Whats the best way to get a guy to ask you out?

[Anonymous]

I like this guy and I think he likes me back but I don’t believe women should make the first move. What can I do to subtly let him know I’m interested and want to go out with him?

Updates

6 mo

Please do not ask me to ask him out. If it was that easy I would have done it. The point of this thread is to find another way to do it.

Updates

6 mo

POV: After reading majority of males replies in the comments telling me to ‘just ask him out’ i’ve come to the conclusion in 2023 men still dont know how to lead and be men and have no idea what women truly like in men🙃

[Anonymous]

***I really hope all you GAG feminists out there are reading what she is saying when it comes to her expecting men to make a move. Just realize you do not speak for all women nor should you But you need stfu about it being “harassment” when a man you don’t really like risks asking you on a date. Seriously***

So a few different scenarios going on here:

1. He’s just a friendly nice guy but he’s not attracted to you. Sorry if that’s case. However some guys are nice to all women unless they give them a reason not to be. He might be that type.

2. He’s thinking about asking you out but he’s nervous and for probably for good reason. If you met him at work or somewhere else where you both frequent then he risks a lot if you aren’t interested. He’s paranoid about getting #metoo’d

3. He’s got a huge crush on you but it’s making him overly nervous. But I don’t think that’s the case because you didn’t mention him acting nervous.

4. He has a girlfriend and hasn’t mentioned her yet. I asked out a girl last year who I had the same positive vibe with as you mentioned above. She smiled but told me she had a boyfriend. I told her I respected that and said I would never ask again (I haven’t). I was very relieved she smiled because at least she uncomfortable. We both went to the same CrossFit gym and I unfortunately I would have to see her again.

Anyway what I said about #metoo is still a very real concern for men nowadays. You can’t ignore that it still has lingering impacts on our culture. So it’s time for women to pick up the slack here a bit if they want something to happen. Just ask him to get coffee or something. I promise it’s not going to kill you.

[Opinion Owner]

*she wasn’t uncomfortable

[Asker]

Wow this thread has enlightened me to how serious the me too fear is. I’m gutted feminists have made our culture so divisive and made men more afraid to exert their masculine on the woman. What an absolute shame. I was wondering why men have been lacking substance for a while.

Anyway, he definitely doesn't have a girlfriend and I know he's sort of looking for a woman. I’m usually pretty good at judging character and he seems to be the serious type when it comes to relationships. I’m thinking maybe he just really thinks about it before trying to ask out a woman? He definitely likes me and as of recently he knows I like him back… maybe i should just be paitent or not think about it much until maybe one day he just asks?
It could be that he’s nervous but he's such a confident guy and an attractive guy and has probably had a few women throw themselves at him in the pas but I just refuse to do so😩

[Opinion Owner]

Where did you meet this guy and where did you usually interact with him? If it’s at work then you need to take more action.

For the record I approach women 95 percent of the time. Not that I like sticking my neck out (I have been humiliated in the past) but I believe most women think the way you do. Nowadays I take much more time qualifying them first which included several friendly conversations to determine the vibe.

But I’m not kidding about #metoo. It really did leave a lasting negative impression on men especially in the workplace. You can claim guys are being overly paranoid but that risk isn’t outside the realm of possibility nowadays. There really are women who wig the f*ck out and destroy mens livelihoods just because a man made her uncomfortable.

So if this is at work then at least ask him to just get coffee. It’s non threatening for both of you. Easy. Simple. But it’s a strong hint though.

[RavVid]

This is quite old school but an eldery lady from the era when guys an girls met at dances, told me that mothers advised daughters to accept all invitations from men for a dance EVEN THOUGH THEY DIDN'T LIKE THE LOOK OF THEM.

Mothers would point out to daughters that they might change their mind about him with a little more acquaintance. More importantly however, if they refused the invitation, then a guy they did like might see that refusal and mark her down as a girl to never ask for a dance.

I am in partner dancing circles and their has only been one time I asked a girl to dance and she said No. I was quite offended but a minute later she chased after me and told me she would love to dance and explained she had said no because a guy who would feel her up was nearby.

My point is in partner dancing circles an 18 yo guy should ask an 80 yo woman to dance and an 18 yo girl should accept an invitation from an 80 yo man and everybody in between. In other words there is a social etiquette that supports guys an girls interacting nicely.

