In the heat of the moment I told a guy to not call or text me again, but I didn’t mean it... will he ever reach out if he cares enough?

[Anonymous]

This guy and I have a history and saw each other and then didn’t due to outside reasons, said goodbye now maybe 4 times but each time we would go back to each other... outside factors have made it difficult for us to be together (his work). I got really angry at him recently and I haven’t seen him for a month now, but I told him to never text and call me again and he said ok. But later that night I texted him and voiced what bothered me and told him how he hurt me, and he responded but in the end we decided to end things. A few days later I texted him and asked him something about something random and he responded and it went fine and I told him there isn’t bad blood between us.
Do you think he still won’t text me because I asked him not to before I sent the other texts? (Hypothetically if he wanted to see me again.. would he reach out?)

[Jessica405]

I doubt it very much. No matter how much he cares about you, and wants to be with you, he will obey your instruction to not contact him.

If you really regret ending it, then contact him again. Tell him how you feel and what you want. Nothing to lose, but maybe a lot to gain.

[Asker]

Well I did tell him after I sent that message.. maybe like an hour later, why I was hurt.. and then a couple days later told him no bad blood between us.. so that’s not enough you think?

[Jessica405]

You want him back? Go get him before he does lose interest!

[Asker]

Well right now we can’t really be together because he might be moving away... or he might not.. that’s why I was upset.. so we aren’t seeing each other until he figures out his life but also because I sent that I don’t even know if he’d reach out if he didn’t move away...

[Jessica405]

Even if you don't see each other and can't be together, still tell him what you want. It might help him decide what to do about moving.

[Jamie05rhs]

I agree with Jessie 100%.

[Asker]

Well that was the issue.. he is so focused on his career since he’s jobless, he’d choose moving over starting something with me since we really haven’t known each other for a super long time.

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, that a really good point. But how do you expect him to even have a relationship with you if he doesn't even have a job?

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs in a ride or die. lol jk, but really if he was looking for work now and I knew he was staying I wouldn’t mind. I believe in him and that he’ll get a job, even if he has been declined by places... I’d still want to see him. Is that silly?

[Jamie05rhs]

I understand that, and I appreciate your devotion. That's really sweet.
But we're talking about practical matters here. How would he not be homeless?

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs I think he’s on unemployment? I think you just answered another one of my questions recently where I said I messaged him about another guy to get him jealous lol anyways same dude

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow! The plot thickens...
That's the same guy? Goodness gracious, sister. You have quite a mess to untangle here.

Hmm. Well, how long can he survive on unemployment, though? I'm sure it's not that much money.

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs hahaha it’s such a train wreck. I’m barely holding on anymore. We talked today actually and cleared the air. But yeah I wished him well and said I hope he figures it all out... I’m sure he’s super stressed and depressed and given he graduated in law, he’s in a lot of debt. I think the only thing I can do now is give him space and remove myself and he knows I’m here if he ends up staying around... but I don’t really know if he will given he’ll probably take any job he can get at this point.

[Jamie05rhs]

Ohhhh. So he's looking for a JOB job. I see.

Well, not to be rude, but maybe this is a life lesson? You have to kind of be observant and be able to see the signs of what path a man is on in life and whether they might be making major changes soon. Be especially careful with guys who are in college or just graduated. I mean be careful of falling in love with them. Because there's a very high probability that they could leave the area in the near future.
Again, I'm not trying to be an asshole At All. Just trying to give some helpful advice! :)

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs no yeah I appreciate it! He didn’t tell me this until 2 months in of seeing each other and by then my feelings had developed already. It just sucked. But I should have let him go after that and my mistake was hanging around to see if he possibly would stay, and still I don’t know but it caused me more pain than I should have allowed.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh man. Sorry. That's rough. :/

Oh. Yeah. Well, I can definitely see the pickle that you were in. Because you wanted him, so you wanted to be optimistic and believe that there was a way. (And maybe there still is. We don't know. It's just kind of an uncertain situation right now.)

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs lol yeah, oh well, I guess time will tell. It’s been a lesson at least

[Jamie05rhs]

I wonder why he was still trying to meet women if he knew that he was moving away, though? What type of guy is he, if I may ask? Do you think he's looking for sex, or looking for a relationship? Because if it's the latter, then it could be that he was just looking for his Forever person, so he felt like it didn't matter if he was going to move away or not because you two would end up together eventually anyway.

