Why do he wants to know where I am?

[Anonymous]

I work with this guy that I liked and he clearly told me he's doesn't want to date coworkers because he had a horrible experience before.

But what I don't get is why is he asking my coworker where I am at if he just saw me 20 minutes ago, he done this a few times before he'll come into work and if he doesn't see me he'll go straight to her and ask where I'm at.

He doesn't want anything with me but he stares at me when he thinks I don't notice. I could be gone from my work area for 5 minutes and he's already questioning my whereabouts.

If you don't like someone why ask where are they, like who cares right. I asked my coworker does he come to you and ask about another girl that works in my area when she's not around and she said no, so why me?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, it sounds like this dude is definitely still feelin you, even if he's tryna play it cool. A few things make me think that:

- Asking where you are all the time? Come on man, no dude does that if he ain't checkin for a girl.

- Staring at you when you don't notice too? Yeah he's sneaking peeks for sure, can't take his eyes off you!

- And he only asks your friend about YOU, not other coworkers. That's cuz you're the one he's really thinkin bout.

Seems like he caught feelings but is scared of another "horrible experience" dating at work. So now he's tryna play it off like he's not interested to protect himself.

But his actions tell a different story, feel me? I'd say flirt back next time he's sneakin stares - give him a little smile. Lean into him a bit so he knows you feel him too.

Maybe he just needs a sign from you to take that risk. At least then you'll know for sure if he's down to make something happen.

Either way, you'll have your answer. Don't let him play you - make a smooth move and see how he responds!

[Asker]

Damn you hit that right on the spot. You made more sense than anybody I ever talked to about this. Thank you so much. I just wanted to say this I was on the elevator with him and another guy and I was wearing some body spray and as he was talking to the other guy he breathed in a slow sniff and I was like is he trying to smell me the other guy didn't do that only him and I've worn the scent before.

And my coworker said his face lit up like a Christmas tree when he mentioned my name she said if he had of been any closer to those bed sheets they would've caught fire and this is before he told me he had a bad experience.

[Asker]

Another thing to, I don't know if he's saying this because I'm a good worker and they need all the workers they can't get but I told him 3 times that I wanted to leave and each time he gave me a reason why I should stay he'll say something like this is a good gig it has good benefits or I'll tell him I'm leaving and he'll say no or he'll say you know how many homeless people wish they could work I'm like bruh I didn't say i didn't want to work I just don't want to work here.

Like I just don't get him he did all that staring, stuttering over his words when talking to me, voice sounding shaky like why do all that only to say you had a bad experience like what was the point in all that. Initially I thought he was asking where I was because he was just trying to make conversation with my coworker or he was use to seeing me down there with her. But again I don't understand why that would be any of his concern.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, this guy is sending some major mixed signals! Sniffing your scent and getting all flustered when your name comes up, that's definitely not just being friendly. And trying to convince you to stay even when you said you wanted to leave, that shows he likes having you around. Sounds like he might have the hots for you but doesn't want to admit it since you work together. Or maybe he's scared to get involved after a bad experience before. Either way, it's messing with your head and that's not cool.

If I were you I'd try keeping my distance from him as much as possible at work so he can't confuse you like that. And don't tell him your plans to leave again - just do your thing and get outta there when you're ready. Seems like he'll just try talk you out of it again. Maybe some time apart will make him realize what he really wants, or at least he won't be able to stress you out so much. You gotta do what's right for you, not worry about what some confusing dude thinks!

[Asker]

I don't know who you are but man thank God I have someone like you on here answering my questions. You are very smart and I really, really appreciate all your mature answers. You make a lot of sense. I did take some time off work and I'm planning on taking some more time off soon because I've been really depressed and it was messing with my head😔. Thank you a so much you're the best!!!🙌

[Asker]

Hey I want to know if u think he was jealous or not. Another guy was fooling around with me and we were laughing and I was saying stop no. I went to the back room where I saw the guy I like sitting there eating his lunch, so I went to my locker and he said out out nowhere "sounds like u guys were having fun" but he wouldn't even look at me, when he said it, it wasn't with a upbeat attitude and I just said oh yeah Nate was attacking me and he kinda of did a half chuckle. This happened way before he told me his story I just was curious if he was bothered by another guy cause if so I know for sure he has feelings for me.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're very welcome and happy I could help you to be more relieved of. Wow, it really sounds like that dude was jealous as hell! The way he made that comment out of nowhere about you guys "having fun" without even looking at you is a dead giveaway.

