Why is no sex a deal breaker for men?

[Anonymous]

I just read a question in Quora about this. A girl had a boyfriend break up with her because she wanted to wait until marriage for sex and she was a virgin.
Do men really not like the girl? If you like someone’s personality you should wait until they are ready for sex. Why break up with a girl when you want to have sex and she doesn’t want to?
I met men that offered that I live with them but the moment I don’t seem into sex I was out. They were bad older men too but I wonder if that’s the majority now. I think they are rushing into fire and it’s naive to think a woman will like you enough after just meeting you for sex. It doesn’t seem right.

Updates

+1 y

I think sex is such a journey because of the emotional side to it. Adding sex can really hurt someone to a relationship if they aren’t on the same page and the pain can last a decade. It can distract you from life and cause you to make mistakes. The wrong sex or values can send you into reliving it. For love men pressure women into this possible eternal self esteem lowerer. Bad sex can make that man want to not be with the woman anymore because he was too hasty it was bad. Why so in a hurry?

Updates

+1 y

And also. She is a virgin. And marriage would of meant sex forever so again it makes no sense. I guess these men are stupid.

[talover]

Here's my take. There is love and then there is - lust.
By definition love is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. If a woman or a man, wants to wait before giving themselves over to the most intimate act between two persons,
who are we to impose our differing view? This can be a moral decision or just a preference. Either way, love will wait. Lust will not.

Let me share my personal experience. I was not a virgin when I met my future wife. I had been sexually active since my sophomore year in High School. By time I met my future wife, I had been with multiple partners. All of them were open to sex. I never imposed or violated any of their wishes. But when I met this new girl, now my wife, she made it clear very early in our dating that she was not going to be sexually active with me. By this point in our early dating relationship, I knew she was not like any other girl I had been with in the past, and this talk really pronounced why she was different. She had higher moral values than all the previous girls I was with, and higher moral standards than I. In our talk about this I didn't really know how to process this new set of information about her, but I reluctantly agreed.

As time passed, I grew incredibly fond of her behavior, attitude, mindset, kindness, generosity and so on. And then one day like a lightbulb switch clicking in my head, I realized this woman wasn't dating me for dating sake. It wasn't for the purpose of changing her social status among her friends or relatives. Dating wasn't a game to her, or a temporary fix to her loneliness. Dating for her, was to find her future husband. She made it clear she wanted a loyal, humble, protective, faithful and loving man. Was that me? Or would she eventually break it off because I wasn't good enough for her?

She was way out of my league. By looks, for sure, but also by every other measure of character. In the two years of dating, she made me a better man. She made me a better person. And over time, she taught me what true love is.

We are now 12 years married, happy and faithful to one another, which was something I didn't think I could do. If a guy can't wait to have sex with you and leaves you; you didn't lose a damn thing - he did.

[Finchie40]

Because most girls use it as a weapon , Us guys are wired to want sex , it’s in our genes we are born this way we can’t help it , if we are with a girl we really like and we feel she is with holding sex from us it’s a turn off to us cuz we feel she really doesn’t value us , We have feelings also and want to feel wanted , Most girls will use sex as a weapon to get what they want from men , Waiting for marriage to us is pointless to us considering we aren’t going to marry a girl to find out that she is horrible in bed and then we are stuck with her , Sex is very important in a relationship no matter what people say , Relationships that lack sex end up falling apart , why do you think so much cheating and affairs occur? It’s cuz 1 partner is not fulfilling their partner , and the 1 partner feels they aren’t wanted or respected , This happens to Guys and Girls , Nowadays More Girls are using sex for money which is pathetic , So many girls have Only Fans accounts and making a shit ton of money from sucking in desperate guys , A normal guy with morals doesn’t want to pay a girl for sex there is no real connection there , This world has gone to hell in a hand basket , Marriages are becoming a thing of the past cuz no one really values anyone from the heart anymore , people have become more selfish and only really care about themselves , so for a guy to stay with a girl without sex and waiting until they are married , I feel sorry for him Cuz he is one desperate guy , She can decide he isn’t good in bed and turn around and leave him , so what is the point?

[Johnagain]

Five thumbs up! Exactly! "Most girls will use sex as a weapon to get what they want from men..."
For the lustful, It's just as frustrating to hold out for the good dance, which is what good sex is like, than to play with the other stuff that goes on in relationships. "... so what is the point?"

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it either. I’m 25 and a virgin, not necessarily for religious reasons, but I wasn’t in a good place (obesity and major depression) from 16-24, therefore men didn’t approach me.

