How do you move forward after someone manipulating and objectifying you and causing you to isolate yourself?

[KatiaK_1996]

I’m not sure if this is abusive but I recently was talking to a guy who’s much older than me (20 years) and we didn’t really date but most of the texting was extremely sexual and objectifying. All he wanted to talk about was sexual things. At one point I called him out about it and he told me “sorry you got that impression. I was just following your lead.” And so I cut things off. But then a month later I actually thought maybe I was overthinking this and reached out, we talked again and I told him I don’t wanna talk about anything sexual and he still found a way to break my boundaries and talk about it. I am so diminished and isolated at this point because of all the objectifying and comments that I started feeling so awful and wanted to hide when I went out places and started worrying that I needed plastic surgery. We got together one night (again, I felt so low) and we didn’t have sex but we cuddled and he started touching my underwear and leggings after I moved his hands repeatedly. Honestly was so embarrassed just because I was on my period. I think he was drunk or something cuz breath smelled like alcohol. He also wouldn’t kiss me at all. Overall it was boring and awkward. We kept in touch a little bit after that and by the way his communication was always inconsistent and he’d only text me super late at night. He also lives in my apartment building so it’s extra awkward now. Anyway I cut him off the last time ever and said how it’s be my last time ever cutting him off and that I deserve better than how he talks to me and how he’s inconsistent so he can be in control, and closed off the text telling him to “kindly step off” and he replied talking about how amazing I am and how he’d at least like to be friends and be a source of comfort, especially since I told him I’m battling depression. After some back and forth I straight up told him I’m blocking him and I’m done.
Im hurting and feel like I have no one else to talk to. I feel so alone.

[Anonymous]

Let go of the self Pitty. He’s a coward for being content in treating women that way.
Why would you even consider, yet allow yourself to let him take your light. He’s shi*t on dirty shoes thrown in the trash that raccoons and maggots wouldn’t even touch him.
You dodged a bullet, count your blessings and learn moving forward.

[KatiaK_1996]

Thank you 🥰 I needed to hear this too.
Yeah I’m beginning to think he just hates women and only thinks of them as objects.
Lmao he had the audacity to ask me if I have Snapchat 😂 to send him pics

[Opinion Owner]

He’s a pile of scum

[KatiaK_1996]

Girl he lives in my apt building. I don't know how to avoid him. Just look away?

[Opinion Owner]

Have a fantastic bubbly happy delightful voice phone conversation anytime you pass through.

[Analorr]

Same I’m a lonely birdy in the world. It sucks.

He probs just wants to be in your vagina that’s it. :s

[KatiaK_1996]

I think so too. And I think my last texts to him were pointing out his behavior and I think he just weighed the risks and thought it wasn’t worth pursuing if he wasn’t gonna get sex. Besides when we were in his apt he literally did like nothing.

[Sunnybeach123]

I'm sorry. That sucks. But that guy's a lowlife and it's not your fault. You did the right thing by cutting him off. But don't feel bad, it wasn't anything wrong that you did, he was just an asshole.

[KatiaK_1996]

Well now I feel insane because I’m so set off by this and kept this to myself all these months and today I couldn’t stop crying. I texted him a ton and got no reply. I gave up, but I can’t tell if I’m blocked. I’m just still hurt from all of this.

[Sunnybeach123]

You did the right thing by cutting him off first. A lot of guys are shallow and are only interested in sex and not a deeper relationship than that. I can imagine how much it hurts but you deserve someone better.

[KatiaK_1996]

Thank you so much 🫶🫶 I have for real felt so incredibly depressed. I finally opened up to my friend this evening and she was the first person I have told this to.

[KatiaK_1996]

Also he sent me dick pics unsolicitedly and a picture of himself in the photos as well! He’s lucky I’m a nice person who didn’t show anyone.

[Sunnybeach123]

Ugh I'm sorry, that really sucks and is really intrusive and totally crosses boundaries. What a lowlife. Just don't feel so bad, because you didn't lose anything. Who wants an asshole like him? You deserve so much better than this.

