If you’re just friends with benefits, why would he hide his story out with another girl?

[Anonymous]

We know we aren’t exclusive. So why go out of his way to hide it from me?

Updates

6 mo

Just have to update that it’s been alarmingly interesting to see how drastically different most of the female responses are to this question versus male. 😳 Women, y’all need to realize not everyone is out to get you. And I’m talking to myself in this too.

[ProbablyClueless]

I don't mean to be mean, but how is this seriously a question?

He hid his story with another girl because do you seriously WANT to think about the fact the man you're fucking is with other women? Even if you know it's a possibility, do you actually want to have that knowledge immediately available to you?

I'm genuinely asking that: do you WANT to think about the man you're having sex with also having intimacy with other women?

[Asker]

Haha can I first say…I love your username!! 😂 and I mean I don’t necessarily WANT to know. But I DO know because we talked about not being exclusive right now. And also, yea…maybe it’s kind of hot to think about sometimes in a kinkier more separate way. Hahaha. But I guess I just didn’t see why it would be a big deal if there wasn’t more going on between us. That’s all. So just curious.

[ProbablyClueless]

I feel ya. The short explanation is that he knows people say they want one thing but then the totally change up when they see the reality. For all he knows, you might learn about the other women and get weird about it.

And I'm glad you got a kick out of my username! It made me smile when I wrote it =)

[VictorMachiavelli]

1) He expects you to get jealous of this other girl and either start giving him shit for it, trying to convince him to commit to you instead, or just not seeing him anymore.

2) Maybe he’s interested in something exclusive with this other girl, and for the above reasons he thinks you might try to interfere somehow.

[Asker]

The first one I can understand I guess. Even though we’ve openly talked about not being exclusive. So still a little confusing. And as far as the second one, he’s been pretty diligent that because of what he’s been through he isn’t ready to be in a relationship and won’t be for a long time. So that also is weird.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

He's a whore and a toxic one. If he was really about that life, he'd keep the story public and try to lie like the rest of them. Dudes like him are cowardly and he isn't going to be seriously dating anyone, you or the other girl. So, it doesn't really matter other than he's trying to push someone's buttons to make either girl react for his ego.

[Radiate143]

Because men are stupid. He knows you care. He doesn't want you getting funny and getting curious about the other girl who may requires a relationship or he doesn't want you getting funny and making demands or stop putting out. friends with benefits is so dumb.

[HaleyCatgirl]

It's funny how none of this stupid friends of benefits seem to work for the females that's why I don't do it I don't have any interest in it bitches be crazy 🤣 those of you guys who were still hanging in there it's really funny seeing you guys struggle but I'm on your side on this one because yeah bitches be crazy

[HaleyCatgirl]

I'm going to update this because obviously she's in the wrong here you don't view him as a friend of benefit if you care that much and guess what it doesn't matter his love life doesn't concern you if you're just a friend with benefit

[HaleyCatgirl]

I would disagree since I grew up with dudes my whole life I usually see a whole insight into their stuff I don't care who's out to get me cuz I have a boyfriend lol

[Asker]

I don’t feel your response was on that level like some of the other women. You’re right. I do care about him. And he does care about me. We have discussed a lot of this with each other. And I made a very intentional decision to be friends with him. It made sense for a lot of reasons. And you’re also right that bitches do be crazy 😂 so I can see why from his previous experience with other women, why he may have felt inclined to hide the story. Long story short though, you are right that we are just friends and there are things that don’t concern me.

[HaleyCatgirl]

I'm actually with you to try and get him but if he doesn't want to there's nothing you can do which sucks but you also have to be aware that you might not be his only friend with benefit which would make me uncomfortable that's why I don't do that.

[Asker]

Haha thanks girl! Yea I’m definitely not trying to push anything outside of being his friend and respecting what he wants. It’s a lesson that I’ve been trying to learn with all the people in my life. I can’t force anyone to be anything. I have to accept people as they are. And as long as they bring some kind of value to my life and respect me, then why should I discard them? That’s just my ego being mad I couldn’t control them. So I’m learning to surrender. It creates a safer place for people. And all I want is for people to feel like they can be themselves with me.

[HaleyCatgirl]

I'll be honest if I who was in your situation and I like the dude I would be so worried of him getting with someone else but also at the same time it's like there's nothing I can do it's like fuck so I understand but it just sucks the situation you're in

[Asker]

I guess if he gets with someone else he wasn’t supposed to be in my life for the long haul. Like I have to trust that things will work out the way they’re supposed to. And for now, we keep sticking around each other.

[HaleyCatgirl]

Hek yeh

[Altheavas]

Friend with benefit, that’s it, he/she don’t need to know who else you’re dating at the same time. No Strings Attached (NSA). He doesn’t have no obligation to tell you anything, same for you!

[Asker]

True true!

[Anonymous]

Women often say something is ok, and they might genuinely believe they're ok with said thing... but a lot of the time the opposite is true.

He's just looking out for you. You're both using each other for sex, that doesn't mean you need to be cruel about it, though.

[Opinion Owner]

Women are more likely to end up developing feelings. It might not be true for you, but it happens.

[Asker]

Makes complete sense. I guess that was nice of him then. 😊

[devilish-cutie]

he doesn't want you to know so you get any wrong ideas or he doesn't want any issues with you so its easier if you didn't know it

[Asker]

Yea I think you’re right. It’s just funny to me. lol 😂

[BadApple69]

Probably just doesn’t want to hurt whatever it is he has with you. Even though it’s just friends with benefits.

