I'll put it in dot points or otherwise it'll be too long:
- I was taken away from my mum due medication addiction
- My mum used to give me sleeping pills in my milk bottle so I wouldn't wake up and cry.
- During these times when I was living with my mum, I would smack my hands together as in a way, it would enhance my imagination. I still did it for a few years later when taken away from my mum but broke the habit.
- Even now, I am extremely emerged withing my own imagination and thoughts.
- When I first was taken away from my mum, I became really mean. I even told another kid to kill themself. I have never forgiven myself for it and feel extremely remorseful over it.
- During those years when I was really mean, I also felt like I had zero control over my whole body. Looking back at it, it feels as though I was just a guest living within my own body.
I do not excuse any of my wrong doings, even if I wasn't in the right mind. I have reflected on all my wrong doings and do my best every day to be a better person. I even put so many people before myself.
However, to me, I don't think these are normal? Why would I do that with my hands? Why am I always in my own imagination? Why do I feel as though I had zero control over myself for several years? What caused it to get this bad? Is it an actual issue? And should I be aware of something about myself for when I have kids one day? Like a form of some sort of mental illness?
