate. For a lot of different reasons. Like you shared, only for sex and even then sex may not be particularly affectionate. Some people are just wired differently I guess. Or, maybe that person is not really that into you? It’s hard to say. Also some have a really hard time showing any kind of physical affection in public.
Like any other trait, find someone to love and have a long term relationship who is affectionate, don’t accept someone who is not - if that is really important to you.
My experiences have always been that I (the man) am always expected to initiate any affections, hugs, or shoulder rubs, etc.
I find that most women never return the affections in the same way. Usually they are short-lived and the female is seemingly disinterested in prolonged affection.
I do admit that I may have just had several shitty women in my life, but honestly.. not one of them ever gave much affection, and yes goddamit, us men do need it too.
And since I'm on a roll I'll also say that this is why guys sometimes want one-night-stands.. affections are strongest in the beginning, so it's just the most bang for the buck.
Of course I love it. But…. Any more, in this climate, I will not touch a woman under any circumstances. Nope. Not gonna happen. Don’t even start. I will not lose all my assets, have my reputation ruined and dragged through the mud, plus face assault charges on claims of who touched who. This is the legal situation in the USA.
I am not bitching. I’m telling you what time it is. Wall to wall shut out. I’m fine. I can fly to Brazil. But I’ll bet these women in western countries get hella frustrated some times.
Lol imagine being one of two people that says no. I'll put it this way: most guys like hugs. Physical touch is a common way for guys to feel happy. The joke is if you hug a guy your literally all he will think about lol. But aside from all that, I'm about to give my perspective on this. Me personally: I understand the purpose behind hugs but also I feel like you don't need to hug a friend to show that your happy to see them. Let's be real: most guys don't hug guys right? So tell me this: if guys don't hug guys, then why has society made it a norm for guys to hug guys and girls to hug girls for friendships? I'm interested to see any answers lol
Most of us do, but that's a lot of weird stigma attached to being cuddlyily (it's a word NOW, anyway) affectionate when you're a guy- not just from other guys, but from women as well (as always, the primary enforcers of social behavior roles are same-gendered people, but as usual, it's not exclusive).
Years ago, while puttering around on the internet, I found a company that made an electric bagpipe. A bagpipe that you hook up to an amplifier. And these were the big ones, the Great Highland pipes. Now, I suppose it's nice for would-be players with asthma, but how often do you hear "You know, I like that bagpipe music, but it's just not LOUD enough?".
You'll hear that more often than you'll hear "I'm just getting too many hugs".
Long ago, I would give hugs to women I didn't know if they were shaken up after a car accident or something like that and it made them feel better. Not anymore tho. In the metoo age it's just not worth it for me to get closer than 3 feet to these women out here. Look at a recent video of a female sportscaster who said she had been "violated many times" just because a man patted her on the back while she was standing in a stadium tunnel full of celebrating fans.
I definitely do, and a lot of guys do, but there are definitely some who don't. Some guys just feel that it isn't manly or masculine to enjoy that stuff (which is ridiculous), and some guys were not brought up by affectionate parents, and aren't used to being touched or held and are uncomfortable when they are - no matter who it is. Granted, such guys are definitely the exception to the rule, because a sizable majority of guys like hugs just fine.
I am sure most people do, obviously, there are those that don't like physical contact but that usually stems from a higher reason, but mostly everyone does. Psychology states that hugging a person for more than 10 seconds activates serotonin in the body and reduces stress.
So you'll get the same answer that we do however we will act against due to the whole toxic masculinity unless we genuinely don't it's a fine line if your going to hug a guy then you should be able to know them well enough to know whether it genuine dislike or a mask for society but all that aside yes we do.
I met a friend online for the first time just before the pandemic and the first thing she asked if it was okay to give a hug. I appreciated it, and of course I said yes. I think it's just part of the 'Me Too' era of don't touch intimately unless asked.
That's sad you haven't dated a guy who does. I'm super affectionate and initiate hugs all the time. I want my woman close to me a lot.
Also you don't have to ask, just go and hug your man. If my woman asked me for a hug, I would hug her without hesitation.
Yes, I like initiating hugs and affection, my last ex-girlfriend, we would always kiss, hold hands, in public.. One time we were in McDonald's the outside where the table and benches were someone was so ignorant and locked us in from the inside so we had to open the gate fence to get ourselves out there... At the McDonald's where I live everyone screws up your order but we frenched kiss too I love that too
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