For the majority of guys, virtually ALL women are "hard to get", so that's what most guys are used to dealing with. Many actually appreciate girls who are more forthright in showing their interest, though it happens so rarely for most guys that some just won't know how to handle it. And, yeah, a guy isn't necessarily going to be attracted to every girl.
I will mention that most guys want a girl who is a little "hard to get" about sex - most guys won't consider a girl he can get sex from easily/quickly to be "relationship material" - because he has to assume that if he can get it easily, so can lots of other men. As much as he wants sex now, he wants to know that she has boundaries and will uphold them, even when SHE really wants sex herself. If she won't do that, he won't be able to trust her. THAT kind of "hard to get" is true - men want that.
But do they want "hard to get" more generally? Not really, but that's how it is for most men in the real world. The exception is the top 10% guy - the ones all the girls want, and who get women throwing themselves at him all the time. Those guys like "hard to get" because having a challenge is more interesting - and because they're already banging tons of girls, so having to wait and persuade a different girl doesn't cost them anything sexually.
Huh well-worded. Thank you, this makes sense.
I think some people enjoy the chase more than the catch... but trust me over time it gets boring. Some people just think too much of themselves. I personally find it a turn off, and I don't care how sexy she is... if she wants to play it that way then she can get on with herself. For some women they get so much attention they let it go to their heads... they get and inflated sense of self worth and I don't have time for it.
When I was younger I chased some women way more than I should of, but honestly that is because I was to naïve to know better. I just thought that was how it was supposed to be, until I figured out that I could do better for myself.
Some guys are just gluttons for punishment's or they perceive it as something more than it is... but for guys that have no problems meeting or getting women in general they don't play into those games they move on fast... other guys just have nothing to move on to so they spin wheels on women not worth the time they are giving them.
Honestly some guys are just playing the field and are fishing in several different pools at once so they will play along for the fun of it... and if some things comes of it later then great. If not they will try their chances somewhere else until she figures her shit out and come back to it later or lose interest. But the guys that don't play it that way are Subs... so it probably insecurity issues.
@Jamie05rhs Heck yeah brother... if some chick want to act like she's to good to give you the time of day then, entertain it to the point that you don't ruin you chances later... but don't put too much effort into it because she's not worth it. If she comes back later I will dick her down, then move on if she thinks too much of herself. I don't need that type of women in my life. I like them humble... not submissive per say but not over inflated, I don't do the ego bullshit.
Opinion
53Opinion
Certainly not all guys, I'm at the stage where I've had that much rejection, any indication that isn't enthusiastic and I'm done, don't have the time to waste playing games. More and more there are guys who are tired of this chase mentality and would prefer to just meet someone and hit it off together, there's enough work required to maintain a relationship, starting one shouldn't be as hard or harder.
Unfortunately these are also the guys who tend to be selfless, putting others before themselves, and who have likely experienced a lot of rejection, so low self esteem and don't have that reward centre of the brain wired up with the chase as it's not been triggered. Which usually means they aren't the ones most women go for. So you want a guy who doesn't like the thrill of the chase, it's not going to be with the guys you chase, but the average guys you ignore I'm afraid.
Dang. That is true I feel. There was this guy I actually turned down for years that I like now. He likes me too and as the relationship goes I'm starting to realize I can be at peace with him. He doesn't play games and neither do I. I noticed he was different. One thing I'm afraid of though with all guys is what happens when I do get with them? Will they suddenly stop being interested because they don't have to put in as much effort anymore? I'm a little worried.
That's going to come down to the character of the guy, if they're a good person then it will only strengthen their desire to make things work, it's not a 100% guarantee, but it's a good sign if he's not keeping you constantly on edge or questioning his commitment at this stage that that will continue.
Ohh I see. Dang, so the only way to tell is to get there first.
Like I said, things look good from what you described, but my experience, limited though it is, tends to have me err on the side of caution.
I'm not sure but I think maybe it's only the most conquesting types who want those.
I always preferred women with whom I click with most and that's a mutual thing like she likes me as much as I like her. It's like I like her more if she likes me, and if the connection is right, she likes me more because I like her.
Our conversations make it clear that the interest is mutual. No one has to pursue the other while the other retreats. If a woman heads or even leans in the opposite direction from me literally or figuratively, then I want to respect her wishes and I cease to find her nearly as attractive.
So I might be odd but I prefer "easy to get", or maybe a way I'd like to put it is, "natural to get". Things feel so natural and smooth with our conversations and moves towards each other. It's like no one is more interested than the other; we're at the same level and even footing. Maybe that's more important to me since I was looking for something really long-term (I married in the end). I didn't want a relationship involving us pursuing each other. I wanted things to be peaceful, mutually loving, for the rest of our lives together.