[Asker]

Maybe so. 🤔

[glennos89]

Maybe he is afraid it might make you lose interest in him

[Asker]

That’s so weird to me since we discussed not being exclusive. Why does he care if I have interest or not?

[glennos89]

Why do you care if he meets other girls then? It shouldn't bother you then wether he is or isn't 🧐

[Asker]

Ha! Maybe we both care too much then 😂😅

[glennos89]

I think you are right to be honest 😋

[Asker]

Haha I have definitely been honest with him about caring. It’s just funny when people try to deny they care. Which I feel like he’s doing out of fear. 😂 I also get it cause I did at first too.

[YAsQuen]

for the streets

[Harry_mm]

Why there's even a friend with benefits relationship? 🙂🙂

[Asker]

Cause sometimes when people aren’t ready to have a committed relationship, a friends with benefits relationship feels better or serves them better. It can be fun and you can learn a lot about yourself.

[Harry_mm]

It's not nice to have a friend of mine in my bed with me 😅😅

[Anonymous]

Because chances are you may break it off w him if you were to find out.

[Asker]

Guess he wants to keep me around then 😏😈😂 haha!

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like it. I know I would if the loving was good lol

[Asker]

Some of the best I’ve ever had tbh! And we just keep trying all sorts of new things! So fun!

[Opinion Owner]

That’s usually the reason why a man would hide it. But if you did this, most likely he’d be mad lol

[Asker]

Haha lucky for him I don’t have anything to hide. lol

[Opinion Owner]

You must have some good ball handling skills lol

[Asker]

Let’s just say we click for sure! Haha

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds good. I like when things click just like that

[Daffotul]

doesn't want you as more so he doesn't owe you any explanation

[Danny_dan92]

Cause he knows it would hurt one or the other

[Asker]

So he’s sparing feelings. Hmm

[Danny_dan92]

He’s a pussy conquistador

[Asker]

Hahaha what does that mean? 😂

[Danny_dan92]

He wants to conquer all the pussy around the world

[Asker]

😂😂 maybe so! That’s funny!

[Danny_dan92]

It’s definitely a possibility

[Asker]

Haha well he definitely has said he’s not anywhere near ready for a relationship. So yes, a possibility. 😆

[Danny_dan92]

The dude is testing all the pussy like the people taking free samples at Costco and not buying a thing

[Asker]

Bahaha! You know what! Kudos to him. It’s great sex. Some of the best I’ve had. So bless him for blessing pussies everywhere. Hahaha

[Danny_dan92]

Fuck it, poppin babies everywhere too lol

[midnightmoon05]

Stop wasting your life girl!!
Why would he needs to be with anyone when he can get free everywhere? 🤦‍♀️

[Asker]

@danny_dan92 hahaha! you have made my day! So funny!!! 😆

[Danny_dan92]

Yeah I give that effect on people often

[Asker]

It’s a great quality to have!

[Danny_dan92]

I agree

[Sonjita]

@Danny_dan92 you are right he just wants to fuck them all

[Danny_dan92]

I know I’m right. I used to be like that

[Asker]

I know why my guy is like this I think. But I’d be curious to hear why you think you used to be like that.

[Danny_dan92]

Heartbreak turned my blood cold

[Asker]

Yep! That’ll do it! How did you overcome that?

[Danny_dan92]

The heartbreak? Or the mindset I had?

[Asker]

The mindset that came from the heartbreak. Like what made you stop wanting to be a pussy conquistador haha 😂

[Danny_dan92]

It got old, that first heartbreak eventually made me cross paths with a girl that did even worse to me than my first ex.

Plus, I lost my virginity kind of late. So I’m used to not being sexually active, one of those been there done that situations

[Asker]

Wow! It’s crazy how similar your experience was with the two exes to my guy. 😭 it always makes me so upset when I hear this. Like how can someone who knows you’ve already been through something bad once treat you even worse? I could never.

[Danny_dan92]

@Asker

Human beings are selfish in nature. Regardless of who you are or your upbringing, you’re bound to make decisions based on personal benefit. The difference is some people don’t have a single ounce of empathy, compassion or consideration of others in their soul.

@Sonjita

He’s only mistreating her if she wants more but he’s leading her on making her think he’s going to commit but doesn’t and still uses her for her body parts.

[Asker]

Yea humans are for sure selfish. We are all trying to protect ourselves out of fear. It makes sense. It still makes me sad though that people can’t learn to have enough self-awareness that they don’t project their pain onto others the way you, myself and this guy have all experienced. If we would all take the time to go inward and face our wounds. 🥺

And lucky for me, this guy hasn’t led me on at all. He’s been very clear the whole time about where he’s at. And we had very intentional conversation about what we were doing. So I guess that’s why I was a little confused at the story hiding and posed the question here. And if I’m honest, it triggered my past from ex’s hiding shit from me. Which hey, that’s a learning opportunity to dig deeper on my end and heal those parts of me. I truly entered into this situation with him to learn more about myself and grow. Without the pressure of being in a relationship. And so far, I have learned a lot!

[Danny_dan92]

That’s good

[Anonymous]

because he can

[Asker]

Haha best answer

[Opinion Owner]

thanks 😆

[Asker]

No prob! It’s usually the simple answer that’s the right one ;P

[Maddy2002_]

Possibly he’s cheating on her with you.

[Asker]

Hmm maybe but I think he’s known me longer? And from how often we talk and see each other, I don’t know how he’d have a girlfriend in there too. 😂