Why would a guy message me so soon after getting my number only to tell me he wasn’t interested, why doesn’t he just ignore me?

[Anonymous]

So this guy seemed to be trying to get my attention. I only know him in passing, but he stares and stares, even after I look back at him. He gives me lots of strong eye contact, staring directly into my eyes and not looking away. He said hello a few times and we even had a brief, but awkward chat. So I decided to give him my number, I figured why not and he smiled and seemed pleased.

So he messaged me 2 hours later and after a few messages he then said he wasn’t looking to date etc as he’d just broken up with someone a few days before, which is fair enough.

Thing is I guess he’s just being nice, I’ve had my share of flaky people, being ghosted and breadcrumbed, but it just seems odd to even bother messaging if you’re not interested? I guess he was just being nice letting me know, or maybe he was sounding me out for a possible hook-up? But I’ve just got out of a LTR and trying to get my head around what dating’s like now and trying to be figure out what’s the norm.

[_Maya_]

I wouldn't say that is the norm of what to expect, but at least he did that instead of ghost you which is increasingly becoming the norm. People can't seem to have any sorta of common decency anymore. They'd rather be cowards and just ghost and block you than be honest and say it isn't going to work out or whatever the reason might be. I don't know why this guy took your number in the first place though. Once you offered he should have right then and there said I am not interested in a relationship with anyone right now. At least he did message you out of courtesy though instead of ghosting you.

[_Maya_]

Thank you for most helpful opinion!

[In_Trance]

This is exactly why men can't understand women.

He messages you without hesitation and is honest and upfront yet you're asking him to ghost you?
If he goes to you you'd be asking a question about that here...

[Asker]

Ok, so I do appreciate how it sounds, I guess I didn’t articulate myself well enough.

Thinking about it I suppose it’s more that I don’t get why he was trying to get my attention if he wasn’t interested and then to take my number and then tell me he wasn’t interested. And actually it turns out he was trying to get my attention whilst he was in a relationship.

I know I might come across as vain, but I really don’t think every man who looks at me or says Hi fancies me. I do have guy friends straight and gay and his behaviour towards me was different to theirs. When I chatted with him, he was being flirty. I’m not an idiot, he was flirting. And I honestly don’t know any man who will go out of his way to talk to women they don’t know to just be friends with them, friends through school or work or social circles yes, but chatting to random women? The wanting to be friends reason doesn’t stack up.

I guess the real question is it normal for people to flirt randomly and show interest when they’re not? I’m constantly confused!

[Avicenna]

That’s a lot more respectful than just ghosting someone

[boobliker]

he got your number for someone else or just collecting girls' numbers. I never have done either

[Asker]

That’s kind of weird though, I guess it boosts his ego to have a big stash of numbers

[boobliker]

boy do that typ of thing just as girls do too

[Anonymous]

it makes no sense

[Asker]

My question?

[Opinion Owner]

Him….

[Asker]

Ah yup, seems a bit pointless to me too.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry

[Asker]

It’s not a big deal all just a learning curve! Think I’m going to become celibate though…

[Opinion Owner]

Good