What does the affair mean to him?

[Anonymous]

So I’ll just come straight out with it, I’m currently in the mist of an 8 year affair, it only turned sexual this year. We are both in happy marriages with people we love. I’ve just got to a point where I feel confused of our motives. I know why I do what I do, and it’s becus I love him. I love both men, and I can’t pick between them. I’m at a point where I think if no one is getting hurt, and I’m fullfilling my happiness what’s the problem. I know other will object, and say I’m a terrible person but you only get one life, and shit happens. I’ve just lost sense of him, and his motives. I don’t think he loves me, he cares about me, and we have been friends longer than we’ve been married. The sex is good between us but him and his wife have better, she’s more adventurous than me, they use toys etc and I’m more vanilla. He loves her unconditionally and would never put me or anyone before her. I’m just confused becus if it isn’t for love, and isn’t for sex then what’s it all for? I’ve cut him off time and time again and yet it’s him that comes back.

[spartan55]

"you only get one life" what a fucking joke. YOLO right?
Here's an idea: if you want to be a morally bankrupt Jezebel, then STAY SINGLE.
You don't love anyone but yourself. And since when did being a side chick require a typical relationship. The way you worded it suggests this is what YOU THINK his feelings are about the situation. Not what they actually are. Guys HATE when women do that. You don't know what we think and feel PERIOD. You could actually ask us about it and have a discussion. But, it's easier to play fantasyland in your minds.

[Asker]

Your comment doesn’t make much sense. But yes, I have to guess his feelings becus unfortunately I can’t know for sure how others feel, everyone guesses, no one knows exactly how someone else feels.

[spartan55]

So, if you want to be a cheater then don't get married doesn't make sense?

[Asker]

I didn’t want to be. This is a friendship that’s took years to progress, literally. I never went out my way to make anything happen; I would never ever even talk to another man. But I genuinely have love and commitment to both men, and if both are happy the way things are, and me too what’s the harm.

[spartan55]

Think his wife would find it harmless? Like I said, you're a joke.

[Asker]

No I don’t think she would find it harmless, she would be heart broken, the same as my husband. I guess I trust him enough to know he’ll keep it between us. We aren’t doing what we’re doing to hurt anyone, and never would have went into it if we didn’t trust the other to keep it secret. I know it sounds silly when you aren’t in it, but we really aren’t planning on hurting anyone.

[jahaims]

Not possible to be in love with more than one person. You are just broken trying fill holes

[Asker]

I didn’t think so before either

[Jazzy54]

There’s a lot about this situation that I don’t understand, but I’ll say this. He’s using you. Plain and simple. He sees you as disposable. Please go back to your husband. You claim to love him so prove it by working on your marriage.

[Asker]

Yeh that’s funny cuz that’s the exact word I used to describe how I felt to him.

[Spongebobssocks]

Do your husband a favor and divorce him so he can find a woman with human value:)

[Spongebobssocks]

Thank you for MHO. Hope you go through with my tip

[BigDog1989]

I'm guessing you're also "christian" too?

[Asker]

Yea how did you guess

[BigDog1989]

Go figure

[Spongebobssocks]

@bigdog1989 💀 this sin ain't gonna save her from the heat lol...

[BigDog1989]

@Spongebobssocks Ya