I don’t mind giving my virginity to a guy outside of marriage, but the thing is it needs to be the right person. I feel men’s main priority while talking to women is sex, while mine is a relationship and sex is a perk of it. I don’t want to waste a guy’s time or my time if we both aren’t aiming for a long term monogamous relationship. Men should be communicating if they just want sex from a woman. The problem is they don’t until it reaches the point that they want sex from you and if you don’t give it, it ends.

I don’t want to have sex with a guy immediately to make him happy, if he won’t be in my life a few months later and is off to the next woman. I don’t want to sleep with multiple men in order to find a boyfriend. I don’t want to be with a guy who treats me like I’m special when it’s just a tactic to have sex with me. I don’t hate or dislike sex, I know I’d enjoy it. I don’t want to be casual with someone hoping for a relationship when that’s never their intention. I simply don’t want to give it to a man if sex is all he wants from me or his #1 priority, because it’s likely he’s not interested in a relationship.

[gabriel85]

Congrats! Very nice.

[Hallo626262]

You understand that men who aproacg you are more likely to only want sex compared to men who don't?

[Asker]

As someone said real men who are self confident are great because they are more respectful than losers. If you ever feel like they are barging in in anyway in your conversation or boundaries than they are not respectful. You don’t want a guy to look you in the eye and force you to give him directions to the bathroom. Pretend when a man asks you for sex or time that he’s talking about a daily thing and see if you like how he asks you. I wish I’d known this.

[CookiesAndCream2]

That's not all men and why things like standards are important. And developing a rapport with someone before anything else.

Boys trapped in adult bodies & losers will eternally want cheap fucks, easy sluts & free prostitutes. There's enough women with little to no standards & self-respect to appease them and leave these loser men to find these loser women. As the old saying goes birds of a feather flock together.

Decent men, actual men - self confident, assured, etc. - not boys in adult bodies, are more respectful than losers. It's why decent women don't waste their time with losers.

[Hallo626262]

A loser is someone who waited for marriage.

[InkRat_]

I love the way you shit on other woman whos view on sex are the same as yours. I personally could not care less how many partners she had. On the other hand i dont want to date wirgin, they are pain in ass to deal with.

[Asker]

I think the most important thing that you said here was that actual self confident men are more respectful than losers. You’re right that’s the first major noticeable difference. There isn’t any pressure. I have found one. He has a girlfriend. But I am hoping he breaks up with her. He did not accept my advances before I knew and wants to talk. No brush offs.

[CookiesAndCream2]

@Hallo626262 Says the loser who'll never have a decent woman

[CookiesAndCream2]

@InkRat_ I am not shitting on woman with the same view of sex as me dimwit but sluts

[Novacane]

I think the reason behind that is the difference between what makes a friendship and a relationship. The primary difference between a relationship and a friendship is the idea of sex, yes people will say "you can have sex with friends" which is true but you are not having sex with all your friends it's usually the one that you tend to have some type of feelings for. Back to it men get into relationships for the exclusivity have sex with that person, so if there is no sex then that's just a friendship and why would men stick to that when they can find someone that would give them that.

NOW I completely understand if the girl is waiting till marriage and is a virgin, that makes sense, then you should respect those wishes and if you want to continue then you will have to wait and if not then leave. But there are women out there that will have sex with randoms but for a potential person they tend to withhold sex which doesn't make sense

But I think that goes both ways if a girl is sexually active and gets with a guy who withholds sex she might be okay after a while but the longer she waits she will eventually go out and look for it considering that she can get it when she wants.

[lightbulb27]

We've pushed the age of marriage well past the peak hormone times for males to accomodate education. That means they have to wait, and it's torture. The hormones are driving the interest.

We've removed so many pillars of value training... religious conviction, parental training, fathers are missing from wars and jail, and broken relationships. Our morales and values have declined. Society adopted all kinds of garbage in the 1960's.

I was virgin well into 40's. I waited, some guys do, some don't... especially the ones that have the power with females. So... could it be you are "barking up the wrong trees"?

I can tell you that stuff gets really messed up waiting around... can't do that forever when have a girlfriend. At more mature ages, the girls can't wait as their hormones are raging. They want to make out and and all that, but that causes the ignition of mating. The guy ends up with blue balls and pain. Not fair.

So to be fair, how about this... court the other person, no contact as you get to know each other, no exposure to opposite sex and sexuality, no kissing. Major point... gotta shut off all the imposition of sexuality from society (movies, music, your female colleagues flaunting their stuff).. it's a big problem. Decide to marry or else move on within a year. That would help alleviate the issue.