Outside partner dancing venues this has all gone and been replaced with vicious Tik Toks. Not surprising guys aren't asking anymore.

[Opinion Owner]

@RavVid about your first part. Women have always been given more leeway to change their mind. But it’s easier for them to yes first then no vs saying no first then saying yes.

Funny I think more women are doing the latter only to regret it later. But can a guy get away with saying no first to a girl then changing his mind? Men usually have more explaining to do when they reject and change their mind.

[RavVid]

It is summed up in the old saw it is a woman's prerogative to change her mind. A man however is expected to know his mind and not change it; a change of mind is undignified.

It may well be that women are more inclined to say no first. I am inclined to think so. They might regret later but I am less convinced of that. There was certainly once a female ethos of declining **nicely** in a way that would not leave the guy resolving not to ask another bitch out ever after.

[Opinion Owner]

@RavVid well this is why it’s better if women at least (semi) pursue men. Especially nowadays. When I say “pursue” I don’t mean throwing themselves in front of the guy. But it isn’t desperate to ask a man to get coffee.

[Opinion Owner]

Also I think the QA met this guy at work. She keeps ducking that question but it’s a crucial detail.

But she need to understand that while she might feel nervous or worse very embarrassed about being rejected this other guy risks MUCH more. A lot more if it’s at work thanks to @metoo.

Women need to get used to men not taking initiative if the risks outweighs the rewards. If they don’t like it then could do a better job at calling their ass backward feminist sisters for putting men in this predicament where now both genders lose. But most of them don’t speak out against that crap.

[Asker]

I think feminism needs to be eradicated. Bring back the patriarchy!!! Also, yes i met him at work and why does everyone keep telling me i’ve been rejected! LOL i haven't!! He likes me (100% confirmed) and I like him back i just wanna show him i like him back enough so he can ask me out. Thats the whole purpose of this question😂

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you QA! But again he can’t read your mind either. He most likely knows you like him but he doesn’t want to stick his neck out.

But what I talked about above has really muddied the waters (e. g. metoo). Could be other things but again work is much more tricky. If things go wrong the he has can’t just leave the scene.

If you want something to happen just ask him to get coffee. It’s about as low risk as it can get. I promise you won’t look “desperate” asking him to do that. Gives you both a chance to communicate outside of the office. After that there will be no doubt where he stands. Just do it.

[RavVid]

What girls have successfully done to me is to express great interest in a particular activity like Boy Movie Block Buster II and complain that none of her friends want to see it.

She has told me number of things at this point.

1. She doesn't have a boyfriend. If I want it there is an opening for the position.

2. If I ask her, she'll say yes and it is positively ungentlemanly of me not to invite her to see it with me. The burden is shifted and it is harder for me not to ask her out then to ask her out. That was her cunning plan.

3. She won't call the cops if I do.

I might approach a woman and chat her up. If she reacts negatively to me then I am not going to progress it. Potentially I could bludgeon her into going out but that has no value and there are few circumstances where I would. If she reacts positively to me it is a different matter and I will progress.

If you want a guy to ask you out show some receptivity and interest in him. Where I am one of the easiest & natural things to do is talk about cafes which becomes parlayed into going to it... together. So as a girl you should give some openings.

[Asker]

Can everybody take notes? Thank you! Such a great response I will try this :)

[RavVid]

Thanks.

You can go out as friends and leave as a couple by the way.

The thing that distinguishes a date is there is sexual interest. Which is why the guy should do the asking because most of the time he is either interested or never will be and he knows immediately.

Part of dating is establishing emotional intimacy. It is fairly natural for a girl to take a man's arm for support especially if she is wearing heels. A small gesture, but it signals trust and acceptance of him performing the male role plus your are liking feeling close to him. Well worth doing if you decide to foster emotional intimacy between you.

[Asimiv]

Get physcially close to him. Like touch his arm (ofc, pay attention to how he reacts, don't push it if he doesn't have a good reaction). Flirt with him (just google different ways to flirt), smile a lot, go up to him first to say hi or ask a random question. Ofc most of us prefer the guy asks us out, but you still need to obviously show him you like him. It takes two to tango. You can even drop more obvious hints like asking about his plans for the weekend and mentioning how you have no plans for day X or Y. Or mentioning some things you like to do and ask him if he likes them too, etc. (But ofc, together with flirtinf bcs just asking that without flirting doesn't mean someone's into you).