[KatiaK_1996]

Honestly the only reason I keep liking him is because he had a really nice dick and because his profession is attractive to me.

[Sunnybeach123]

I get that. Good bodies are definitely a plus! But for a close relationship it's nice to have a deeper connection than just physical attraction (at least in my opinion... or there won't be true love).

[KatiaK_1996]

I understand. But unfortunately I have truly gotten to a point where I don’t believe true love is in the books for me during my lifetime.

[Sunnybeach123]

You seem like a good person who wants and I think there are those who will see that and would like to get to know you and share a real/deep connection. Don't give up hope.

[KatiaK_1996]

I’m so embarrassed. Now he’s playing with my emotions and ignoring me. All my texts are going through. He lives near me so I see him sometimes and now I’m uncomfortable.

[Sunnybeach123]

I know how you feel, it hurts to be turned away. I've been there (a girl who knew I liked her but ignored me when I confessed my feelings for her, and I saw her often). I was really uncomfortable when I saw her since I knew that she knew that I liked her. I found the best thing to help me move past that was to try and notice another girl and force myself emotions in that direction. But yeah it wasn't easy.

[KatiaK_1996]

I can’t help but feel like I’m not good enough. Also he might be disengaging becuase I laid down the law and spoke back about his behavior and he probably just didn’t see it as worth it to try to sleep with me

[Sunnybeach123]

You are good enough. You stood up for yourself. That's something to admire in a girl. It shows confidence, which is attractive. A guy who doesn't like that isn't worth it.

[KatiaK_1996]

I low key want to prank him. Maybe I can order 100 tacos or something from Taco Bell from Uber eats delivered and sitting in front of his door or something

[Sunnybeach123]

Haha that's awesome. Imagine his expression when he opens the door 🤣

[KatiaK_1996]

Imagine him stepping in it on accident. Lol. For real though I don't know how to act when I see him.

[Sunnybeach123]

Lol. Same for me with girls I like. I try to think of the "right" things to say but I have a hard time finding the words, lol

[KatiaK_1996]

I genuinely think he might have just been intimidated by me and it was a way to neg me into sleeping with him by being inconsistent and objectifying me so much. I’m 20 years younger than him and we’re like in the same place in life for the most part.

[Sunnybeach123]

Right, he may have been intimidated by your show of confidence by standing up for how you feel. And some older guys are intimidated by younger women (like some guys are even worried that they won't perform well enough for a young woman) but no matter what it's not at all cool to do what he did to you. Winning a girl's heart by understanding her and caring about her feelings is the best way. He should have proved that he really cared about you by respecting your feelings.

[KatiaK_1996]

Thank you I totally agree. I think I came to the realization too late about what was going on. I think he was too lazy to rise to the occasion and step up and actually take me out or treat me well and he knows other guys do that for me so it was his way of keeping control, by minimizing me.

[Sunnybeach123]

I agree. A lot of guys are lazy, especially if they are not committed to a serious relationship with a woman and do not really love her and are not interested in taking the time to get to know her better. Like for example, a guy should ask a girl out to dinner or something (like at a nice restaurant) and pick up the bill, of course. Guys who like a girl will love to treat her.

[KatiaK_1996]

I don’t think I’ll ever get to experience a relationship. I am trying to get more comfortable on my own.

[Sunnybeach123]

I've gotten too comfortable with it (like I have no problem with just getting physical pleasure from masturbating... I sometimes feel it's as good as the real thing) but loneliness sucks. To be alone is to be in pain. I think in the end I need a partner emotionally.

[Sunnybeach123]

Thanks for the MHO.

[strateguy632]

you should've dumped this jerk sooner stay away. just keep busy finding the next partner

[KatiaK_1996]

I am so distraught. And we didn’t even date! What a weirdo.

[Anonymous]

You will never be able to move forward while you are texting.

[KatiaK_1996]

Yeah I’m learning that. I’ll keep my distance then.