[Hairylegs222]

You weren't specific with what type of sex. I assume you mean vaginal sex that takes away her virginity. What about other types of sex other than vaginal sex?

My longest relationship was with a virgin. She wanted to wait to have vaginal sex until after marriage and I totally respected/accepted that. We still did other sexual things together though. Blowjobs, fingering, handjobs, etc.

If there's nothing sexual going on when dating, than it's just friends still. When you open up that intimate side to your partner and be sexual, that's where the relationship begins.

If you meant dating with nothing sexual at all until marriage and expect a man (or women) to be ok with that... lol being just friends until marriage is not how it works.

Also it doesn't matter to me how her sexual performance is because we work together and get to know each other. Keep trying and it gets better and better each ttime. That's part of what a relationship is. This is commenting on the bad sex thing you said.

[Lliam]

If a girl told me that she was saving herself for marriage, I'd move on immediately. She's holding sex as an incentive to sign a legally binding contract. It's coercive. No woman is worth that.

I never had any interest in sexually inhibited women. I think it's immature, naive, unrealistic and, frankly, insufferable to think a woman's pussy is an immaculate flower that is spoiled if used. I doubt if a woman like that would ever be a good sexual partner.

I never dated a virgin and never cared to. I like women who love men, love being female, and have strong libidos. I respect a woman who has healthy values, self esteem, takes care of her body, is cautious about her health, and doesn't jump into bed until she knows and trusts a man. But she can remain a shriveled up old maid forever if she thinks I'm going to marry her before having sex.

I like a woman who goes out and seizes life enthusiastically, takes risks, has fun, engages in relationships and gives 100% to making them work, knowing that relationships are about trial and error and sometimes don't work out. If they don't, you keep trying until you find your perfect partner. It's about trial and error. In the search, you gain experience and maturity. It's called life.

Neither my wife nor I were virgins when we found each other. Not by a long shot. We've been married now for 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Every guy is different (and only that specific guy can tell you his reason (s)), but a couple of possibilities are he doesn't believe waiting is right (as strongly as she believes waiting until marriage is), or, he doesn't want marriage either or doesn't believe in it.

Personally, I would respect her decision (I've dated a girl who felt this way), however I also believe the opposite, that it's a big mistake to wait until marriage. It's part of getting to know them and if you're sexually compatible as well as compatible in general (something I don't think people take seriously enough as "mattering", especially women). I also don't believe you have to be married to live "happily ever after" or "prove" commitment. We did end up breaking up, not solely for this reason, but it was one of them. That doesn't mean I didn't care about her, I did very much and still do. But we could say the same thing, if she liked him, why wouldn't she (if he should have to wait)? You see? Goes both ways.

[MrOracle]

Why is no sex a deal breaker for men?Because, at that point, you're just friends. Nothing more.

You are looking for all of the BENEFITS of a romantic relationship with none of the RESPONSIBILITIES. You want to take, but not give. And, that's fine - you can want what you like, but most men are not going to have any interest in your "offer."

Here's my offer: come to my house, cook and clean for me, mow my lawn, prune my trees, clean my rain gutters, paint my house, maintain my car - and *I* will talk to you for a while and give you a hug when you leave. Isn't that a TERRIFIC offer? I'll be expecting you to start on Monday.

What? My offer sounds completely one-sided to you? That I'm getting all the benefits and you're doing all the work? Imagine that...

[kery123]

My ideal of a romantic partnership includes working towards a common purpose, encourage and supporting each other's growth and ambitions, having intellectually stimulating conversations, etc.

Your idea of a partnership sounds shallow af.

[spartan55]

@kery123
Clearly you've never been in one if you think that's shallow. So what's the benefit for the guy?

[kery123]

@spartan55 The type of guy I want in a relationship is someone who will be my best friend, - someone who also wants a partner to motivate him, support him, encourage him in his ambitions, offer him advice, share meaning in life, travel together, discover places, eventually raise high quality children, etc.

I am in such a relationship. We're both very driven, intellectual individuals. We don't have physical sex because I'm waiting for marriage, though we sext a lot.

[kery123]

@spartan55 We both make enough money to get a maid and hire a painter.

[spartan55]

@kery123
I don't get how your incomes are relevant to this discussion, but whatever. You are one those people that think money defines you. Great. Sounds like you have a great buddy/yes man. So was the no sex thing his idea?