That said, it won't kill you if you ask him out

[Asker]

Thanks !

[Asimiv]

Good luck :)

[MissStrawberry912]

Maybe say something that you know he’s interested in… for example… laser tag lol. You can be like “that’s so fun, I always wanna try that but never had anyone to do it with” or bring up something you’ve always wanna try while talking to him… to just show interests and hints with open opportunities, then have him take lead.

[RavVid]

That is the way to do it. Give an opening he can drive a MAC truck through :)

[loveslongnails]

What makes you 'think' he likes you back? Wishing and hoping, or do you have any real indication he does? If he's too shy to ask you out, how will he be man enough, or masculine enough, to meet your requirements?

If you're being friendly, conversational and acting interested in him, that's enough for a real man to pick up on and make a move. That's plenty of hinting in total, and you don't need to do or say one specific thing. If he doesn't pick up on it, you can rationalize that he's just shy and needs a bigger push, while the other voice in your head screams "that's not manly, he's not able to take the lead".

[Asker]

You’re right. Thanks for your reply !

[Asker]

I have some solid indications that he likes me back

[loveslongnails]

If that's the case, hopefully he'll man up and ask you out. If he doesn't, you can decide if you want to hit him in the head with a 2 by four as a last gasp. That would equate to saying something resembling: " It's clear that you like me, and you should know by now I like you, so when are you going to ask me out already?" But like I said, that might destroy your hope in his ability to lead, so maybe you'd never do that.

[Goahead76]

I think most guys are pretty quick to think of this at some point, I'm sure he's considered it, but if he hasn't acted to me it says he thought better of it.
You've got to add into this just the general backdrop of most guys are not interested in relationships anymore. 63% of 18-30 are single.
That and I have to laugh I mean really though anyone who is paying attention to the news, I joke that we're all just waiting for the end of the world which should be along shortly. I've never seen world events so poised to explode. So relationships just seem a little absurd at the moment in light of world war 3.

[Singing_Hollow]

hahaha i love your updates lol. Im the same, I wouldn't ask a guy out because it says a lot about his confidence and leadership. If i was in your situation i would make a few hints like "have you been to that cool place called... we should go sometime" Or " whats your favourite food?, mine is..." If he doesn't get the hint then dont bother. If he is scared to ask you out then he is going to be scared to protect you from bad guys lol

[Asker]

Yes girl finally someone who understands my perspective!

[RavVid]

There are indeed good reasons for girls not asking guys out. Aside from what you have mentioned, if a guy doesn't get an erection over a girl then a relationship is not going to prosper. It is in a girl's interest to let guys self select on the basis of the desire they feel.

We have a smaller simpler set of mate selection criteria and know if you pass earlier than girls do, with their more extensive female mate selection list of 5 closely written foolscap pages. Guys usually say I love you before the girl does and typically decide they want to marry than wait for the girl to start feeling the same.

[Radiate143]

Hey honey, don't listen to males on GAG about this. Most of them are gutless cowards.

You just make sure that whenever he is around you are open, warm, approachable smiling. Always leave first! And say I'm going now, don't know when I will see or talk to you again.

I really loke chatting, too bad I have to go. When will we talk again.

So on and so forth.

[Asker]

Yes !! Thank you for this🙏🙏 can I PM you?

[Angelo75]

Typical confirmation bias.

You asked a question, when you didn't like the answer, you end up forcing your own answer to the situation... "so it's all someone elses fault".

Einstein said: "Insanity Is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Again and Expecting Different Results"

If "just waiting" isn't working for you, making you come to this forum for help, why not do something with the help you get?

Well best of wishes.

[Asker]

No! I literally asked ‘what can I do to nudge him ask me out’ thats it. A lot of people gave me unsolicited advice about what I specifically said I wouldn’t do. If you have no other advice to give other than ‘ask him yourself’ then read and move on jheez.