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs thank you for responding💓 he’s definitely only looking for hookups. When he met me he didn’t know he was going to move away so he decided not to tell me, then he was accepted at that job and told me (2 months in) so we stopped seeing each other.. I went back after a month to hookup with him a couple times before he moved away. He moved, and then he lost his job a week in, so he had to move back. This happened about a month ago. Now he’s home but he needs to find work since he’s really not in a good financial place... but he is in his own apartment currently and looking for work, and so he has told me throughout this he’s only interested in hookups and I know he’s hooked up with at least 1 or 2 other girls during this time.. he pushes me away because he knows I want something serious, or keeps me on a string just in case he doesn’t move but he doesn’t want anything holding him back if his job ends up being somewhere else, so that’s why he has told me he doesn’t want to start with me.

[Asker]

So I think I’ve been more invested in us than he has been because he’s just focused on his career? And I feel like I’ve been so far into my feelings I didn’t accept it and pushed when I should have let him go? At least that’s my current take.. as of right now lol!

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm. This gets more interesting by the minute. Why did he decide to move back to Your particular city, specifically? (And Get An Apartment There!!). Even though he didn't even have a job there? 🤔🤔🤔

[Jamie05rhs]

But yet he's still hooking up with other girls... 😑🙄
Ok, nevermind.

[Jamie05rhs]

He must just like that city, I guess. Maybe he's attached to the sports teams. 🤷

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs lol well it’s his home, it’s the only place he’s lived. He moved back with his parents first and then moved out. He told me it would depend on if he got accepted at this interview he recently had but he didn’t hear back from them and it’s been weeks, so he keeps telling me he doesn’t know... but yeah he still is trying on tinder for hookups while pushing me away/stringing me along until he knows I guess? What are your thoughts on his behavior? I’ve been so back and forth... pissed off at him and then calm and realize he’s just trying to figure out his life and then I just get sad because I think it’s just all not going to work in my favor lol

[Jamie05rhs]

He got himself an apartment, though...
... Or maybe that's just out of convenience to hook up with girls? ... But still, is hooking up really worth all of that money? The dude is in loads of debt... It sounds to me like he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. He isn't making good decisions.

He needs to get a damn "YOB.". Even if it's at Walmart. Ffs

[Jamie05rhs]

If he wants you, then he shouldn't be f*ing other girls. Period. That's selfish and very disrespectful to you.
Some people find that sh*t acceptable, but not me!

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs he’s a mess. He flew out to Europe for this new job and was there a week before he flew back. Isn’t that like $1000 worth of flying tickets? And to end up jobless? I don’t know how he has money. He does have an independent law practice where he has a few clients right now since he’s a licensed lawyer so maybe that’s helping him bring in some money? But yeah... I mean, he did move to an apartment.. you think if he’s thinking of moving he wouldn’t have moved to an apartment?

[Asker]

But yeah I mean I think if he is expecting to move he isn’t expecting to be with me so that’s why he doesn’t consider the sex part a big deal because I’m not a factor right now.

[Asker]

But now that you mentioned the apartment part I’m wondering if he’s lying and he is staying and is just giving me excuses... :/

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, an apartment lease is a commitment. So I wouldn't expect someone to sign one if they weren't sticking around. But you never know. Some people are impulsive...

Yeah, he could definitely be lying. It's certainly a possibility.

Either that or he actually does like you and just doesn't want to get attached since he's moving away.
But it sounds to me like he's already "moved on.". Because if you DO love someone, then having sex with other people is a pretty shitty way of showing that love. Just my opinion.

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs yeah he definitely doesn’t love me.. we never were in an official relationship for it to develop like that. I think I got ahead of myself and felt more than he had... I think he’s just a mess right now so a relationship isn’t what he wants. The more I talk about it with you I am seeing how much of a mess he is lol

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay lol. Well, I'm sorry he couldn't be what you wished for him to be. But I'm glad this conversation helped you gain more clarity.

[Anonymous]

He probably doesn't want to violate the MeToo statutes so you are never likely to hear from him again

[Asker]

Is that a joke

[Opinion Owner]

No, that's 100% truthful
You do anything to a women who doesn't want it then it's off to the wall with a firing squad

[spartan55]

You girls have a startling lack of self awareness at times. "If he cares he will..." yeah, right

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol. He will not. You specifically told him not to.

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay, so I read the description and your story is a bit more complicated than I originally thought. Sorry about that. I think that you need to specifically tell him that you're taking back your commandment, though. Just so he can not be confused and think that he's still operating under those instructions.

[Asker]

Even after I texted him again and broke the no communication?

[Jamie05rhs]

That rule was for him, not you. You didn't have any rules to break.

[Wise4myage]

Try reaching out to him first.

[Asker]

Well I mean I kinda did but I don’t want to ask to get back together since he ended it more than I did

[Wise4myage]

Then just make sure he knows where you’re coming from.