Why would a guy who once would not leave you alone suddenly go radio silent?

[Anonymous]

We are coworkers, he was showing interest and by the time I felt the same way he had entered into a fully committed relationship with someone that he had recently met rather quickly (they met online and moved in together after only knowing each other for one month). The fun bit is he never told me about the new girlfriend and continued along with me as if she didn't exist, when I eventually found out and how serious their relationship was I was obviously horrified and cut off all contact to the best of my ability.

He proceeded create/force meaningless interactions and conversations with me for the next 5 months until the new year where this behavior increased in frequency until March. As of to date he has not breathed a single word to me for 1.5 months, no visits to my desk, no pretending to 'need' things or people near or around my space, nothing.

There were no outbursts or confrontations in this time it appears that his actions were on a incline and then took a heavy nose dive. Don't get me wrong I am thrilled he's finally leaving me alone but what happened? I feel the need to ask the male perspective as this had gone on for 7 months straight, whenever I feel like a can finally move on with my life a part of me wonders am I really free of him can I finally relax or is this calm before the storm? Is he finally focusing on the relationship is actually in or don't hold your breath?

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, the problem here, is that "the male perspective" isn't what you need.

This is not "typical male behavior." This is not what guys generally DO.

So it's not a situation where a guys perspective is going to be any more enlightened than your own.

You need to talk to a weirdo-stalker to get any perspective from someone who might understand this guy.

I have no freaking clue what would cause this drop-off. Although I equally have no clue what would lead a guy to do ANY of this.

Usually... when the guy got a serious girlfriend... he would let that become known to you... right away, and stop flirting with you.

If he was an asshole... then maybe he doesn't tell you or stop flirting with you. But then would understand why you were horrified, and leave you alone. Maybe he might make the odd overture in hopes of becoming "work friendly" with you again (just trying to repair things so you no longer hate him for having been an asshole).

But... what you're describing is a fucked-up guy, douing fucked-up things, according to some fucked-up logic.

I hope you're finally free of this asshat. I would say that a month and a half free of him is a good sign. I would think that a length of time like that, suggests that SOMETHING has changed in his mind when it comes to his "logic" about how to interact (or not) with you. I would say... it makes sense to be hopeful that he's finished bothering you forever. But... who the hell knows. He's fucked. That could change for god-know-what-reason. I think a month and a half though... that's a promising sign for sure.

Good luck. But be careful how much weight you give to anyone's answer here. I don't think most people are going to be able to get inside the head of a guy who would do this. 🙂