[DreamLife7]

Exactly! The asker got mad at me because she was rejected, lol 😆. He doesn't like her she keeps begging to change the narrative. Not gonna happen

[DreamLife7]

@asker 🤣🤣

[Asker]

@DreamLife7 there's no narrative to change🤣 how can I get rejected if i didn't make moves? You carry on being a doormat we’ll see how far that gets you😋

[DreamLife7]

@asker has he approached you for a date? No.. Has he asked you to dinner? No.. Has he told your you're beautiful? No and expanded on that by asking your about yourself? No.. he's not interested. You're rejected

[Asker]

@DreamLife7 the fact that you had to assume all those things with no proof which you’re incorrect on by the way just shows me your time in this thread is up ;)

[DreamLife7]

@asker you taking your hurt and rejection out on me isn't helping you. He's not attracted to you. Accept it and move on or do better with your attitude and appearance. Diet, exercise, fix your teeth, your hair, get some fave work done. Don't know what to tell ya hun. He doesn't like ya

[Asker]

@dreamlife7 its very bold of you to assume i’m ugly when you’re the one with a DP. Just saying. I could turn this very ugly but thats not very classy and women with class dont stoop to the level of a low value woman. Have a nice life, doormat x

[Angelo75]

Girls girls girls... no need to get in a fight.
@DreamLife7 You're totally correct. The asker is frustrated and takes it out on GaG. Don't let her get you into her frustration.

@asker Your sentence "men still dont know how to lead and be men" was quite triggering (not in a positive way). It gives off a notion of "It's not me that has an issue, it's the whole world that has an issue". That way of thinking will never lead to good results.
But hey if that's the way you want to go about it, well knock urself out.

Just be nice, cuz people on this forum are just trying to help. And by insulting a whole gender is not going to help your situation with anything. But like I ended up my first post "Well best of wishes."

[Asker]

You guys should just get in touch and date because you seem perfect for each other. i’m not going to bother explaining innate biology to you, what I said is practised around majority of the world its a small minority (western culture) which seems to go against their own biology.

[DreamLife7]

@Angelo75 Right, she's taking her frustration out on Gag when she came here for advice on a guy who doesn't acknowledge her, lol. Yeah, It's crazy how she's blaming men over the fact he doesn't want her. It's funny how unattractive women try to force men to like them and when the men don't they go on a rampage. Now if the show were on the other foot they'd holler sexual harrassment

[Asker]

@DreamLife7 i took the advice i came here for and challenged the advice i already mentioned i didn't believe in. You lack not only literacy skills but a lot of intelligence it seems

[DreamLife7]

@asker what's there to challenge? If he wanted you and found you attractive you wouldn't be posting this question. Hint hint, this man doesn't like you.

[Holsen]

Oh a super duper easy way is to just naturally bring up the debate or conversation about this topic ;more specifically that men dont know how to lead and that men want women to ask them on a date and if you talk enough about it , from the context of it it would be clear for him what he should do!!

[Asker]

Thats acctually such a genius idea. I’m gonna try it.

[Holsen]

Hehehe 😁😊😉 You’re welcome!!

[spartan55]

He won't get it.

[Holsen]

@spartan55 For his own good let’s hope he does bruh ;😇😇

[tzdc21]

Here's an idea. How about... you ask him out yourself 😱😱.

Seriously though, if you like him, then make a move on him. And you think it's any easier for guys who do it on a regular basis? If anything he's more than likely gonna say yes, and if he doesn't, he'll at least be impressed that you did what most women never do and that was make the first move. Basically you would be telling us that you want us, which no guy ever gets from a woman (Moms don't count). Now THAT'S attractive!

[Asker]

Well he is quite charming and handsome. I’m pretty sure he's liked by many

[tzdc21]

So go get him before someone else does

[Asker]

Lol isn't that what men are supposed to do? In what century did women do this? This is a recent phenomena which hardly ever turns out right😂

[tzdc21]

And you think it always turns out right for guys? Lol. Try hardly never. Even the pros fail about 75 percent of the time.

[tzdc21]

And no gender is 'supposed' to initiate. Actually a lot of guys find it attractive that a girl makes the first move. Not all, but a lot. And if you don't believe me, search up the question on gag and see the guy's responses.