[MrOracle]

@kery123 if you worked in a bakery, and a customer came in and asked for a traditional white wedding cake, as a baker, you'd know that there are many ways you could make that cake unique. You could change the shape, the height, the number of layers, the filling, the icing, and so on. But the cake itself REQUIRES certain things: flour, sugar, salt, eggs, butter, baking powder. If you are missing any one of those items, you don't have the cake the customer ordered, and the fillings or toppings or shapes are irrelevant.

For the vast majority of men, sex is a REQUIRED ingredient in a romantic relationship (and for most women as well) - it's certainly not the ONLY required ingredient, but it is among the required ingredients. You may feel differently, and that's fine, and you've managed to find a guy who agrees with you, but you (and he) are very much the exception, not the rule.

[kery123]

@spartan55 He's a traditional man, incredibly masculine and has been with multiple women before me. We're in love with each other and he respects my decision to wait for marriage, because he knows I am in love with him and desire him deeply, and sex is something that will definitely be explosive once we begin having it, but it isn't why we chose to spend our lives together. He loves my mix of innocence and uninhibited sluttiness when we phone sex, that alone drives him wild.

[spartan55]

@kery123
In other words, it was all your idea. He would fuck you in a second if you wanted to.

[N192K001]

Demographics of men differ, so this only applies to certain groups, while not for others (like those socially- and/or religiously-conservative).

For some (myself included), we can see benefit in self-restraint in terms of ourselves and/or in terms of the socio-cultural ripple-effects of more people holding-on to the traditional standard.

For others, that is not the case.

So, it's generally best to find candidates whose worldviews, philosophy, priorities, and values are reasonably similar (or bear-minimum: 'compatible').

[noohair]

The ancient character of the male is to hunt, for food. That characteristic also bleeds over into the desire to spread their genetics to future generations. We have come a long way culturally, but some guys see it as a contest. Don't play their game. Go with what you feel is correct and find someone that you can try to make a life with.

[Asker]

Thank you. If I keep going against what I want anyway I couldn’t be happy

[Jlegacy]

I'm not even going to kiss my girl until marriage. I love the way God scheduled sex and God is the wisest person.



There was a man who loved his sister and wanted to be with her so deeply. The love evaporated after sex. This is how disastrous premarital sex is.


Every sexual relationship I had, never satisfied me in any way. Not emotionally or even sexually and not spiritually.


My favorite past relationships are the ones without sex.
My girl is also for sex after marriage and she is a virgin. I'm not even kissing her beautiful lips until I say "I do" before God, Jesus and all the innumerable angels. I love her this much.

[ILLuMiiNaTi]

Everyone says the same untill they get a girlfriend..

[Jlegacy]

You make it sound like I have no girlfriend.

I do have a girlfriend and I'm not touching her until it is okay in God's eyes.

Not the first girl I like that I never touched.

[ILLuMiiNaTi]

That sounds wonderful Man. Good wishes for you !

[Jlegacy]

Thanks Chief

[Anonymous]

If a guy loves you then yeah he’ll wait. People think waiting is easy for women because we apparently don’t get as horny haha. For me personally I want to wait and I can never just jump into that sort of thing.
First boyfriend cheated because I was waiting for marriage and he didn’t actually love me so he slept with someone else.
Guy I’m with now wants to wait for when I feel I want to do it, may it be after or before marriage, he cares about how I feel and never wants to do anything that makes me uncomfortable. Now to me this is real man.
This is my opinion from my experience with manyyyyyy shitty men. Don’t like my opinion or what I have to say? Keep scrolling and move on.

[pinedarose]

Yes that the true fact you said said

[ohshee]

Your right in a lot of ways. In a relationship where somebody wants to remain a virgin until being married you have to respect that at the same time there can be a compromise. You can have four play you can make out you can get each other off and it can be very very hot romantic passionate without penetration.
If I would have been that guy it was dating that girl I will talk to her about this and then I would ask her if she trusted me and she said yes then start with foreplay start making out touchy feely make each other feel good and then you can roll her over on top of me and I place her hits just right can I slowly slide her forward slowly slide her back slowly slide her forward slowly slide her back I would pull her hair down so I could kiss your lips or neck and that way when I slide her forward and back her clit is sliding on top have my cock there's all kinds of ways to please each other without having penetration sex but there has to be some sort of compromise

[Nik1hil]

Men are biologically programmed to ejaculate every 1hr 30 minutes...

Imagine the crazy urge you have to get pregnant or have sex a week before your periods...

We have that urge every 90 minutes...
Every 90 minutes our mind say..
" Find a pussy your body needs to put a Dick inside one.."