Yess I'm glad there's at least one guy! You said if a girl leans back you would respect her wishes, was this in the beginning stages of the relationship forming or after some time?
Always for me throughout every stage. I never wanted to cross boundaries. Of course, in the process of seduction, we sometimes have to explore boundaries. I was never the type to ask a girl if I could kiss her, for example, but I also didn't lunge across a passenger's seat. I might escort her out, hug her, dance with her, make her laugh, and I very carefully read what her face and body are telling me, and if she seems okay, gently lean for the kiss.
I wanted to keep things smooth and romantic but always with great care to take hints. A girl playing hard to get doesn't let me know for certain if she's not interested in me or playing games, so I erred on the side that she's not interested.
Awwwh you sound like such a great guy. I'm sure your wife is so happy to be with you! I'm in uni so guys like these seem very hard to find.
Cheers! Well, I'm far from perfect. I've developed a bit of a drinking habit over COVID, for example, although my wife as well. :-D
One thing I should clarify is that "easy to get" is a bit ambiguous. There's "easy to get" in the sense like a woman acts as though she's interested in just about any guy. That's not so interesting to me.
Then there's "easy to get for me" in the sense like maybe she's quite selective about who she's interested in, but we are clicking very well together and the interest seems very mutual. That's what I value most.
And that's a very natural way if we're seeking great conversations with people. Sometimes through those conversations, the attraction is there, the connection is there, the chemistry is there. It becomes apparent and mutual. And that's the most natural way as I see it that tends to lend itself most to long-term success.
Wait so like why wouldn't you be attracted to a girl whos interested in pretty much any guy? She's still interested in you right?
Also if a girl seems to flirt or get along with every guy is that easy to get?
Maybe for a similar reason for why a girl might be a bit turned off if a guy just approached every single girl back-to-back asking her out on a date, like imagine if you turn a guy down and then he asked the girl out standing next to you. :-D
It's mostly at the extremities that I'm talking about. I don't mean a woman who is open to entertaining dating anyone she clicks with and finds interesting, but I think if we have the highest chances of being compatible and gamble on it by dating each other, then I prefer a woman to be at least a little bit picky about it just as I am.
If she's at least a bit picky, then it tells me that all the signs she's giving me of mutual interest are those specific to interest in me, and not just to guys in general.
Getting along is very different for me from flirting, and playful flirting is very different from me from serious flirting. I don't mind flirts, and I value women who get along with so many people (guys included). Yet there are sometimes genuinely desperate women (I'm pretty sure you aren't one of those) who will hit on half the guys at a social event. Those ones don't give me confidence that they're really interested in me so much as just wanting so desperately to have a man in her life.
A way to think about how I work is that I wasn't so eager to get laid. I was when I was a virgin, but after losing my virginity and satisfying that curiosity about how that felt like, I started quickly shifting gears to favoring a lifelong partner with whom I had a high degree of compatibility. I wanted someone with whom I could get along with for the rest of my life. I'm cheesy that way; I wanted to get married and grow old together. Those fantasies beat my most primitive sexual ones. I did have a libido but if you'll forgive my crudeness, you know, I have a hand. :-D
So the way I thought about dating is not too unlike most women. I became increasingly picky about it, and I liked women who were picky about it. That way, if we clicked, and things seemed so simple and natural with each other with both of us being picky, that signalled to me that there's a good chance we're very compatible.
"Playing" hard to get and "being" hard to get are two dramatically different things.
Being desirable and simultaneously also exclusive is simply an attractive quality.
Telegraphing that you have options and won't rush into the first option that comes along immediately makes people think there must be a lot of things to want about you, and they just have to wonder what those things are and their motivation to find about therm will rise.
Being too eager to express interest is not going to convince an experienced man that he is special, we aren't that naive.
It's just going to make us think you are desperate, and we will have to wonder why that is and most of those assumptions are probably going to be negative.
It's not about the chase, it's about your desirability.
Yeah but the thing is, there could be a woman with a lot of desirable things about her. And let's say she meets a guy who she thinks is very similar to her and fits, who is literally everything on the list she wanted. The guy she hoped and prayed for. She's not going to get that guy even if she has rejected the entire world beforehand simply because she was too sure about him. That, I do not understand.
Also, what do you mean too eager to show interest? What is interest? Because you guys also won't approach the woman who shows absolutely no interest. You approach the ones who seem happy, a little flirty, confident, etc.
"I've noticed that guys appear to try harder.."