[Asker]

Well if you look back divorce was a lot less likely when men were more masculine

[Asker]

Men who find that attractive are in their feminine energy and I’m not interested in such men

[tzdc21]

Oh come on, that's garbage. You just don't wanna make the first move. Don't say that we're more feminine because we enjoy when a woman makes a move on us, which rarely ever happens.

[tzdc21]

It's not "feminine energy" at all to be desired by the opposite sex. It's not "masculine energy" to initiate talking to any other person. That's just a bunch of garbage terms society has made up. So to say that men who like when a woman says with her actions "I want you" is feminine, I'm sorry but that is severely incorrect.

[Asker]

Yes it is. Its equivalent to a woman asking a man to marry her. That is ridiculous within itself so why would I ask him out as well? How the relationship begins is how it will end because I would never accept a man who doesn’t lead and that includes him taking not me out.

I have a question for you then…. do you believe men or women should pay on the first date? Because I believe men should pay. But if I ask him out how will that work? Do you see my point.

[tzdc21]

The person who asks should pay. He asks, he pays. You ask, you pay. Being wanted by the opposite sex is not something only the woman gets to experience. The man has every right to experience that as she does. So because I want to feel wanted by the opposite gender that means I'm in my feminine energy? Yeah, no. It's not feminine energy. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to disagree with you on that.

[Asker]

Men and women need each other for different reasons. If he needs me to take him out and pay for him what on earth does he have to offer? Even in animals the males alway compete over females to mate and its the female which chooses based on the strongest male. Its always been that way in humans too until social media made you think women should be out here conquering men. Absolute backward minded.
To add to your comment specifically, once he's able to claim me as his girlfriend then I will make him feel wanted and loved lol but i’m not going out my way to do that for someone who hasn’t shown me the most basic form of comittment - taking me on a date. Not the other way round

[tzdc21]

Who said anything about conquering? You brought that up on your own. And that sounds like very entitled behavior from you that just because you're a woman you deserve that type of treatment. That would be equivalent to me saying that because I am a man, I expect a woman to give me sex whenever I feel like it. It's sexist and wrong. And if you're only considering a man taking you on a date and paying for you as the only stuff he adds to the table then I feel really sorry for you. I understand there's WAY more to offer than just that, and I am not gonna develop that entitled mindset. So we're going to have to agree to disagree on this subject.

[Asker]

Yes as women we create life, we are responsible for nurturing and taking care of our loved ones. So you’re telling me i’m going to tolerate the bare minimum from a man who wants to pro create with me, expect me to go through labour several times and look after the house and the kids. Please listen to yourself. Its because womens standards are so low that you feel confident enough to suggest 50/50 behaviour is acceptable.. it will never be and that’s exactly why divorce rates are at an all time high because women are doing too much and men are doing too little. Men have a role and women have a role and thats that.

[tzdc21]

Womens standards are low? Lol okay. And guess what, you may create life as a woman, but that doesn't mean you are entitled to some kind of special treatment JUST because of your gender. You don't see me saying that I expect a woman to submit to me because I am a man, do you? No. I already told you we're not gonna see eye to eye on this subject. So there's no point of trying to respond some more. Like I said, let's just agree to disagree.

[Asker]

I acctually expect to submit to a man IF he's man enough and can handle all the financials and all other things men should take care of. The more he does as a man, the more i’ll love to do for him, it goes hand in hand. The less he takes care of and handles the less i’ll want to submit. You might think thats sexist but deep down every woman knows this is true, except the boss babes who would rather have a career than create a family.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Decide on a relatively new restaurant you would like to try.

2. Engage him in conversation. Ask him if he has been to The Stonewood Tavern or wherever it is you want to go. Then you tell him that you've heard great things about it and you're "dying" to try it but you hate eating alone.

3. If he doesn't take that hint, he is either engaged, dead, or homosexual.

[JacobJordan]

or romantically dumb. I am unfortunately that one lol I did manage to get married so least I don't have to worry about that anymore.

[OlderAndWiser]

@JacobJordan Yes, some guys are the world's worst at taking hints.