Women are emotional creatures. We as men cannot handle that...
But if it comes with rewards that our brain will no longer bully us by saying

" Find a pussy your body needs to put a Dick inside one.. "

if this stops we can deal with female drama..
But if we have to put up with female drama and also our brain keep saying every 90 minutes...

" Find a pussy your body needs to put a Dick inside one.."

That is a bad condition to be in..
Get tortured by both sides..
I would go in depression or lose my shit if I had to do both..

[Anonymous]

I think you need to find a man who has similar values with you. This case is not just for men. There are also women who think if the relationships don’t involve sex, they are like a friendship. So, you have right to have some values and find the man who has the same values. But no one can pressure you to do something. You have right not to have sex before marriage this is your life. If someone doesn’t accept you like this they can go wherever they want. Don’t change because of anyone else. There are men who don’t love the women and just try to manipulate them just sex so in order to get whatever he wants. The man you mentioned above can be the one. Or he is the one who has different values. We can not know until we know him. But don’t care anyone and live your life with your mindset and truths.

[Dragonstarterplus]

"If you like someone’s personality you should wait until they are ready for sex."

Weird how women always come up with this double standard of "if he liked her he would wait" and yet this logic never goes the other way for some reason. Anyway, the guy didn't want to wait YEARS for sex

Hell you yourself say "Adding sex can really hurt someone to a relationship if they aren’t on the same page and the pain can last a decade". So if you're the guy wouldn't you want to see if you're on the same page before you get married and it's much much much harder to go your separate ways?

[sd1223]

I had this problem too, it was a dealbreaker if I didn’t want to have sex, I wanted to wait until marriage. My last boyfriend I gave my virginity to but it wasn’t a dealbreaker if we didn’t have sex. He was chill about it. He didn’t pressure me at all. If someone is willing to break up with another person because they don’t want to have sex, they aren’t the person for you or maybe that’s all they were looking for in the first place. It’s so much more to a relationship than that, that’s just part of it.

[humpbackjack]

It’s a different belief someone that’s a virgin and is saving it for marriage needs to be with a man that appreciates that otherwise it’s a bad match on so many levels. I personally would respect her but there would be no reason to continue dating because if I was married I wouldn’t be looking to get married again so we wouldn’t be good together. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin and there’s nothing wrong with have sex before marriage the only wrong thing about either one is you’re wrong for eachother

[InventorofWarp]

No sex would not affect me since I'm also 24 and waiting for the right girl and I'd need at least a few months to get comfortable with her.
However, no sex before marriage would definitely be a dealbreaker for me.
I dated a girl who was 37 and wanted to wait until marriage when I was 22 and back then I was still young enough that I felt I could hold off and I was a lot more naive. Now? No, never again. Sorry but I just can't put up that kind of commitment right off the bat, I'm not looking to get married until AT LEAST MAYBE 27-28 and I'm definitely not in the position to waste anymore time at this stage in my life.
You want a guy to wait until marriage? Go to church.
Otherwise, don't date in the real world with unrealistic expectations.

[Question_091]

I believe the discussion of sex and marriage should be discussed before the relationship goes any further. Not only that, but other core values that maybe considered "deal breakers" should also be sorted out before hand, such as number of kids, lifestyle, future goals, financial goals, etc.

I personally agree with waiting until marriage, so if a girl wanted sex before marriage, I would make that clear as early as possible that I will rather wait, and if she is not willing to, then the "relationship" can end on a difference of life choices rather than hurt feelings.

[Erin2003]

It’s about personal choice and that should be paramount. Still for any action (or lack of action) there is a reaction and that’s also about personal choice. In a normal, healthy relationship both parties should feel sexual attraction and desire sexual relations. Whether they act on those feelings is a different story (that is, moral standards and personal choice). If those feelings don’t exist at all then the relationship is likely doomed. in my opinion sex is something to be shared and not something to be preserved but in either case it should be treasured. I made certain decisions that weren’t always the best but I can’t change them and therefore have no regrets. An individual’s beliefs or preferences are there own. Right or wrong it doesn’t make them stupid.

[Pasiton5]

It's a macho thing or his ass just got some before getting tho you but dudes need to be more f open with their girl talk more about issues with their junk I mean when ain't got crap to worry about sexually you get to dry Vaseline safe boom your good but men stress, junk stays soft, tired soft, this on his mind yup call him limpy, it's hard on as dude to can destroy his confidence when he can't come to attention for you, mental it's all mental, you written you're like the Eveready rabbit just keep going and coming and going and coming, really not fair barking l Vaseline and you just go forever