When a guy flirts with a woman : How to tell if he’s genuinely interested, just a flirt or friendly?

[Lalarousse]

There is a man (39-40 y. o) who started flirting with me for about 2 weeks every time he sees me.
He also work for a company that’s a business partner of my employer.

He started complimenting my perfume by saying « you always smell good. Every time I go to a room and smell this perfume, I know you’re around » .

He said that 3 times already. And everytime he flirts or just say hi, he gazes at me for several seconds … smiles at the time. He also winks at me when he sees me. He’s very sweet and acts always as a gentleman. And whenever he can , he has small conversations with me like : « hey ! Are you getting ready for a long day of work? »

But a few things happened that made me question the guy …

First… I feel like he’s overly confident and relaxed when he flirts or talks to me while I’m so freaking nervous ! And he’s so confident that he doesn’t mind complimenting me in front of his colleagues.

Also, today, I decided to initiate a conversation with him ( for the first time !!) . And I decided to tell him that I felt bad that I left suddenly while he was talking to me ( short story : a few days ago, he was complimenting me and I was so flustered that I just thanked him and stormed off ). He said : « how come you feel sorry? No don’t worry about it ! it’s all fine ! » and he tap my arm.

And that’s it… I was expecting him to continue the conversation … but nothing after that.

So… I’m just confused … maybe he’s just REALLY friendly? Maybe he’s just a serial flirt? Or is he really interested?

[quaranta]

I noticed women on this website tend to assume men have a much bigger plan behind what they do, but many men, especially confident/extroverted ones, are just really doing what they feel like in that moment, without any drawing behind and without thinking too much about what the girl could get from those signals. So I think you should take it for what it is at the moment: a superficial flirt for the sake of it. Maybe he enjoys "patronizing" you a bit because he sees you are shy and he likes making you a bit embarassed.
But, there are no tools to think about any relationship intention, he is clearly not going in that direction (yet?). He compliments you a lot (which is a physical thing), flirts without actual content, has small talks and keeps some formality. So if (if!) there is any actual bigger intention behind this, it could be only physical at the moment.
I say he isn't considering a relationship because he isn't trying to know you better and to have deep conversations or to talk about topics to see how compatible you are, in what stage of life you are, what are your pros and cons, he isn't trying to develop mutual trust, etc. These would be signals he might be checking you out for a serious thing, but so far it looks like he is just casually playing the role of the confident man who flirts with any lady.
However, if you have relationship intentions, given he vaguely likes you, you might have the chance to take a step in that direction, trying to know each other to a deeper level, and he might be induced to try that step you propose. It doesn't mean automatically he would reciprocate the intention behind but at least he might start having these kinds of thoughts through a more confidential context.
Beware of very extroverted people anyway: they give a lot of positive inputs around (many of them without really noticing) but they are possibly very guarded about feelings and you might face a wall after a while, where, past that, he is suddenly unavailable and the game finishes. A charming person risks to get eaten by the emotional needs of all the ones who might get attached to them. So they develop this wall as a defense. Meaning, if he ghosts you after you try making things more personal, be prepared for that. Don't create too big fantasies that go too far from the reality of the inputs he is giving.

[Lalarousse]

You’re right!

It’s just my situation is a bit more complexed since we work in the same environnement and he’s older. So maybe he’s just testing the water , see if I vibe with him… before having a deeper conversation with me.
Nevertheless, He would have small conversation like “ hey ! Are you ready to work hard today?”
And his compliments are very subtle… he compliments about my perfume instead of my looks… and says sometimes that I’m a very nice lady when I help him out.

But again, he might also be just a player, or he likes the attention he’s having, or he likes the reaction that I’m giving him and it’s all a game for him. and it’s true, he didn’t really ask any personal information yet. I don’t know he’s reason for that yet… I mean, I don’t see him often. And when I do, it’s for short moment, and he’s around people ( co workers ) . Not sure also if the work environment, or the fact also that im younger than him affects his jugement.

But honestly, I think it’s best that I just move on. I rather not take any risks.

Thank you !

[WhitneySnow]

He’s a good flirt but that doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t really like you

[Anonymous]

Lala,

True connections can be deciphered by watching his body language in conjunction with his eyes. You have to ask yourself one question first, is he a player? If yes, then he may be very good at flirting and pulling ladies into his charming ways. If he is not known as a player or ladies man, watch his eyes as he approaches you. If they lock on your eyes as he approaches, he is genuinely interested in you, however if his has a hard time keeping eye contact or his eyes scan your "assets", sorry to say he may be more in a lust mood versus a connection mood. Try it... let me know how it works out.

KIK

[Lalarousse]

I noticed he’s a genuinely nice person. He’s very outgoing with everybody.

I noticed when he talks to women, he’s still very nice and polite, but he doesn’t compliment them.
Also he would greet people in a very normal way like : hey ! What’s up? But with me he would say : “heyyy “ with a flirty eyes.

Finally, he always lock eyes with me when we’re talking. I haven’t noticed him looking at my body. But again, like you said , he might be a good player.

[Opinion Owner]

Eyes can't lie Lala...

[Lalarousse]

Hi !
I think I’d rather have the opinion of a man than a woman when it comes to those things. Thanks a lot for taking the time to answer me.

But I have a question … how can I know he’s a player? I guess I’d have to check how he’s behaving next to other women at work?

Also… I noticed he locks his eyes on mine for several seconds when he talks to me or compliments me…but i noticed once that his eyes were not dilated… is this a big deal?

Thanks !!

[Anonymous]

Most guys just want sex. They are not after anything meaningful.

[Katebfun]

Well said 👏

[Guy13]

It takes time to find out.

[Anonymous]

Yes!