Am I wrong to tell my husband his dog is NOT going out trick or treating with us and the kids?

[Anonymous]

My husband has developed the "small dog complex", thinking that since his dog is small she has to do everywhere and do everything with us. She is skiddish, anxious, barks at shadows and pisses herself when frightened. Not to mention she does not like small children and tries "herding" them like sheep. There have been many issues regarding this dog.

So we were looking in to where we could bring the kids tonight to go trick or treating and he immediately stops and was like "omg we forgot to get Lulu a costume". So I said the dog wasn't going out with us trick or treating. I'm not going to jeopardize her biting a child because she is scared of their costumes. I'm also not going to chase around a dog when I'm already going to be concerned about keeping a watchful eye on my children. He got instantly offended and said there was no reason why his dog can't join and "have fun" and used the excuse of "well I'm sure she could use the excercise as well". I stood firm and said his dog is not going and if he tries to bring her, I will gladly take the kids by myself and he can stay home and hang out with his dog.

Needless to say he is pissed at me and saying I'm deliberately trying to create a wall between the dog and us (because I never wanted her) and that I'm being "unnecessarily mean for no reason" and that his dog is going to be sitting at home "wondering what she did wrong". Am I wrong here? At this point I'm literally just going to pack the kids up and go without him because he is sulking around the house and pouting and I know he is doing it to guilt trip me in to changing my mind.

[BarryLiverstone]

Let him know he has kids, and lulu isn’t his kid. You are not wrong. If he wants to be with lulu, then take your kids and go have fun

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m sure him and lulu will have a nice evening at home lol

[Asker]

Lol yeah except the only time he wants to hang out with the dog is when I'm there because then I'm the one chasing her around and doing all the heavy lifting while he gets to be the fun one. So frustrated. So realistically what will probably happen is he will either 1. Go with us and sulk the entire time because I wasn't willing to accommodate to a bite happy dog or 2. He will stay home and watch YouTube and not hang out with the dog at all, even though he is so concerned about her right now.

[BarryLiverstone]

Lol well that’s very unfair for you. You should go out tonight and enjoy trick or treating and take cute pics of this night with dressed up and candy loving kids. Relax and live in the moment.. not be a dog wrangler. He’s not stepping up and he really should. Sounds like the dog is just a symptom of him not taking action right?

[Asker]

Sometimes it feels that way, for sure. He wanted the dog so bad but I'm in charge of all the training and discipline where as he just throws around a stick once in awhile and gets cuddles from the dog. Super frustrating on my part too because Lulu definitely likes my husband more than anyone in the house and will whine the second he leaves the room. So all my heavy lifting and training seems really burdening to me because the dog doesn't even like anyone but him.

[BarryLiverstone]

I predict lulu will go away eventually.. and then all this effort and training you invested in will be wasted. When you asked him to do more of what you do for lulu what did he say?

[Asker]

"I work all the time while you're home all day". That is his go to line for pretty much everything. BUT I will say that it's not brought up in conversation enough for him to say this as frequently as it may seem. We hardly ever argue and we genuinely have a fantastic relationship outside of this dog lol

[BarryLiverstone]

Yep which is why I predicted that lulu will be somewhere else in 2023 lol

[Asker]

God, I hope so lmao

[BarryLiverstone]

And to be clear he isn’t going to relocate lulu.. you will have to

[Asker]

Oh more than likely, unfortunately. I hate being the bad guy.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks for MHO. So what ended up happening?

[Asker]

He left the dog home and we actually had a very good night! When we got home afterwards however he was doing that baby talk type shit with the dog apologizing for leaving her home and making her lonely. Lmao

[BarryLiverstone]

Glad he chose his family over his dog. So it was a lot of drama that led to nothing

[DailyAsk]

You’re right.

[Levin]

Fuck me, I'm glad I'm single, man.

Like where is the mature communication in this relationship?

[Asker]

I mean, what more do I need to communicate here? I've told him we can't bring this dog out in public with a bunch of children running around in costumes. She has already tried biting kids who are not in costume. There is no compromise to be made here. I did communicate and now he is sulking.

[Levin]

Yes, he sounds annoying tbh. I hope he's not always that annoying.

[Asker]

Eh.. it's kind of 80/20. Some days he is fantastic and other days he kind of acts like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Those days are rare though but when it comes to Lulu he definitely acts a lot differently than we are used to.