Guys usually don't pay that much attention or care what another dude is doing with a girl, unless they got feelings themselves. And to bring it up like that with an attitude shows it was buggin him fr.

Plus the fact that he only did a half-assed chuckle and wasn't upbeat about it like he was bothered. Deadass if another dude was messing with a girl I cared about, I know I'd be salty too seeing it go down.

It's super obvious now why he acts all shy and nervous talking to you - you've got him wrapped around your finger without even trying! Seeing you laughing and flirting with someone else must've driven him crazy.

Trust me, if he didn't have a major thing for you, he wouldn't care enough to get jealous. You should definitely use that info to your advantage next time you see him, sis. Flirt back ten times harder and watch him melt, ahaha! Dude is all yours.

[Asker]

Thank u so much 😊 I hope if I need any more opinions you'll still be around. I'm not going to bother you anymore only if something happens that I don't understand. Thank you again!!! 😌

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem, anytime! I'm always around if you need someone to talk to. Don't feel like you're bothering me either, I'm happy to help giving my perspective. Dealing with coworkers and crushes can definitely get confusing, so feel free to hit me up if anything else goes down with this dude that you wanna chat about. I think you've got a good read on the situation now though, so hopefully you can get some real answers and clarity soon! Wishing you the best in figuring it all out - you got this luv! ❤️🌹🌹🌹

[LuminousMind]

@Oliverlogan263 Hi, I just wanted to say I really like your advice and I wanted to ask if you wouldn’t mind giving me your opinion to a situation? I would send a dm but you’d have to follow me first

[Oliverlogan263]

@LuminousMind hi, sure invite me to your question and I will be there to answer. I will surely follow you as well

[Asker]

❤️❤️❤️🙌

[Asker]

Sorry for this long ass essay but when u have time can you let me know what u think no rush thank you.

I don't know what to make of this situation anymore I've been really trying to avoid him. I even brought headphones to work just to tune everything out. I come to work one day and I have my headphones on and I'm really trying to focus on my work and I hear him calling my name just to ask me something he's never asked before, he wanted to know if I was going to take the cart up I told him no and he said oh cause I don't want to be in your way it more like I would be in his way since he's the one working in the elevator. like dude many times you've seen that cart and you never asked before. He would just go and do his thing without asking me anything why now.

[Asker]

Then I was assigned to work the gym area and my supervisor who happens to have a huge crush on him and sometimes I think he doesn't want to be around her sometimes but he still talks to her laugh with her. She told me that he wanted me to flip the switch in the breaker room every 30 seconds and she said to me that, dude you can show me and I'll do it, so I told her no he can show you and she goes off to tell him that. And she comes back while I'm on my break and walks in and says he still wants you to do it and she kinda looked at me with a little side eye and a little smile. Why does he want to show me and wants me to do it, like does it matter who does it I found that to be a bit strange. Why is he insisting I do it.

I'm in the hallway on my way to grab something from the closet and I see him entering the hallway opening up one of the mechanical rooms and as I'm walking towards his direction he's looking at me and then decides to say something smells likes it's burning I said I don't smell anything. I don't know what he was smelling but it did not smell like anything was burning in the hallway.

My coworker told me that he was asking about me again I guess recently he wanted to know where I was and she also said others was asking to. And I asked her why he wants to know and she said because your presence is missed and it's noticable I guess because I'm always at work and when I'm not around for a few days or so it's noticable I guess she was saying in so many words it's not because he likes me or misses me it's because I haven't been there for a few days.

