My friend with benefits says he loves me. How do I know he's telling the truth?

[Anonymous]

We have been seeing each other, on and off, for almost six years. Last November I told him we can't see each other anymore. Last week he texted me. First he apologized for intruding. Then, he told me he missed and thought about me a lot.

He also said he loves me and that the fact that he loves me means he can't ever forget me.

This wasn't the first time he said he loves me. He said many times over the years.

How do I know he's telling the truth?

[abc3643]

Because he is.

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Congratulations!

Your question is today's Question of the Day illustrating that Friends With Benefits is an illusion because eventually one of them will get emotionally involved as if in a couple.

It's not a question of "if" it's going to happen, but "when".

If it is any consolation, in December 1988 just before I turned 26, I was involved in this intense 2.5-week F W B situation with my roommate. I was very emotionally involved, but, for her, I was just a convenient lay between more serious BFs.

So, was I a stupid fool? Yes and no. I knew better, but I wanted what I got into and paid the price. I learned through The School of Hard Knocks just like you are...

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OK, the above was my standard answer for these questions which pretty much occur every day. I stopped replying to them, but decided to intervene on this one because we have a teachable moment...

In short, a man will fall in love with the woman he is steadily having sex with.
Sex may be a fun act to get your rocks off, but it's also a moment of vulnerability.
A men do not like to be vulnerable and that actually creates stress in us. So, having sex to have sex is one thing, but, when you sex with the same woman for a while, that creates "a sense of home" with her and his bond to her becomes stronger and stronger. Ultimately, his life revolves around his time with her and his other instincts regarding her begin to kick in - constantly thinking of her, wanting to be near her, protecting and caring for her, etc. And because he is like this every day, it redefines who he is - he defines himself as your mate. Not being with you is like getting fired from a job and his mind begins to melt in a frantic panic as he desperately wants his job back. Upon failure, he will have profound despair aka a broken heart.

So, congrats! It sounds like you have a man who loves you and has entered the panicked stage.

[Asker]

Thank you. When I broke up with him, he asked me how he had failed me. I never thought about it this way.

[BoobSlayer]

Boobslayer would ask this one simple question: "Do you love me with all your heart, melons, boobies, tits, milkers, chesticles, honkers, bazoombas, coconuts, fiery biscuits, cantaloupes, boom booms, and jugs?

[boggboss]

Lol so he has claimed to love u multiple times but have u ever been anything more then friends with benefits

[Asker]

I mean honestly I don't know what we are as far as the labels. He said we are lovers lol
We have gone on trips together, talk all the time when we are seeing each other, obviously have sex, know everything about each other's family. The one thing we never did was promise to be exclusive and say we were a couple.

[boggboss]

So why not ask him what he actually wants

[WanderingLoveWizard]

You know he's telling the truth because it's been 6 years!
Most FWBs end after a few months lol

[Juxtapose]

You two are pretty much already a couple since are any of you even fucking other people?

[Asker]

Not at the moment. He said he will step aside when I meet someone else. WTF?

[Juxtapose]

You should have a sit down with him and figure out what the hell he really wants. He might have self-confidence issues.

[Juxtapose]

If a man is really into you, deep down he's going to want you to choose him over anyone else.

[peterrezeeek]

ig u don't love him so take it as an advice try to love him or leave him immediately dont waste his/ur time

[LiamJHayden]

You will know if he makes you a priority even if you don't give him sex.

[In_Trance]

If you don't wanna see him anymore, what does it matter?

[Alex8736]

gotta set boundaries... if the situation isn't broke, dont fix it

[spartan55]

He wants pussy, no big secret there.

[KrakenAttackin]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[KrakenAttackin]

No quality man would ever love a fuck buddy.