I don't know how I feel read details to understand?

[Anonymous]

I've been depressed for two years and a year a go I first did self harm. I've hide how I felt for two years even longer then that... in five years I've cried four times in front of people. I just don't know how I feel anymore like I don't know if I'm happy or what. What do I do? And fyi I've stopped doing self harm and I will NOT talk to people about my feelings

[Lovelinefan]

You say you will not talk to people about your feelings, but what about a therapist? Someone who's job is to keep what you talk about 100% confidential, who will not pass judgement on you, and who can really help you manage your feelings and work through these rough patches in life?
That's the responsible and smart thing to do, honestly.
Life is meant to be happy and enjoyable, if you have to question whether or not you're happy, you aren't.
Would you give that a try? Your future self will thank you, big time.
And no, it won't be an overnight fix, it will probably be uncomfortable at first, but if you stick with it and as you develop a trusting relationship with the therapist, be completely open and honest, you will improve and get better.

[Asker]

I can't pay to see one I don't have that kinda money

[Lovelinefan]

Do you have health insurance? Do you see a regular doctor?
There are low cost / no cost services available, you may have to ask your doctor or even the school nurse or guidance councilor, but the help IS there regardless of your economic situation. And you owe it to yourself to pursue this, really. The sooner you start, the sooner you'll start improving. You will be glad you did.
:-) You deserve happiness!

[Asker]

I'm only 15

[Lovelinefan]

Yeah that shouldn't make a difference. Do you have health insurance? Ask your parents if you do.

Do you see a doctor for check ups or anything?

If you go to a public (or private, I'm guessing) school, you could talk to your guidance councilor or the school nurse and let them know that you have been depressed and want to get the help / therapy you need, but aren't sure where to go without spending a bunch of money. They should be able to point you in the right direction and help you get the help you need.

Can you talk to your parents about this stuff? Not in detail, but that you're feeling depressed and really need to talk to a therapist?