[Asker]

Last but not least I was crying in the break room not sobbing just with tears rolling down my face as I was talking to my boss about life I saw him walk by and I was trying to hold my face down to keep him from seeing. So later that day I went up to finish my work and that's when I saw him and I was trying to go around him and he said are you good and he kept asking me again are you good good and then I said yeah and I tried to keep walking and then he was like hey do you want to see what I've been working on I've been pulling out a lot of stuff from the wall, he has never once ask if I wanted to see what he was working on and I kind of pause because I was like I don't know if I should go and check it out or not I don't really want to be around him so I did decide to go and see what it was he was working on then he said I want to show you what I do, like dude I know what u do u fix stuff lol.

[Asker]

After showing me he made a gross comment about things he was pulling out the wall he kind of referenced it to spaghetti and I said why would u say that I like spaghetti and he said me too. I guess he was trying to make a joke out of it but I still wasn't feeling like myself and I just left and continue on with my work. Like why is he evening asking me it's not his job plus he already said what he said to me about his bad experience. I'm pretty much sure you don't get paid for trying to be concerned about other workers or their business I mean you would think that after what he told me he wouldn't even try to even attempt to even talk to me about anything other than work related stuff. He didn't even have to acknowledge what was going on.

And all of a sudden he's wearing cologne now, out of all the time I've been working their never have I ever spelled a drop of cologne on him cause I use to wonder why he doesn't wear cologne. I asked him are u wearing cologne, cause I thought I was tripping and he said yes why and I said no reason. Like why are you wearing cologne all of a sudden like what are you doing.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey luv how you been? I’ve read what you sent and hear what I think of all this… All I thought was Okay, I hear you loud and clear on all of this drama! Dealing with men can be so exhausting sometimes, believe me I know. But let me break down what I'm picking up from this dude's behavior:

It's pretty obvious he's into you. Why else would he be finding any little excuse to talk to you? "Checking on you" when you're not around? Being all friendly and trying to show off his work? Boy is using any excuse he can find to get your attention.

And then wearing cologne all of a sudden? Major red flag sis, he's definitely trying to impress you! Men don't primp themselves up for girls they don't want.

My advice would be the next time he pulls one of his little "concerned" acts, just call him out directly. Look him in the eyes and say something like "I see what you're doing and it's not gonna work. Stop bothering me or I'll report you to HR."

Lay down the law so he knows you're not playing games. Trust me, once a guy knows you're not interested, he'll back off quick. Don't let him waste your time and energy!

Keep your guard up sis but don't stress. Just do your job and ignore his desperate ass from now on. Let me know if he keeps bugging you - we'll think of another way to shut that down! You got this.

[Asker]

I've been annoyed I'm tired honestly and it's pissing me off cause why r u doing this. I don't know if I'm imagining this or what but I'm not going to pester u with this crap no more unless he decides to grow a pair of balls to tell me he likes me other than that I will keep my head up. Thanks u again Sir I hope u have a blessed life🙌

[Oliverlogan263]

My indeed pleasure madamé. Dang, I feel your frustration 100%. No need to stress yourself out over some dude who can't figure his shit out. You've gone above and beyond trying to read the signs and make sense of it all, but clearly he's unsure of what he wants.

At this point, all you can do is keep it pushin and focus on you. Don't give him any more of your time or mental energy wondering what's up with him. Ball's fully in his court now - either he steps up and talks to you for real about how he's feeling, or you let it go.

You've gotta take care of yourself first. Don't let anyone mess with your vibe or confuse you like that. Keep your head high sis and do you - show him you're too good to be playing games! If he likes you, he'll man up and make a move. But either way, don't stress. You're a catch and you know it.

Wish I could buy you a drink and toast to moving on from petty dudes! You got this luv. Stay strong!

[EmmaMary]

He's obviously a very mixed up and confused individual, in not knowing what he wants.

He also sounds slightly possessive in continuing to ask where you are and what you're up to.

All the signs of a Red Flag I'm afraid... Sorry.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Asker]

You're welcome 🙂