He's not trying to Date you. He's trying to Get A Date with you. There's a difference.
Don't misconstrue a guy's determination to have a respectful conversation with you to mean that he's in love with you.
Yes, he might fall in love with you later; but he's not at that point yet. It's way too early.
He's just trying to move the process along.
Don't let your ego deceive you.
I do feel your pain, though; because everything you wrote in your question summary is exactly how I feel about women. Just change the words around.
Of course I'll have a conversation with a guy lol
I don't think I understand your point. Okay, he's trying to get a date with me. He's not in love. However you define his behavior. He's still putting in more effort now than he was before I seemed unsure and I'm still confused as to why.
"Of course I'll have a conversation with a guy lol". Okay; that's good! Lol
"He's still putting in more effort now than he was before I seemed unsure and I'm still confused as to why.".
Can you elaborate? Can you go back to the beginning and try to give a summary of the entire story in a bit more detail?
Men overall don't, on the whole. I'm not sure what might make you believe as much, but most men would rather not deal with a girl playing hard to get, or in plain speech, telling them no.
Those games are dangerous for us and a whole waste of time. Even if you do 'catch' one of these girls, what other game is she gonna play? I don't think the achievement is worth the headache of dealing with such a woman long term.
Now if you're a desperate man, I can understand it looking like he wants to chase, but he'd only be doing it because he'd feel there's no other option. Then there's an even smaller set of men who enjoy this behavior, but you're looking at a minority. Those aren't the kinds you want to understand anyway.
TLDR, those men are either unrefined or bored.
It's a fine line between a little hard to get, and not worth the effort if the hard to get is too high, the fast reciprocal is nice if you are sure. But some guys need a little chase while others are content with an easy relationship connection. You be You and you will find the right one.
I'm trying. I'm still ending up with guys I'm not sure about though. I hate to say this but I do feel like I'm settling. At least in my book.
You might set up a chart for yourself Pros of a guy vs cons. And then put each guy against that chart seeing if there is enough pros and if the cons are things you can tolerate or live with.
To be perfectly honest. I SOMETIMES like girl who plays hard to get. Why? Well, because I like to make an effort to get what I want. Of course, sometimes girls play TOO HARD TO GET, which most often ends up in me just giving up.
Now, I also love when girl does not play hard to get, but just is honest from beginning and I don't need to make much of an effort to get her attention.
From a guy´s point yes it may be way easier to go for a woman that´s easier to get. For the interest in the "hard to get" women mostly is because they seem like the mysterious ones like the special ones that could offering more than one sees on first sight.
Though it sounds like it´s reasonable to go for the "easy to get" woman I feel there is no such. Like every woman is "hard to get" in my experience it´s always kind of a chase.
Women like to play those games. For some reason you women get a charge out of it. I always liken it to a cat sharpening it's claws.
But most women however long they play with a guy usually will give in at some point.
Now that brings us to the guy you got 2 types of guys. Some quit, some compete. The ones that quit move on the ones that compete wait for her to give in. And when she does he's won. Now you can f*** with her head. Call it spoils of war. 🤣
I'm lowkey scared of the guys who start chasing me lol, I don't know what will happen if I get with them. Will they stay? Also the bigger the chase the more disappointment he may feel when he actually gets what he's chasing for? I don't know
They’re not. Statistically, the only outcome which increases in likelihood when having like that is specifically one night stands where you never see the guy again. Even repeated one night stands with the same guy are more likely if you don’t play hard to get.
I think what women notice is more tangential. What I think is what women might get confused about is not that “hard to get” is attractive, but having less experience and lower partner count is more attractive. And as a consequence women who play hard to get will also have fewer partners and less contact with men because of their obnoxious behaviour. Although it’s obnoxious, which is unattractive, it also keeps other men away. So the stars can align for it it all work out.
So what is *most* attractive is inexperienced girls who aren’t playing hard to get.
WE'RE NOT! The guys who say that are either really old school, or are practically women.
Im tired of this back and fourth, game playing shit.
-Hey, you wanna fuck?
-Excuse me?
-C'mon were adults, how long have we known eachother, are you attracted to me?
-Yea, a little
-Cool bring a bottle to my place
Done that's all we want.
It's the woman who make it all complicated. Nobody is hoe shaming you around here unless you're cheeting.
#stopthedrama
No wonder there are books and Phd thesis on this. Why does it have to be that complicated?
Just have a chat, be honest. No hard feelings.
Either is wemen or men that play "hard to get" it is just a waste of time and playing with feellings. Certainly they would regret that at some point in their lives.