[hassan9873]

Hahah.. man thats the most obvious hint. Thats definitely gonna work. Unless (what you said. Lol)

[Kartdemon]

Some pretty harsh opinions from the ladies on this one. Asking women out is very, very daunting for lots of guys. It's not just a case of him "manning up" as many of them have said, there's far more to it than that. I suggest you act friendly and converse with him and see how it goes. If you can create a situation where it's just you and him in a room or sitting at a table, maybe, with no one else around or listening, he will be far more likely to ask you out.

[Asker]

Noted😌

[zagor]

Do you talk to him regularly, or is he a stranger on the street you just see frequently? If you already communicate with him, converse about things you like to do and your plans for the weekend, and ask him about his life.

If he's a stranger, then, uh, drop your handkerchief or something. Works in the old cartoons.

[Asker]

I work with him, but i work very minimal hours so i only see him once a week

[zagor]

When things get slow, strike up a convo.

[love_conquers_lust]

Eye contact. Subtle ways of touching him. Laughing at his jokes. Perking up and smiling when he walks by. Dress pretty for him. Smell good. Take care of yourself. Be in shape. Be smart which makes you a good conversationalist. You can try playing dirty by covering up revealing clothing then when you get him by yourself, unveil and proceed with steps above. But don’t be skanky.

[ProbablyClueless]

All you can really do is tell the guy that you'd like to spend time with him and put yourself in situations where he has the opportunity to comfortably ask you out.

[Jonnywayne]

Get close to him and when you talk to him, show him that you feel comfortable. You can also touch his arm every now and then, as if impulsively. If he's not a jerk, he should notice that you're interested in him.

[Angxl3120]

Give him hints like sticking close to him while hanging out, asking to hang out just you and him, snap him, go watch movies and if he doesn't ask you out after all this, you should.

[spartan55]

Women. won't even consider the chance of getting rejected... like women have any clue. Hopefully you will do more than most women... which is nothing.

[spartan55]

Explain why you think women shouldn't make the first one?

[Asker]

Becasue then i’m leading. Thats masculine. I dont like men who don’t lead so it would be a wrong way to spark a romantic involvement. I just want to show enough hints so he at least knows I like him back so he can ask me otherwise if he doesn’t then I guess its not meant to be

[spartan55]

Your idea of 'showing hints' usually doesn't work because guys don't pick up on that type of communication. So then you sit around and wait for the guy to ask you... such flawed logic.

[Jasmin01]

Why shouldn't a girl start? If the guy is maybe too shy. That would be a shame.

[Sunflower766]

It doesn’t matter why she shouldn’t start, the question is about how she can get the guy to ask her out so if you have nothing useful to say just don’t say anything

[Asker]

he's not shy though, he's very confident at work and comes accross as someone who can’t easily be swayed and makes his own decisions regardless of social influence. But again you’re assuming stuff I haven’t told you gosh I just asked what I can do😂 people commenting here need some tlc

[BoopBoopBeep]

Say "hey when you go up to a girl and ask her out, how do you do it?" then when he shows you say yes and smile :)

[Avicenna]

Talk with him a lot so he sees you smiling at him

[Asker]

This already happens😂 i cN’t help it, he smiles back a lot

[Avicenna]

So he's clueless?

[Asker]

Its still early days, i dont get to see him much so maybe he will soon

[Anonymous]

Show him your tits.
Sit on his leg and smoosh your crotch up and down on his thigh.
What's so hard about asking him? "I'm gonna go get a pizza, wanna come along with me?"

[Opinion Owner]

I know what women like in men. Money and someone that can beat them up every so often.

[Asker]

Not really. Money is materialistic and comes and goes. What women really like is a man who can lead, take matters into his own hands and make sure the woman feels like she can rely kn him when things go south. Thats what they really want. Any woman who wants a man for his money will not have a happy relationship. Obviously money helps a lot but if he's hard working goes all in for his wife and kids I promise you she wouldn't need to worry about money much because he's always putting in the work.

[Opinion Owner]

Then, why do so many leave a guy just because he doesn't make the kind of money they were hoping for?

[Asker]

Because they dont see the value in investing in a good man with good traits OR the man has nothing else to offer outside of money which he couldnt do anyway

[RedInnocent68]

Sorry, but it’s true. Sometimes power must be taken. It really is that easy. The alternatives are fraught with danger and uncertainty. How do you flirt with him?