If you truly cared about someone would you let them go?

[Anonymous]

We were not on the same page as far as what we wanted. It was just going to be a casual. He doesn’t want commitment bc of his life right now. It hurt having him as a friend and he sees me as a friend. We didn’t have sex bc he said I was too vulnerable and he didn’t want me to catch feelings.

Our convos would turn toxic bc I would go off a lot.. I always mention that we should stop talking. Even tho I reach out a lot..

I told him that I have a soft spot for him and he said he has one for me.
He says he really does care for me even if I don’t see it… I don’t 😭

[DJB72]

I did 25 years ago. I was crazy about her. I'd have crawled naked over broken glass through nettles to be with her but most of all I wanted her to be happy.

I let her go and didn't have any contact with her for almost ten years because I didn't want to get in the way.

When we reconnected I found out he'd turned out to be an abuser and she'd left him while she was pregnant so her child would be safe.

Even now I'm married if I heard he'd hit her again I'd kill him. I love her like a sister now and nobody fucks with my family.

[Asker]

That’s so sweet! Everybody needs someone like that !

Even though he’s not in love with me he does always say that he hopes that I’m happy and that he wants the best for me. He says he cares about me even if I don’t think so.

I love him but it’s time for us to let go.

[DJB72]

It's not easy. I'm glad you think it's sweet.

There's a difference between loving and being "in love". Loving is something far deeper and tends to be more selfless.

[Asker]

Def is!

A lot of guys who were “in love” still couldn’t measure up to what I felt with him.. I felt loved and he never even touched me

[DJB72]

I hope my friend felt that too.

[Asker]

Believe it or not… this all started with a dck pic lol and no serious intentions.

[Asker]

I don’t think he loves me. He doesn’t want to be with me and if I hurt myself I don’t think he would really care.

[DJB72]

I'm lost for words.

Since I've never sent one, I can now sleep better knowing you're not really my dear friend.

On a serious note, whether he'd care or not, don't hurt yourself. That's a path that goes to a very dark place very quickly. And if it isn't him, I guarantee there's someone who would be devastated by it.

[spartan55]

You say you don't think he cares? Why?

[Asker]

Because why leave

[Asker]

Care doesn’t leave

[spartan55]

No, he knows he can't give you what you want and doesn't want to drag you through everything. That's why he didn't have sex with you. I'd say he cares about you quite a bit.

[Asker]

But I was willing. I wanted to

I understood

[spartan55]

You wanted to get hurt?

[Asker]

Ig I couldn’t see it that way.. I said some awful things to him out of anger

[Asker]

It’s been a long journey between us

[spartan55]

You 'going off' on him a lot (about what?) surely didn't help your standing.

[Asker]

Bc I thought maybe he was just trying to say that “I’m really not interested in you” I thought maybe he wasn’t being honest about how he really felt

[spartan55]

Yeah, that probably pissed him off too.

[Asker]

Maybe I don't know

But I cried bc maybe he just didn’t want me in his life. If I meant anything he wouldn’t let me go even if he “cared”

[spartan55]

Acting like that is like bug repellant to us.

[spartan55]

We don't want to be within 1000 miles of crazy.

[spartan55]

For him not to leverage the situation for his own selfish needs shows top shelf character and morals. Especially for that age. I tell you what, at that age I wouldn't have made that choice.

[Asker]

Okay fine. I understand. I told him I would unalive myself bc it just hurt

I told him that I understood and respected it

[spartan55]

Wow, you are drama city... yikes.

[spartan55]

Saying that to him is fucked up on your part... damn

[Asker]

Bc I just didn’t want him to leave me and I felt so hurt

[Asker]

Do you think he loves me or he’s just being a decent guy?

[spartan55]

Don't, perhaps both. He's not moving away, right?

[spartan55]

*don't know

[spartan55]

You don't say something like that to someone to get them to stay.

[spartan55]

If you had shot at being with him, it's gone now.

[Asker]

No but we stopped communication and he doesn’t reach out to me

But I was the one who brought it up.. the reason why I got really upset is bc he said the reason we don’t see eye to eye is bc he sees me as a friend … he said that before but I thought he was only friendzoning me bc he wasn’t ready… we flirt etc.. how can he see me as a friend and we were going to have casual sex…

So it left me hurt and confused. I thought he didn’t mean that..

[spartan55]

Why wouldn't he mean it?

[Asker]

Bc I thought he felt a bit more for me than a friend

[spartan55]

Sounds like he was pretty consistent from what you said.

[spartan55]

What do you mean 'you were going to have casual sex'?
Bottom line you didn't.

[Asker]

Yeah he’s been very consistent throughout. He’s never switched up. I just wish he could see me as more. Maybe he doesn’t feel that I’m good enough to be more.. I thought he would end up wanting me

[Asker]

He was honest with me … brutally honest after I went off on him before.. he said that “I could believe whatever I conjure up” I asked why he even responds and he said “I feel bad for you” he also said he thinks I’m “Lonely, angry and insecure”

[spartan55]

He sounds right on the money. Do you have much relationship experience?

[Asker]

No

Never had a boyfriend. I struggle with low self esteem and other issues. I tell him that he reminds me of my mother and that’s why I keep coming back. Just wanting to not feel rejected

[Asker]

Who am I kidding.. he doesn’t care about me he pities me.

Bc if he did care/love me he would have stayed. He just felt bad

[spartan55]

Is your age correct?

[Asker]

Thnx.

[spartan55]

There are a ton of lessons to be learned here.

[Asker]

Yes it is

[spartan55]

Huh, I am amazed how many (mostly women) are out there that have ZERO relationship experience in your age demo.

[spartan55]

So what did you take away from all this?

[Asker]

So it was more so pity than actual love/ concern?

[Asker]

I learned that maybe I’m not emotionally or mentally ready for a healthy relationship. I should have moved on the first time when he said he didn’t want a relationship

[spartan55]

Your first question, I don't know for sure. Could have been of those or all.
The biggest I noticed in your post was you were seeing something a certain way even though he was telling you otherwise. Stick with reality, not what you think is going on. Make sense?

[Asker]

Yeah, I learned that the hard way. I really thought he would eventually

[spartan55]

Sorry you ended up hurting.

[spartan55]

Last pro tip: NEVER tell a guy that he reminds you of your mother... that will put anything to death.

[Asker]

That was later on. I just meant as far as feeling good enough

[spartan55]

Doesn't matter... free advice.

[Asker]

F you still

[spartan55]

You're a joke... f me for what? Giving you helpful advice?

[Asker]

It wasn’t helpful. Insulting me and saying I needed help is not helpful

[Asker]

You constantly insult me

[spartan55]

Really? Give an example.

[spartan55]

I see you twisted off on someone else who responded to your post. Smh...

[Asker]

He didn’t have sex with me because he said I was vulnerable for the record

[FilmGuy93]

I might, yeah, if I felt that she was too great a drain on my emotional health.

[Naamjoon]

Yes because their choice matters too. we need to think about eachother perspective and make decisions.