As a guy, I'm not attracted to the "hard to get". The "hard to get" ladies are just a waste of my energy, efforts and time. Then again... they always are.
But once they do meet a guy who is their type, then they aren't "hard to get" anymore. Go figure.
Go figure? What does that mean?
The more you like someone the more you're willing to do for them or at least that's how I see it as for the hard to get part I'm not really into hard to get then again I don't run into those kinds very often I think I've only had that happen twice
Its not that guys like this tend to like the challenge of getting a women who was not intrested not because they want her but the challenge of getting her
For girls security it is better not fall for exploitive man. Some men think that girls pussy is their sperm toilet. So, men talk and chase just for night stand. I don't which demon minded person set this standard of having sex before marriage, boyfriend and girlfriend sexual relationship. Sex, sex, sex is not OK, we are not apes at all.
You're old fashioned, is all.
These days girls and guys want everything quick and simple. Hence why Tinder hookups are as popular as eHarmony long term relationships.
People just don't want to work anymore. They want to earn their paycheck doing the shittiest and minimum they can get away with, but expect full service from others.
I'm not, I can't tell the difference between hard to get, and not interested, so to be safe, I assume she's not interested unless she's hitting on me bluntly.
I have zero interest in chasing or guessing what she thinks.
i think naive guys can be I've learned girls that play hot and cold are not that into you and ust playing mind games for the attention. if a girl is genuinely into u she’ll meet u halfway so to speak.
Exactly
I disagree, it's not guys chasing a girl because she plays hard to get, it's usually because she ticks all of the boxes most guys find attractive.
"Hard to get" is slang for she is not attracted to you
As a woman, I can confirm that is true.
She may like change her mind or settle after some time though.
My wife didn’t like me at first and it listed me off because, you know… I’m me! I thought she was very pretty and had an amazing body so I went after her. It worked out. (She said I was arrogant when I first met her).
In my experience only women seem to think like this and guys do the opposite. If she actually plays hard to get it's a red flag and sign of a cheater. If a women is naturally attractive to some men then she only becomes hard to get because they want her whether she wants them or not. "Hard to get" is a barrier we prefer to not have but if she's so desirable she will still be wanted regardless of her attitude
Its moreso that people place a higher value on things that were harder to obtain
Not me I honestly consider that way to much work for no rewards, I definitely not interested in the hard to get kinda girls.
I’m not that way, I lose interest if I need to work that hard to even get a date.
Guys are attracted to hot women
Hot women are in INCREDIBLY high demand
Therefore, by definition they are "hard to get"
Hence guys are attracted to the "hard to get." Not for its own sake but because of something else.
So guys your not interested in are chasing you and alpha guys with options that you are interested in are not interested in you.
Whats the question again?
I am not attracted to "herd to getters". I'm not doing them a favour. It gonna be a mutual relationship wherein both enjoy. Why do I have to "kiss ass" for both?
Because the beautiful are hard to get and men are attracted to beautiful girl. . Ugly girls are easy to get.
males (of all species) are "hunters" we love the Game... We enjoy a challenge... or we don't feel that we have gained anything of value...
Hunter/prey dynamics hun the thrill of a good chase the better the take down the better the exhaustion of the exertion of... Well you get the point
not me, I don't play games, life's too short.
You either want to be with me or you don't.
Please don't waste my time because I might ss the one that really wants me.
Sometimes guys like the idea of dating a girl rather than actually dating a girl.
I think that it is because of the challenge. Just my humble opinion mainly because I like to date younger women
It's part of the hunt effect. It feels more an achievement when you have to put in some effort to reach a goal as opposed to just having it handed to you
No. That shows no interest. I'd would just have moved on.
im not, i hate them, i like easy sluts, u play 1 second of hard to get i give up, ain't got time zzz, jus get naked bang bang
ain't got all day come on
What? It's the opposite. Women want hard to get. Men don't want hard to get. We just don't want sluts. That's not the same thing.
Because "no" means "yes" and "yes" means "I do anal".
I don't play that game. If a girl plays hard to get, I just move on.
I only put effort into virgins. Other girls are by definition easy and therefore im too good to go much out of my way for them.
Just games people play that all they do now I am sure glad I am not young now
I don't attract to them, my favorite type of women is "easy to get" woman
I am extremely turned off when a girl plays hard to get.
Guys who are attracted to stuck up women are strange and weird
They want what they can't have
Im not that way i hate girls who play games
Why are the hard-to-get so attractive, yet aloof?
Same reason as chicks, but less.
Head games. And more head games.
The Challenge perhaps.
All women are hard to get these days
that's a myth
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