Why is he asking these kinds of questions if he says he’s not in love with me?

[sd1223]

So he’s asked me a few things that I feel someone who wouldn’t have some kind of feelings would ask. We were texting one night and he asked me if I think a person can grow to love someone. I answered his question but then when I asked him what made him ask that he never gave me an answer. We later picked the convo back up but he started it with something else. He also asked me how much of my family and friends know about him and I told him but once again never found out why he was asking. This is the same man who asks when I’m moving to where he is said he feels for me when we were intimate but he said he didn’t remember say it. He was seeing someone at one point and it didn’t really work and I think she’s still there but he’s single at this point right now. Him and I dated for two months at one point back in 2020 but it ended because of distance and other personal issues mostly from his end. Let me know what you guys think!

[Chris_Chambers0010]

It sounds like a confusing relationship. It's difficult to understand his intentions when he says something, you ask why he said it and he doesn't answer you.

[sd1223]

It really is. But if you were him hypothetically would you be saying or asking these kind of things to a girl you said you weren’t in love with?
Like I don’t get why he’s asking and doing all of this. It is confusing, you’re right.

[Chris_Chambers0010]

You mentioned that he was seeing someone else and she's still there.
I wonder if his questions weren't about her? Asking if you can grow to love someone may have been about his other relationship, or asking how much of your family knows about him may be to cover his tracks because he doesn't want her to find out about you?
I don't know enough about your situation to really know.

[Chris_Chambers0010]

But to answer your question, I wouldn't be as mysterious.
I'm usually very transparent with women and she will know that I love her. I just tell her and communicate my feelings.

[sd1223]

She does know about me from his past but he said she doesn’t know about him trying to see me now. They’re aren’t together just him and I aren’t together.

I’m not sure if it was about her or not, I know he said he loves her but at the same time he said she loves him but is not in love with him, his words not mine.
I just thought it was random for him to ask.

Even if some people in my circle know about him, she doesn’t know any of my family and friends. But I’m not sure I just thought it was really random to ask.

[sd1223]

He pretty much feels that since he is single he can see the both of us. Him and I just met up and got intimate 2 weeks ago.
I feel like if he really loved her he wouldn’t be coming back to me. Even when things weren’t going well with them, and I was talking to someone else he would pop back up to me. I never did understand why.

[Chris_Chambers0010]

I was in a relationship with a woman like that who was very secretive, didn't communicate well, and didn't tell me everything.
I got used to it over time, but it can also lead to a bad situation for you.
Sometimes it isn't good when your partner hides things, lies, and doesn't want to answer your questions. You think you're confused, I was confused my whole marriage.
It's kind of a red flag, but I hope the best for you.

[sd1223]

I guess I hadn’t seen it that way because he hasn’t lied to me before. Next time I talk to him I’ll have to ask some questions.

[Chris_Chambers0010]

Yeah, if he's serious about you he should have nothing to hide.
I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life, but I can't stand being with people who control me by hiding things. Only telling me half of the story to make sure I feel a certain way, but withholding certain details so I don't know the truth.
Love can blind you so just be careful.

[sd1223]

He’s been honest about her and when they are together and when they aren’t. So I believe him on that. But him not telling her that he wanted to see me that’s on him not me. I wanted to see him since it’s been a year and we’ve been trying to meet up constantly. So I feel no way about it.

I did initially want to move to be closer to him since that was a reason for the breakup but he said he’s been wanting me to move there closer to him. I’m wanting for that to be the plan next year for sure.

[Chris_Chambers0010]

In the meantime it kind of sounds to me like he's positioned himself to have 2 friends with benefits.
Just going by what you've said "He pretty much feels that since he is single he can see the both of us. Him and I just met up and got intimate 2 weeks ago."
Not that there's anything wrong with the sex buddy life (I wouldn't know) but I think all people involved should at least know the arrangement.
Hopefully he isn't just leading you both on. Not that it's my business, but it just looks sketchy.
However, I am getting older and I am somewhat old fashioned so maybe my advice is old too. Lol.

[sd1223]

Yeah he’s not being honest with her and letting her decide what she wants to do, she may not be for this set up but I think that’s why he hasn’t told her, he may know that she will bounce so he wants to keep quiet.

As long as he’s honest with me that’s all I care about.

[Chris_Chambers0010]

Sometimes it's important to watch how your partner treats other people because eventually they may turn on you or lie to you as well. It's part of who they are.
I don't want to be too negative it's just from my own bad experiences.

[sd1223]

Well I can understand I do appreciate the advice and your opinion though!

[Chris_Chambers0010]

Sure, take care. 🙂

[sd1223]

Thanks you too! I also forgot to tell you a few more things, so back in December I believe, he told me that he was taking a break from anything serious because of whatever happened with him and this other girl. Like I said whenever things weren’t working with her he would pop back and give me an update.
So I think that’s why he doing the two of us how he is.

But then even before that, the same convo where he told me he wasn’t in love with me, he asked me if I loved the guy that I was talking to and I’m not sure why he wanted to know.

Then him and I were on the phone one night and he kind of asked why I had sex with someone else kind of in a cute jokey territorial way and I told him he did the same and he was like we’re even 😂

So some of his behavior doesn’t necessarily match up with how he says he feels.

[Chris_Chambers0010]

Yeah I read about a lot of that type of behaviour on Gag.
People who don't want to commit to a relationship, but still get territorial and jealous if their friends with benefits or any of their multiple girlfriends are with other people too. Lol.
It's pretty selfish and hypocritical and obviously confusing for anyone involved with them.
I guess you're content with your current position in this scenario, but I just hope he doesn't hurt you because you're hoping he's gonna change.

[sd1223]

Yeah I guess I just have to wait and see what happens tbh